Hers: Heart
Hisana's gaze flitted to the garden. As to Sōjun's liking, the door to the garden was ajar. A flicker of movement pulled her eye, and she looked askance.
Byakuya stood at the diverted stream. He extended his hand to his betrothed, a lovely, delicate woman, as she teetered on the large pebbles lining the bank of the stream. She lifted her head and blushed at his act of kindness then she flicked her fan open and hid her smile behind the expertly painted leaves.
Byakuya shot her an uninterested stare before releasing her hand and turning to view the carp. His lips moved, but Hisana could not hear his words over the light breeze. It is no use, she thought dolefully to herself. Byakuya was with the one with whom he belonged, and she could not deny the fact that Lady Fujibayashi was very lovely. She looked like a finely painted doll. They would have beautiful strong heirs together.
Her heart strangled and sank at the thought of their marriage and impending children. She hated how reasonable she could be at times. Her pragmatism had talked her into quite a few bad ideas. Still did.
Shaking the string of thoughts aside, she turned to Sōjun. "You know my feelings on cloistering yourself from all that you love," she muttered softly, responding to Sōjun's previous question. Her voice carried an edge to it, piercing the air and its intended.
Sōjun lifted his gaze from the letter. "Do you think it is wise?" he asked again, displeased with her barbed response.
Pulling the needle through the loom, she nodded her head. "Yes," she stated more clearly, handing him the needlework. Without a word, Sōjun bent down and tied the loose thread for her. She gave her work an onceover, and, satisfied, she looked up at the lord, sensing he needed more convincing. "You are potent, lively, possess a good heart and a keen intellect, and you are good company. Captain Ukitake is lucky to share your grace for tea."
"I am ill," he said quietly, bending down his head to whisper the words in her ear.
Hisana smiled at his sudden closeness as if he was exposing a deeply guarded secret. "The worst that could happen is that you would catch a cold."
"Then, where would I be?" he asked drily.
Hisana's half-smile morphed into a grin at his mordant humor. "Unhappy and alone with only me to keep your mind occupied. I could not imagine a worse fate."
"I could," he murmured, leaning closer.
Air, harsh and sharp, filled her stomach as it had when she glimpsed Byakuya training in the courtyard that fateful day. Her heart spiked in her chest, and she felt her whole body flush with heat.
"You are blushing," he teased, gently.
"It is the tea," she murmured, raising her brows and taking another sip.
Sōjun gave a long shake of his head. "Of course. The tea."
"It is very warm," she said defensively.
He smiled through his obvious disbelief. "I could ask my personal servant to chill it next time." He reached up and stroked her pink cheek with his thumb. Catching a stray tress, he tucked it behind her ear.
"How is Sir Byakuya taking to his betrothed?" Hisana asked, eyes dropping to her lap as she took another sip from her cup.
Sōjun inclined his head as he studied the couple through the door. Byakuya stood with his back to Lady Fujibayashi, who was trying desperately to hold his attention. She whirled her parasol for a moment, and, when that did not garner his gaze, she threaded her arm through his. Byakuya startled at her touch, and he quickly retracted from her, as if her presence smarted him. He shook his head, and the space between them increased.
"Not well," Sōjun sighed. "Not on account of Lady Fujibayashi, however. She has been a perfectly doting fiancée. Byakuya," his voice trailed as he considered his son's behavior.
"Sir Byakuya?" Hisana continued, eyes flickering to Sōjun's countenance. The elder Kuchiki appeared to be editing his thoughts.
"Byakuya," Sōjun sighed, "is… Well…" Again, his voice dipped as he considered the appropriate description for his son's indifference. "He is… restless."
Hisana stared into her tea, glimpsing her reflection in the liquid as his words rolled off her. "Oh?" She feigned ignorance.
Sōjun smiled at her. "I suppose you were more successful at centering him."
The words set her blood aflame. Shock jolted her back into ramrod position, and her eyes widened. "Huh?" she gasped, inelegantly.
Sōjun shot her knowing look. "He seemed tamed in your presence. Perhaps you could offer Lady Fujibayashi assistance?"
"I don't know about that." Denial flooded through her, locking her mind and shielding her heart. "I think Lady Fujibayashi just needs to learn more about him. Nothing time won't fix."
"He misses your company." Sōjun's gaze darkened at that admission, and his smile dimmed.
She elevated her gaze, tracking Sōjun as he stood. He wore his resignation with such effortless grace. Wordlessly, he extended her a hand and helped her to her feet. "He has no further appointments after ten-o'-clock tonight," he whispered into her hair before brushing a soft kiss against her forehead.
Hisana lifted her head. "I don't," she began, unable to finish. Her large eyes searched his, uncomprehending. Why tell me that?
He nudged her head up and smiled. "I think you would make a lovely wife." His breath, warm and smelling of honey and green tea, ghosted across her lips as he spoke.
For the second time that day, she felt a searing heat creep across her cheeks, burning them and staining them a bright pink. "Sir Kuchiki," she murmured, lowering her head, but he caught her, and tilted her chin back up.
He dipped his head down, narrowing the precious little space between them. "Go to him then," he whispered, eyes trailing to her lips.
She trembled. His words. His gaze. His proximity. She did not know what to make of it all. It seemed so vague, and he acted as if she could interpret all of the veiled meanings with great ease. She did not.
"Father?"
Sōjun turned to an uncomprehending Byakuya. The young lord's face said it all: He was stricken. His complexion was a ghastly pallor, and his lips parted slightly. His eyes, however, gave him away: wide yet unseeing as he stared at the two, speechless.
Hisana shook imperceptibly under her robes. Ice seemingly replaced her warm blood, and her neurons sparked and crackled under her skin. For a few seconds, her mind went blank. Had Byakuya misinterpreted the innocent gesture?
She felt as if she had received a very powerful shock that had short-circuited her entire brain. The humiliation was simply too much for her to bear, but she was quick to shove the feeling deep into the pit of her stomach. Each time it rose, threatening to surface, she internally pushed it back down.
Straightening his posture, Sōjun broke the tense silence that blanketed the room, "Byakuya, do you wish to speak with me?"
Byakuya stood stricken for a few moments longer, as if he was trying to make sense out of it all, but his mind was unable or unwilling. "It can wait," he managed weakly before turning on his heel.
Hisana watched the young lord depart, and she drew in an uneasy breath. The feelings of dreaded guilt were quick to replace her humiliation.
Sōjun turned to her, an apology written on his lips, but, before he could, she interrupted him. "Let me fetch your coat, milord." She needed a digression. Any would have done the trick.
Wordlessly, she helped him dress. Her fingers knew the necessary knots, the folds, and the tugs. Observing his form to ensure that she had not missed a wrinkle, she glanced up at him. "You look handsome," she said shyly, diverting her gaze to her feet. Her eyes had already caused enough trouble for the day.
"You are too kind," he replied, adjusting his collar more to his liking. "Please—"
"No," she blurted out before he could finish. "It is forgotten." When she glanced up at him again, all she could see was his conflicted features—a mixture of want and shame.
"You remind me so much of my wife. At times, I just—"
Hisana inhaled a shaky breath and hung her head. "You do not have to explain yourself, Lord Kuchiki."
He took a small step toward her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "There is no need for that," he said softly, gently.
Hisana solemnly nodded her head. "You should be going." She managed a cracked half-smile, and she bowed deeply.
He stood unmoved for a minute. Pensive? Confused? Hisana was not sure which emotion played across his face. Perhaps both.
He departed in a blur of motion. The steward of the house along with four attendants escorted him to the Thirteenth. Hisana bid a silent fair well as she watched his palanquin pass through the manor's gates.
She remained braced against the doorframe until she could no longer see the retinue of servants through the trees and brush. "A thousand years," she said quietly to herself before stepping behind the threshold and sliding the door shut.
Whatever comfort she found in her solitude was quickly replaced when she turned to face Byakuya. Startled, her hand shot up to the collar of her kimono. "Many apologies, I did not—"
"I request your charge papers," he stated, deadpan.
It took a moment for her to process what he was asking. "My papers?" she echoed before realizing his intention. He wanted to discharge her from her services.
"I wish to dismiss you."
She swallowed hard. "I don't think you have the authority to dismiss me, milord." Her voice was both soft and warm as she made the observation. "But, I do apologize deeply if you found my conduct improper." A shade of contrition wrinkled her features. Expression, however, nowhere mirrored the intense pain that assailed her heart.
A stormy look crossed his face, setting his eyes and clenching his jaw. Even his fingers curled into balls by his side. "You seduced my father!" His voice sounded pointed and sharp, but it stopped short of a yell.
Hisana tucked her chin to her neck and held her breath. Rather, it felt like a great impact had ripped the air from her lungs, but she repressed the urge to gasp. Gasping was undignified. "I do not believe I possess the power to seduce your father," she replied in a calm measured cadence. On the inside, however, she felt explosive. Emotion rose in her chest and bled out from there. She could almost taste her anxiety and guilt.
"He is weak, and you seduced him!" he accused her again, but this time the attack felt more personal. His voice, usually so confident and strong, broke. His face, once set in a look of muted disgust, belied his anger and grief.
There was something about Byakuya's use of the word "weak" that made her uneasy. She had the distinct feeling that he was not referring to his father's health but, rather, to his father's unwillingness to dedicate himself fully to the Sixth. "He is weak of body but not of heart," she spat, defensively. Her gaze flicked up from the floor, and stopped when she met his eyes. "His heart is true and steadfast."
"He is weak," Byakuya growled with a sour expression.
"What is physical strength without a noble heart? All the strength in the world is meaningless without a strong heart to guide it. Absolutely meaningless." Words continued to spew forth in her mind, tingling in the back of her throat, but she steeled her tongue. "Impotent," was the one word that escaped her mental lock down. Afraid that she would inflame the young lord further, she turned on her heel.
"Do you love him?"
She stopped dead. Horror or embarrassment—possibly both—fell over her, blotting out her thoughts until all that was left was a jumbled mess. Her heart, her feelings, her ability to comprehend the expression that poured out of him escaped her. His simple question left her unraveled.
Between the sting of anger and the chill of mortification, she had turned to face him. He stood defeated, or, as she imagined he would look after a staggering defeat. His shoulders sagged. His head lowered. His gaze trailed to the floor. Even his countenance—usually so refined with features so fortressed—blackened. Pain streaked his face, creasing his brow and bending the corners of his mouth down.
"I admire and respect your father," she said, restraining her voice to a whisper. "He is a good man."
"I don't love her," he said defensively as if Hisana had accused him of such a thing.
She stared at him, dumbstruck.
Perhaps, she had leveled a silent accusation his way a day ago, when she saw Lady Fujibayashi crossing into the hallway from his room. Lady Fujibayashi had appeared out of sorts then, all fleeting glances as she glanced back into the room. Her smile was thin and broken, and she seemed jittery, like a newborn deer taking its first steps. Hisana had assumed, perhaps unfairly, that the two had been engaged in the most intimate of acts.
Maybe they had been so disposed?
No one ever told Hisana that an affectionate heart was a necessary ingredient for such behavior. Indeed, the brothels and red light districts that littered Rukongai led her to believe that sex could exist perfectly separate from genuine feelings or emotions.
"I never," she began, but her voice failed her. Her heart slammed into her chest, stealing her breath before she had finished her thought. An unconscious survival mechanism elicited the adrenalin and stammering heart.
"Sir Byakuya," a meek feminine voice called. It was canorous and breathy, as if she was straining to speak above a whisper.
Hisana's gaze swept down the corridor, waiting with baited breath for the Lady to round the corner and to emerge from the shadows. Byakuya, however, did not move. His eyes glued to Hisana, and his back remained turned toward his betrothed.
"Lady Fujibayashi," Hisana gasped and moved to bow, but Byakuya clamped hold of her shoulder, preventing her. His hand squeezed the top of her arm so tightly that his fingers sank into her supple flesh.
The Lady stepped into the dim light before lethargy set her still. She was small, but she was fleshy in a feminine sort of way. She possessed all the gentle round slopes of a proper woman. Her hips and breasts curved out, and her waist sank in. Her stature was very different from Hisana's slender grace. "Hello," she said belatedly upon finding Hisana in the darkness of the corridor. It took Lady Fujibayashi a few moments to register Hisana's face, but, when she did, an audible gasp climbed up her throat.
"I am Hisana," Hisana murmured, bowing her head. "Lord Sōjun's nurse."
"Of course," Lady Fujibayashi replied as if Hisana needed no formal introduction. She already knew, and whatever knowledge she had received perturbed her. "I have been meaning to speak with you."
For the first time since Lady Fujibayashi entered the passageway, Byakuya turned to acknowledge her with narrowed eyes and a blank expression. The Lady did not wither or cringe on receiving his stare. Likely, she had inured to his frosty looks, days ago.
"Oh?" the ugly noise fell out of Hisana's mouth.
"Yes," Lady Fujibayashi began before Hisana could find the proper words, "I suffered a small tumble yesterday, and I am afraid that I have injured myself. Would you mind examining it?"
Hisana shook her head. "Not at all, Lady Fujibayashi."
Byakuya was slow to let Hisana's arm slip from his grasp, but, once his release was complete, the warmth fled from her skin, and she turned, unwittingly, to bid him a silent adieu.
Lady Fujibayashi led her to her private room, and immediately, she dropped to the floor. "I have heard much about you," she said tersely as she pulled up her hem.
Hisana's heart fluttered at the darkness of the Lady's voice. "Is that right?" She was beginning to believe that the servants had been less than generous in their descriptions of her.
"Yes. You are an expert healer of the Fourth, and Sir Byakuya is very solicitous of your attention." Her words were quick and pointed.
"I think the truth has been aggrandized on both accounts," Hisana replied, taking seiza in front of the Lady.
"What was happening between the two of you in the hall? It seemed very unlike Byakuya's treatment of the other servants in the house."
Hisana pressed her lips together to keep her composure. She did not fancy herself a Kuchiki servant, having obtained a ranked position at the Fourth. She was a professional, performing a duty in which she had little choice. In fact, this assignment to the Kuchiki House felt more like a typical assignment issued at the behest of the Fourth. The only difference was that she performed her function at a private estate rather than at the Relief Station.
Pushing all those thoughts aside, Hisana inhaled a deep breath. "Sir Byakuya has been on edge as of late. I believe he feels for his father's sake."
Lady Fujibayashi's lips twisted; she was clearly dissatisfied with the response. "I don't think that is the case at all." Yanking up the material, she exposed a deep reddened gash that extended from her knee to the mid-point of her thigh.
"Oh my!" Hisana cried, leaning down to inspect the laceration. "How long have you had this wound?" Hisana could have taken a wild guess, but, judging by the red streaking of infection, the Lady had sustained the injury many days ago.
"I don't know. Shortly before I came to the manor."
"But you said," Hisana began thoughtfully.
"Of course I lied. If I had told you that I had suffered the damage before I arrived, Sir Byakuya would not have allowed you to serve me."
Hisana's brows knitted together at such logic. "Why?"
"Because I did not receive the wound here. They are not liable to waste resources on injuries sustained outside the house."
"I don't think Sir Byakuya is so doctrinaire."
Lady Fujibayashi's lips curved up. "I don't think you've ever had the pleasure of meeting the same Byakuya that I have endured this last week."
Hisana's eyes widened before quickly drifting back to the wound. Extending her hands over the gash, she released some reiatsu. The injury took well to her healing kido, closing nicely as she moved up the leg. Only a small scar was left in her wake.
"Yes, Byakuya has been less than inviting toward me, and I have tried everything."
"He likes calligraphy and haiku. He prefers the natural history to love poems. He prefers the sea to the forest. He likes spicy foods, and he is unbearable unless he takes his evening strolls. Typically, he takes his walks at twilight, and he goes alone." The list just rattled off Hisana's tongue. Part of her suspected that was why Lady Fujibayashi wanted to speak with her—to learn more about Byakuya's preferences.
The Lady smiled at Hisana. "My, you've become an expert on him. Haven't you? And here I thought your purpose was to serve Sir Sōjun."
"I trained Sir Byakuya in kido for a brief period."
Lady Fujibayashi's wicked look deflated at Hisana's explanation. "So you learned all of that through kido lessons?"
"No. I learned most of it through observation."
"I see. So, the way to his heart is through calligraphy and poems?"
Hisana shook her head. "I do not know the way to Sir Byakuya's heart. It would be unfair of me to presume much about the Lord. I merely listed his preferences. If you wish to reach him at all, it will have to be on his terms."
Lady Fujibayashi frowned. "Let go, in other words?"
Hisana stared at her, not quite understanding the woman's words.
The Lady heaved a long sigh. "I don't think I have enough time before he makes his decision. Tell me, Hisana, is he a passionate man?"
Hisana nodded without hesitation. "He is."
"Tell me, then, what does he prefer in bed?"
Hisana railed against the question. Every muscle tightened, and she recoiled as if the Lady's words had caught the room on fire. Clearly, she had misinterpreted the manner in which Lady Fujibayashi meant "passion." "Sir Byakuya is passionate about many things, but he is also a temperate man when it comes to desires of the heart. He prefers to maintain his serenity no matter how acutely he feels his emotions. He clings to it for comfort, for strength."
"But, you have lain with him, no?" Lady Fujibayashi cocked her head to the side. Her dark brown eyes probed Hisana, scrutinizing Hisana's countenance for an answer. "You are blushing, and if you are blushing then I believe I have my answer."
"No. No. No," the response rattled out of her mouth loudly, ricocheting across the walls and then into the garden. Hisana shook her head feverishly. "We have not." The words caught in her throat on the way out, strangling the syllables and making her sound as deceitful as she felt. "Your candor has caused my embarrassment."
Lady Fujibayashi inclined her head and stared down at Hisana for a few silent moments. A pensive expression smoothed the lines of her face as if she was considering a thought of great value. "My candor must have struck a nerve, I see. You desire to lay with Sir Byakuya."
Before Hisana could correct Lady Fujibayashi's assumption, the Lady interrupted her.
"That is so strange. The servants were certain that the two of you had been intimate. Come now, Hisana, don't play coy. We are only women. Tell me the truth. I will not betray your confidence. Did you, or didn't you?"
Hisana's eyes widened. The words—all of them—left her. Only a frosty wind blew across her body, setting each sinew on edge. She did not know how to respond. Yes, she had lain with Byakuya. But, it felt so distant now. A mere memory. He was betrothed to another so she had tried to repress the feelings and heat of her past desire. She had become quite good at it, fancying it only a passing fantasy. Perhaps it had never happened. Only a dream, she was fond of telling herself. That illusion, however, shattered every time he caught her gaze, which was infrequent now. But, every day he managed to steal one of her looks, and his eyes told her that what had transpired that night had been intensely real. He remembered, and she should remember, too.
She wondered what the night had meant to him. Probably nothing. Her heart quivered at the possibility before rejecting it outright. It has frozen him, the more earnest part of her observed. Indeed, he did not move with the same unrestrained vigor through the garden. He did not wear his serenity as well as before. Even his patented indifference seemed to take more effort to assume.
"I did." The confession swelled inside her chest before spewing forth, and, as it hit the air, Hisana felt the sweetest release. Her mind, so quick to reject the reality, had finally synchronized with her heart.
Lady Fujibayashi went pale, and her thin throat struggled to swallow the news. "What was it like?" she asked, the words tumbling gracelessly out of her mouth. Whether she knew it or not, she leaned toward Hisana, and her eyes went wide with anticipation. She appeared famished—starved for news that Byakuya possessed a beating heart.
Hisana stared at the woman, horrified. She had barely accepted the fact that they had shared a bed, and now she was required to process her feelings on the matter? How impossible! She had not—no, could not—meditate on it. Her mind had refused to broach the subject for a week. It would surely short-circuit if it had to accept the truth and consider the hairy implications of their midnight tryst.
"Nice," came the uncreative response, and Hisana cringed at the sound of her voice. Nice was the word one used to describe pleasant walks in the park, adequately prepared tea, and sunsets. Not sexual encounters. Or, at least, Hisana assumed that one described sexual encounters in a very different way, having little experience with either sex or the ways one described having sex.
"Nice?" the Lady parroted, unsatisfied. "Only nice?"
Hisana grimaced as the word came back to haunt her. "More than nice. He was very gentle and giving."
Clasping Hisana's hands between her own, the Lady leaned closer, and, with child-like wonderment, she made a gentle request, "Teach me, Hisana. Teach me how to earn the Lord's affection." All pretenses fell away from the Lady's mien. She had not constructed a cunning trap to ensnare Hisana. Not at all. She was merely a noblewoman who desired very much to satisfy her family's expectations, and, if she had to submit to the tutelage of a nurse, she would. For her family's honor.
Hisana shivered and closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "Ask him to teach you calligraphy. Even if you know how—even if you think you are very good at it—he is better. Watch him carefully and do as he says. If he likes what he sees, he will open. Just a crack, but it will be enough if you are skillful."
When Hisana opened her eyes, the Lady was gone.
Author's Note: I dedicate this chapter to the Guest that has been waiting for an update. Thanks for reading!