NCIS: LOS ANGELES

I Can't Keep Running...

DISCLAIMER:

NCIS: Los Angeles and characters do not belong to me.

SUMMARY:

I run faster and faster...wanting to run away from the horrors of my past. Things that had happened to me...

Running to try to escape the past, but it is still in my thoughts day after day and year after year.

Marty Deeks hides behind a mask of fear, but when something happens how will he deal with it?

CHAPTER 12: A Secret to Keep or A Secret to Tell...

DEEKS' P.O.V.

I woke up with Kensi still beside me and her head still on my shoulder. I was watching her sleep and my thoughts began to wander.

I am debating on something and I am not sure what to do...

I mean everyone has a secret, right?

It could be a secret hard to keep, because of a surprise for someone...

Or…It can be a secret from your past that continues to haunt you...no matter which way you turn.

I have a secret and that is what I'm debating about.

I want to tell, Kensi, but at the same time, I feel that by not telling her I am protecting her. Even if she does not know it…

My secret?

A nightmare I cannot tell, because I am afraid if I do. It will distract one of us in the field, then one or both of us could be killed.

Because if I lost her:

I would not be able to live.

I would not be able to take another breath or live a day without her by my side.

I love her and so I feel like I cannot tell her about my nightmare.

At the same time, I know if I don't tell her, she will feel...

That I didn't trust her.

So what do you do when a situation like this comes up?

I almost jumped when I felt a hand on my cheek. I had not even realized that Kensi had woken up...

KENSI'S P.O.V.

When I woke up, Marty had been looking at me and looked like he was thinking hard about something...he didn't look like Marty Deeks with the expression of thinking hard about something on his face.

When I put my hand on his cheek, it seemed that was when he realized I was there.

"You okay?" I asked. "I'm great with you here." Deeks smiled looking at me, but it was a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. "Deeks..." I said.

When he looked away, I was reminded of earlier...I knew there was something he wasn't telling me and I knew it had something to do with his nightmare.

"I don't know that I can tell you...something might happen." Marty said at last.

"Marty, you can't be afraid to tell me something...just you're afraid of what might happen. If you don't tell me, what's wrong...how are we supposed to trust each other? I trust you, remember? I thought you trusted..." I began and Marty's head snapped his eyes meeting mine once more.

"I do trust you, Princess. I trust you more then anyone else in this world." Marty told me, taking my hand in his. "Then...tell...me." I pressed and heard him sigh. "Remember that nightmare I was having?" Marty asked and I nodded. "Yes. Something happened to scare you, didn't it?" I asked and he nodded.

I again saw fear and pain.

"You died, Kens. I lost you." Marty whispered and I saw the tears. "I'm right here, Marty and I'm not going anywhere, okay?" I tried to reassure him.

"In my dream...

I was out of the hospital for a few weeks and it felt great to be back at work, working with you again. We were out in the field when I heard a gunshot...I turned around, but it was to late y-you had been shot.

I saw you fall to the ground eyes closed, but they never reopened. There was a couple of gasp and you were gone...y-you died, Kens. I tried to bring you back with CPR as Callen put pressure to your wound. The blood came faster and after a minute Callen took pressure off the wound. I put my hands to your wound and begged you to stay with me.

I felt someone pulling me away, I didn't want to move. When I saw the paramedics, I was, sure, they could save you, and so could the doctors at the hospital.

I heard Sam say something and I tried to fight to get back to your side. Callen and Sam held me back.

I lost you, Kensi. You died and I couldn't save you." Marty said and now I understood.

Now the tears were streaming down his face.

"Marty, I told you that I'm right here." I repeated and then I gave him a kiss on the lips.

I felt Marty's hands began to wander and pulled back.

"What?" He asked and I could tell he was trying to act innocent. "Nice try, Marty. But I told you that's not happening here." I replied. "And yet you were the one to kiss me, Fern." He reminded me a smile returning to his face. "I didn't kiss you to start that. We are not doing that here." I told him, repeating something similar to what I had already told him.

He seemed to get a thoughtful look on his face and then looked at me again.

"Fine, a private..." He began and I rolled my eyes. "Would you shut up about the idea of a private party?" I asked. "No, because I like the idea," He shot back. "Well, if you don't shut up about it, Marty...I'll leave you here all alone." I stated trying to hold back a smile of my own.

This time he kissed me before I pulled back and started to get up.

"Where are you going, Kens?" Marty asked not letting go of my waist. "I need to get up and stretch." I said moving his hand from my waist and getting up. "It's going to be cold here without you." Marty claimed with a pout. "Deal with it." I quipped with a smile. "You're mean, Princess." He responded and I just laughed.

"I can't stay in..." I realized what I was saying and shut up. "You can't stay in bed with me all day or is it you just don't want to stay in the hospital bed with me? How about when I get out of here," Marty suggested waggling his eyes brows and I rolled my eyes. "Enough, Marty," I stated as he took my hand.

"I'm glad you wouldn't let me give up on us." He replied with a serious face. "I couldn't let you get away with it. You convinced me and it was my turn to remind you." I explained meeting his eyes.

It seemed for a long time we just stared at each other.