Chapter 12: Homefires

"So we're all agreed, then?" Teaspoon wondered, "It's time to quit?"

Buck, Cody, Noah, and Ike all exchanged guilty, miserable glances. Kid just stared at the fire, lost somewhere in another world, another time, with Lou.

"Yeah," Cody said first.

Ike nodded next.

"They are gone," Buck mumbled quietly.

"We ain't got the supplies to keep going," Noah agreed.

All eyes turned to Kid. Teaspoon walked to crouch where he sat on his saddle by the campfire.

"Well, son, it looks like it comes down to you," Teaspoon said quietly, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

Kid thought about it as if it was the hardest decision of his life. In fact, it was. He was being asked to give up all hope on finding Lou, and Jimmy too.

He was also being asked to live with the knowledge that it was mostly his fault they were gone.

Oh, the others didn't blame him, but he held himself responsible.

Kid squared his jaw, and tears filled his eyes. Teaspoon's hand was firm on his shoulder.

Without looking up, Kid spoke for the first time in hours, "Yeah."

His control broke and his shoulders shook as he gave himself over to the hopeless devastation that he'd kept at bay during the search.

Teaspoon put his arms around the boy and bowed his head to hide tears in his own eyes.

"God will take care of them," Teaspoon murmured, "Until they find their way home to us."

Jimmy stood in shock, his mind trying to understand the scene before his eyes.

There was no way he could.

Curly, his whole body contorted, bent toward the two women first.

He was gentle as he pushed Lou aside, and kneeled beside Raven Wing. He cradled her limp body in his arms as tenderly as if she still breathed, staring down at the wounds that had drained the life from her. And not only had they taken the life from her, but from his unborn child also. Jimmy would never forget the sounds Curly made in his mad grief.

Jimmy, for the first time in his life, lost total control over his emotions as he staggered toward Lou. He could barely see for the tears spilling from his eyes, and he was unable to breathe, gasping for air.

He collapsed on his knees at her side and took her hand, gently untangling it from his own gun, stained with her blood. He brought her hand to his forehead and bowing over it, sobbed as he never had before.

And then, ever so slowly he became aware of something. The hand he grasped so tightly moved. It was such a slight movement that he wasn't positive, and he hardly dared to hope he'd really felt it. His fingers sought Lou's tiny wrist and he waited, his breathing suspended, his heartbeat suspended, his whole life suspended, until he felt it again.

A weak, but steady pulse testified that she lived.

A cry of hope from the depths of his soul went up as he bent over her, studying her wounds in earnest for the first time. She was shot in her middle, and had lost much blood. In fact, the blood covered the front of her wedding dress, and had run all over her arms, legs and throat. He hoped it was not all her blood.

He quickly discerned that the bullet had ripped clean through her, for which he was utterly thankful. He didn't think he had the skill to dig a bullet out of Lou, and even if he did, he didn't think he could do that to her. He prayed the damage that the bullet had wrought on its way through was not severe.

"Jesus, Lou, I shoulda listened to you," Jimmy whispered, tears still rolling down his face.

He gathered her in his arms, and she lay in them limply. Her head leaned far back, unsupported.

Jimmy balanced her in one arm and used the other to bring her head back up to rest against his chest. He leaned his ear down to her mouth to hear the welcomed sound of her breathing, and thought those small, shallow gasps were the only thing anchoring him to the world.

Curly didn't move or notice as Jimmy carried Lou away. Jimmy knew that there were no words that he could say to help Curly. In fact, Jimmy imagined that the Curly he knew was dying right there beside his family. Jimmy's eyes filled with new tears and crushing grief spread through his heart as he glanced at Raven Wing, beautiful even in death, for the last time. But he could do nothing to help either of them, and Lou needed him.

Jimmy had to watch where he was going, lest he step on one of the many bodies littering the ground.

A light rain had started to fall, and it extinguished the fires still burning in the village. All around him, scenes similar to the one he'd just left with Curly took place. The smoke and fog clung to the ground and mixed with the mist, giving the scene an even more unreal, nightmarish quality. Jimmy held Lou closer, knowing very well how lucky he was to have the chance to save her.

He rapidly constructed a rough lean-to out of what was left of their teepee, and even in the grief flooding him for far greater reasons, it pained him that the place he and Lou had thought of as home had been destroyed. He found Lou's blanket in the ruins and laid her on it, glad to have her out of the rain. With that done he began the long process of cleaning and caring for her wound.

He scowled as he looked at the wound for the first time. She'd been shot from pretty close range, and he wondered how someone had gotten that close to her if she'd had his gun. The wound was a gaping, bloody hole, and her ribs and stomach were already bruising very seriously.

Jimmy imagined that if at least a few ribs might be broken, and knew she would be in severe pain when she came to. He suddenly cursed at his selfishness of drinking most of the whiskey the night before for a lesser wound.

After the wound was cleaned, the medicine man had surprised him by visiting. He cared for her well,taking more time than Jimmy would have thought he would for a captive. He silently applied a poultice to stop the bleeding and left herbs for pain.

"She fight for us," he murmured as he left Jimmy. "We fight for her now too."

Jimmy was vastly relieved that Lou's survival did not depend on him alone. But with the wound closed and cared for, there was nothing to do but wait for Lou to regain consciousness. Her color was good, and her pulse and breathing stronger. Still, he would not draw an easy breath until he looked into her soft brown eyes.

He washed her in water warmed over the fire, unable to abide the sight of the blood that had covered her small frame. He brushed her hair with his fingertips, and just as he had when he made love to her, he memorized every feature. Tears, of their own accord, kept streaming from his eyes at intervals.

Night was falling, and the mountain air was chilly. Lou shivered. Jimmy lay down beside her and held her closely, trying to warm her. He was trembling too, but with the same terror that had gripped him from the first whiff of smoke on the ride back.

A few hours later she stirred for the first time. Her eyebrows knit together as she grimaced in pain. She tossed about restlessly and began mumbling a string of nonsense that Jimmy could only occasionally understand.

Jimmy sat up and put his hand against her forehead, feeling for fever. He found it cold and clammy. She wasn't delirious from fever, but just from the sheer horror of what she'd witnessed.

"Raven Wing," She cried out pitifully, and Jimmy knew then Lou must have seen her die, "No!" She began and tried to sit up. She cried out in pain with the effort but didn't stop trying.

"Lou, lie still, it's over, you are safe," Jimmy whispered to her, pushing her down gently.

At his touch she screamed and struggled harder.

"Lou, sweetheart, it's me Jimmy!" He pleaded with her, "Now, lie still. It's over."

"…the blood…" He heard her say in another stream of nonsense.

This went on for hours. Jimmy was exhausted from the effort of trying to bring her out of her terror, but she continued to stir restlessly and cry out. Her words broke his heart as he gathered she had indeed seen men, women, children, and Raven Wing cut down in mid-stride before she'd been shot.

Finally, she exhausted herself and rested quietly. Jimmy sighed and rubbed his forehead for a long time, thankful that the ordeal was over, for now. He couldn't bear to see Lou so lost in her horror, couldn't stand not to be able to convey to her that she was safe.

About an hour later, she stirred again, and Jimmy raised up from his sentinel post laying at her side, expecting the worst.

Her eyes slowly opened and they searched the roof of the shelter, trying to decide where she was.

She was aware of severe pain in her middle, but it was nothing compared to the memories that assaulted her.

Jimmy suddenly blocked her field of vision as he leaned over her.

"Hey Lou," He whispered and brushed her hair from her forehead.

"You're back...there was an attack…" She broke off, confusion and pain wrinkling her brow. She studied him, collecting her thoughts. His face was the picture of concern.

"Your arm is bleeding," She croaked, voice rusty.

That she was concerned about his arm given the seriousness of her injuries and what she had witnesses was almost his undoing and in a breaking voice he said, "my arm is fine, Lou! How are you feeling?

As if she hadn't heard, she asked, "Did you catch them?"

"Who?" He asked.

"Dark Wolf and the man with the patch."

"Who?"

"Dark Wolf and a big man," She said, frustrated at him for not understanding, yet knowing very well it was she that was not making sense. She wracked her clouded thoughts for an explanation he could understand, "They led the band of raiders who did this…"

"No, we didn't catch them. They were long gone by the time we got back."

"Where am I?" Lou fired the next question as soon as he finished his answer.

"In what's left of our teepee," Jimmy answered patiently.

He wasn't prepared for her next question, "How is Raven Wing?"

Jimmy quickly looked away from her probing eyes. From her wild ravings he knew she knew Raven Wing was dead. And yet, she didn't find that acceptable.

"Lou, don't you...remember? Raven Wing didn't make it," He watched as her eyes grew teary, then had to look away lest he cry again too, "We were too late to help her. I'm so sorry!"

"No!" She growled at him, and snatched the hand he was holding away from him, "How can you say that?" The tears started pouring out of her eyes, and her voice became more desperate, "She's not dead!"

"Lou, don't do this to yourself," Jimmy pleaded, bowing his head.

She was struggling to sit up and Jimmy sighed and tried to push her down gently, "Lay still, Lou, there's nothing you can do and you are hurt pretty bad."

She surprised him by aiming weak blows at his chest, "Let me go!" She began desperately as he quickly grabbed her wrists. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him gently so as not to stretch her wound, stroking her hair.

She screamed in fury and fought him weakly, but Jimmy knew it was not he her anger was directed at, and he let her vent, all the while whispering soothingly to her. Finally, she was spent, and she collapsed against him, sobbing in great heaving breaths that he knew had to hurt her wound.

"This is all my fault," She sobbed miserably, "Dark Wolf warned me!"

"Shhh," Jimmy said, "I ain't letting you shoulder the blame for him, Lou!" Jimmy's voice broke with the fervent wish he spoke next, "I just wished I would have listened to you and stayed behind, Lou. I'll never stop regretting that."

Lou didn't answer. They held each other in silence for a long time, and Jimmy thought Lou might have drifted off to sleep when he heard her voice from below him, "It's time for us to go home, Jimmy."

Jimmy sighed, and his heart broke as he thought of leaving. He had a feeling she'd stopped looking at the village as her prison too. Somewhere along the way it had become a home, albeit a temporary one, to both of them. Yet now, it was destroyed, and the illusion was finished. They would go home.

"I know. There is no one left to stop us," Jimmy said sadly, "We will leave as soon as you can ride."

Lou nodded and then spoke again, her voice small, "Are you scared?"

"About going home?" Jimmy shrugged, "Hell, I don't know. It will be different now, that's for sure. Are you scared?"

"Yes," She answered honestly, "I don't know what is going to happen."

"Lou, yesterday when I found you, I made any number of promises and pleas to God about what I would give for you to survive. Those hours when I wasn't sure if you were gonna be dead or alive...I ain't never been so scared of nothing. But you are all right, and whatever comes next, I can face it." Jimmy smiled slightly, "It will be good to be home."

Lou sighed and reached for Jimmy's hand, "There's so much to be left behind here!"

Jimmy knew she spoke not only of the friends they'd found in the Sioux village, so many of them dead now, but of what they had shared together.

"You know I love you Jimmy," Lou said quietly.

"Yeah, I do. And I love you too," Jimmy told her. "And I also know I ain't the only one you love, Lou."

She didn't deny it. "Jimmy, what are we gonna do about that when we get home?"

"Lou, the way I see it, this was a whole different world. Ain't nobody from home that can understand what happened here, or put themselves in our place. Not even Buck. I don't think you owe anybody an explanation."

"Even Kid?"

"Especially Kid!" Jimmy growled, though he had promised God to let her go gracefully if He let her live. "If you think he needs to know, Lou, I want you to promise me you will let me be with you when you tell him."

Lou nodded, misery etched in her features. She knew she had felt this much grief before, when her Mama had died surely, but she couldn't imagine her heart being more broken. The senseless death of Raven Wing and the other tribe's members, along with the certainty she would hurt either Jimmy or Kid or both no matter what came next filled her with despair.

"Lou, don't cry, darlin."

She hadn't realized that she was. He wrapped her as tight as he dared in his embrace.

"Time will help," He told her, but didn't attempt to curb her tears again.

She fell asleep there, exhausted by her own grief. Jimmy nodded off too, sitting up with her laying in his arms.

Jimmy opened his eyes and slowly raised his head. Trying not to disturb the still sleeping Lou, he scooted from under her and lay her down, covering her with the blanket. She mumbled and shifted slightly, but did not wake up. He brought his good arm up to massage his now stiff neck. He got up, and walked half-stooped out of the low lean-to. Finally he was able to straighten up and stretch his sore muscles.

He moved his bad arm experimentally, and found it painful.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness and he felt as if he was being watched, and his hand reached for his gun almost unconsciously and he removed the safety.

Curly suddenly emerged from the smoky night.

Jimmy sighed and looked at his friend. He was covered in Raven Wing's blood, and his eyes were bright red, and fierce with grief and fury. His features still seemed contorted, his skin was drawn so tight against his angular face that he seemed little more than a skeleton. He looked like an animal, Jimmy thought nervously, savage, wild and uncontrollable.

"Is she alive?" Curly wondered.

"Yes, she's wounded but improving." Jimmy paused, "Curly…I-"

"It is done," He growled to stop any sympathetic words and continued advancing on Jimmy.

Jimmy felt as if he should draw his gun, but didn't know why. Curly was his friend, and he just couldn't bring himself to think he might hurt Lou or him.

In the shadows he'd looked bad, but now in the dim firelight from the lean-to he looked terrifying.

Jimmy was cautious, knowing grief did strange things to people.

"You will go home soon?" Curly wondered, his voice strained.

"Yes, as soon as she can ride," Jimmy answered.

"You'd go back to the world that has done this to my people, my wife?"

"Now hold on Curly! Dark Wolf was leading the pack, he is your people!"

"Dark Wolf is Apache," Curly spat, confusing Jimmy. However, Jimmy felt asking for an explanation would not be a good idea, "The rest of the men were whites or half-breeds! The white man's blood is poisoned with hatred! I cannot let her go back," Curly suddenly murmured, more to himself than to Jimmy, "Raven Wing loved her too much!"

"What are you talking about?" Jimmy began, leaning forward and trying to understand Curly's mumbling.

Curly looked at Jimmy with eyes that were empty. Without another word he brought the handle of a tomahawk into Jimmy's temple hard, and Jimmy did not make a sound before slumping to the ground, unconscious.

Curly stepped over his body into the lean to.

Lou was just stirring from her sleep. She sat up slightly, despite the pain, when she saw Curly.

"Curly? Oh, Curly, I'm so sorry," She began, new tears filling her eyes.

"It is done," He repeated coldly and reached for her.

"What are you doing?" Lou demanded when he picked her up easily and gently. He didn't hurt her, but he didn't answer her questions.

"Put me down! Where's Jimmy?" She cried out, frightened by the look on Curly's face. She began fighting as hard as her weak body would allow, "Where are we going?"

Curly didn't try to stop her from hitting him. He carried her out of the shelter and stepped over Jimmy.

"Jimmy!" She cried in alarm then slammed her fist into his chest, "You killed him?"

"He is alive!" Curly reassured her, but that was all he said.

Curly withstood her blows as if he didn't feel them. Lou began to realize that he actually didn't. She continued to fight weakly as he threw her on a horse and climbed up with her, riding away from the camp.

"You can't do this! I'm going home!" Lou murmured in confusion, "I want to go home!"

"Yes," Curly agreed with dangerous quiet and the look of a lunatic in his eyes, "We are all going home, my child!"

One more chapter and an epilogue to go...I wanted to rework the ending a bit, but I'm making good progress, so the story's conclusion should be posted sometime this week.

Thank you so much for all the reviews and kindness-I especially love those of you rooting for the story to go the way you are hoping! I'm letting Jimmy and Lou tell me what will happen with the ending, so we'll see. I'm definitely taking a different final road than I did the first time I wrote this many years ago! But no, I'd never kill Lou...I'm too much a sucker for the canon of the show.