Letting Go
by icypinkpop
Pairing: GokuxVegeta
Disclaimer: Just borrowing them for a while. I seriously hope there are no late fees…
Warnings: Yaoi (M/M), Shonen-ai, Uke Vegeta (not really a warning…), swearing, references to rape, blood, crying, implied masturbation, perhaps some OOC-ness, sap, wife bashing (well, pretty much just Chichi bashing…), character death, violence, lime, angst, graphic sex, MPREG (later), anything one can warn about.
Author's note (changes with chapter): The story continues XP. Angst, angst, angst.
'Text' - Thoughts.
"Text" - Spoken dialogue.
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Chapter 12: Understand-
Vegeta choked back his sobs, muscles shaking as he struggled to retain any dignity that he could possibly have left. GodS, what had he done? Had he really claimed Kakarrot as his mate? He trembled, horrified by his actions. He didn't want to suffer through what Goku would do to him when he found out.
A gentle hand on his shoulder only caused his sobs of grief to intensify. Vegeta shook his head slightly, eyes drifting open as he prepared to reveal what he was sure would cause his demise. Kakarrot had the right to know. He had already hurt the larger Saiyan enough; Goku didn't deserve to have his perfect, beautiful soul marred by the terrible memories in his mind. Taking a shallow breath, the Prince forced himself upright.
"K-Kakarrot." He choked out, vision blurred by the tears that refused to stop coming up. "Do y-you know why-why you bit me?"
He could only watch as a look of confusion fluttered over Goku's features. "Well, not really." The larger Saiyan shrugged slightly, obviously perplexed by the turn their conversation was taking. "I mean, it just seemed like the right thing to do, I guess."
Vegeta would have chuckled had the circumstances not been so incredibly dire. Neck twinging with the pain of Goku's bite, the smaller Saiyan hung his head, overcome with misery. "It-It is a bond, Kakarrot." He eventually stuttered. "We are…connected, now. We…" Vegeta paused, petrified by the look of worry in Goku's eyes. "We can h-hear each other's thoughts."
Unable to continue, the Prince shut his eyes tightly and turned around, tears spilling freely down his face. "Y-You…You can leave, Kakarrot. You n-never have to see me again." The taste of blood was sour in the back of his throat. "G-Go! Please, Kakarrot!"
All coherent words were halted in their tracks as he began to sob heavily once more, head hung in despair.
Hardly a moment passed before he felt strong arms grip him around the chest, pulling him slowly back. Blinking wearily, Vegeta shook violently as he was gathered into a gentle embrace, anticipating abuse. Shock gradually replaced grief as the Prince felt large hands moving slowly across his back.
Taking a pained look up into Goku's soft eyes, Vegeta gulped back a sob and buried his head into the larger's chest, unable to calm his trembling flesh. Kakarrot was so beautiful, so caring. GodS, what he wouldn't give to stay with Goku, trapped in this warm embrace. He would relinquish his power, his strength, what remained of his sanity. Anything to remain here with Kakarrot forever.
Sobbing uncontrollably, Vegeta allowed Kakarrot to pull him closer, disgusted with himself beyond words. His past memories, his feelings of rage and brutality, everything about him was to mar Kakarrot's perfect beauty. The clean, innocent soul was to be tarnished. And it was all his fault.
Unable to betray Goku's trust any more than necessary, Vegeta pulled himself from the blissful hug and stared Kakarrot hard in the face, silently pleading for him to leave. Goku deserved so much better than a deceitful, murderous bastard like him. He didn't deserve to be in the larger Saiyan's presence.
"Kakarrot-" A gentle finger over his lips halted his unsaid plea. He found himself frozen to the spot when Goku threw him a reassuring smile, slipping a comforting hand into his own.
"Shhh. It's okay." The larger Saiyan grasped his hand tightly. "We can talk about this later. Don't worry. Everything's going to be all right."
Vegeta found himself surrendering to the reassuring words. Speech leaving him completely, he nodded back numbly, calming slightly when he felt Kakarrot's lips against the flesh of his cheek. He watched as Goku pulled back, that same smile pulling at his mouth. "Do you wanna take a shower? I think we could both use one."
Mollified by the younger Saiyan's soft words, Vegeta nodded a second time, suddenly aware of the feel of sweat and essence clinging to his body. He allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, still shaking slightly as Kakarrot led him into the bathroom. Goku released his hand only to pull the shower curtain aside, turning on the water as he motioned for Vegeta to step in. "You can go first."
For a reason he couldn't identify at the moment, Vegeta shook his head immediately at the offer, staring at the floor. "You-You can join me, Kakarrot." A flush colored his face, tail fluffing out behind him.
"Okay." Vegeta could practically hear the smile in Goku's voice. "Go ahead, I'll be back in a minute." A kiss was pressed to his forehead before Kakarrot left the room, closing the door behind him.
Overwhelmed with emotion, Vegeta took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, stepping carefully into the shower. The feel of warm water on his skin caused him to move back in surprise. Why was it so hot? His previous experiences on Frieza's ship had led him to believe that only cold water was available in such a setting.
Sliding the shower curtain shut, the Prince carefully lowered himself to the floor, head hung as he allowed the warm water to pound at his tense muscles. He sighed. It was an odd new feeling, but not unpleasant in the least. Vegeta flinched as the hot water seeped into his bite wound, stinging the torn flesh, reminding him of the current predicament. Why couldn't he feel Kakarrot's emotions? Perhaps he had to actively search through the other's mind? He shook his head slightly. The extent of his knowledge about the bond had been taught to him by Raditz, and the larger warrior hadn't known much about it himself. Oh, Raditz…
Vegeta bit his lip, trying to concentrate on the pounding water against his sore flesh. GodS, how he missed his past lover. Nevertheless, he had always known that either the Frieza's cruelty or the ferocity of battle would have eventually taken one of their lives, and Vegeta was glad that it had been the latter. Raditz had deserved to die doing what he loved.
He shook slightly at the memories, eyes squinted shut. Raditz had been his life, his everything. He had given Vegeta hope when all had seemed lost, comfort when Frieza had tortured him for hours on end. Though the years apart had dulled some of the pain, he knew he would never forget his strong Saiyan comrade. A single tear trailed down his cheek.
Gulping, Vegeta allowed his mind to wander back onto his new mate. Goku was so different from his brother. Raditz had been cunning, sarcastic, merciless, but Kakarrot was a polar opposite. Sure, he was often ruthless in battle, but he was also kind and caring. Understanding.
A rustling sound caused Vegeta's eyes to snap open, their owner looking up from his previous position. The Prince watched as Goku stepped into the shower behind him, smiling. "Enjoying the water, 'Geta?" He grinned softly, extending a hand in a silent offer to help him up. Unable to refuse, Vegeta grasped Goku's hand and allowed the other to pull him into a standing position, looking up hesitantly at the larger Saiyan. If only Kakarrot knew how wonderful he was…
Vegeta could only sigh as Goku pulled him into another embrace, rubbing his back tenderly. He found himself melting in the larger's grasp, surrounded by the heat of satin skin, hands stroking over his shoulders. GodS, where had his pride gone? Why wasn't he pounding Kakarrot's skull in, tearing savagely at the arms that held him so gently? He shook his head detachedly. Some Saiyan Prince he was.
Eyes drifting shut, Vegeta forced himself out of Kakarrot's arms and turned away, the mark on his shoulder aching as he avoided the taller's gaze.
--
Goku took another hesitant glance at his sitting Prince, tail twitching nervously on the bed beside him. GodS, everything was so much to take in. The bond, as Vegeta had called it, had left him more concerned than anything at the moment. While a part of him rejoiced in the fact that he and his wonderful Prince were together, Goku was intensely worried about how such a bond would affect Vegeta's mood. Oh, all he wanted was for his Prince to feel good, to accept both him and himself.
Staring out the nearby window at the quickly darkening sky, Goku turned towards Vegeta and leaned closer, observing the regal face with concern. The Prince, having had nothing to wear except the pair of black shorts, was now covered by articles of Goku's own clothing. The orange pants hung loosely on his smaller legs, and were held up by only the tight blue sash that was normally seen around the larger Saiyan's waist. Vegeta had chosen to remain shirtless, though Goku didn't know why and hadn't planned to ask. The bare chest gleamed in the dim light.
"Kakarrot."
The husky voice abruptly broke his train of thought. Looking up in surprise, Goku widened his eyes at the intensity that gleamed out from Vegeta's own jet orbs. "Huh?"
Vegeta stared back, the pure feeling in his gaze sending shivers up the taller Saiyan's spine. "The-The bond is permanent, Kakarrot." He choked out, head lowering slightly as if he expected to be hit. "Are you sure that…you w-want-" The Prince's eyes shut suddenly. "I am…s-sorry, Kakarrot."
Goku's breath left him in that instant. Vegeta was apologizing? GodS, he had never expected to hear those words leave his Prince's lips.
"You-You do not have to stay with me." The shorter said hopelessly, eyes stony with obvious pain. 'I will leave.'
The taller Saiyan raised his head, shocked by the words that echoed through his mind. H-Had Vegeta said that aloud? Was he just imagining it?
"Don't leave." Goku pleaded, suspicions confirmed when Vegeta stared incredulously back at him. Unsure how to explain, he gestured to his head. "I heard you." He explained softly, eyes widening in realization. "The bond?"
The Prince nodded in agreement, eyes affixed on the table. A moment of strained silence passed before Vegeta was suddenly in his lap, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, head buried into his chest.
--
Vegeta clung to Kakarrot for his life, gripping the muscled body as he tried to retain his composure. If he was to remain in Goku's life, the larger Saiyan deserved to know everything. Though the last remnants of his pride cried out at the prospect of letting Kakarrot into his mind, Vegeta pushed aside all intelligent thoughts, the fabric of Goku's gi soft under his fingers.
"Kakarrot." He shivered as warm arms enveloped him, directing his question to the larger Saiyan's mind. 'Can you h-hear my thoughts?'
A soft nod from above affirmed Vegeta's inquiry. Gulping, the smaller warrior pressed his head more firmly against Goku's chest, images of his past flickering about grimly in his head. He sighed, gripping tightly to the muscled arms, allowing the gruesome memories to drift through their bond. "H-here, Kakarrot." 'You deserve to know.'
The strong body beneath him trembled noticeably, telling Vegeta that Goku had successfully delved into his thoughts. Tears formed in his eyes.
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XD;