P/N: Hi everybody! Sorry for the delay. I'm getting kind of depressed with this story, now that my review competition is gone. Everybody: go tell Lily Lindsey-Aubery to keep writing Middle Earth: Its Mental Condition. Thanks.

TimeyWimeyGirl, Saruman says he knows...nobody knew he was a spy until now. It was such a lonely existence. He's so happy that he has that off his chest, now. Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant, Saruman is in the Halls of Mandos now, where he indulges his love of writing and invention. And he says his reasons are better because they are true, which the movies/books are not. Elglor Stargold, you are very welcome. Some one had to stand up for them, didn't he? CloveClove, sorry about the slow updates! And I'm glad you liked it. :D MagicWords1, glad you liked it! And Faramir was SO overly excited when I showed him your review. Between you and me, I think he suffers from some kind of inferiority complex or something...he's always so surprised people like him. And that they don't think he looks fruity. And that they love his Aussie accent. I probably don't help his self esteem. Ccgaylord, actually, he has. A lot of books. Check out your local library. Or maybe even this site...though I don't know about that. Dragonsire13, Eowyn, tommyginger, and I all say thanks. At least, I assume TG says thanks...I didn't check with her, though I did tell her about your review. ScribeofHeroes, a short message from Saruman: 'I know...wasn't it believable? I was planning to share my information as soon as I found out where Sauron's great offensive was going to strike. I found out just before Gandalf and Theoden came to threaten me, and was going to tell all just when Grima stabbed me. Yes, if Sauron had commanded me to murder someone or something, I would have disobeyed. As it was, all the bad things I did at his command, I knew Gandalf could easily put right. I was planning on locking the halflings up on top of Orthanc, where Gandalf would undoubtedly send an eagle for them. Middle Earth is never beyond saving. If nothing else, the Valar could have come and chained up Sauron in the void with his master. It was impossible for me to have a contact. As I have already mentioned, the Eye was always upon me and if I had given any information to even one other person he would have killed me before I found out the vital information we needed to win. And I'm so glad you asked all those questions. I appreciate your interest and recognize you for who you are, someone who, like me, is determined to know the absolute truth.' Hope that suffices! LathielStormblade, aw...thanks! Sauron says he knows...no one can sympathize with an Eye...oh dear, now he's crying. Seriously, have you ever seen a big red Eye hanging on a tower crying? I'm in hysterics right now. About Faramir...see my response to MagicWords1. MOS says he really wishes he could afford tooth paste, but it just isn't possible. Do you want to donate some? Send it to this address: MOS Black Gate Mordor, ME. That should do it. The Nazgul say it's the rings that make them greedy, and they really aren't jerks...they're just misunderstood. And Boromir was so pumped to hear about your pledge. He's bragging about it all over men's equivalent of Valinor. And thanks for flooding me with reviews! I really appreciate it! :D

And without further ado, let me present:

Merry and Pippin

Merry: Hi! I'm Merry!

Pippin: And I'm Pippin!

Both: Have we got a show for you!

Pippin: We heard we are being savagely attacked by certain people and being called completely brain dead.

Merry: And they'd be right about you Pip. And I thought I told you I'd be doing the narrating.

Pippin: I forgot.

Merry: Well, remember then. (turns to the audience and resumes his sunny smile) Some people think we're bad, because we stole vegetables from Farmer Maggot. But he had million of vegetables...he wasn't going to miss a couple of carrots!

Pippin: Besides, Mom said I was supposed to eat vegetables! They're good for you!

Merry: (coughs loudly) As Pippin said, vegetables are good for you. Therefore, it can't be bad to eat a couple when you happen to be passing through your neighbor's property.

Pippin: And Farmer Maggot should be more hospitable than to begrudge us a few vegetables!

Merry: Would you cut it out? Next: Frodo (and a few others who will remain nameless) keep bugging us about lighting that fire on top of Weather Top. But you have to remember, we didn't know the Black Riders would see the fire...we thought they couldn't see. Whenever we had encountered them before, they hadn't looked around...only sniffed. It would have helped if Strider...

Pippin: Aragorn!

Merry: Aragorn, the Dunedain, King Ellesar, what ever you want to call him...had told us a little about them and their abilities rather than adopting the elf-style attitude of 'we will not talk of dark things here'. Where on Middle Earth would we be allowed to talk about them? And if we never talked about them, how were we supposed to know not to attract them by lighting fires, etc.? Besides all that...

Pippin: Besides all that, it was Sam's idea in the first place.

Merry: Exactly! I don't know why we're always the ones who get blamed.

Pippin: Neither do I!

Merry: No, Pip, I didn't mean you...I know why you always get blamed.

Pippin: Than who is 'we'?

Merry: Me and my shadow. And stop talking. Now, I am going to give a personal defense about why I rode with the Rohirrim...even when Theoden told me not to. I had pledged the King my sword. I had to go with him to protect him and to fight alongside him. And just think if I hadn't! The Witch King would still be alive, and Theoden would be dead. And so would Eowyn. And probably Eomer. I completely saved the day! Wasn't it a good thing I disobeyed Theoden?

Pippin: Ok, my turn now. I'm going to defend myself about saving Faramir, because that was the closest thing to anything bad I ever did. I'm the greatest hobbit ever, in reality, because everyone else did awful stuff like riding with the Rohirrim, and beating up Gollum, and refusing to destroy the Ring, and Bilbo killed an innocent little albino land lobster (or whatever that thing was), and the only bad thing I did was save Faramir.

Merry: Can you just get to the point?

Pippin: Anyways, when I saved Faramir, I thought I was doing something good. He had tricked me into thinking he was some kind of White Knight. I had no idea, when I saved him, that he had tried to steal the ring, and had beaten up Gollum, and was a complete jerk, and was going to trick poor, innocent (or not so innocent) Eowyn into marrying him and hanging up her sword. I thought I was saving a great Captain of Gondor. That was how he always made himself to be when I was around.

Merry: Ok, you used up your time. My turn again. As you can see, we're two little (if you want to call us little. We're actually quite big for hobbits. Even bigger than Bullroarer Took. I think) heroes...not the stupid little tag-alongs everybody seems to think we are.

-Merriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took

Note: Thanks to tommyginger for suggesting that I have Merry and Pippin write a defense about why they lit a fire on Weather Top.

P/N: Sorry about the Veggie Tales quote...I couldn't make them take it out. I wondered what they were doing in my living room all last night...

Please review! Oh, and go take my brand new poll. It isn't really complete...I had lots of great ideas for answers and then forgot them as soon as I started composing it, so if you don't see certain ones there that you think would be funny, don't vote, and PM them to me. Only one specification...no language...even mild stuff. Thanks!