Me: And we're back! …Again!
!iH :eirraC
Dez: Wrong way, babe.
(Dez turns Carrie around.)
Carrie: Hi!
Trish: Yeah, hi, whatever.
Me: …Where are Austin and Ally?
Dez: Flirting.
(Everyone looks at the other side of the room. Insert corny flirty stuff here.)
Me: …Wow. They're kind of annoying when they're dating.
Trish: Welcome to my world.
Me: Well, someone better get them, because they have the first question. Speaking of which…
(A letter comes flying in, hitting Austin and Ally and carrying them with it inexplicably, and landing in my hands.) (Well, after dropping Austin and Ally on the ground with a THUNK.)
Ally: How is that even physically possible?
Me: Don't question my writing.
(I open the letter.)
Kadybug asks: Hey Austin and Ally if you had two kids what would u name them?
Ally: Well, I haven't really thought about it. Austin, have you?
Austin: Austin Moon Jr. and Ally Moon Jr.
Ally: What?! They'd obviously be named Harmony and Melody Moon! Come on, Austin!
Austin: But those are girl names, and we're definitely having a son and naming him Austin Jr.
Ally: How do you know we're having a son? And besides, do you really want your son to go around with the middle name "Monica"?
Austin: Well, at least I have a name for either gender.
Ally: What if we have two boys?
Austin: Duh, we'd name them both Austin Moon Jr.
Ally: That- That- That-
Me: Oookay, luckily they still have about 3 years before it matters. Next question!
(Everyone but Carrie ducks.)
Me: Relax, it's on the same letter. The same asker actually asked five different things.
Kadybug asks: Now this is a stupid question but Carrie what is your favorite color?
Carrie: Grapes. …Wait, what was the question?
Me: She wants to know your favorite color.
Carrie: Oh! Then grapes, not whatever I said the first time..
Me: …That is what you said the first time.
Carrie: Oh, really?
Trish: Not to mention, "grapes" isn't a color.
Dez: I think she means purple.
Carrie: What? No, I hate purple.
Austin: Well, there goes your idea of naming our daughter Violet.
Me: You guys are still talking about that?
Ally: Yes! We only have three years!
Me: …Carrie, is there another color you like better than grapes?
Carrie: Hm… I guess another good color would be methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylglutaminy…
Trish: Wait, how long is this going to take?
Carrie: …cylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolylphenylalanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanylglycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylserylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonylisoleu…
Me: I doubt it could take very long. It's just one word, right?
Carrie: …lalanylalanylalanylglycylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcysteinylphenylalanylglutamylmethionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucylglycylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylphenylalanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamyl…
(Twenty minutes later.)
Carrie: …prolylglutaminylserylthreonylvalylarginylphenylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllysylvalyltyrosylarginyltyrosylasparaginylalanylvalylleucylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucylthreonylalanylleucylleucylglycylthreonylphenylalanylaspartylthreonylarginylasparaginylarginylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylvalylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglut…
Me: Okay, this is getting kind of ridiculous.
Ally: Don't worry, she'll probably forget the rest.
Carrie: …aminylserylprolylthreonylthreonylalanylglutamylthreonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartylalanylthreonylvaly…
(An hour later.)
Carrie: …leucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginyl…
(Trish and Austin are asleep.)
Dez: Wow.
Me: No kidding.
Ally: She's pronouncing everything perfectly!
Me: Who cares? We're nevergetting out of here.
Carrie: …oleucylaspartylalanylglycylalanylalanylglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylprolylglutamyllysylmethionylleucylala…
(An hour and a half later.)
Carrie: …threonylarginylacetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminylphenylalanylvalylphenylalanylleucylserylserylvalyltryptophylalany…
(Dez has fallen asleep too.)
Carrie: …laspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucylleucylasparaginylvalylcysteinylthreonylserylserylleucylglycylasparaginylglutaminylphenylalanylglutaminy…
(Ten minutes later.)
Carrie: …oleucylglutamylvalylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserxisoleuzine.
Me: SHE'S DONE!
(Everyone snaps awake, besides Ally and I who are still awake.)
Austin, Trish, and Dez: YAY!
Carrie: Oh no, I pronounced the last part wrong! I'd better start over…
Everyone else: NO!
Carrie: Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminyl…
(Three hours later.)
Carrie: …glutaminylglutaminylserxisoleucine*. There we go.
Ally: Sh-sh-she pronounced it p-p-perfectly both t-t-times…
Carrie: Wait, what was the question again?
Ally: P-p-perfect p-p-pronounciation…
Carrie: Oh, was that it? Well, Ally, you're really close, but you added too many "puh"s.
(Ally growls at her.)
Me: Next question!
Ally: You're awake?
Me: I'm an author. I have to be awake, or you'll cease to exist.
Ally: But you wrote that-
Me: WE DON'T QUESTION IT. Next question!
(A letter flies in and hits Austin, Trish, and Dez, waking them up.)
Trish: I thought you said that there were five questions on the first paper! We still have three questions before you get to hit us!
Me: Yeah, this one's blank. I just needed to wake you up.
Austin: Ugh…
Kadybug asks: Dez what was the first thing u ever directed?
Dez: Well, that, my friend, is a very funny story! You see…
Trish: Umbilical cord - CUT! Yeah, we've heard that one.
Dez: Oh.
Me: All joking stories aside, what's the answer?
Dez: What joking stories?
Me: …The one about the umbilical cord?
Dez: …That wasn't a joke.
Me: …Next question!
Kadybug asks: Last but not least Trish do u like chuck even a little bit?
Trish: No.
Me: That was quick.
Ally: Wait, I thought you said there were five questions? That's only four and it says "last but not least".
Me: Well, the last one isn't really a question…
Kadybug asks: Dear Author, I love this so much. It is very funny:)
Me: …but I want to be able to read it as much as possible because it makes me feel good about myself.
Trish: Why? We're the ones providing the comedy.
Me: Riiiiight. Next question!
(Everyone but Carrie ducks. A guy walks up and hands me a letter.)
Me: Thanks Bob.
(I turn to the characters.)
Me: What's your problem?
ABEDFAN Is Defying Gravity asks: 1. Dear Dez, have you ever thought of Ally Romantically?
Dez: What? Ew. Definitely not.
Ally: What's that supposed to mean?
Dez: It means I'm waaaay out of your league.
Ally: …NEXT QUESTION.
Me: Hey, that's my-
Ally: Do you want to bump the rating to T?
Me: …I'm afraid to know why…
Ally: Then NEXT QUESTION.
ABEDFAN Is Defying Gravity asks: 2. Ally, would you ever consider Dez possible boyfriend material?
(Ally has cornered Dez and is currently screaming T-rated things at him.)
Me: That would be your answer.
ABEDFAN Is Defying Gravity asks: 3. Dear Author, Is Dez as cute in person as he is on TV?
Me: Erm… I'm not really Austin & Ally cast, so can I skip thi-
Trish, Austin, and Ally: NO.
Me: But I do-
Trish, Austin, and Ally: NO.
Me: Ughhh okay…
(I look at Dez.)
(Dez smiles weirdly.)
(I turn my head sideways at Dez.)
(Dez waves.)
Me: He looks the exact same except more three-dimensional.
Dez: Awww, that's so weet! You look more three-dimensional too.
Me: …Oooookay then.
(A gigantic letter falls from the sky, landing one everyone except Carrie.)
Carrie: Where did they go?
Me: Uh… You don't want to know.
(I climb on top of it, ignoring Austin, Ally, Trish, and Dez's screams of pain, and tear it open, reaching in and pulling out a normal-sized piece of paper.)
Ally: That's so much wasted paper.
Trish: Yes, Ally. THAT is what is important right now.
Dancer1768 asks: I have a question for Trish, what is your favorite job that you have ever had?
Trish: Definitely Puffy's Pillows.
Ally: …Don't you mean managing me and Austin?
Austin: Actually, it would be "Austin and I".
Ally: No, you see, when… (she babbles on)
Trish: Yeahh… Definitely Puffy's Pillows.
Me: Well, that's all for today! Thanks for so many submissions!
Trish: There weren't many "submissions". It was just three people. Two of them asked a lot of questions.
Me: …Well, but it still made for a really long chapter.
Ally: Most of that was Carrie.
Me: Whatever, I enjoyed it. Say goodbye, okay?
Austin: Bye.
Ally: Later.
Trish: Good riddance.
Dez: Adios!
?yako ,eybdooG :eirraC
Me: …Wow, double stupidity. See you guys next time! Submit questions please!