Chapter 10: This changes everything

Hermione was standing outside Harry's room, waiting for him to come back from the briefing. Exactly what she was going to say she didn't know but she had to talk to him before he did something he would regret forever.

When she finally saw him walking down the corridor he had a determined look on his face, before he could say anything she said: "Harry, we need to talk." She looked at him and Harry nodded eyes strangely cold as he opened the door into his room.

Going inside she realized that she hadn't been in here for months; the place was covered with books and hand written notes, everything looking like a hurricane had been through. As she looked at the mess and cast a glance at the work desk she curiously wondered why there were no books or notes on it? And where had he gotten a blossoming branch in this weather?

Harry shifted a pile of books from the room's only chair and offered it to her while he sat down on the edge of the bed, "So what did you want to talk about Hermione?" Hermione hesitated for a while, maybe she should have thought this through beforehand, what was she going to say?

Swallowing hard and whishing that she had brought Ron for support she said: "You can't go after him Harry."

Harry looked confused at her, "Why not, I am the best, if I can't then no one can." It was not bragging and they both knew that, it was just a simple stating of facts.

"Please Harry just let someone else go, you don't have to do everything yourself." Hermione realized that it was not going very well, Harry picked up a random book and started to flick through the pages, clearly not looking at them.

"There is no one else Hermione and we both know it". She started to fidget with her sleeve; was there nothing she could say to change his mind. The obvious of course presented itself, she nervously licked her lips, she supposed that after all this time maybe he might forgive her, she was however far from sure; Harry had grown and changed in the last year, he was not as easy to read as he had once been. But he was still her friend and she could not let him do this, she decided that she would just have to pay the price.

"He loved you." She looked intently at Harry as she said it.

She thought she saw his hands start to shake but all he said was: "I don't know what you are talking about."

"I was hiding in that room one night, I..." she forced herself to just tell him everything; it was too late to back down now anyway.

She finished by repeating herself: "I saw everything and after you left, he said he loved you." She looked intently down at her hands, not daring to look up, at the same time it was as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, keeping the secret had been a burden.

After a while when Harry said nothing she dared a glance, he was looking at her, blushing furiously.

"Oh it's ok, I didn't see too well and ehm I had my eyes closed for most of the time" She started to blush herself and turned her eyes away, a little lie at this point didn't seem so bad really.

Harry seemed somewhat relieved, "Oh, I'm sorry," he said.

This was not how she wanted this to go, "No I am sorry Harry, I was poking my nose into things I had no right to, but I was worried about you." He smiled at her, one of those rare smiles that lightened his entire face and made her think of old times, before the war and everything else had gone awry, she smiled back.

"It is ok Hermione, don't worry".

She got up from her chair and took his hand, looking earnestly into his eyes, "You realize now why you can't do this, ask Dumbledore to send someone else."

Instead of having the effect she had hoped for, the smile died down as if it had never been there: "This changes nothing" he said.

"But Harry, you can't, he loved you, maybe still do, I saw you remember; I saw what he meant for you!" He pulled his hand back, and turned away from her.

"If you would leave now please, I have much to prepare and very little time."

Hermione stood for a second and looked at his unmoving back, realizing that there was nothing else to say and with tears in her eyes she left.

~o~

After the door slammed shut behind Hermione, Harry sank down on the bed desperately trying to make sense of what he had just heard.

Had Draco really said that? He had driven him too hard, too fast and in the end he had scared him off. Why hadn't she said anything earlier? But then would he have listen?

Who he was and what the world had been back then all seemed so distant now and he found it hard to remember. Right now there was only one thing that was still clear in his mind after all that had happened, something he had tried to forget, to purge from himself with hard work but that Hermione's words had brought crushing back. Oh what was he to do, whatever he had said; this changed everything.

~o~

Harry paced back and forth in his room, five steps from wall to wall, desperately searching for a way out of the quicksand he was in. He had realized that he couldn't kill Draco or capture him. The thought of killing him made him turn cold and his stomach trying to turn itself inside out. If he captured him the council would give him potions and cast spells on him until they knew what they wanted, it would destroy Draco to live in captivity like that.

However, he found it hard to believe that Draco would just agree to come of his own free will, and at the same time Harry could not betray everything he and the rest had fought for and all he believed in; the memory of the dead hunted him in his dreams and they would not allow him to give up.

Draco was their chance, perhaps their only chance and time was running out. Soon, if not already they would realize that the trail Harry had put down was false, that Vincent and Gregory had not gone rouge and then Draco would undoubtedly move his base of operations and once more they would be one step behind. Wrecked by the impossibility of his dilemma he walked the five steps back and forth in his room over and over.

~o~

Outside the sun began to set turning the clouds burning red and spilling a golden light over the snow clad landscape. Night was closing in and he was nowhere close to a solution. He had been over every alternative, if only he could get Draco to change sides, but then Draco would never trust him or any of the others. He needed something, something to offer him that would work as security.

He was slowly but surely building up a blinding headache, he stopped in front of the desk and massaged his temples, and his eyes fell on the glass bowl covering the Gorse. Suddenly the bits and pieces feel in place, perhaps there was a way, a way that he wouldn't have to kill Draco and wouldn't have to let the others down.

He hesitated, even if the spell would work, there were many things that could go wrong with this plan. But when he considered them almost all of those eventualities led to him being dead in more or less brutal ways.

He thought back to the last year, the curtain of fear that was lying heavy over the school and most of the country outside, he thought of Ron's burned hand, how it looked and how Ron had screamed when it happened, and he thought of Draco. The fact that there was a chance was in the end enough for him to decide. Ultimately the risk was worth it.