The world is cloudy. The pounding in my head has become the only way to tell I'm still alive. My limbs shake. The plates of food set in front of me are carried away still full of whatever was being served. Moving hurts. Sleeping hurts. I wait for the sound of a hovercraft but it never comes. Finnick doesn't leave my side. I barely notice him. In my mind he is Gale.
"Hey," he says gently, bringing me a cup of some kind of steaming liquid. "Mags is worried about you."
Mags has been over at the house ever since I stopped eating. I think Finnick called her to act as some kind of nurturer for me…possibly to try to give me the will to live again. How can I live when I know that just because he is friends with Katniss the Capitol could come and kill Gale?
"Are you worried about me?" I ask rolling over to rest my head on Finnick's chest.
"If I wasn't I wouldn't be here Horne. Something that happened on that screen killed you. You aren't the girl that landed here a week ago," he answers, fingers gently pulling through my hair.
I push myself up my lips crashing against Finnick's. They're soft and warm. My tongue runs along them and they taste like honey. His fingers tangle in my hair pulling my face closer to his as our tongues touch. I'm on top of him, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor. The nightdress I've been wearing is ripped down the front, hands running up my side, across my breast and landing on my cheek. I'm gently flipped over, Finnick hovering over me. His lips move to my neck and I let out a moan. This is the only time I can feel anything.
I fumble with the button on his pants, pushing them down his legs first with my hands and then with my feet. He rolls away for a second to kick them off. I grab a fistful of his hair pulling him back to me. His hips work against mine, our breathing heavy.
"We can't keep doing this."
"You instigated it," Finnick smirks tracing a vein up and down my arm.
"You let me. How can you sleep with me knowing that Annie is across the street?"
"You are beautiful Horne, anybody with eyes can see that. I don't have to love you to want to sleep with you. I'm sure that doesn't sound appropriate but that's what Snow has done to me."
I nod, feeling myself slip into the numbness again.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Finnick asks.
"I love someone back in 12. He's in love with Katniss…"
"Peeta?" Finnick interrupts.
"No, his name is Gale. Snow's going to destroy him if Katniss slips up even once. I can't imagine a world without him in it."
"You can't just stop living Horne. What would Gale say if he saw you like this?"
"He wouldn't even recognize me. I've never been weak in front of him. I can't be. He needs me to be strong for him."
"Will you come to the Capitol with me?"
Finnick's question catches me off guard. I can't just waltz into the Capitol. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Please? I want you to get to see what it's like. We'll buy you some fancy Capitol clothes I'll take you to all the parties. It's only for a few days. I promise you no one will think anything of it. I'm with someone different every time I'm there."
"What about Annie? Won't she be upset? Shouldn't you bring her?"
Finnick sighs and rolls over onto his stomach. I trace a scar running down his arm. I've not asked but I'm assuming it's from his time in the arena. "Annie won't step foot in the Capitol. If I even mention it she loses it…has fits, her nightmares get worse. I would never want to bring her there."
"You promise you'll keep me safe?"
"No one there will find out what you're really here for. I'll be by your side every moment of the day…and the night if you want," Finnick finishes with a wink.
I shove him in the shoulder, smiling for the first time since the night I arrived. "Why do we get along?"
"Because in our own way the Capitol has destroyed us. I'm a slave to Snow and you're a slave to whoever is running the rebellion whether you want to admit it or not. But regardless the situation the Capitol is to blame."
"Her name is Coin. Sometimes I'm more scared of her than Snow."
Finnick gets out of the bed locates his pants and pulls them up over his muscled legs. He moves over to my side and presses his lips to my forehead, "I'm truly sorry. We'll leave tomorrow morning. Don't shut down on me again."
The bag of clothes that Coin sent me with is sitting in the corner. I've not opened it since I'd gotten here. The zipper slides open easily. Inside are multiple sets of black pants and light blue shirts. There is a silvery dress and heels as well. A new pair of combat boots has been packed along with a lightweight leather jacket. I wonder where they got all of this.
I put clothes on and wander into the dining area. Mags' face lights up when she sees me. I sit down across from her, smiling back. She gestures towards the various plates of fish and vegetables set out across the table. I fill up my plate. Mags is a good person. I'm glad she isn't the one that Coin has chosen to go back in.
The next morning Finnick gets me up before sunrise. I pull on my black pants and the same blue shirt I wore yesterday. The leather jacket that was put inside of my duffle bag is pulled on quickly as a piece of toast is handed to me and I'm ushered out the door. Finnick is on edge, his eyes seeming to dart in every direction at once. He jumps at noises I'd think he'd be accustomed to.
"Are we supposed to be going to the Capitol?"
"Of course. I'm expected."
"You're jumpy this morning."
"I didn't sleep well last night."
"Why?"
"Nightmares. Yours and mine."
"Sorry," I mumble feeling ashamed of myself for still having them after all these years. They should've faded by now. I should've stopped caring. Snow has a way of getting under your skin and into your bones. Once he's there he doesn't seem to be blocked out very easily. He's like poison running through your veins.
"Hey, whatever happened you're safe now. You're on the right side."
"Yeah," I answer back as we near the car that is going to take us to the train station. My reply doesn't even convince me.
Finnick doesn't respond.
Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm really going to try to keep updating this as frequently as I can. I'm on break from college right now so that should definitely help. Please remember that your comment are always welcome and suggestions will be considered when I am writing. Your constructive criticism is also welcome. Love Horne? Hate Horne? Let me know :)