To all my loyal readers I do apologize for my long absence. Family and Christmas and my son being ill got in the way. I am now back to doing what I love and I want to put out a very special Thank You to Suki Uchiha Lamprouge! You have become a treasured and dear friend to me and I recommend her if you are looking for some extra reading. You have my heart!

~Noxy

Chapter 12: Brotherly Love

Michael hesitated just outside of the room in front him. He stared at the plain wooden door and tried to will himself to reach out and turn the handle. It had been two weeks since Gabriel had 'attacked' him. Two weeks spent locked in his room trying to get past the fear that had taken hold of him. Two weeks trying to relearn what it felt like to be 'normal' again.

Lucifer stayed with him constantly while Chuck came and went as often as he could since he was running heaven since the fight with Gabriel. Castiel and Dean had stopped in quite often along with Crowley but he didn't really speak to them much, mostly they talked Lucifer and he listened. Sam had stopped in once just to check on him and let Lucifer know something about Gabriel and then he hadn't been back since. He knew they were concerned about him but it wasn't that he didn't want to see them, but he did want to see someone else. He wanted to see Gabriel.

Gabriel, on the other hand, he hadn't seen since he'd woken from the illusion, so after another week of recovering he wanted to see him but it was easier said then done. It was not due to a lack of trying on his part though. It just seemed like the Fourth Born knew exactly how to stay one step ahead of him. Most of the time he just missed the smaller blonde by mere moments. It was frustrating and upsetting. Gabriel hadn't avoided him like this since he had thrown Lucifer into hell. Even then he had at least seen the Fourth Born from a distance. Here? Here it was as if Gabriel were a ghost; he knew his brother was here but he never saw him.

Taking a deep breath he pushed away his fear and gripped the handle. He paused but then pushed open the door. Blinking Michael looked around before closing the door with a frown. He glanced around, made sure he had the right room before opening the door again. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him, still not too sure about what he was seeing.

The sight that greeted him was not at all what he was expecting and certainly not something he'd expect from his brother. The room that greeted him was a large room with glass walls and a matching ceiling. There were low bookshelves that didn't go more then waist high and were filled with ancient tomes. Sitting across the room on the windowsill of the open window was Gabriel.

The wind from the open window was gently ruffling his hair as he read from a thick tome; Gabriel's gold eyes never strayed from the words even when he walked in. From outside the windows Michael could see a large expanse of beach that was surrounded by sheer cliff walls. The sounds of the ocean crashing on the sand could clearly be head from down below and Michael had to wonder just what kind of illusion his younger cast to have such a realistic place contained in the bunker.

"It's not an illusion." Came the quite voice making Michael startle.

"What?" He asked, not even too sure he had heard right.

"You were wondering what kind of illusion I had cast. You spoke out loud so I answered you, in case you were wondering how I knew what you were thinking. This place we're in is not an illusion. I linked the doorway of the bunker to my house, with Sam and Dean's permission of course. Right now we are not in the bunker. In fact we're no where near it in the slightest. We are on the coast of a wonderful little spot where the lay lines intersect.

"I found this cove shortly after I left heaven; it was the first place I landed. I traveld around but always ended up back here so I finally decided to make my home here. I was able to start my life over and have a safe place where I wouldn't be found by those of heaven that came looking for me." Gabriel said, never looking up from his book. "I lived quite comfortably for years here but then wanderlust would kick in and off I'd go ready to start trouble."

"You've been avoiding me." The First Born said softly.

"Have I?" Came the quiet question.

Michael's fear was slowly leaving him and being replaced by agitation. "Yes you have."

"It's not hard to avoid someone if they lock themselves in their room." Gabriel said, his attention going from his book to the dark clouds that were gather over the water. "Looks like a storm is coming."

"Are you more concerned with the storm then me?" Michael snapped. "I would think you'd be more concerned with your family then the weather."

"The storm concerns me more. All I have to do is look at you and you'll flinch." Gabriel said softly. "How long is it going take before you let Lucifer touch you again in a sexual way? A month? Two? More then three weeks at least."

"None of your business!" The taller snapped, anger flooding him at the youngest archangel's implications, even if it were true that he freaked out a bit every time Lucifer touched him below the waist.

Gabriel turned to look at him and Michael took a sudden step back. Gabriel let out a snort and looked away. Michael felt himself relax and cursed himself for reacting in such a way. Why the hell was he afraid? Gabriel hadn't laid a hand on him, it was all an illusion; the Fourth Born had even said so!

"Not so easy is it?" Gabriel asked. "Looking your abuser in the eye."

"Gabriel I-"

"I hope you realize that you're never going to call me Gabby again right?" The blonde said suddenly. "Then again you might be strong and started calling me that again but it might be years before that happens."

"That's not true." The First Born denied.

"Then say it." Gabriel commanded, turning to look at him again. "Call me by that stupid nickname Lucifer gave me."

Michael opened is mouth intent on proving his younger brother wrong but his voice caught in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried again but his mouth snapped shut before he could even make a sound. Gabriel let out a sigh and turned away once more, his attention back on the incoming storm. Michael felt himself grow angry at the Messenger's seemingly lack of concern towards him.

"Gabriel I-"

"Why did you come here Michael?" Gabriel asked again. "And this time tell me the truth. Don't forget that I can see when you're lying."

"I wanted to see you. " Michael answered honestly. "You've been avoiding me."

"You are glutton for punishment aren't you Michael?" Gabriel asked, closing his book and setting it aside. "Do you ever stop to think that there might have been a reason that I didn't come around you? Don't forget that the illusion that you suffered through was my reality for many years. I didn't have the pleasure of being told to wake up and find out that none of it was real. My broken bones were real as was the abuse and the rape. All of it was my never ending nightmare."

"So you didn't want to be around me because you were feeling what?" Michael asked. "Were you jealous that I didn't suffer through what you did?"

"No Michael. I didn't come around you because I couldn't bare it." Gabriel said moving so he could close the window, the storm almost upon them now. "I avoided you because it hurt."

"It hurt knowing that I wasn't really raped by you?" Michael asked, anger flooding him.

Gabriel turned on him and the youngest archangel's temper exploded the same time the heavens opened up and the storm hit; maybe the storm was caused by Gabriel's anger. "No you stupid fuck! It hurt because I crossed a line I swore never to cross! How painful do you think it was for me?! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to make an illusion like that?! Do you think I took pleasure in what happened? I might not have actually raped you but it was me in your mind doing it! In your mind I am the one that did that to you and nothing will change that fact!"

Michael took a step back and stumbled. He started to fall and braced himself but a tight hand latched around his wrist. He looked up to find Gabriel watching him carefully, all his anger seemingly gone in the face of his brother possibly hurting himself. The Fourth Born made sure the Michael had regained his footing before letting go as if he had been burned. Michael watched as Gabriel turned and picked up his book and made sure to return it to it's proper place on the shelf before sitting once more.

"You should leave Michael. We have nothing more to say to each other." Gabriel said softly.

Michael took a deep breath. "Thank you."

Gold eyes turned to meet blue with disbelief shining in them. "You're thanking me? Do you not remember what I did? Or the conversation we just had?"

"I do." The Warrior admitted. "I also want you to know that you saved me that night."

"You have a strange concept of being saved. Maybe I slammed you against the wall too hard that night." Gabriel said. "You might want to have Dad look you over for brain damage. I already think you're brain damaged for making a deal with a homicidal demon but you never know. Dad should check your head again. Just in case."

"This isn't a joke or funny. I actually mean it Gabriel." Michael insisted. "That night...There was a reason I came to watch you and the others play. I was trying to give myself memories to hold onto. Good ones for what I was about to do. I was hoping they would give me strength to follow through with what I was planning."

The Trickster gave him an odd look. "You were planning something stupid weren't you? That's why you gave into Lucifer about sitting with us. Probably also why you left everything behind like his mating bracelet and both your blades huh? Just what was your plan Michael? It certainly wasn't going to be to fight him. You would have taken your blades for that."

Without saying anything Michael pulled a black sealed bag from his pocket and threw it to his brother. Gabriel caught it with a frown, not understanding Michael's actions. He opened the bag and three smaller sealed bags fell out, but these were clear unlike the large one they had been in. Each one was picked up and gold eyes carefully examined the contents of each bag, recognizing his own short hand writing on them.

These had come from his lab; that explained his storage last week when he did inventory for Crowley's new shipment. It seemed that Michael had apparently decided to raid his lab without his consent or knowledge before his weekly meeting with Xaphanel that night. Gabriel sat the bags of morning glory, flannel weed, and choisy down and looked up at his brother with both worry and apprehension. Did the eldest angel even know what he had grabbed or had he just guessed and hoped that things would turn out for the best?

"Michael why do you have these?" Gabriel asked, his voice flat.

"I...I was going to use them." He admitted, his eyes turning to watch the storm outside.

"Do you even know what you have?" Came the flat tone again making Michael flinch and wonder what was going through his little brother's mind to make him sound so hollow; maybe he had crossed a line somehow and hadn't even realized it.

"Morning glory, flannel weed, and choisy." He said. "I used the computer like Sam taught me and checked them out. Once I was sure that it was what I was looking for I went to your lab. I was going to grab a bunch more but then I saw your journals. I looked in them and found better information so I narrowed it down and took those three."

"And you read my journals hoping that they would help you validify what you found out on the internet instead of asking me?"

Michael nodded, afraid to looked at the Fourth Born; his voice was still flat and he wasn't sure just how mad Gabriel was at him. "Yes."

"Why didn't you come to me?" There was confusion now seeping into that flat tone and Michael began to relax a little; maybe Gabriel wasn't mad at him.

"Because I know you were mad at me for what happened between Lucifer and I. Our breakup I mean." Michael admitted. "I know you still love him and I wasn't sure if you'd actually help me if I asked you. I also didn't want you to know what I was planning or ask any questions about it. You're smart. You would have figured it out."

"So you grabbed these three different herbs in hopes that they would do what you wanted?" The flat tone was back and Michael felt uneasy once more.

"They all do the same thing." He protested. "I made sure of it."

"And that same thing would be?" Gabriel prompted, a tinge of anger now filling his voice.

"They all work to make someone sterile." Michael said, his voice cracking horribly. "I was going to use them on myself."

"I figured that much you stupid son of a bitch." Gabriel spat. "So what? Were you planning on taking them before you left here to give them adequate time to work? Or were you going to wait until you got to wherever it is that you'd meet him at before shoving them all down your throat and hope they worked before things got too hot and heavy?"

Michael flinched again at the raw anger being directed at him. "I doubled checked my findings with your notes. I know they would have worked. Your own notes said so. I wouldn't have tried to take them otherwise. I swear it."

"Okay then. Did you read up on how much of each one you were supposed to take?" Gabriel asked, his voice like ice.

"No. I didn't think it would matter." The First Born admitted.

"What about if you needed to take more then just one dose? Did you read up on that as well or did you think that if you took enough that just the one dose would work?"

Michael felt like he was being scolded by their father instead of his little brother as he shifted nervously before the Fourth Born. "I thought all it took was one dose. I wasn't aware that you might have to take more then one dose."

"Huh." Gabriel said looking away from him. "Did you even consider what would happen if you mixed these herbs together all at once? That there could be side effects or that they might counteract with one another making you sick?"

Michael flushed. "Since they all did the same thing I thought it would make the effects of all three more powerful. "

"You really are a stupid son of a bitch." Gabriel spat.

"You keep saying that."

"And I'm going to keep saying it until you realize that you are." Gabriel said. "As a healer I spent years by our Father's side learning my trade. Did you know that if you add feverfew to nightshade in water it creates a deadly poison? Did you also know that if you add nightshade to feverfew in water it creates a powerful balm for healing scars? The exact two ingredients and the only difference between them was the order I added them in. Amazing isn't it? Also very scary because if I am making something and lose focus I could easily kill the person I was trying to help."

Michael looked up at Gabriel. "What are you saying?"

Gabriel threw the bags at his feet. "I'm saying that you not only picked the three strongest herbs used for sterilization, but by combining the three you've also managed to make a poison and a rather deadly one at that. I wish I could say that it would be a quick and painless death but it's just the opposite. Adder's Bane is a toxin that can take months or even years to break down the person's body, slowly eating away at the internal organs until they liquefy. It also has another nasty side effect of making someone's nerves ending hyper sensitve to the point where even the most gentle touch causes severe pain. I don't even care to think of how bad it would enhance someone's pain. The worst part is that once it's in your body that's it. There's no cure. The best thing to do is end someone's misery before it gets too bad."

Michael looked down at the bags, blood draining from his face and he stumbled backwards, putting space between himself and the herbs. "I...I didn't...I..."

"You are a stupid son of a bitch." Gabriel said softly.

Michael managed to pull his gaze away from the bags and gave Gabriel a weak smile. "Yeah. I guess I am."

Gabriel let out a snort and turned to look outside at the storm that was raging around them. "I know you are."

"I did it for you."

Gabriel tensed and turned to Michael. "What?"

"The deal I made with Xaphanel. I did it for you." Michael said softly. "I did it because I love you. I know I may not have always been the best brother but please never doubt for a second that I ever stopped loving you."

Gold eyes turned sad. "You ordered my death. There...There were times where I thought about returning just so you'd do it. Those were the days where I could barely manage a smile. On those days I hoped that you might be a good brother and see my suffering and either end it or possibly love me again."

"Gabriel when I ordered your death I did it because I was angry that you ran. I didn't understand why you wouldn't stay and talk to me like you used to. It was only years later that I realized that I never gave you a reason to stay. I never let you know how much I loved you or needed you." Michael said moving closer to his brother. "When I realized that I revoked the order and told everyone that if you were alive that you were welcome to return to heaven. When you didn't come back right away...I was scared to go look for you because I was afraid that I really would find you dead."

"There were times when I did need you Michael. Where I longed for the comfort of my big brother." Gabriel said softly. "And you want to know another secret I've kept from you?"

"You know I'll keep your secrets." Michael said.

Gabriel took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes just as tears filled his eyes and spilled over and ran down his cheeks. "I still need my big brother. Even now I need you because I love you too Michael. Nothing will ever change that either."

Michael moved faster then the eye could see and he was holding Gabriel close before either of them realized it. He let out his wings and wrapped them around his sobbing brother. He whispered soft words of comfort in Enochian to him letting Gabriel take part in a comfort that he hadn't had in thousands of years. It didn't matter that the storm was raging around them, or that they were being spied on from the doorway by the rest of the bunker's occupants. The only thing that mattered was that his little brother needed him so he was going to be there for as long as Gabriel needed him to be. As long as they continued to love each other they would make it through this.