I own nothing.

This one's a whopper! Thanks for being my sounding board, Citrine!

Chapter 12: A Series of Unfortunate Phone Calls

Hatori was buried deep into his medical manuscript when the phone rang the first time. He heroically unearthed himself and picked up his cell.

"Hi Hatori." It was Kisa, his youngest zodiac cousin. She was four years old and so cute that wicked people automatically reformed when they saw her.

"Oh, hello, Kisa. How are you doing?" Hatori asked.

"Kisa's good."

Sometimes it's hard to wrangle a conversation from a little kid, even if they are calling you. But Hatori was good with small children. "Do you have something you want to tell me?" Hatori asked her.

"Uncle Shigure told me that you were lonely. Are you sad?" asked Kisa.

Hatori thought for a second. "Well, I'm not sad, but I do miss the family a lot." Well, some of the family, anyway.

"Can you come home soon?" Kisa asked.

"All right."

Kisa brightened up. "Thanks, Hatori!"

"You're welcome. And Kisa-"

"Yeah?"

"Don't listen to Uncle Shigure. Don't trust him."

"But he gives me candy!"

"Exactly."

"Huh?"

"Just – Just don't. Trust me, OK?"

"OK, Hatori."

She hung up the phone. Obviously Shigure had convinced her to call him to send Hatori a message. What was Shigure trying to say by using Kisa, specifically?

He was contemplating this and thinking about ways to become a better person when he got a second call.

"Shigure, what –"

"It's Hiro." Hiro was perhaps the brattiest five year old imaginable. He got along with Hatori though, as any reasonable person did.

"Did Shigure ask you to call me too?"

"What about Shigure?" Hiro asked.

"Kisa told me that Shigure told her that I was lonely and that she should call me."

"What a jerk!" said Hiro. "If I knew that, I would have told her that he was making it all up."

"So why are you calling me then?" asked Hatori.

"Kisa made me do it. She was crying because she thought you were so sad."

"I'm going to kill Shigure," Hatori and Hiro said in unison.

Hatori heard a crash and a thud from Hiro's end of the line. "What was that?" he asked.

Hiro groaned. "My mom tripped and broke something again. Bye." He abruptly hung up.

Hatori went back to studying his textbook. It had a great diagram of the inner ear, which he started copying and labeling. The phone suddenly rang, startling Hatori so that he accidentally punctured his eardrum.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Hatori! This is Momiji!"

It turned out that his seven year old cousin had been fed the same lies as little Kisa. After Hatori reassured the boy, the conversation turned to Momiji's favorite topic: candy.

"Today I ate a pear made out of sugar," Momiji told him.

"I also ate a pear," Hatori said, hoping that he had misunderstood him.

"I'll send you some," said Momiji. "I hope that you are not missing out on treats because you are in college."

"Thanks, Momiji." The call ended. Momiji was a nice boy. The only one who couldn't stand him was his own mother. How sad.

Immediately afterwards, Haru called. He was also seven.

"What did Shigure bribe you with?" Hatori asked.

"He said he would do one page of homework for me."

Shigure would probably struggle on it too; this was a real sacrifice on his part just to annoy him. "You should check it over before you give it in to the teacher," Hatori said.

Haru sighed. "But the whole point is that I'm too dumb to do it myself. How would I know that he did it correctly?"

"You're a bright young man. You just have to believe in yourself."

"But I'm taking summer school!"

"Really? What are you studying?"

"Physics. And I'm last in my class."

"Aren't the others like, Kureno's age?"

"Yup."

"You're not dumb, Haru. Most kids in second grade haven't learned the scientific method yet. Who knows? One day you could be a great scientist!"

Haru sighed again. "But I'm the cow!"

They argued the sore topic (for the millionth time) for a few minutes until Haru abruptly said, "I have to go now," and hung up.

A few seconds later, the phone rang again.

"Rin, right?" She was nine.

"Hey."

"Ok, what did Shigure bribe you with to annoy me?"

"You don't like me?"

"Of course I do! But he got everybody to call me tonight so I can't study!"

Rin laughed a little. She wasn't emotionally stable because of what her parents had recently done to her. "First off, I didn't know about the plan. Aya gave me a Hot & Smoky Makeup Kit if I called you now. And second off, I did it mostly to bug out those two jerks. Normal parents wouldn't let their kids wear that kind of thing." She paused. "And now that you mention it, if Shigure had tried to buy me out I would have said no just to spite him. He's a piss-off."

"Curiouser and curiouser," Hatori mumbled. "Still, I don't think you should wear makeup that's too old for you. I don't think Akito would approve."

"He doesn't! I love messing him up. He gets so mad he makes himself sick."

"Please don't do it while I'm not home." He wasn't the only family doctor, but he was the best since his father had passed away.

"I respect that. Now, Kagura also has to talk to you. Don't tell them that I'm cutting the convo short, OK?" (Rin was staying at Kagura's house at this point in time.)

"OK."

Kagura's voice came loud and clear over the line. "Hey, Hatori! How are things?" (She was ten.)

"Great. What did they give you?"

"Oh, that. Ha, ha. Aya got me these awesome boots!"

"That's nice," Hatori replied.

"They have metal spikes on them and are made from top-quality leather. Can I tell you a story?"

"Sure."

"After Rin tried on her new makeup today, we went for a walk. This creepy guy was looking at her funny, so I beat him up. It was hard ripping the spikes out of him, though. I'm still getting the skin off of the metal."

"I'm glad that you were with Rin. You're great a martial arts."

Immediately after that conversation, the phone rang yet again.

"Ritsu?"

"I'm so sorry!"

"What did Shigure tell you?"

"I'm so sorry! I should have come with you to the train station yesterday!" Ritsu (age thirteen) was crying and hyperventilating.

"But I told you that you didn't have to come." And it was a lot quieter and calmer because he had listened.

"Shigure said that you missed me and were so upset. I'm so! So! So! Sorry!"

"Don't be. Shigure's lying; the only thing we discussed was how much he and Aya were annoying me."

"Thank you, Hatori!"

Hatori had tried before; he might as well try again. "Why don't you take medicine for your anxiety?" he asked.

"My mother told me that it would be a shame on the family if I took pills."

"That might have been true back in her day, but everyone's on something nowadays. Besides, wouldn't it be worth it if it made you feel better?"

"I'm sorry I'm a failure!"

After a few more minutes of this argument, Ritsu gasped, "I have to go! I'm sorry!" He dropped the phone, sobbing.

The next person to call was Kureno.

"And what did they bribe you with?" Hatori said, trying not to grit his teeth. (This unfortunately common habit is unhealthy.)

"Bribe?"

"How did Shigure get you to call me?"

"He just asked me to." Kureno was sixteen and always followed Shigure around. Shigure was actually his role model!

"Of course," sighed Hatori. It was getting hard not to moan, but he was no whiner.

"Shigure said that he was going to call you, and I do everything that he does. He eats rice, so I eat rice. He reads books, so I read books. He's going to go out with a girl many years younger than he is, so one day I'm going to go out with a much younger girl."

"What?"

"What?"

"What was that you said?"

"Oh, nothing," said Kureno. "I was just saying that I like to do what Shigure does."

"Can't you think for yourself at all?" asked Hatori. It was always worth a try.

"No. I'm absolutely ruled by others and their emotions."

"Good night, Kureno."

"Good night."

Ayame called a minute later.

"Oh, Tori! How are you doing?"

"Listen up, Aya. You. Are. Not. Doing. This. Ever. Again. Got that?"

"But Tori!"

"No. This was annoying and I'm really not happy with you right now."

"But wasn't it so very enjoyable talking to your beloved family again, after such a long parting?"

He had a point. It was nice talking to Kisa and Kagura and Momiji. But there was a line to be drawn.

"I only left yesterday."

"It's felt like forever for us, for me. Oh, Hari! How I miss you!"

Hatori sighed.

"Forgive me, please, my most dear cousin!"

"Look, I'll let this go, but no more pranks, OK?"

"Of course, Hari! Farewell, my beloved friend!"

Guess he had to talk to Gure now. "Goodnight."

The phone rang for the final time.

"Shigure. I'm going to strangle you."

Shigure laughed. "Can you believe it? I got the whole family on!"

"Except for Akito, Yuki, and Kyo, that is?"

"So you want to talk to the cat?" Shigure was laughing at him.

"You had no problem with KYO when we used to babysit him," Hatori said.

Shigure laughed again.

"Listen, Shigure. You are not doing this again. Or any other type of prank."

"Or what?"

"I'll give you shots when I come back."

Shigure whimpered. Hatori hung up on him. It was more menacing that way, and honestly, it wasn't like he had anything else to say to him. He went back to his textbook, relieved that he was free for the rest of the night. He had taken all the calls; his cousins could not reach him further. The rest of the night he would spend relaxing.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

-Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"

I represented the Sohmas as best as I could. I hope this sparks conversations on the attitudes, personalities, and flaws of the zodiac kids. Should I do more chapters like these? There's time enough to be flexible. It's only Monday night in the story, which will continue for at least two more chapters, I think. And then there's the rest of the week.

Also! The one who calls herself "Yuki's Girl" should contact me if she wants a fake name to represent her in the story. (Like Melody, Rosalind, and Stone) Commenting and PMing both work.

Until next time!

Little Stone