(Youko)
"Sei, I didn't mean what I said... Sei, please, listen to me!"
"did you really think I fall for you? Funny Youko, very funny.", She paused then laugh, a wicked laugh. "Shiori is the only one I love, can't you see it? I just used you and well, yeah I'm just having fun."
"Sei.. tell me.. it's.. it's not true... tell me that you love me, that I'm the one you love now. Sei, please!"
She laughed again, "hahahaha! You're such a dope! Haha.. look at you, now. You're so pathetic. I can't love you.. and I would never do that. You're nothing compare to my Shiori. Shiori is an angel and you? You're nothing but a doll, a mindless doll used as a plaything. You look so miserable now... ha! But anyway.. I enjoy playing a doll named Mizuno Youko... bye" then Sei walked out.
"noooooooooooo!", I then wake up. what was that all about? Ouch! My head hurts. dammit! It even doubled when I remembered that pathetic dream. 'am I really just her springboard? Her rebound? Her placeholder? A plaything? Oh dear! I'm really stupid! why do I have to love Sei?' Here you go again Youko. why don't you cut that crap?
I looked at the mirror in my room, my eyes were still swollen because of the non-stop crying I made before I fell asleep.. oh god! Then, I glance at my watch. It's already 12 midnight, see how time flies when you're sleeping. I have to smile. I need to smile. My brain is still aching, so, I decided to go down, eat some food and take some medicines. After doing those things, I take a shower and memories of what happened after the talk with Sei filled in.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
little Chaia stayed in my room for a while, telling me some things in the kitchen when Eriko entered the room.
'Chaia, would you mind playing outside with Aunt Rei? I need to talk to your aunt Youko for a while.'
'o-kay.', said the kid before jumping. 'I'll see you later auntie. And auntie... go to our house again.', I just nod. She then runs towards the door. Eriko was the one who close it.
'she told me what happened.' Eriko started whilst sitting beside my bed. I nod, then shifted and move to her. I was again laying on my stomach with the side of my head resting on her lap and my arms wrap around her waist. She gently combed my hair and it's so relaxing.
Silence, but I then decided to break it.
'uhm.. you know. I felt like the young firefly in my mom's story.'
'what about it?', she asked.
'well, you know.. the story was like this, the firefly was warned by her mother to not go near the light of the candle because he might get hurt, but the firefly was so mesmerized by the great light when he saw the candle. He was so attracted that he forgot what her mother had said to him. He gets nearer and nearer, but in the end he died. He died because he was burned by the light. He died because he lets his curiosity win and be mesmerized by the fire.' I said.
'so, what's the connection of this to you?', she questioned, still combing my hair.
'well, I was a fool mesmerized to a person named Sei. and well, where did it lead me? here miserable.'
'shhh.. don't say that. She loves you.'
'yeah, as a friend.' I said.
'no.. I know I'm not in the position to tell this but... I think I have to. Youko, listen to me. Sei, Satou Sei herself is in love with you.'
'that's not funny Eriko.' I said... burying my face on her lap.
'I'm not joking here. She said that to me. and you know it.. right? She told you the day after we got drunk...', I remember that, that's the time she made me promise that I'll never leave her..
'I know.. but you see.. things are different now.'
'what the hell do you mean by that?'
'well, she's with Shiori.', I said and I notice that Eriko just gave up talking. 'Eriko?'
'is that what you want then?', I looked at her.
'i-I don't know. But for now, all I want is Sei's happiness... and if she's happy with her... then that's it.'
'you'll not fight?'
'Eriko.. how can you compete if you know that you're are competing with her first love? for Pete's sake, she.. she swore to love that woman and no one else!', this time I raised my voice at the same time struggle to sit down.
'but she love you.', she said... I wonder if how far she would argue for that belief of hers.
'but she love her more.' And then it stopped. Eriko stopped arguing about that thing.
'Youko, please do think about it.. I'll go now...' she gestured to stand up.
'Eriko!', I called then she looked at me.
't-thank you..' she just nod and told me that she would be leaving now and she's dragging Rei with her. I just assured her that I'll be okay, then she went home.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
'now, now.. what should I do?'
I went out of the shower and prepare for sleeping. I hope my head ache will be gone by tomorrow and hopefully it may take away the pain that's killing me inside. But then, I can't sleep. I can't get the thing I did away from my mind... well, do I really have the right to react that way? What if Sei didn't do it? what if it was just a silly misinterpretation? But... but she answered the KISS! *sigh... but then again, do I have the right? I guess not. Sei and I were not even in a relationship and I guess we need to clear things up. I'll talk to her tomorrow, put that mask of that stoic woman and well, have some guessing game of our own, more so.. we really need to talk about that status of ours... friends? Lovers? Enemies? Or strangers perhaps..
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
I woke up the next day having some headache due to: 1. Lack of sleep, 2. Too much thinking and 3. Someone outside the house is addicted of ringing my doorbell. 'Who the hell was that?' I stand up and went to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I immediately went to the intercom to answer the one behind my door. No one answered. Crap! But what it makes more irritating is that it rings continuously. So, I have no choice but to open the door and see who that damn person is...
'I wonder why is it things are kinda blurry now...' I open the door and see a young lady smiling at me..
"k-kiera?" and her smile grew wider with the thought of me recognizing her. "w-what... are.. you doing here...—" I'm getting dizzy now, more so.. I think I'm about to faint.
"O-onee-chan!" the last thing I knew is that Kiera held me and everything went black.
(Sei)
I admit I didn't get enough sleep last night. I went home late from a bar and slept around 3am... things were quite weird. There is no Eriko calling me early in the morning to ask me if everything is okay. I'm still here in my bed. Unfortunately, still feeling stupid after what happened yesterday. God dammit! Could you believe that? I hurt the person I love the most... how funny, I want to laugh as hard as I could and just die because of laughing, laughing at my own fault. Hehehe.. i'm so stupid. why can't I just die?
My monologue was abruptly come to an end when my mobile phone rings. I looked at the caller ID and to my shock, it was Youko. 'Youko is calling me? oh I cannot die yet!' oh god! My
"h-hello?"
"Sei-neechan! Thank god you answer!" the other line said... wait.. she's not Youko.. Sei-neechan? There's only one person calls me that way.
"k-kiera? Why did you call?"
"o-onee-chan fainted!" I feel panic creeping inside me now. 'what happen? damn it!'
"w-what? Wait! I'm on my way."
I immediately hung up and went directly to Youko's house. Upon arriving there I saw Kiera with a worried expression.
"what happened?"
"I-I don't know, she just fainted and now she have some sort of fever." She explained.
"Where is she now?"
"Upstairs. In her room.", I just nod and went straight to her room. I didn't care if she would sent me out if she wakes up, all I have in mind is to have the chance to take good care of her while she's sleeping. I think this is the least thing I could do to.
I sit beside her and just stare at her face. She looks so peaceful and calm, that I can't help myself but be entranced by her beauty. As if my hand had its own life, it started to remove the hairs that were accidentally placed in her face which resulted in combing her hair. She stirs and eventually wakes up.
"how are you feeling now?" she looked awfully shocked when she saw me. she even pushed my hands away from her.
"w-what are you doing here?" she asked.
"ac—" I was cut off by Kiera who is now leaning on the wall.
"actually, I asked her to come here... you fainted sis and I have no one to call. Eri-neechan is busy with Chaia, Sachiko-neechan is in a business trip, and so on... so I have nothing to do but to call Sei-neechan." She explained.
"oh.. okay." She just answered.
"uhm.. just rest there.. till you're temperature goes down.", I said whilst standing and went outside. I just sit on her couch and look outside.
"if I know that the both of you have problem... I shouldn't have called you. I'm sorry Sei-neechan.. but what had happened?"
"it's okay... it's also my fault why she's cold towards me. I hurt her.." , I said shaking my head. Then, continue to tell her what had happened.. Kiera knows almost everything about her sister; they might have seven years age gap, still they have this strong bond. She may be straight, but still she understands her sister's feelings.
"but really.. Sei-neechan.. why did you do that?", I then looked at her. She's standing in front of me, looking as if she'll be interrogating someone—me!
"uh... I really do not know. I—"
"do you still love the woman?" there's bitterness in her words when she address Shiori. I can't blame her though. Shiori is the reason why Youko got hurt so...
"Sei?" someone called. Not her voice but Youko's. I then look at the stairs and saw her standing, holding the banister of the stairs for support. 'HOLY SH*T! What is she thinking?'
"Youko! what the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed." I said jumping out of the sofa and run towards her and support her.
"w-we need to talk..", she said in a form of a whisper.
"oh god Youko! you could have called –WHAT? TALK?", she just nod... "okay.. we'll talk but we'll go up first." , there I lead her to her room and we talked.
"you still have a bit of a fever. So you need to rest for a while." I said after checking her temperature with a thermometer.
"okay... uh.. Sei?"
"hmn?"
"I want to say sorry.." isn't it I'm supposed to say sorry?
"for what? You didn't do anything. I mean I—"
"s-sorry for acting the way I act yesterday. I-I know I have no right to act that way... we... we are not together so.."
"Youko..."
"and we're friends right?" she asked me. I don't know if she's on hysterics because of her fever but..
"yes. Of course we are."
"I-I don't want to lose our friendship that's why. Sei, I'm really sorry for that. And please don't mind what I had said... uhm.. I didn't mean it..."
"Youko, you don't have to explain anything. Youko, you know that I lo—"
"Sei, please don't tell me that again." I could feel the angst-ridden atmosphere in her words... but..
"why?" I asked, completely clueless why does she doesn't want me to tell those three honest words.
"b-because..." ,she took a deep breath. "because I want us to settle as friends. I mean it would hurt me more if you tell me those things over and over." No! I love you and it's true. Why don't you listen to me?
"but Youko.."
"Sei.. please understand... I don't want to lose our friendship just for some petty things." Yes! This is something petty Youko... why can't you understand that there is so much more for us? I wanted to scream at her... say those things... but I guess she already decide for us.
"okay then... one thing, I'll always be here no matter what happen. I'll never leave you, and sorry... I'm really for hurting you. And I—" I hesitate; I know she doesn't want to hear it either. "Rest now.. I'll go downstairs to prepare some food." She just nod and closed her eyes, then, I went down. At least now, we're okay... but still pains me not to see her smile but it hurts me more that I could not tell her how much I love her. But.. as the cliché goes, 'action speaks louder than words'
"what happened?" kiera asked me.
"well, we're back being friends..."
"just like that?" she asked with some curiosity in her eyes.
"it's better than completely lose her."
"so? you're okay with that?"
"I guess so..." I paused. "well, for now."
AN: wow! I missed writing this! 1. I was completely entranced with K-ON... 2. Got busy with different things... but now I finished this chapter [yippee].. and honestly.. I don't have any idea what's next.. but one thing is clear.. as long as I'm enjoying this one I would still write.. :)) oh dear! Summer [here in the Philippines] will end soon.. crap! Hardly enjoy it.. and it meant one thing... I'll be entering the hole of the needle just to find time in writing... because classes will soon start on June! T_T wish me luck guys... hope I could find a needle! :)) a hole I mean!
On the fic itself.. well, the *fable told by Youko 'bout the little firefly was not made by me.. it was by someone else.. :)) uhm.. * friends thing? You know.. Youko doesn't want to believe that Sei really loves her (CRAP!) at the same time she doesn't want to lose Sei... so she made that decision... let say got triggered by the dream... and well, Sei too doesn't want to lose Youko in her life... so there... hmmn.. *Kiera.. Mizuno Kiera.. well... I've always think of Youko as a good sister... which is not just a thought but a fact! Hehehe.. so what am I saying is that.. in order for one to be a good or much better sister you need to have a blood-related sis or bro to take good care first.. [just a thought] that's why kiera's character evolved. And well aside from Eriko.. it is stated that Youko always share her life to her one and only sister. *baby Chaia, well... this kid is the apple of the eyes of Youko. She's close with the kid because when she returned to Japan she would spare her time at Eriko's, doing some babysitting.
That's it for now.. hope you enjoy it.. :)