"Kick Drum Heart," Avett Brothers
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Huge thank you to my readers/followers/reviewers… ESPECIALLY MidnightLuve and StyleCreekBunnyCrenny. I can't even explain how great everybody's reviews are.
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The weeks without Craig's dad passed slowly.
On Tuesdays, Craig usually went to Tweek's house for dinner and afterwards they would watch a movie in the family living room and surreptitiously cuddle when his mom wasn't looking. The spotless Tweak house freaked Craig out more than a little. He was used to his own cluttered house where no one seemed to bother taking out the recycling, much less scrub the questionable hard water scum out of the insides of every drain pipe.
Wednesdays and Fridays Craig had to work, and Tweek worked in his parents' coffee shop Mondays and Thursdays, but they usually end up texting every evening until Craig falls asleep.
Fridays. Craig is starting to really love Fridays. Fridays are a haze of smoke, laughter, and confused conversations— in the park, on Craig's couch, at the movie theater, wandering the back-streets of South Park to Stark's Pond, even convincing Tweek to climb up the roof of the high school late one night.
"I love your room," Tweek said one lazy afternoon.
They were both lying on Craig's couch, Tweek settled against Craig's chest, Craig comfortably nestled into the corner, Tweek between his legs. The radio was playing quietly. They were both high, which was the only time Tweek could manage to quit his constant, anxious twitching. He didn't shake or scream so much anymore, like he used to when they were kids (not that Craig would really mind that, Tweek shaking and quivering in his arms…) but Craig could still read his stressed-out thoughts like his face was a book.
"Why?"
"I dunno. It's just… the essence of you. The smell, everything in it, Rosie. It's like you've imprinted yourself on the room. Or maybe vice versa. Do you think spaces have spirits?"
Tweek twists to look at him with bloodshot blue eyes when he asks this. Craig shrugs.
"Think about libraries. Not like the shitty one at school. I mean real libraries, with old books with probably a hundred years of fingers rifling through them. Places that would have a story to tell if they could talk."
"I dunno. I guess so."
Craig still doesn't understand Tweek. Tweek is at times a tiny turbo-powered mass of nerves, like a blonde squirrel on too much coffee. Other times the insomnia pulls him down into a state of barely-functioning lethargy. On these days, Craig takes him home for a smoke, and they fall asleep together, Tweek with a smile on his face.
Craig doesn't think he'll ever get tired of exploring Tweek's pale body, or of watching his calm face as they both fall asleep, or the way Tweek holds on to Craig harder if he has to wake up him up from a nightmare, or the way sometimes Tweek will suddenly look up at him and smile and Craig forgets what he was thinking about.
One Friday, Tweek showed up at the grocery store while Craig is working.
Craig didn't realize it was Tweek for several minutes. He never looks up if he can help it. Working the register is easily the worst part of his job. There are people who want his attention. Ugh. He just scans the items, takes the money, and moves on.
The load started out normal enough. Coffee beans. A few candles. A box of chocolates. Vaseline. Nylon rope, 100 yards. Duct tape, a jumbo pack of condoms, a cucumber.
Finally, Craig's curiosity got the better of him. What kind of sicko…?
Tweek was staring at him with barely concealed laughter. They both lost it, and Craig could feel the other cashiers glaring at them.
"What are you doing here?"
"Cheering you up?"
"Thanks. It's working."
"And setting the mood for later?"
Craig had to force himself not to laugh.
"Are you serious?"
"No! Well— Maybe a little. But only the…"
He gestured to the condoms. Butterflies flooded Craig's stomach. He knew they'd talked about it before, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for anything like that.
"Are you okay?" he asked, hoping for a change in subject. There was a blank sheen to Tweek's eyes.
Tweek shrugged. "I guess. I had that panic attack in Biology, you know. They sent me to the nurse's and they want to put me on this new anti-anxiety pill. I had to take it today, fucking shrink stood there staring at me until I took it."
"Does it work?"
Tweek laughed. "Of course it fucking works. I feel great. I even peed in your store's bathroom just now."
Craig tried to keep a straight face. The woman behind Tweek in line was eavesdropping. Tweek hated public restrooms.
"But you won't keep taking it?"
Tweek shrugged.
"I can't draw when I'm not myself."
"Excuse me, how much longer is this going to take?" The woman was losing her patience. She had at least a dozen boxes of frozen waffles in her cart.
"I'm helping this customer, ma'am."
"No, you're flirting with him. Some of us have places to be."
"Ma'am, if you don't appreciate my brand of customer service, then feel free to find another line."
Tweek nearly tripped over himself apologizing for Craig and exiting the stall, but still managed to wink non-subtly at Craig on his way out.
The last two hours and seventeen minutes of his shift were pure torture, and only partly because he had to deal with actual customers.
When their shifts were over, Red found him in the break room. She approached him with clear lack of respect for his personal bubble, and stuck her face in his with an expression that could melt steel.
"If you hurt him," she said, "I'll fucking kill you. Do you understand?"
"Whoa, calm down. Hurt who?"
"You know who I'm talking about. Tweek Tweak, my secret best friend, your secret boyfriend."
"Okay, okay. What's brings this on?"
"What do you think? Losing his virginity? To you?"
Tweek was apparently convinced he was losing his virginity tonight. Not that Craig didn't consider what they'd already been doing sex, but maybe Tweek didn't.
"Why do you think he had a panic attack in Biology?" she went on.
Guilt twisted at Craig. "What do I do?"
"You make sure he has a good time. And if you break his heart, I'll break you. I've been fighting against my linebacker of an older brother my entire life so don't doubt it for a minute."
"Okay, okay. I got it. Don't worry."
She stepped back and left with a final glare.
As crazy as she was, Craig thought Tweek was lucky to have Red.
xxx
"You know, we don't have to do this," Craig said.
Tweek was alone with Craig in Craig's room, both of them practically naked, on Craig's bed.
"Now, or… ever. I mean, if you don't want to. Not that I don't like— I mean, not that I don't want to, I just…"
Tweek smiled at Craig's flustered expression.
"Craig, it's okay," he said, interrupting. "I want to. I really want to."
"But what about the meds from earlier? Are you sure you're… you-enough?"
Tweek nodded. "They've worn off, but just enough that I'm still not freaking out about this."
They'd lit a few of the candles. The rest of his questionable groceries (minus the condoms) lay in a forgotten pile, but Craig had said he kind of liked the romanic lighting. Several buckets of water sat at key locations near each candle, at Tweek's insistence. Craig was eying each one in turn, avoiding Tweek's gaze.
The realization hit him. He sat down next to Craig, far enough away to look at him properly.
"You're nervous."
"What? No, I…"
"Craig. I'm the master of nervous. I'm nervous incarnate."
"Okay. I might be nervous. Whatever. Can we stop saying nervous?"
Tweek found his shirt shoved into the crease between bed and wall and pulled it back on, ignoring a half-hearted complaint from Craig. Emotions pulled at his gut—guilt mainly. Had he pressured Craig into this? What was he supposed to say? He'd never before had to be the stable, calm one in any situation. Ever. He took a deep breath, trying not to let the pressure get to him.
"We don't have to do this," Tweek said.
"No, I really do want to."
"I know. But that doesn't mean we have to do it right now."
Tweek pulled a blanket over them and nuzzled his body into Craig's sitting up against the headboard. He could feel Craig's slow breathing and the frantic beat of his heart through the flesh of his own back. He reached down to weave his fingers through Craig's, pulling their hands out in front of their bodies.
There was something about their hands that just matched. Tweek's slightly cigarette stained and bony, Craig's larger and warm, nails bitten down low, calluses rough in the best way. Perfectly imperfect.
"Tell me something I don't know about you," Tweek said. "And I'll tell you something back."
"What?"
"It's a trust exercise."
One he'd learned in group therapy, but still.
"Okay…"
"Here, I'll go first," Tweek said. "Sometimes when I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack, I go smoke a cigarette and listen to the Frozen soundtrack."
Craig laughed and squeezed Tweek's fingers slightly.
"That's adorable, but somehow doesn't surprise me all that much."
Tweek felt himself blushing.
"Okay, uh. My first kiss, in eighth grade with Annie Knitts—I missed. Like completely."
It was Tweek's turn to laugh, and Craig was blushing.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Lied to everyone about it too until I tried again a week later. Then she dumped me for Kenny who probably gave her a disease, so joke's on her."
"What's the worst lie you've ever told?"
Craig bit his lip, thinking. "I'm not sure."
"Sometimes I lie to my parents so they won't know how bad I'm doing."
"You mean…"
"Mentally. Yeah. It's all right though, I don't lie to my therapist. I just don't want them to worry about me."
There was a heavy pause, and Tweek could practically feel Craig thinking.
"My mom's an alcoholic—and she was in recovery for years, but she's drinking again now and I don't know what to do. I don't think my dad knows really, and it feels like I'm supposed to be the one to tell him."
"Oh. Wow."
Tweek could feel the tension peeling off Craig's body at the confession.
"It's not your responsibility, you know. To take care of… of anyone."
"I know. But… Sorry. Can we not talk about this?"
Tweek nodded. After a pause, when Craig seemed relaxed again, Tweek spoke again.
"Can I tell you something else?" he asked.
"What?"
"I think your hands are really sexy."
Craig laughed and leaned his head into the back of Tweek's neck. He took his hands out of Tweek's grip and ran them up his belly and chest under Tweek's shirt. Tweek jumped slightly at the sudden contact. His warm, rough hands. Tweek wanted them everywhere, all over his body.
"Yeah?" Craig said against the back of his neck, nearly at his ear. "Does this turn you on?"
Tweek whimpered, feeling the blood rush south. One of Craig's hands wandered below the waist line of his boxers.
Tweek peeled himself off Craig's back, practically ripping off his own shirt, and straddling Craig's hips. The beautiful hands went back to his hips, chest, and lower back.
Tweek smiled and leaned in to kiss him. Craig wound his fingers into Tweek's hair, using it as leverage to bury his tongue deeper into his mouth. Tweek moaned helplessly as he felt Craig's free hand at his hip tracing small circles with his thumb.
After a few minutes, Craig eased Tweek backwards. Tweek took off his boxers as Craig did the same with his own, trying not to tangle their limbs and clothes. Craig was wearing tight black boxer briefs, and Tweek's eyes were glued to the flat expanse of Craig's abs and the prominent curve showing through his underwear. The V of Craig's hips made Tweek's mouth go dry.
"See something you like?" Craig asked with a smirk.
Tweek smiled back, but before he could think of a response Craig was spreading his knees and pressing fingers to his entrance.
Tweek gasped. They'd done this part before a few times, but he never really got used to it. Craig was studying Tweek's ass, slowly pressing him open with the pad of his finger. Tweek watched Craig's face, entranced, until the lube was added— and suddenly it was two fingers, stretching and twisting.
Craig scooted back up on top of Tweek, and pressed kisses to his neck, cheek, lips.
"Last chance. Do we want to do this?"
Tweek stared up into Craig's face. Dark strands of hair fell, framing his face. His dilated pupils bore straight through Tweek to his core. Tweek shuddered and arched his back up into Craig's hovering form.
"Yes," he said, mumbling against the warm curve of Craig's shoulder.
Craig's fingers were still inside him, probing. Tweek licked and sucked down the side of Craig's neck exposed to him, enjoying the way Craig was breathing heavily and biting his bottom lip. Suddenly something in Tweek responded in a way he wasn't prepared for. Craig smiled deviously and kept it up, attacking Tweek's sweet spot and claiming Tweek's lips as he abandoned Craig's neck.
"Craig," Tweek said between kisses. "I- I need you…"
Craig nodded retreating briefly. Tweek watched him roll on a condom in flushed concentration, slathering on lube, feeling strangely calm. If only for a second.
Craig repositioned himself, a dirty glint in his eyes. The tip of Craig's penis pushed against Tweek's tight, hot entrance, circled around it. The teasing motion drove Tweek wild. He moaned, throwing his head back. Craig bent down and sucked at a vulnerable patch of his neck, one arm bent at the elbow to frame Tweek's face, the other holding his cock poised.
"Oh my god— Please, Craig," Tweek panted.
"I kinda like hearing you beg for it," Craig said against the skin of Tweek's neck, as he inserted the head of his cock into Tweek.
Tweek nearly lost it at the sensation of Craig inside his body. Of feeling filled entirely. Feeling completely possessed by this beautiful creature pressed close above him.
Craig slowly pushed in, gripping Tweek's hips. His face tilted, lips slightly parted, his face screwed up in concentration.
"Shit dude," Craig panted. "I'm not gonna last very long."
"That's fine," Tweek said. He honestly didn't expect much. This was all new, and there'd be other times- hopefully plenty of other times.
At first, there was nothing but burning pain. Tweek reached down and grabbed Craig's hand.
"Are you okay?" His voice was low, husky, beautiful.
He squeezed his eyes closed and nodded. For a while they stayed frozen like that, Craig part-way inside Tweek, Tweek gripping the life out of Craig's hand. Finally, Tweek let go and nodded.
Craig pressed his lips down to meet Tweek's, and slowly began moving, pulling out and pushing back in. It was agonizing, beautifully agonizing.
Craig took Tweek's hand in his again, this time gentle and firm. They awkwardly tried to find a rhythm as Craig got used to the motion, and suddenly Tweek realized that it felt amazing, beyond amazing. He tilted his hips to meet Craig's thrusts, and it felt like everything clicked into place, like their bodies were made for each other.
Tweek curled his fingers into Craig's hair, and Craig reached for Tweek's cock.
"I really- ungh- love that," Craig said.
"What?"
Tweek took advantage of Craig's face so close to his and ran his tongue over the shell of his ear, effectively erasing any answer from Craig.
Craig was losing control, coming undone. His hips slammed into Tweek faster, need growing. The dual sensations of Craig thrusting inside him and jerking him off were overpowering.
They came within seconds of each other. Craig pumped through his orgasm inside Tweek, holding him tight and pressing his lips to Tweek's neck, Tweek coming all over both their stomachs.
Craig flopped down beside Tweek, and for a long moment both of them laid there, sweaty and panting.
"Oh, gross," Tweek said, noticing the mess.
Craig, still flushed cheeks and pitch black eyes, hovered a few inches above Tweek on his elbows, and licked a spot of cum off Tweek's stomach.
The sound Tweek made after that could only have been recognized by one of his childhood gnomes, as the noise he made when he caught them red-handed with his last pair of underpants.
"Oh my god- fuck- no, do-on't."
"What?"
"I can't even right now."
"Can't even what? God, you're such a white chick."
"You're insatiable."
"Keep talking, you'll prove Clyde right."
"Don't remind me."
One shower later (with perhaps more time spent under the steam than was strictly necessary) they crawled under Craig's covers.
Tweek nestled his head into the pillow and his body firmly into Craig's. Craig held him with arms warm and secure around his waist.
Tweek heaved a deep, happy sigh, and decided this was probably his favorite spot on the planet.