A/N: I wanted to thank everyone for their support and apologise for the emotional roller coaster ride that is my fic! So just so you guys know I am well on my way with writing now and I am hoping that I'll have this completed and up by the time the hiatus comes to an end (lets say wishful thinking ;) :P) but yes ENJOY (or try to :P).

The first time she heard him it was the following morning; she heard the knock on her door and then a shuffle. He'd called out saying he'd made breakfast but she didn't move, why should she? He came back later with lunch, then again with dinner but she didn't eat, she didn't even want to move.

This went on for two more days, always the same. He'd say the odd sentence wishing her a good day, asking how she was, pleading with her to open the door, to have something to eat, but she curled up in bed, the world outside forgotten. On the third day, she heard the knock, the usual scuffle of breakfast being placed on the floor and then a thud. She didn't move as she waited to hear him move away.

"We miss you," he said softly. she could just hear his voice through the door. "The house seems different without your presence, well it does to me anyway." She heard a light thump, she presumed it was his head on the door as he leant against it, he clearly must be sat just outside. "You know, we understand your grieving, we do but you need to eat. You are no good to anyone dead." She closed her eyes lying there still. "What would Donna think? She loved you, she'd want you to carry on." Felicity swallowed thickly, but she wasn't here anymore. The one person who was always there was gone, and she was completely alone in this world. Slowly she heard a heavy sigh escape him and a rustle as he clearly pulled himself up, and walked away. She waited a few minutes before she pulled herself out of bed. She finally changed out of the clothes she had been wearing, instead throwing on an oversized jumper as she walked over to the door unlocking it. She pulled the tray in, and lifted it, fresh chocolate chip pancakes awaited her. She picked at them for a bit before she left it outside her door.

She did the same thing at lunch and dinner, each time Oliver sat and spoke to her, told her how the house was coping, how Sara had tried and failed to cook, how she nearly burnt the house down. He spoke of anything and everything. He continued to do it for 2 more days, 2 more days where he just sat and spoke to her through a door.

It was breakfast on the 3rd day, 7th in her room, that changed things. As per usual Oliver knocked, then placed the food down before sitting there.

"Anatoly is arranging the funeral," he whispered it, and she barely heard him. "He's been putting it off in hope you'd come out, but I get it. I've been there, anger, pain... It does fade I promise." She closed her eyes fighting the tears, all that pain she had internalised never to let out started to surface. "He's going to bury her here in Starling, he's chosen all bright flowers just like her he said." She could hear the pain in Olivers tone, hear the sympathy of her pain. He said nothing more as she heard him fumble to his feet, she thought he was going to walk away when she heard him turn. "I just want you to know that it has been 7 days and I'm not going anywhere." She opened her eyes a little, it had been a week since it all happened. "You aren't alone, I'm right here and I'm staying, because I won't give up on you or leave you."

She sat up then staring at the door. She thought she was alone, she thought for sure after everything he'd leave. She had broken his trust, pushed him away after practically forcing herself on him and he had witnessed her retreat into herself but he was there, right outside her door waiting for her to let him in.

"I just want to know you're okay, as okay as you can be... I want to be there for you, you just have to let me," he whispered it so tenderly, and she felt the small sob pass her lips. She closed her eyes and then it hit her, he wanted to be here, he wanted to help her and then her mother's words hit home again, she wanted her to be happy, she wanted her to have more and here was Oliver, waiting for her.

Oliver sighed as he stared at the carved wood, but as per usual he could hear nothing inside. He thought he had heard something moments ago but it had fallen silent once more. He slowly turned away from the door, his heart aching because all he wanted was to comfort her, he most definitely shouldn't want that but he did. He needed to know she was okay. The lock opening caused him to stop in his tracks, he slowly heard the door creak open slightly and then a soft broken whimper, "Oliver."

Instantly he span around, and there she stood in the tiny slither visible. He strode over with a purpose, pushing the door open and engulfed her in his arms. The reaction was almost instantaneous, she sobbed, but not like anything he had heard before. She pressed into his chest, her hands clutching at his shirt as her whole body shook. He pulled her even closer as he pushed the door closed behind him. He could feel her legs starting to shake, and so he pushed back into the door sliding down until she was curled up in his lap on the floor.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here," he whispered reassurances as his hand soothingly rubbed against her back. The tears never seemed to be ending, but he had no plans to be anywhere else. His heart was aching in his chest to see her like this, not because she was broken, but because it was a pain he knew all too well, a pain he wished she didn't have to go through.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but her sobs had started to ease and her grasp had started to loosen. She shifted slightly against him, and he moved his arms to aid her.

"Don't," she whispered, "please don't."

He frowned before placing his arms back around her. "Okay."

She pressed her head under his chin, her nose brushing against his collarbone and she sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"I have everything to be sorry for," she responded. He pulled back a little, staring down at her. He tilted her head up so she was finally looking him in the eyes. Her glasses were gone, her eyes red and puffy but the pain and regret in her blue eyes made his heart ache even more. He lifted his hands to her face, wiping away the lingering tears with his thumbs.

"You don't need to apologise," he replied giving her a half smile.

"Oliver..."

"Felicity, it's okay," he reassured her, placing another kiss to her head, this time his lips pressed onto her forehead and she pushed into it. He pulled back lingering slightly, before he looked at her entire appearance. His eyes roamed up and down; she was wearing a large jumper, her hair was down but pushed back out her face, she had dark circles under her eyes and she looked a little gaunt. Then his eyes shifted across the room, the curtains were drawn, the place was dark and musky.

"I know, I'm a mess... It's a mess," she said gesturing around.

"You're beautiful to me," he whispered, and he saw her cheeks blush slightly as her eyes fluttered shut. "Let me take care of you?" he asked so softly. She looked up at him then, their eyes locking. She bit into her bottom lip because this was it, this was the moment where she had a choice; let him in completely or do it alone. He could see her mind working, see the uncertainty in her eyes, he felt his hands loosening, the silence telling him all he needed to.

"Yes," she breathed out, and suddenly he was lifting her up. His arms secure as he stood whilst carrying her. He watched as her eyes darkened slightly and he couldn't help but appreciate how her body felt pressed against his chest. He manoeuvred around the room with ease, and his heart hammered in his chest when he felt her arms slip around his neck. He walked them into the bathroom, turning on the light before setting her down. She stared at him unblinking as he started to run the bath water. He added the bath salts, then turned back to her.

"Take a bath, soak and relax. I'll be back in a bit," he said softly, she nodded and with that he was gone.

She had slipped easily into the bath, the warm water soothing not only to her skin but to her soul. She realised then she hadn't looked after herself for a whole week, she must look truly dreadful and yet Oliver had told her she was beautiful. She sank further into the water, the bubbles now completely covering her bar her head. She sighed, letting her eyes fall shut because here in this sanctuary, in this one moment everything seemed far away.

She had no idea how long she had been lay there, but a soft knocking had her bolting up. The water sloshed around her but the bubbles still remained there.

"It's just me," Oliver called softly through the door having heard the commotion. "Can I come in?" he asked a little hesitation in his voice.

"Yes," she responded instantly. She grasped the luffa off the side scrubbing at her hands. Then gently rubbing down her arms and across her chest. Oliver stepped in, the door closing with a gentle click but she didn't hear anything more. She turned her head around to glance over her shoulder, he was stood there staring at her bare back, completely frozen in place.

"I... I..." She frowned as he stammered, she started to feel the apprehension running down her spine.

"You don't have to stay in here whilst I... If it bothers you." Her head dropped and then suddenly he was there kneeling on the floor beside her. He was still slightly behind her, as his hand lifted her chin.

"It doesn't bother me... you... you're so beautiful." She could feel the blush spread down her face but his eyes never wavered from hers. She smiled at him and she watched as the small dimples appeared on his face as he returned it. He slowly took the luffa out her hand, he dipped it in the water behind her. "May I?" he asked holding it over her skin. She merely nodded unable to find the words as he gently scrubbed her back. She reached over pulling her hair out of the way so he could brush over her shoulders. She could feel her heart thundering against her chest. The act felt more intimate than she had ever known, no man had ever helped clean her like this. Her eyes slipped closed as she let sensation over take her.

"Oliver..." she whimpered, but then the motion stopped. She flew her eyes open, just to see him reach over to the taps grabbing the shower head. He turned it on, letting the water spray into the bath, some splashing against her back making goosebumps erupt over her skin. She watched as he grabbed for the bottle of shampoo before his eyes locked on hers.

"May-" He didn't even get the words out before she responded.

"Yes, yes please." She nodded at the same time and he beamed then as he stepped beside her once more. She tilted her head back, allowing him to the spray the warm water over her hair. He let the shower head drop into the water as he squeezed some shampoo into his hand. He rubbed them together before he ran his fingers through her golden locks. She sighed as he massaged her scalp, his rough fingertips sending her heart into overdrive. There was something so hot, and yet intimate about Oliver washing her hair, the way he was so gentle with all that power she knew he had. His touch was so tender, yet she knew what he had done to other people with those hands. Her breathing came out a little ragged as he focused solely on his task.

"So, the bed sheets are completely changed, the curtains opened and the room smells more fresh, clothes etc are all in the wash and Raisa will be bringing us meals up here today."

"Us?" she asked.

His hands stopped as he responded, "yeh if that's okay?"

"It's more than okay," she whispered, trying to hold her emotions together, and the gentle spray of the water whilst his hand rubbed the suds away made her moan low in her throat.

"So yeh I thought, we'd stay here till you're ready to go out." His hands gently squeezed her hair, ringing the excess water out as he turned the shower head off placing it back by the taps.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I want to take care of you," he said staring into her eyes. "I need to take care of you," he clarified and she couldn't blink.

"I... I want..." Her eyes closed and then his hand was on her cheek, his thumb rubbing tenderly over her cheekbone.

"There's no rush," he whispered.

"I want to let you in." Her eyes stayed shut as she spoke. "I want to show you the real me, I want you... I want."

"Felicity..." he whispered and then she felt his breath hovering over her lips. She opened her eyes to see him there, his eyes closed waiting for her. So she pushed forward, their lips melding together. She could feel how soft and tender he was. He didn't push her instead letting her lead. After only a few beats passing they pulled apart.

"I want to tell you everything," she said staring into his eyes, they had gone a darker shade of blue as he nodded.

"Whatever you want Felicity," he whispered.

They sat on Felicity's bed, they spoke for hours. She told him all about her mom when she was little, how they moved constantly so that they were safe, she told him all about the food she'd cook or rather burn, of every place they stayed, she told him her mother's favourite everything. Even when they ate lunch, she spoke about how her mom once stole a car just to get them safe. And Oliver sat there, he didn't say a single word as he just let her speak but slowly as she stopped talking about her mom, he could see that she had needed to share that to get to the more personal parts.

By now they were lay on her bed opposite ends but staring at each other, she slowly pulled herself up pulling her legs to her chest. Oliver had noticed it was one of her go to moves, as if making herself into a tight ball would protect her.

"Felicity?" he whispered sitting up scooting closer.

"She never wanted me to be a part of this world."

"I don't think any parent really would want that," he responded.

"I wouldn't want to bring kids into this life," she mumbled into her legs before she lifted her head back up. "She only just told me you know, before she died, she said she didn't want me to join... She just wanted me to be happy." Oliver sat crossed legged in front of her.

"Like my parents..."

"Huh?" she asked.

"They didn't want this life for us, before they died they were trying to find a way out."

"Is that what the watch is about?" He glanced down at his wrist then back at her. "Follow your heart." She reeled it off from memory.

"Yeh, it's a reminder, every day that the reason I'm doing this is for Thea, is so we can get out." She nodded but he could see a little pain behind it. "What happened to make you like this?" He gestured towards her. "I mean, the cold ruthless Captain you portray." She closed her eyes briefly taking a deep breath.

"My first kill," she answered and he tilted his head. "What did you hear? What's the rumours that spread?"

"That you tortured that man, that he came for you and rather than run this time you stood your ground and you tortured him before you killed him." She shook her head. "But I know that's not true, the scar..." He trailed off then as he watched her flinch slightly.

"We were in Vegas, mom had been working in the casinos. When I got home from school there was a man, he was big, tall, muscles." Oliver felt his jaw clench as he realised she was only 15 then, that she would have been smaller and less lean than she is now. "He had my mom, not dissimilar to how Darhk..." She stopped herself blinking as she looked down at her feet away from Oliver, hiding her emotions. He shuffled closer.

"Hey it's okay, take your time." She didn't look up as she continued.

"She was unconscious, and as soon as I walked in he made a lunge for me. I fought, I fought so hard but without the proper training I couldn't... I didn't..." She took another shaky breath and Oliver moved instantly, he was sat beside her his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"What did he do?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"He pulled my shorts down, then he held me by the throat, my back against his chest as he pressed the blade in, dragging it upwards. I screamed and screamed but no one came, no one helped."

"Felicity..."

"He made a mistake though, he got too carried away his hand moved from my throat pulling my tank top down... He was so distracted he never noticed we were in the kitchen, never noticed I could grab the frying pan, the hot one from the stove." His arm tightened around her. "I hit him hard, and I didn't stop hitting as he kicked and lashed out, then the knife flew out his hand and I grabbed it." She held out her arm in front of her, he stared at her as she held it perfectly still. "It took years to be able to do it without shaking, but back then I shook and he laughed at me. He laughed right in my face and he told me no one would ever come for me." Oliver stretched his arm up running his hand down her arm and lacing their fingers together, trying desperately to show her she wasn't alone anymore.

"I will, I will now." He whispered into her ear. He felt the shaky breath leave her tiny frame.

"He stepped forward and I reacted, I stabbed him, and I kept stabbing him, over and over until he dropped." She swallowed thickly. "10 times, and then I don't remember what happened, I just remember my mom and Anatoly, I remember being bought back here to Starling." She shrugged then.

"PTSD?" he asked softly.

"Yeh, I saw a therapist for a bit and Anatoly paid for me to go to MIT."

"Then why did you come back?" he whispered.

"Because whilst I was at MIT, a guy stalked me..."

"Ah."

"From that day, I made a vow, that I would never let a man have that power over me. I wouldn't be allowed to be made to feel weak because I couldn't 'defend' myself."

"So you thought this was better?"

"No, but my father's debts were always there and it was safer for me and my mom." Oliver nodded in understanding. "So I was trained in my spare time, by Anatoly's top men, by classes. I learnt anything, anyway I could."

"Understandable."

"And the rest I presume is very much like your tale."

"Huh?" He frowned down at her as she looked at him.

"You having to step up when your parents died? Training to gain positions here."

"Ah... yeh of course." He nodded his mind wandering to his parents deaths. "I was already trained to defend myself, but I wasn't all that good till after, because then I had someone to defend." She nodded giving him a soft smile. "But the training was tough, as was holding my position."

"I know... I mean I can imagine," she whispered, and slowly she let her legs fall, their still entwined fingers placed in his lap. She turned slightly towards him with a regretful look on her face.

"Felicity?" he asked as she pulled her hand from his.

"I wanted... I'm sorry about the Thea situation." He blinked then not expecting this to be brought up. "I... I don't trust people, it's hard for me because of... some reasons."

"Explain." He tilted his head and he felt his arm slip from her as she pulled away.

"Obviously with that, and the being shot at, being a female leader in this world and because of other circumstances..."

"Other?"

"Remember Cooper?"

"Yes," he answered with a frown.

"You asked if we had history?"

"Yes."

"We do." He nodded waiting for her to continue. "I knew him from MIT, we dated briefly. Then I dated Ray, and a few other guys but Cooper was a bit rough around the edges, and sex... Well it was causal." His jaw clenched once more. "But when I returned to Starling, as I got further involved, Cooper became obsessed. He wanted to be a part of this world, but I didn't want that. He was just... there."

"Right." Was all Oliver managed to get out, and he could see the way she shuffled uncomfortably.

"He wanted more Oliver and I didn't want that, I didn't see him as more than sex, I didn't feel anything like this," she whispered the last part. "So I pushed him away, but he stole some of our information, it was easy to find out with my system but he had used me to get involved in the Bratva."

"What did you do?"

"I took the information back, I threatened him, may have broken his finger." She shrugged then. "He was a nice enough guy back in college, but then the power seemed to get to him. Ray, well Ray could keep him on short leash so I was never concerned..."

"Until now?" Oliver asked.

"Yeh, but it's all official government plans, so I have no idea if he knows."

"Fair point." Oliver nodded.

"But yeh me and Cooper we were never anything serious."

"Good to know," he whispered holding his hand out to her. She took it and he pulled her into his lap.

"And I am sorry about Thea," she murmured. He froze again looking down and he could see it written all over her face how much this was bothering her.

"I get it," he answered.

"No, I... I need you to understand." She closed her eyes pulling back to stare up at him properly. "I can't trust anyone, not even my own men. My father somehow managed to get through my system to send that video link and make that call..." Oliver frowned about to ask when she continued. "I find it hard to trust anyone but I trust you," she whispered. "I trust you now, and I know it doesn't make up for the fact I sent someone to watch Thea but I am glad I did, more so because Roy will protect her with his life. It's one thing I can promise out of all this mess." Oliver's hands banded around her as he pulled her in for another hug. He felt her arms banding around him the smell of her shampoo assaulting his senses and he smiled into her hair.

"I forgive you," he whispered and he felt her smile against his chest.

"Oh... one more thing." She pulled back her hands landing on his wrist. He frowned as she pulled the watch off him, and then proceeded to pop the back open.

"Did you put a tracker in my watch?" he asked as she pulled the small device out.

"Sorry," she mumbled blushing once more. He laughed a little then, shaking his head because it didn't matter now, she was letting him in and that's exactly what he had needed to do, but now he wanted to as well. He closed his eyes briefly as she slipped the watch back on, her delicate fingers making his heart beat wildly. He was going to be in so much trouble, but as he held her closer, none of it mattered because he wanted her, even though he shouldn't, couldn't be falling for her, he knew deep in his bones he was and that only served to complicate everything he had been working towards. He swallowed thickly as she placed a kiss into the hollow of his throat.

"Thank you," she whispered against his skin, as he felt her relaxing completely against him.

"Thank you too." He hummed against her hair, and as he glanced down he could see her eyes closing everything catching up with her. "Go to sleep," he whispered. He moved slightly to lay her down and her eyes shot open, her hands clutching his shirt.

"Don't leave me," she rushed out. He stopped moving her, instead he lay down with her so she was curled into his side.

"I'm right here," he replied.

"Stay," she whispered her eyes fluttering shut as she yawned pressing further into his side.

"I won't go anywhere tonight."

"No, stay... forever," she mumbled it, and his breath caught in his throat. He closed his eyes, then when he looked back at her she was sound asleep. He let out a shaky breath, he wanted to stay in that moment forever because he knew, he knew that with their lives this wouldn't end well, but he was so helplessly screwed and he couldn't help himself as he whispered.

"I'll try."