Title: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder 12/17
Author: EdieZee
Rating: PG-13, possibly R later
Based on: TV series
Relationships: Damon/Elena
Disclaimers: I do not own anything. If I did, she would have chosen Damon.
Summary: As promised, Damon leaves town after Elena chooses Stefan.

Chapter 12

"I will always choose you." – Damon, "As I Lay Dying" (2x22)

"He is not a lover who does not love forever." - Euripides

Shortly after Damon and Lucy Left, Stefan called Liz, who ran into the boarding house only minutes later. She clearly needed to see for herself that her daughter was OK. The others dispersed to give them some privacy.

Elena told Jeremy they should go home for the evening. Stefan immediately started walking to the car, ready to escort her home like usual. Before she could stop herself, Elena raised a hand, stopping him from getting into the car.

"You should stay here. Make sure Caroline is OK."

Stefan's brow furrowed in confusion. "She's fine. And her mom's here."

"We'll be fine on the ride back, Stefan," Elena quickly said, as if she hadn't even heard him. She leaned forward and pecked the corner of his mouth with her lips. "See you tomorrow."

Elena sat in the driver's seat, careful not to look back at her boyfriend. She knew she was acting oddly, but she couldn't help it. She had to get away from him for awhile. She had to be alone for a little while.

She knew it was just jealousy that was making her feel this way. She really did care for Damon – she had told him as much – and it hurt to see him with someone else. But what she didn't know was why she was really jealous. Was it because she just didn't want someone else to have him?

Or…was it because she wanted him?

Elena knew she shouldn't even be having these thoughts. She had chosen Stefan; she had told herself that she would push aside all feelings for Damon. It was harder to do that now that he was here – with Lucy – but it could still be done. She just needed to be stronger…

But, for tonight, she needed to give in to the pain and the jealousy. And she couldn't do that with Stefan around.

Luckily Jeremy seemed to pick up on her mood. The two of them didn't speak the entire drive home. Elena turned off the car and practically ran up to her bedroom, closing the door and locking it behind her. She didn't even turn on the light as she crossed the room and climbed onto the bed. Rolling onto her side, she clutched the extra pillow to her chest and held it tightly as the tears came.

When she woke up the next morning, Elena felt horrible. She had cried herself to sleep, and the pillow under her was still damp. She hadn't even changed out of her clothes. Even worse, she realized that her hope that giving in to the crying for one night would get it out of her system hadn't worked. She was still just as upset as she had been, and her heart felt like it was still being torn in two.

With a sigh, she pushed herself up off the bed and dragged herself into the bathroom. She had to make herself look presentable, if she was going to be able to convince herself, Stefan, and Damon that she was fine with the way things were.

She spent longer in the shower than she should have, trying to scrub away her thoughts. Strangely, it wasn't thoughts of Damon and Lucy that were plaguing her; instead it was thoughts of what could be. She couldn't stop herself from fantasizing about phantom conversations in her head: one where she told Stefan she loved him but needed Damon, one where Damon expressed his love for her and said he never cared for Lucy at all. In her imagination, those conversations all ended well, with no one's feelings hurt, which obviously could never happen in real life…

The water ran cold long before Elena's mind gave up on its fantasies. Wrapping herself up in her most comfortable robe, Elena walked in a daze back to her room. She jumped back in shock at the sight of Stefan sitting on her bed. Holding a hand to her chest, she tried to calm her racing heart and hoped he couldn't tell by her guilty expression what she had been thinking and crying about all night.

They caught each other's eyes, and Elena couldn't help the surge of grief that went through her. Things had been so much easier before Klaus, before she and Damon had gotten close – back when her fantasies were about Stefan and she didn't feel this conflict in her heart.

Elena thought back to the time Katherine had told her that she had loved both brothers too. Katherine probably thought that she had loved both of them, even though it was clear that she had never loved Damon as much as she had loved Stefan. Katherine had used Damon, but she had easily chosen Stefan instead. Elena couldn't help but wonder if the reason she was having such a harder time staying true to her choice of Stefan was that, unlike Katherine, she – deep down – wanted to choose Damon instead.

Damon. Love. The two words didn't seem to belong together. She could never bring herself to use those words to him. She cared about him. That's what she always said both to him and to herself.

But…even if the word wasn't said, that didn't mean the emotion wasn't there.

The realization almost knocked her backwards, and she suppressed it just as quickly. She couldn't think about that right now – not when Stefan was sitting on her bed right in front of her. She had to deal with that first…

Forcing a smile to her face, Elena walked quickly over to Stefan and leaned down to kiss him. She was so wrapped up in her own guilt that she didn't think too much of the fact that he pulled away first. Turning away from him, she grabbed her hairbrush and started to work at the tangles the shower put in her hair. She glanced up at Stefan's reflection in the mirror. He was staring at her, a strange, unreadable expression on his face. When he saw her looking at him, he offered a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Much like he had been the first to pull away from the kiss, he was also the first to look away now. With Stefan not watching her, it was easier for Elena to truly look at him. She watched him look down at his hands and take a deep breath. Her heart clenched as he cleared his throat.

"I think we need to talk about this," he said so softly she could barely hear him.

The words "talk about what" threatened to jump out of her throat, but she bit them back. It was the least she could do for him, to not pretend that everything was OK anymore.

"Elena…," Stefan finally looked up at her again, and his face was twisted with pain. Tears sprung up in Elena's eyes and the fantasy of this all ending with no one hurt vanished for good. "I love you-"

"I love you too," she said quickly, interrupting him. She needed that said; she needed him to know that.

Stefan half-smiled, rubbing his brow. He sighed again. "I know, Elena. I know you do. But…I also know that you're not happy, and you haven't been happy for a long time."

Elena put her hairbrush down, the tangles forgotten, and turned around to face Stefan. She folded her hands on her lap and sat quietly, waiting for him to continue. She was afraid that if she talked again, she would try to stop this conversation from happening.

And – as hard as it was – this conversation had to happen.

"Damon…" Stefan's voice was strained as he struggled with saying the name of the person who almost seemed to be a third person in the room. However, the mere fact that the name was finally said seemed to release some of the tension that had been in his body. He seemed more relaxed now, able to finally say what he had come to say. "Damon is a good man, Elena. I never thought I'd say that, and even a couple years ago, I wouldn't have. I always liked to pretend I was better than him because of the choices I've made and the choices he's made. But…choices aren't the only things that matter. And Damon is a good man. In many ways, he's a better man than I am."

Stefan paused again, taking another deep breath in a clear attempt to gather strength for what he was about to say next. He finally met her eyes again. "If I have to lose you, I'd be OK with losing you to him."

A hot tear trickled down Elena's cheek and she reached up to wipe it furiously away. She felt like vomiting. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, Elena opened her mouth but nothing came out for a moment. Finally, she croaked out around the tears building in her throat, "I can't lose you, Stefan."

Stefan stood, crossing over to her in a couple quick steps. He knelt down in front of her and grabbed her hands with his. Looking up at her, he said softly and firmly, "You are not going to lose me, Elena. I will always be here for you."

"But…"

"I will always be here for you," Stefan repeated.

"Damon said he would never leave me…"

A tiny, sad smile quirked at the corners of Stefan's lips. "I'm not Damon."

An involuntary laugh escaped around the sobs that were now racking Elena's body. Stefan stood, wrapped his arms around her, lifted her and carried her to her bed. They laid next to each other, his body wrapped around hers, for what seemed like an eternity. Elena's sobs eventually faded, and Stefan surreptitiously reached up to wipe away the tears that had fallen from his own eyes. He didn't want her to know he had been affected to, so that it wouldn't start her crying again.

"Just…don't let him rub it in my face too much," Stefan said lightly, trying to inject a little humor into the situation.

Elena laughed bitterly. "I think you were forgetting something during this whole conversation, Stefan."

Stefan paused for a second, clearly unsure of what Elena was talking about. "You love him; he loves you. What's to forget?"

"He loved me, Stefan. Or at least he said he did. He moved onto Lucy pretty quickly for me to believe that's actually true."

Stefan snorted. "Elena, I know my brother. Maybe he is with Lucy. That doesn't mean he isn't in love with you. He doesn't fall out of love that quickly – we both know that."

Elena hesitated, trying to not let his words spark hope inside of her. "He didn't fall out of love with Katherine that quickly, you mean. You've both reminded me a million times: I'm not Katherine."

"No, you're not," Stefan acknowledged in a matter-of-fact voice. "But why do you think I've been jealously warning him away from you for almost as long as you two have been friends…? Even back then, I knew it. I could tell. He loves you more than he ever loved Katherine. And that's what always scared me."

Elena was quiet for so long that Stefan figured she was done talking to him about it. Finally, she pulled herself out of his arms and into a sitting position. Rubbing her hands over her face, she sighed again. "Just drop it, Stefan."

Sorry for the longer wait for this chapter than usual. Real life might get in the way for the next couple chapters/ days.