Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.
Have you seen this Moose? Or The Coolest Moose on the Block
Narrator: Rocky is continuing his arctic adventure in Pottsylvania, in a hectic search for his pal Bullwinkle.
Rocky: He's somewhere out there...
Narrator: Little does Rocky know that his helpless and hapless friend is somewhere in there. He is being kept in the frozen headquarters of Central Control. Meanwhile, tons of tourists are lining up by the dozens to see the elusive snowmoose. Fearless Leader is ecstatic that his scheme is actually doing quite well.
Fearless Leader: This plan is going even better than I thought it would. Hail Pottsylvania!
Narrator: Suddenly, it starts to hail, and the hail hits him on the head.
Fearless Leader: Yeowch! Why does this always happen every time I say hail Pottsylvania?
The hail storm starts up again.
Fearless Leader: Owch!
Narrator: You just answered your own question.
Fearless Leader: Please shut up, Mr. Narrator.
Mr. Big shows up from the Sorbet Shoreline. The miniature minion is carrying a comparatively large bag of money.
Mr. Big: Gosh, Fearless Leader, you are as excited as a little kid opening Christmas presents.
Fearless Leader: Indeed I am, Mr. Big. My "Christmas present" is to get rid of meddling Moose and Squirrel, and so far no one can stop me! This time I will never fail!
Narrator: Never say never.
Fearless Leader and Mr. Big: Get lost!
Narrator: Coincidentally, Fearless Leader's minions, Boris and Natasha, just so happen to be lost.
Boris: I'll get that stupid squirrel next time.
Natasha: That's what you said last time.
Boris: Shaddup your mouth, Natasha!
Narrator: After wandering through the blustery snowstorm for a while, they eventually find a marketplace to complete their top secret mission.
Natasha: Boris, I think I can see a store! We might be able to buy a fridge there.
Boris: Yes! Finally! We have found a stupid store to buy a refrigerator.
Narrator: Yes, their top secret mission is to obtain a refrigerator. It's as weird as it sounds.
The enter the marketplace.
Store Owner: Wow, I actually have customers at a time like this? With this kinda weather?
Boris: Uh, yeah. I'd like to buy a fridge. It is for purposes that do not involve shoving a Moose in there to freeze.
Narrator: Liar.
Boris: Shaddup your mouth, Meester Narrator!
Store Owner: That'll be fifty box tops, please.
Boris: Fifty box tops?! What kind of pricing is that?
Natasha: We are taking orders from Fearless Leader himself.
Store Owner: Fearless Leader told you? I'll get your fridge right away!
Narrator: The Pottsylvanian shop owner immediately goes into a storage area.
Boris: It's a good thing everyone here is scared of our boss. I couldn't steal any of those things in "Box Top Robbery".
Narrator: He eventually brings out a very large refrigerator. The dastardly duo proceed to carry their not so dastardly appliance out of the marketplace, and head for Central Control.
Boris: This mission actually turned out well for us, Natasha. I didn't even get hurt.
The fridge falls on him.
*crash*
Boris: I stand corrected... argh..!
Natasha: You're not standing up, dollink. You're stuck under the fridge.
Boris: Shaddup your-
Natasha: I know. Shut up my mouth.
Narrator: At Central Control, Fearless Leader is leading more tourists to the popular tourist trap.
Fearless Leader: And zis prehistoric moose is so scary that it even has fangs like a sabre toothed tiger!
Narrator: Stop terrifying the tourists!
Tourist: Where did you find this beast?
Fearless Leader: Zis monstrous moose was discovered at the La Gotcha tar pits, courtesy of the Pottsylvanian Badlands.
Narrator: You're going a little bit too far with this.
Fearless Leader: If you tell them about my scheme, I'll throw you in the tar pits!
Narrator: ...I'll be quiet.
Rocky is sticking up posters throughout the Pottsylvanian capital.
Narrator: Rocky, did you find Bullwinkle yet?
Rocky: No. I tried putting up posters saying "Have you seen this moose?" everywhere, though.
Narrator: That's good. Did you also put them on milk cartons?
Rocky: Yeah.
Narrator: And?
Rocky: Nothing...
Narrator: Oh, dear. Things are looking rather dire for our heroes.
Fearless Leader is eagerly counting wads of cash near the "prehistoric moose" exhibit. He looks up at the narrator.
Fearless Leader: A dire wolf?
Narrator: Don't get any ideas.
Fearless Leader: Now that you mention it, a vicious dire wolf thawed from ice would be great for dealing with Moose und Squirrel... I should really consider going to excavate the La Gotcha tar pits.
Mr. Big: But the tar pits area is dangerous! Eet is covered with, um, tar.
Fearless Leader: I'm fully aware of that, Mr. Big. I can send Badenov und Fatale over there.
Mr. Big: Borees and Natasha appear to be meesing.
Fearless Leader: Messing around? That's them all right. Which makes those two perfect victims, er, candidates for the messy tar pits.
Mr. Big: No, I meant meesing.
Fearless Leader: Oh, missing. Surprisingly, Boris and Natasha have a reason for their absence. They're off to find a fridge to keep Moose from thawing. Which means unfortunately I don't have a reason to shoot them...
Mr. Big: That must be the pits.
Narrator: I wonder if Rocky will find any Tar Monsters next.
Rocky: Tar monsters?
Narrator: Yes, for this city is close to the Pottsylvanian Badlands. Will Rocky be able to rescue Bullwinkle from the cold hearted con artist's tourist trap? Be sure to stay tuned next time for our next episode, "The Cold Castle" or "Once Upon a Grime".