Skype II
"Anyway, that was pretty much my day." Barney finished.
"Sounds stressful." Robin replied and popped another peanut into her mouth.
"Actually pretty much the norm around here."
Robin nodded, "which reminds me, I still get to ask you a question, remember?"
Barney sighed, "man, I was hoping you had forgotten about it."
Robin smiled, "as if. But it's not anything bad actually."
"Okay, shoot, ask me anything you want."
"How was it to hold Ellie for the first time?"
"That's the question you chose? Really?" he asked.
She nodded, "but you have to give me a honest answer, remember?"
"Okay, it was truly amazing."
"Barney, I want to know how you really felt. The whole story."
He nodded, "okay, fine, here it goes. Truth be told, I wasn't very excited about the prospect of becoming a father at all, and I initially didn't want to see or hold her at all. But the gang made me, and then a nurse placed her into my arms and it was…love at first sight."
Robin began to smile, "really?"
"Yeah. I mean I was scared out of my mind just holding her, she was tiny, even smaller than Marvin had been when we first met him. But she mesmerized me, and I swore right then and there that I would always be there for her."
"She stole your heart, huh?"
Barney nodded, "yeah, you know how everyone always says that its love at first sight when you met your kid? It's totally true. I was reluctant to even see her, and within seconds I knew that I would do anything for this little bundle."
Robin still smiled, but he realized that this conversation must still be hard on her.
"I'm really sorry Robin."
"What for?" she asked confused.
"For letting you down."
"What do you mean?" she asked, popping another peanut she had just cracked open into her mouth.
"You never had that."
Robin was clearly confused, "had what?"
"You never got to hold your child for the first time, you never felt this bang of love."
"Yeah because I didn't want kids." She replied confused.
Barney shook his head, "you told yourself you didn't want them because you were told that you couldn't have any."
"Barney, why are we having this conversation?" Robin asked.
"Cause, as your husband, I should have dug deeper. You would have been an amazing mother, but you never let yourself even think about the possibility of having kids. I shouldn't have let it go as easily too."
"You know I couldn't have kids."
"Do I? We never got a second opinion, we never checked all the possibilities, we never considered other ways of having kids."
"Why are you bringing this up now?" Robin asked.
"Because I feel really bad about it. Ever since I had Ellie I understood what it truly meant to have a kid, and you never had that. And it's my fault."
"It's not your fault, I never wanted kids to begin with."
"Except that you held Marvin an entire night once because you couldn't take your eyes off of him, and you stole his, Daisy's and Penny's baby socks and hid them in the back of your underwear drawer."
"What?"
"I accidentally found them when I was packing for Egypt that one time, you had decided to take a direct flight from L.A. and we were meeting up there so I bought all kinds of stuff." He explained.
Robin had put the peanuts away.
"I regret that I always skeet around the subject, rather than addressing it and having a honest conversation about it." Barney finished.
"Barney, me not having kids is not your fault."
He shrugged.
"I never wanted to be a mother Barney."
"You never explored that possibility because you always thought that it wasn't one." He replied.
Robin sighed, "you know what? It doesn't matter. I'm content with not being a mother."
Barney hesitated but finally just nodded, "yeah, I know."
"So you fell in love with Ellie the moment you held her for the first time, huh?" Robin asked, clearly eager to change the subject back to her initial question.
"I did, yeah. I didn't think it was possible, I mean, I was terrified when I found out about the pregnancy."
"Really?"
"Oh, completely!"
"But you always wanted kids of your own."
"Not really though, and certainly not like that…not with her. The first couple of days were tough, I was pitying myself and didn't get why this had to happen to me."
"Skipping condoms probably had something to do with it." Robin grinned.
Barney laughed, "yeah, I know…. I really wanted to call you, you know? You were the only person on the face of the planet I felt like I could talk to about this, but of course you were also the last person on earth I could talk to about it." He shook his head, "I dialed your number so many times, you have no idea."
"You could have called, Barney."
"No I couldn't. That would have been insensitive, and cruel."
"No it wouldn't have been. You were going through something difficult and needed someone to talk to about it, I could have been that person."
"Yeah cause no-one is better to talk to about an unwanted pregnancy than your infertile ex-wife." Barney replied sarcastically.
Robin sighed, "when did we become these people?"
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"We used to be able to talk to each other about everything, I mean even after our first break-up we did, we somehow managed to stay friends. Why did everything get so screwed up between us?"
"Guess that's just normal, right? Who stays friends after getting a divorce?"
Robin shrugged and retorted, "who stays friends after a break-up?"
"But, let's face it, there were too many feelings and un-resolved issues between us to just move on and stay friends."
"You still could have called me Barney, no matter what happened between us, I would have been there for you."
He smiled, "thanks…you know, you could have always called me too, no matter what or where you were, I would have been there for you."
They just smiled at each other for a moment.
"Anyway…I should probably let you go." Barney finally said.
Robin nodded, "yeah, I need to get ready, don't I?"
"Talk to you tomorrow morning?" he asked.
"Same time?" she asked as she collected the bag of peanuts she had gotten from the mini-bar prior to skyping with him.
Barney nodded, he loved that she was comfortable enough to skype with him this early in the morning, without worrying about putting on make-up, fixing her hair, or putting on cute clothes.
"Have a great day Robin."