Tantamount

Chapter 12

"I'm sorry, Edward," Uncle Marcus says. We're out on the deck having a late lunch. The sky is cloudy, and it looks like it's going to pour down rain at any minute. "Your mom said no."

"I'm calling my dad then."

"You can't. That'd kill her, and you know it," Auntie says.

"I can't go back to Forks." I put down my sandwich and pull out my phone. I've lost my appetite.

I scroll through my contacts for Dad's phone number as Uncle Marcus drones on about all the reasons my dad will say no to me moving in with him.

"Come on. Think about it, okay?" Uncle Marcus says. "This is completely out of left field for you to want to live with him at this point."

If he only knew. I let out a sigh. He's probably right, though.

Uncle Marcus's phone rings. "Excuse me. Hospital." He gets up and heads inside to take the call.

"Eddie? Please say something. Tell me what's wrong."

I look at her, contemplating whether or not I should come clean about Bella. I haven't been able to vent to anyone out of fear they'll jump to conclusions and call me gay. Not that I have anything against people who are, but I'm not and don't want people getting the wrong impression of me. I've never felt more isolated in my entire life.

"If I tell you—"

Auntie interrupts. "Cross my heart, hope to die." She makes an X over her heart. "I swear to you it goes no further than my ears."

Our eyes meet. "Okay." I keep fiddling with a breadcrumb on the glass table, rolling and scooting it around, trying to get enough nerve to say anything at all. "I did something at the beginning of summer and—"

The back door opens, and Uncle Marcus sticks his head out. "There's an emergency at the hospital, so I gotta run. Be home as soon as I can. Love you both." The door closes before Auntie has time to respond.

"Go ahead, Eddie." She scoots her chair closer to mine. "We're alone now. Take your time."

I clear my throat. "Um, anyway, a few guys bet me to pretend to like someone."

"Like someone?"

I nod and take a deep breath. It takes everything I have to continue because I'm admitting to something I'd rather not. "Sleep with the person."

Her eyes widen. "Oh."

"Auntie, I don't think this is such a good idea." I scoot my plate out of the way.

"No, it's fine. I guess I just thought you were a—"

"I'm not a virgin."

"I hope you're safe."

"Yes, I'm safe." I shake my head.

"Please tell me you didn't get someone pregnant."

"I wish. That'd be easier to deal with," I mutter to myself, but I know she hears me.

Her brows draw together, and she lifts the wine glass to her lips. "All right, continue."

She takes a sip, and I'm about to tell her to grab the whole bottle because this story is long and complicated.

I start at the beginning. I tell Auntie how Emmett and Jasper's dare turned into a bet, and how I agreed to do it to score the cash. I tell her everything about Bella. How she's my next door neighbor; how at first I thought she was homely and a book nerd, and how I wasn't attracted to her—at all. I talk about our outings to the park with ice cream, going to the beach, and how I'd grown to enjoy being around her. I explain that at some point, I knew the dare would hurt her, and I didn't want to do that. I tell her that I didn't care about the money anymore, and I wanted to back out of the dare.

The whole time I'm talking I don't look Auntie in the face because I'm ashamed. My eyes are fixated on the tree by the deck, which is blowing in the gentle breeze. The cloud accumulation is growing thicker and darker as my story gets more fucked up.

"I decided to screw Emmett and Jasper for giving me the stupid dare in the first place." My voice is low, sullen, the blood boiling under my skin through my veins like thick, hot lava. "Little by little, I fell for Bella. She was more than just a friend."

Jagged flickers of light flash across the darkening sky. Thunder rolls in and booms as my emotions get the best of me. Auntie doesn't move. She's watching and listening intently. A few fine raindrops sprinkle down from the sky, splattering the table. Fat tears fall from my eyes, running down my cheeks.

I try swallowing a thick lump in my throat, but it's going nowhere. My voice isn't mine. It's someone whose pain is unbearable and full of remorse. "Bella looked so beautiful the last night I saw her." Auntie reaches for my hand that's gripping my knee. "We went to the beach, listened to music, and...made out." I close my eyes remembering how perfect everything was.

"It's okay," Auntie whispers.

She hasn't heard the worst of it, and I'm afraid to say much more. My jaw clenches together as I wipe the tears and muster up the courage to continue.

"Don't you think Bella would understand?"

I shake my head. Until I finish the story, Auntie won't even understand. She doesn't get what I've been through, what Bella has been through.

"There's more."

Her hand tightens around mine, giving me support to finish.

This is the part where I struggle. This is where I'm all fucked up in the head. I don't know how to proceed, how to tell my aunt that I basically fell in love with a guy. Even though that blog post I read says differently, I feel dirty and wrong for dry humping Bella, touching her, and kissing her like she was my last breath. How was I supposed to know she was formerly Ben?

"So that last night—with Bella."

Auntie nods slowly in my peripheral. I decide to look into her eyes and own up to what I did once and for all. I can't be a chicken shit and skirt around the catastrophe I helped create from my wrongdoings.

"I texted Emmett and Jasper and told them I fucked Bella."

She gasps. Her eyes widen, her back straightens. She doesn't approve; I can tell, but I know she's not going to tell me so.

"They text all this bullshit back, and I don't even know what the hell they're talking about, like who sucked whose dick, and they were laughing." I pull my hand from hers and rub my forehead. "They told me Bella is really—" I stop there. Finishing the sentence is admitting to being with a guy.

"She's really what?"

The sky opens up and rain floods from above.

"A boy." My voice quivers, and I sound like a little bitch. I look down, away from Auntie's eyes.

"Oh, my God." Auntie reaches for her wine, draining the last quarter from her glass.

"I confronted Bella that night, in person. Things ended so bad, Auntie."

We sit there in silence, letting the rain soak us clear through, neither of us moving to go inside. I see the wheels turning in her head. She starts to say something several times, but the words don't come out.

"I'm an asshole. You can admit it."

"You're a kid, Eddie."

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"You're not mature enough yet to know how to deal with a situation of this magnitude on your own." She pauses. The rain has flattened her hair, and her mascara is running down her face. "You need to talk to someone equipped to help you handle this—it's a complex situation, Edward. Maybe they could even help you understand Bella's side of it too."

"I can't talk about this to anyone else. I shouldn't have even told you, but I need to stay here in Seattle. I know Emmett and Jasper have spread what happened around town. It's going to be fucking hell if I go back."

"I'll try my best, Eddie." There's sadness in her voice. "I hope Bella is okay." She scoots her chair out and reaches for the empty wine glass and my hand. "Let's go inside and dry off."

A/N:

For everyone still reading this, thank you. Your reviews make me smile.

When you dream of your pre-reader then you know she's good. LOL Thanks, MC.

Big hugs to my girl, T, for brainstorming with me and betaing.

FYI: I tweak ALL the things because that's how I roll, so blame me, not my team.

Xo,

OhGee