From Brindy: Thanks for all your reviews guys! Please keep them up, I just love hearing what you think of each chapter
Chapter 12 – For Each Other
Christmas Day was quiet for the cops, and for Chris Riley. The pub remained closed, and even though Chris served up Christmas lunch, it went cold, barely touched by her friends. They sat sombrely around the table in the secluded, quiet dining room, finally free of its usual mayhem and noise. But they couldn't eat their food. Still, it seemed to strengthen them the fact they were all together. Well almost. Evan remained upstairs and the door to his room remained closed. It had only opened when they had come to take Susie away. Since then it had remained closed, knocks going unanswered and pleas to emerge ignored.
Amy sat at the table, her left hand on the table doing nothing in particular as her right hand fiddled with her water glass. She still felt the impact of Susie's death hang over the group, and she thought back to just three days ago when everything had been ok and she had been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas break with her old friends. It had all but been shattered through no fault of their own. It was just the cruel way of the world, she reasoned. And it sucked.
Later, she found herself again in the parlour, just like the previous afternoon before everything had changed. Only this time she didn't have a newspaper to read. She no longer had the strength to sit around the bar and stare at everyone else's blank faces and devastated expressions – her own was getting her down enough already, and she couldn't take anymore. But being alone meant she thought so much more about what had happened to her over the last couple of days. And with Christmas Eve still fresh on her mind after everything that had taken place in just that one short night, she couldn't help but think of Alex and what he had said to her.
Admitting to her that he missed her had really hit home. She never even dreamt that he might have felt that way about her and so had done her best to dismiss her feelings for him, so sure they weren't going to be returned if they ever made it into the real world. But she had had no idea just how much she would miss Alex once she left Mt Thomas. And suddenly they were forced to confront each other and everything just came flooding out, and most of it what everything Amy had always pledged to keep from him.
But what was she going to do? The situation was so messed up. Had they let their guards down because of Alex's marriage woes? Or was it because of Susie's death? Was it because of their combined love and respect for both Jonesy and Susie? Or, maybe, was it just because time had been waiting to pull them together again, just to see one another and be in the same room again, for the chance to just admit what they had been keeping away from view for three years? It scared Amy to realise she had made herself so vulnerable.
As she stared off into space, replaying their conversation in the hallway the night before and trying to remember how it had felt to have him hold her hand, Evan finally plodded down the stairs, having emerged from his cave. She knew it was him – she had always been able to tell if Evan was near by the sound of his footsteps and the way he banged things as he went past. When he was angry he banged and slammed and when he wasn't he plodded along like a lost soul.
She got up and approached the door to the parlour, peaking out, her hands on the wood finish of the old doors. She stared at Evan hard enough for him to notice and he looked up and looked at her with devastated eyes. Amy knew she had to be there for him. They always seemed to be there for each other one way or the other, and tonight was when it was needed more than ever. She approached as he stood motionless at the bottom of the staircase, and rubbed his forearms as he stared at the ground, trying to hold in his tears.
"I don't want to fall apart Amy," he whispered, sounding ashamed. He swallowed hard. He was so determined to maintain a strong façade – that of a Homicide detective. But he was beginning to struggle.
"It's ok Evan," Amy answered, giving him a hug. "Never be ashamed to fall apart in front of me. I've seen it all." She had. And she knew it. Not many things about human nature fazed her anymore. Except when it came to her own life. And anything concerning Alex.
He held in his tears for longer than she expected and wrapped his arms tightly around her in desperation. He had never expected to lose Suse – not in this way anyway, even though he had lost her in the relationship sense a million times over – and Amy couldn't make up for that, but he needed to be with his friends. He knew they understood. And so he considered what Amy told him. There was no shame in falling apart. Because friends were always there to pick up the pieces. A tear slipped off his cheek and onto Amy's shoulder there by the staircase as Christmas Day began to fade away.
An hour later Amy found herself back in the parlour. Evan, exhausted, had returned to his room to attempt some sleep, even though it was only 7pm. Amy knew if she tried the same thing, sleep would never come. She had too much on her mind, pressure of which had only become greater when she had so kindly offered to help shoulder some of Evan's grief. She sat numbly in the leather armchair, staring at the ceiling, constantly being overcome with grief and trying to stop her tears. Suddenly she needed someone to shoulder her grief as well, but there was no one.
"Amy?" A voice at the door. Who else but Alex? She sighed a wobbly sigh, surprisingly herself with how upset she sounded. She couldn't even breathe steadily let alone answer him. What was happening to her? She looked at him, her brow creased in sorrow as she sat small in the lonesome parlour. He sensed her sadness as he took in her stature before him and wanted to cry as she was. But he didn't. He needed to be there for her. But he wanted to in more ways than one, most of which were not appropriate at that moment. He walked over to her, leant down, his hands on the arm rests, and placed a kiss on her forehead. It was a kiss of friendship, of alliance, and of comfort. He could tell it was what she needed. As he pulled away she cast her eyes upward to look into his.
"I'm just going to go to bed," she whispered, her body all of a sudden feeling incredibly weary. She pushed herself up and out of the chair and brushed past Alex toward the door. She gave him an appreciative look – he had extended himself to her for a brief second to try to make her feel better, and she was grateful for the gesture.
But Alex was feeling bold, and went a step further, maybe a step further than he should have, and as Amy exited the parlour he grabbed for her hand, and pushed his lips onto hers, setting her ram rod straight against the parlour wall, just inside the door. She didn't respond at all, paralysed with fear that a man was forcing his lips onto hers.
I see the passion in your eyes
Sometimes it's all a big surprise
Her hands up defensively by her shoulders she pushed off from the kiss, frowning hard. She looked at him, so taken aback and hurt more than ever that she couldn't think of a thing to say. He stared back at her, waiting for a reaction, but her face said it all. She ran out of the parlour, still looking at him over her shoulder. Her eyes brimmed with tears that spilled over as she reached the stairs and ran up them, away from him. Away from everything. Like Evan, she cowered in her room, engulfed in unhappiness. She buried her face in her pillow as she cried, and was never more surprised than when a knock came at the door.
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it
Reluctantly, she got up to answer it. It was Alex. He just wouldn't go away. She frowned at him angrily as he stood before her at the door. "I don't love you Alex!" she cried, frustrated and upset. But that was all it took for him to go away. His face suddenly looked like hers had earlier when he had kissed her, and he walked back down the hall, his head in his hands. She watched as he walked away from her, pushing his hands jaggedly through his hair. He knew he'd screwed it. They were never going to go anywhere now! He smacked the wall hard with his hand as he descended down the stairs and Amy closed her door, not wanting to watch him any longer.
That night she laid in bed, disbelieving of how shit her Christmas had turned out. Alex had totally ruined it all. How could he have done that? He didn't know her enough obviously, and so he was seriously dreaming when he thought he could begin a relationship with her. He was dreaming anyway, because Amy knew she was destined to always have trouble with love. No one seemed to be able to break her mould. Did she even want them too? Men had betrayed her in the past, and she had meant it when she had told Alex she didn't want to do anything stupid. But he had done it anyway, and she wanted no part in it. How could he just assume he knew her like that?
On the other hand, had she really meant what she said to him? Did she really not love him? She had longed for companionship. She had longed for someone to hold her hand. She had longed for arms to cry in. She had wanted him to make a move in the carpark before she left for Homicide and again the night she had arrived in Mt Thomas. And dare she admit it to herself, she had wished that he had married her instead of that airhead blonde that refused to socialise with her husbands friends. How could he have married her? He wasn't meant for her. But was he meant for me? She thought to herself. She was never sure, and it was what held her back. She did want to kiss him, and have him hold her and sleep beside her like he had the previous night, but he had moved too fast for her, and she had gotten cold feet.
I was fine before you walked into my life