Chapter Twelve: The Long Night; Part 1

07/8/18

xXx

Fear. It raced through my blood and sent goosebumps running along my spine as I ran to the Lord Commander's tower. Something was wrong.

I passed Jon's quarters along the way, noticing that his door had been left wide open. Prints of a man and a wolf led the path to Commander Mormont's chamber, where I could hear scuffling.

As I entered the pitch black chamber, I held back a scream at the sight in front of me.

Ghost and the dead man from Benjen Stark's party were fighting on the ground. Teeth sunk into rotten flesh as the wolf tried to break free from the man's grasp. I saw Jon's figure launching himself at the thing with his sword, bringing it down into the man's flesh.

"JON!" I screamed, rushing towards him as the man held him in a choking position.

There was no time to be afraid, or for Jon to reply as I threw myself onto the creature. I let the fire burn from my hands to his neck. It was enough to distract him. Releasing Jon, the man turned to me, with eyes that were frosted with ice, and lunged. I dodged his attack and drew Ned's dagger, throwing it into his chest.

But this was not enough. The man withdrew the dagger and tossed it to the ground. The smell of his flesh was repulsive as he hurled himself into me, clawing his fingers into my wrists. Ghost snarled and lunged- digging his claws and teeth into the man's back. He ripped away what he could while I freed myself from his grasp.

As Ghost tore into the living corpse, I rushed over to Jon, pulling him up. "The sword, get the sword." he rasped. I quickly grabbed Longclaw and tossed it to Jon, who sliced an arm off of the thing.

Suddenly, Commander Mormont appeared, groggy from sleep and holding a lantern in his hands. In a matter of seconds, Jon grabbed the lantern with his bare hand and threw it at the man. The corpse screamed as the fire engulfed the flesh, before it was completely destroyed, it raised its remaining limb and pointed to me.

The eyes lingered on mine as the fire burned through its face.

There was a pregnant silence before Mormont's voice broke the silence, "By Gods" he whispered. He ran a hand down his face, eyes wide with surprise.

I looked at Jon, who was bent over- clutching his hand. "I heard something, my Lord. When I came to investigate, your chamber door had been opened and that wight was clawing at your door. It was trying to kill you." he rasped, his face was contorted with both pain and fear.

Commander Mormont stared at Jon and I for a long while and sighed, "We will burn the remains with the others at dawn. Lady Black, awake maester Aemon. Snow's hand must be attended to."

I nodded, grabbing my dagger as Jon and I walked out of the commander's chambers.

"Kiera-"

"Shh, we need to get your hand fixed up, then we'll talk." I whispered, giving his working hand a reassuring squeeze.

Xxx

A few hours later, Jon sat on his bed, head leaning back against the stone with closed eyes. Sweat lined his brow from the pain of his burn. He had removed his outer clothing, and now only sat in a black tunic and trousers. In any other circumstance, this would have been deemed as wildly inappropriate- but tonight those boundaries did not exist.

Maester Aemon had given Jon milk of the poppie, which did little to aid his burn. I sat in the chair beside his bed, unable to do anything as I watched Jon writhe in pain. There was no other remedy, except plunging the hand in snow to relieve the pain. The reality that modern medicine was nonexistent in this world worried me immensely. Dying is easy here.

"Do you want me to change the silk?" I asked quietly. The blisters were beginning to burst, causing small stains on the cloth.

"No." he snapped, then he closed his eyes and sighed. "I am sorry, my hand feels as if it is being burned a thousand times over."

"Don't apologize, it is all right. You are the hero afterall." I said, smiling at him.

"I am no hero." he muttered, shifting to lay down on the cot. Ghost whined from the ground below at Jon's distress.

"Of course you are, you saved Commander Mormont and killed the wight. Allow yourself to feel heroic, Jon."

"You are always so kind," Jon replied, giving me a grateful look. "Thank you."

I waved my hand, "I will always tell you what you deserve to hear, for as long as you live."

Jon suddenly looked worried, "Where will you go? You certainly could not remain here forever." he said nervously.

The question stumped me, where would I go? I did not know any other home than the place where I resided now. I had no knowledge of the other realms of Westeros, and certainly lacked the wits to survive as a woman alone. From what I have heard, it is dangerous to be alone.

"I-I don't know, back to Winterfell? What would I do for the rest of my life?"

Maester Aemon had promised that one day, when he felt I was "ready", I would take up a vow of my own beyond the Wall. He insisted that the gods brought me to Westeros because of the long winter, as if I was to be used as a weapon for an oncoming battle.

Ever since Sam had explained to me what the White Walkers were, I had read the old books from the maester's library. Everyone promises that it is all myth, but something feels wrong. The wight had come to kill Commander Mormont, and I saw a face in the woods. All the superstitious "winter is coming" whispers had begun to unnerve me.

I now looked at Jon, who appeared lost in his thoughts. "You would serve in the castle, and you could possibly marry a wealthy man, make a life for yourself in the south."

"I would not want to marry a man." I muttered, the heat crawling up my cheeks. I could not bear to think about being with a man, the only man I wished to remain with was right in front of me- yet he was equally as far away as the future he prescribed for me.

"And I would not want you to." Jon whispered in such a small voice, I could hardly hear the words.

I felt my heartbeat quicken as I looked at Jon, lying on the bed, his chest glistening under the candlelight. The dark curls cast a shadow over his face, hiding whatever emotion displayed in his gaze. It was strange thing, to manifest feelings for someone who you had not known for long. Quite honestly, I had lost track of the days since arriving here. Months had gone by, or at least that is what it felt like.

I took a long breath to steady my voice before I spoke. "There is no other person I could trust with the knowledge of who I am, I would be welcome at Winterfell- but would I want to stay there? And never see you? No, Jon. That is not the life I want, for as long as I am in this world I will want to be with you."

I felt the tears pool in my eyes as the emotion flowed through me, "Who knows, maybe the gods or whoever sits up there will drag me back to where I came from."

In an instant, Jon had sat up from his bed and dragged me from the chair. He pulled his arms around me, and I noticed they were shaking slightly. Careful to not hurt his hand, I slowly wrapped my arms around his warm torso.

"I will not let anyone take you away." Jon promised me, though the voice in the back of my head could not find comfort in his words. It was so easy to take me away, just as I was ripped from my old life and thrusted into this new one. My fate was out of my control the minute I was brought to Westeros.

Weeks had passed, but I felt as if time was already running short. The dark feeling that had been brewing in my heart grew more intense with each passing day. It felt as if my life was a race, I had to learn to wield my power, because something is coming.

The future was frightening. I had no plan, no knowledge of how long I had on this earth. But I did know that the man in front of me was the man that I wanted. It was dishonorable, but it felt right. Maybe I was being too selfish with Jon, after all, he did swear a vow to the Night's Watch. You cannot choose who you love. I pulled back from Jon's embrace and stared at him, his brows were drawn in a deep frown as he studied me back.

So many emotions were reflected in his eyes, many that matched my own. We were both uncertain, yet we both knew exactly what we wanted. It was almost paradoxical.

And so, I took a breath. I drew my right hand to his face, tracing the lines of his jaw with my finger. The facial hair gently scratched my fingertips as I brought my hand to Jon's curls. Leaning in, I pressed my lips against his.

He did not respond at first, Jon was frozen in his seat. After a moment, his lips fully connected with my own, and a hand shifted to my lower back. My legs moved to straddle his body as the kiss grew intensified. The heat rising from my body caused us both to shiver, Jon letting out a soft groan that prompted me to kiss him harder.

The weight of our bodies caused us to collapse onto the bed, me on top of Jon as I traced my lips down his jaw, and then his neck. His skin felt like a burning flame against the cold winter that engulfed us.

Everything felt so good, yet so wrong. What would be the repercussions of this? Jon would regret it, and so would I. Our relationship could potentially be ruined, all because we both were consumed with desire. Although, Jon showed no signs of guilt as he flipped me onto the bed, and began to unbutton my shirt, running hot kisses down my chest.

Suddenly, it was as if a light was switched on. Jon was up in an instant, breathing heavily with wide eyes. "We cannot continue." he whispered, regret overtaking his features.

I slowly sat up, clutching the tunic to my chest, as my breasts were almost fully exposed. Jon had noticed this as well, and quickly averted his glance with reddened cheeks.

"Why can't we?" I asked. I knew the answer of course, but what was so wrong about being with a woman?

Jon ran his left hand through his dark curls and sighed, "I have already broken the vow. I cannot lie with you Kiera. It is not honorable, this was a mistake. Gods forgive me."

Disappointment flooded through me as Jon stood and motioned for me to leave, barely glancing in my direction.

I stood and let my hand reach for his face, "Jon, please." I whispered, forcing him to look at me. I knew it was selfish, but I did not care.

"Why are you doing this? Why torture me?" he asked, searching my eyes.

There was no logical answer I could provide, "I- I don't know. I feel something for you, Jon. I know you took a vow, but what is so wrong about this? Does this feel wrong?" I whispered, tracing my fingers through his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes.

I slid my finger tips down his neck, and placed my hand on his chest. "Or does this?"

"No." he said hoarsely.

"You are a good man, and I say this with complete certainty. You are not like the other men here, they have done worse things than just being with a woman."

"Kiera-"

"I love you." I whispered, not quite realizing the magnitude of the words I just spoke.

Jon stared at me, shock registered on his face.

I swallowed, knowing that this was the moment that everything was leading up to. "I do. Ever since I met you, I knew that there was some connection between us. I would not let myself believe it, convincing myself that we were merely just two friends. But, Jon- I can't pretend anymore. I want you, physically and emotionally. Whatever time I have left in this world, I do not want to spend it dancing around you, pretending that I feel nothing."

There were tears in his eyes, his defeat was clear in his expression. "Kiera, I love you. Of course I love you, but I cannot be with you. I cannot live a life of dishonesty, I cannot take the risk of fathering a child. You may have come from a different world, but this is mine. I have to let you go, please understand."

The weight of it all was too much to bear, so I sucked in a breath to restrain from crying. It was the greatest torture, to know that you are loved ,to know that the love is unattainable.

I fastened my cloak and gathered my things, without a word I walked out of Jon's chambers. Whatever tears I shed as I walked to my own room were frozen by the cold of the night.

xXx

Yes I plan on updating the other half of this chapter in the next day or so and yes I know it is incredibly short, I am tired and sick :( My computer finally was laid to rest a week ago, and I bought my Macbook recently. Don't hate me I promise it will get better...ish.