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Chapter 11: Traumatized

'He's kissing me. Why am I not pushing him away?' My eyelids slowly close while I kiss Haruka back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He places his hand behind my head, letting my hair intertwine with his fingers as he pulls me closer to deepen the kiss.

After several seconds of intimate kissing I pull away to get some air. I breathe heavily as he does the same; we stare at each other for a while then begin kissing again. We both knew from the start there was something between us, but neither of us wanted to admit it. I run my fingers through his soft silky hair as he places his body over mine, since I was immobile, and pushes my hair behind my ear, cupping my face with his smooth hands. Then, his knee hits my left leg, and that was the end of it all.

"Fucking shit!" I scream as I shove Haruka off of me while I hold onto my leg.

"I'm so sorry." He scurries up from the floor and hurries over to my aid, but I just raise my hand up to stop him while I feel a small tear forming on the corner of my eyes.

"Please. Don't. Get. Near. Me." I order in sharp tone, my eyes glaring at his. He backs away when he notices my expression, but still gives me a sorrowful glance. I sigh tiredly as I close my eyes and sit back against the sliding door.

Suddenly I feel myself being pulled into an embrace. Without even hearing him move I open my eyes to find Haruka on top of me again, with his knee completely avoiding my leg, hugging me tightly in his arms. Completely caught off guard my body stiffens a bit, but relaxes when I feel his heartbeat beating rhythmically, making me feel lighthearted and airy.

"I want you." He whispers, to what sounds like to me, in a very seductive manner. Appalled by his remark I push him off of me, making him land hard on the floor.

"What the hell? What is wrong with you! Just because we kissed doesn't automatically mean that we're going to have sex! That's not a green light saying: 'Oh wow, if she's kissing me already then she must want to have sex.' No. No. No! I do NOT roll like that!" I burst out at him angrily as hot tears rush down my face without my knowing.

"Wait –," He begins but I interrupt him with more antics.

"No Haruka! I honestly thought you were better than that, but I guess I was wrong. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come here. I should not have kissed you. I'm leaving." I struggle to pick myself up as the pain shoots up from my leg and to my abdomen. I attempt to walk over to the front door, ignoring the excruciating pain, couldn't hold it much longer. I almost fall off balance but I catch myself on the staircase, sobbing like a complete idiot. I cover my mouth as I choke on my sobs uncontrollably.

Those memories came flooding back into my mind of that night. That reckless night that I completely regret ever going to and will never forget.

The smell of alcohol lingered in the air; mix with a musky/sour scent of cigarettes, beer, vodka, and weed. Not a very pleasant smell at all but it got some getting used to as I kept strolling the crowded house full of drunk and high ass people, avoiding any use of liquor, because I did not want to get drunk. This was supposed to be the party of the year as bragged by many, but in my opinion, it was disgusting.

Everyone was making out with each other all over the damn place, nowhere to sit, so that left me just standing and watching everyone doing their thing. I came here with my friend Jennifer since she is the one that begged me to tag along since she didn't want to be left alone; turns out I'm the one that is left alone since she paraded around the house trying to find a good score. Whatever that meant, I really didn't know any of these lingos and didn't want to either. Well I haven't seen her since and don't know where she could possibly be.

Getting completely agitated with just alcohol being only served at this party, I make my way to the congested kitchen, trying to find a cup to grab some water from the fridge. Making my way past everyone conversing with each other, I search for plastic red cups but couldn't find anything. Then I suddenly feel a slight tap on my shoulder that made me jump out of anxiety. I rapidly turn my head around to see who is trying to grab my attention and I then notice a guy that was slightly taller than me with scruffy, wavy dirty blonde hair, nice porcelain complexion, with beautiful ice blue eye embedding themselves into mine. He didn't seem like a threat as he was displaying a red cup in my face with a very cute toothy grin.

I anxiously grab the cup and raise my eyebrows curiously at him. "Uh, thanks. How did you know I was looking for one?"

He smirks down at me while placing his hands inside his faded jean pockets, shrugging his shoulders at me. "I notice you looking around for one and decided to be a nice guy and give you this one that I found in the cabinet."

I was very hesitant to drink from the cup so I examine it thoroughly to make sure there was nothing in there to get me drunk or any roofies. Nothing, so I go to the fridge and get some water from it. I shift my eyes to him and notice he's holding onto his chest, giving me a hurt look.

"Why I am offended that you would have to check to see if I would drug you." He says in a joking manner.

I shrug my shoulders. "Do you blame me? This is a very shady party with a lot of shady people from school." I take a sip from my cup, eyeing him up and down to get a real good look at him, but then I was rudely shoved, spilling some of the water on the floor.

"Hey! Watch where your going dude! You just made me spill my drink!" I turn my head to yell at the person that pushed me, but that was my number one mistake. Because without my knowing while I was getting distracted, the blond guy discretely drugs my drink. After the guy apologized for pushing me, I turn my attention back to the dirty blond.

"So, what grade are you in?" The blond guy starts the questions while we both made our way out of the crowd. I suddenly start to feel a bit dizzy and drowsy. I shake my head as I try to keep my eyes open while talking to the guy.

"I – um," I couldn't concentrate on my words. "I'm going to be a freshman. And you?" He looks at me with a smug grin on his face, but I didn't pay attention to it, as I was trying my best to stay awake.

"Oh, I'm a senior. Hey, how about we head upstairs, it's probably quieter up there." And that was the end of it all. I had no control of my body as I fell into a state of comatose and didn't wake up till the next morning, lying in someone's bed, naked.

I rub my face and my temples, trying to comprehend what had happened. I then feel a sudden unexpected throbbing pain in my private. Petrified by what I might find under the sheets, I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly as I throw the sheets off my body. Completely horrified by my findings I cover my mouth to hold back my screams. There was so much blood that I didn't know what to do. My eyes widen while tears uncontrollably fell down and I choked on my silent sobs.

The lower half of my body felt like it was hit by an 18-wheeler going a 100 mph; I could not move my body. I couldn't even remember anything from last night. Then it hit me. The last thing the blond guy said to me before I blacked out was "I want you", and then he started ripping my clothes off my body. That was my last memory of last night.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. No, this can't be happening. It just can't." I kept crying uncontrollably until a couple of people found me in my state of shock and trauma. I find my eyes set on a bouncy red haired girl and a short brunette haired boy, both looked to be my age, at the doorway.

Still sensitive to what happened to me, I found any little thing a threat. I started to shout indignantly at them to go away but they both reassured me that they were harmless. The curled red haired girl came up to me and covered my exposed body while the boy scrambles my clothes up from the floor and neatly folded them next to me.

"Wh-who are you? And why are you here?" I nervously asked them, still unsure whether I should trust them or not. The girl pulls me into a tight embrace and the boy places his hand on my head.

"My name is Elizabeth and this is Alex. We spent the night here and when we woke up to leave, we heard a couple of guys talking in the living room and their conversation got our attention." The red head began to explain. Then the boy spoke up.

"One thing led to another, we put that guy in his place and came up here to find you." He gives me a heartwarming smile that I still didn't know how to take it as. "We need to take her to the hospital by the way and tell the police." He informs Elizabeth, but I quickly objected.

"NO!" They're both taken back by my outburst, seeing me starting to cry again. "I don't want anyone to know about this. Please. It's embarrassing. Will you do that for me?" I desperately asked them, hanging my head low while holding onto Elizabeth's hand.

They both share a glance and nodded their heads. "Okay." They both hug my tightly and that was the beginning of a new friendship. I knew I was forever in their debt.

I feel Haruka's hand touch me, but I smack it away, not wanting any sympathy. "No! Don't touch me!" I couldn't stop crying and I didn't want to. The memory of that night is just too painful.

Then Haruka grabs me by shoulders and pulls me into a tight embrace, not once letting me go. I struggle to push him away but he holds his stance.

"That's not what I meant! I didn't mean it that way!" He says in between hits that I was blowing to his shoulders out of frustration.

I stop the hitting but not the weeping when he gives me his explanation. I bury my face into his shoulder while he places his hand on the back of my head, soothing my hair back as he picks me up "bridal style" and takes me back to the living room. Gently, he sets my on his couch and moves my bangs out of the way, giving me a worrisome expression.

He then finally asks why I was crying the way I was after I begin to clam down. My lips begin to tremble as I unravel with what happened to me the end of my 8th grade year. His eyes widen, overwhelmed by all the information I gave him. His gaze then softens as he pulls me into another hug, while whispering in my ear.

"I will never do that to you. Never. And I'm sorry I said that, it's not my intention to hurt you in any way. All I meant from what I said is that I want to be with you and I want you to be with me. Only me."

Confused by his request I ask, "What do you mean Haruka?"

Haruka smiles warmly at me, making me feel safe and protected. "I'm not very good at this sort of thing but will you be my girlfriend?"

I stammer at my words, surprised by his question, I smile back at him. Grabbing his face, I kiss him gently then pulled away. "Does that answer your question?"

His eyes brighten when I gave him my response, so he pulls me to lie on his chest and caresses my cheek while pushing my hair out of my wet and sticky face. I felt at ease being with him. I felt restored and I hadn't felt like that in a very long time. I slowly close my eyes while I listen to his heartbeat as it begins to put me in a slumber, but before I did, I hear him say one last thing.

"I will protect you. Don't forget that." At that, I smile one last time, falling into a trance on his chest.

Revised version.