Whispers in the Dark

Chapter 12: Engraved in Your Mind

"You don't think your pills are working?" She asks, repeating what I just said to her. She flicks her gaze away from the frying egg on the stove to me, her warm teal gaze locking onto mine. I silently nod at her as she drops her gaze to the ground. In a low, dull voice, she asks, "...Have they worked before?"

"Of course, but for some reason now he still won't go away," I say to her, staring at the back of her head. Both of my parents know about him, about Len. How could they not? He is one of the only hallucinations, besides Gumi, that has been with me almost my whole entire life. Being a child, I couldn't really hide another person talking to me when I saw one, hallucination or not. I talked to everyone when I was little, and I didn't care that sometimes people would stare at me funny for talking to someone who wasn't there.

She remains quiet for a few moments, bringing her focus back to the frying egg as she flips it over, it hissing back at her. I patiently wait for her to respond, to say "okay honey, I'll have it looked at later today" like she usually does when I tell her about my medicine. Instead, her voice remains almost monotone as she mumbles, "Don't you think that maybe it's not the pills that could help you? If they aren't working..."

My eyes widen as I take a step back from her. "W-What do you mean, Mom?" She sighs and turns away from her egg, locking her eyes with mine. Heavy bags are painted under her eyes, so dark I can't believe I didn't notice them before. I want to ask her if she's alright, that if she's tired she can take a nap because she looks like she hasn't slept in days. But instead, I keep my mouth shut and glare at her.

"You know what I mean -"

"I want to hear you say it," I spit at her, my voice shaking. Even though I feel like crumbling onto the floor, I force my legs to hold my weight as I wait for her to reply. "Mom, please. Say it."

She forces a faint smile to stretch onto her lips as her eyes become glassy, almost breaking me apart inside. But the other part of me, the part that is taking over, isn't worried about her. Instead, I want to scream and yell all of my anger at her for thinking this way about her own daughter.

"I just think it's best that you get the proper help you need, Miku," she says, trying to keep her voice calm. I can feel my hands ball up into fists at my side while staring at her. I'm afraid that if I talk, I'll either end up sobbing or chewing her out, so I keep my mouth closed. She sets down the plastic spatula she has in her hand and takes a few steps toward me, but I just take them back as I stumble backwards away from her. Her eyes widen as she notices I don't want her anywhere near me.

"Miku, you know it's for the best -" she starts, but I shake my head and hoarsely yell, "How the hell are you suddenly convinced that I'm crazy?! For the whole sixteen years of my life, I've only cracked once! Kaito said -"

"I know what Mr. Shion said!" She screams back, her calm expression replaced with impatience as the tears roll down her cheeks. "But what if this isn't the only time you'll do something like that? For God's sake, you choked your classmate, Miku! If you ask me, the pills aren't helping you if you did something like that!"

My eyes become blurry, but I just ignore the water in my eyes as I yell back, "That's why I'm telling you I need a checkup! I rather pick the option of seeing a doctor than to be sent away - by my own mother! What has gotten into you? Do you not trust me anymore?" She shakes her head and takes another step towards me, reaching her hand out to gently place it on my shoulder, but I step away from her and stare at the kitchen floor.

"Nevermind, since you won't give me the chance, I'll go to the doctor myself. Your precious egg is burning, Mom," I say to her, my voice low. Before I can look back up at her so she can respond, I turn on my heel and walk out the front door.

Before I can make it off my porch steps, a familiar slick voice calls from behind me, "Oi, Miku, where are you going?"

I whip my head around as my eyes lock onto Kaito with his hand covering his mouth, a lit cigarette between his fingers. With one hand in his pocket, he leans against the wall of my house as he blows out a small puff of smoke. He's almost in the exact same position he was in when I first met him, and sadly he is here again for the same reason.

"Can you give me a break? I'm not in the mood to be stalked," I firmly say as I turn back around and walk away from my house. I'm almost to my mailbox as Kaito laughs and calls out again, "I can tell. You know, your house isn't sound proof. Instead of walking to the doctor, how about you just let me drive you? Oh, and thanks for the warm 'welcome back'."

I ignore the last part and stop walking to turn back around to face him, wondering if I should even trust this man. After all, he is taking his job on me much farther than where it's intended to stop. If I get in the car, I'll just start bugging him with annoyed questions on what are his reasons for following me and other questions I'm sure he won't answer -

"Hurry up and get your ass in the car before I drag you," he smirks as he walks off my porch and towards the black truck parked next to my parent's small little blue car. He tosses his half-used cigarette onto the driveway and stomps on it. He shoots me a grin as he gets in the truck before starting it up. I sigh and drag myself to his truck and crawl into the passenger side next to him. He smiles as he backs out of my driveway.

I almost wince at the smell of smoke in the truck as I buckle myself in. I've never noticed him smoking before, but obviously he isn't new to it. We are quiet for a few minutes, neither of us finding anything to say. Just as I flick my gaze to the window, he breaks the silence, "Rin told me about your visit last night."

I break my gaze away from the glass as I stare at him. His eyes never meet mine as he rests his head on his hand and continues, "I called her this morning, and she slipped up and mentioned your name, so I made her tell me about what you two talked about." He half glances at me from the corner of his eye before returning it back to the road. He mumbles as if he's talking to himself, "I strictly told her not to tell you anything about him. I swear that girl just doesn't listen to me -"

"So you do know about Len," I start. Even though I already knew it in the back of my mind, it feels like proof to have him admit it. I already knew Kaito knew something about Len ever since Rin told me about him last night, about what Kaito pulled her away from in the police station. I couldn't even sleep because of how many problems have come up because of Len - and other reasons including him - from last night.

Kaito doesn't reply so I continue, "If you're not going to answer any of my other questions, can you at least tell me if you know why you can see Len, too?"

"So it actually is true?" He asks, his voice monotone. "The boy we saw in your room, his name's Len Kagamine? He told you this, correct?"

I hesitantly nod and say, "Just Len. But before I met you, he called me by the name 'Kagamine' before, which I'm guessing is his family name. So yes, Len Kagamine." I'm not quite sure if he's putting up an act or not. When Len visited my room and Kaito caught the both of us, he had his hood over his head like he always had. So maybe Kaito couldn't really tell if it was Len or not, just his name when he glanced at what I was searching on the computer. I'm not sure if Kaito knew that was Len back then or not, and I doubt he'll tell me.

He sighs as he chokes back his voice, no longer wanting to talk. I ignore the annoyance flooding the back of my head as I stare back out the window - and immediately notice that we are no longer driving through the city, but instead down a single dirt road through the blanket of shaded trees. I whip my gaze to him while hesitantly pointing outside the window, "K-Kaito, the doctor's office is on the other side of the city..." I watch him as he seems to ignore what I said as he calmly stares at the road in front of us, his expression blank. My hands ball up into fists as I ask, "Where are you taking me?"

The only sign that I know he hasn't suddenly gone deaf is that for a brief moment, he glances at me in the corner of his eye, but only for a moment before he breaks our gaze again. I stiffen in the seat as I stare in front of us, never leaving my gaze from the road.

I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I should trust him, I don't know if I should let him take me somewhere without my permission, I don't even know if I should try to stop him. He is linked to Len somehow, and he doesn't want me to know about it. If he won't tell me, maybe I'll just get Len to tell me to see if he knows... I shiver and close my eyes for a few moments, bringing my hand to my lips. Will I even be able to talk to him normally ever since he...?

I don't notice when Kaito stops the truck in front of a large, thick black gate in the middle of a clearing. As soon as he walks around and opens the door on my side of the truck, I pause and stare at the gate in front of the truck. I try to glimpse around the bars of the gate to catch some sort of idea of where we are, but it's no use. The advanced design of the gate blocks any view of the other side.

Slowly, I jump out of the smoke-tainted truck and walk towards the large door of the paint-rusted gate. I turn around to face Kaito, whom has placed another lit cigarette to dance between his lips. He doesn't meet my gaze as he silently walks past me and opens the door to the other side. I stare at his back as a faint trail of smoke blows from behind him. He's never smoked, or at least I've never seen him, this much before. Maybe it's something he does to distract himself from stressing thoughts, but what is he trying to fog up with smoke?

"Are you coming? It's not like I'm going to hurt you, if that's what you're thinking. In fact, this is probably something you would like to see," Kaito's voice calls out from ahead of me. I snap my gaze to him glancing over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to catch up. I quickly pace up to him, leaving the gate open. As soon as I'm by his side, he walks forward again seeming to know exactly where he's going; but as I look around, I notice there's nothing here in this large empty field.

"Why are we here?" I ask him, confused about why would a gate be blocking an empty clearing and why he would bring me here. He doesn't answer, and I sigh not wanting to push it. I know he isn't going to hurt me, my trust towards him hasn't broken that much - after all, he is the one who saved me from going to the mental hospital. But it's just that he's hiding something from me, and it has made me feel on edge about him. Whatever he's hiding has to do with why he's following me, which I finally decided to ignore and let him do for now.

Suddenly, an object immediately flings out against my chest and pushes me back from going any further. I wince as the ache begins to throb in my chest as I snap my gaze to Kaito's out-stretched arm. "What are you..?!" I begin, but as I look up to Kaito, he faintly smiles down on me and flicks his bangs away from his eyes and says, "Watch where you're going, Miku. It would be rude to step on one."

For a brief moment, I stare up at him confused about what he's talking about until I look down at my feet in the grass. A simple rectangular plate gleams in the sunlight up on top of the ground with a few withered flowers laying beside the thick, flat stone. I silently gasp as I glance around the field. "Is this..." I start, surprised I didn't notice the continuous rows of similar plates side by side earlier. They lay out evenly all across the large field, hundreds of them engraved flat into the ground.

"A graveyard. There's one I want to show you," he says as he buries his hands in his pockets and walks ahead. I follow him with my head low, slowly reading the names on each plate. Soon enough I rip my gaze away from the stones and stare at my feet instead. The dates of death on some of these gravestones... are so close to the dates of birth. How could anyone bare with someone dying as early as some of these people?

As we walk, a sudden rustling sound scurries in the distance. I stop walking and look around, waiting for the sound to repeat. Kaito notices me and stops walking too, and looks back to see why I've stopped. "Everything okay?" He asks, his voice quavering slightly in worry. I ignore his question and keep glancing around until I hear it again - the faint rusting sound. Immediately I jolt my gaze to behind Kaito and sigh in relief.

Two small, one pure white and one pure black, bunnies scurry around each other, gently nudging one another past the thin blades of the grass. Kaito glances to where my gaze sits, but he just looks back to me and asks, "Is something there?" I faintly smile and move to his side. "Nothing really, just two rabbits playing. They come only when the weather is really nice like this," I answer him as I wait for him to lead again. He smiles and breaks our gaze. "At least there's something nice for you to see here besides all the gravestones. Places like this give off such a disgustingly sad aroma."

I silently nod and look away from the two familiar hallucinations and continue to follow right behind him as we walk even deeper into the clean, well-kept graveyard. About a little more than halfway through, Kaito stops walking and takes the cigarette out of his mouth. He tosses it on the grass, stomps out the life in the little crimson light, then picks the dead cigarette back up and places it in his pocket instead of leaving is as trash on the ground. He looks over at me as nods down at the plate in front of him.

I walk closer to him before finally looking down at the rectangular plate buried flat into the grass. A few withered roses lay on top of and beside the stone, having long been dead since they were first placed. It seems as if you were to touch one of them it would softly crumble into pieces. Reaching towards one of them, I carefully move one of the roses away from the name engraved in the plate.

"It's strange to see flowers rot and crumble away along beside me," a sudden voice mumbles out from directly behind me. "It feels almost as if it's so I wouldn't be lonely. It's strange."

Both mine and Kaito's gazes snap towards the gentle voice ringing out from beside us. Kaito stiffens as I just stare up at Len's dull gaze locked right past me onto the grave. His soft blue gaze seems to be blank as he stares at the plate, not even seeming to notice that I'm right beside it. He doesn't glance at either me or Kaito as he buries his hands in his jean's pockets. His hood, as usual, is flipped over his head, almost burying the view of his eyes. Ever since the first time his hood accidentally flipped back to show me his blue gaze, Len seems to no longer care as much to hide them - or maybe he no longer sees the point since we already know who he is.

"Len Kagamine," Kaito starts, firmly locking his gaze on the boy beside me. "What are you doing here?" Len finally breaks his blank gaze away from his name engraved in the stone in front of me and locks it with Kaito's. "Just to visit. It's my grave, after all. Am I not allowed to visit my own grave, Mr. Shion?" He asks him, a faint smile on his face as he continues, "May I ask you the same thing? Don't you think it's even more strange to see you here?"

Kaito sets his jaw, not even once glancing down at me. I stand up straight and look back between the two men, wondering what in the world they are talking about. Kaito breaks his gaze from Len as he stares at the ground instead. "To show Miku where your body is buried. I thought it would be necessary since you are buried in her mind, not in the grave."

Len grins, glancing at me for a moment before returning it to Kaito. "Not only her mind, but a small part of yours too. That's the reason why you can see me too," he says. Before I can turn around to face Len, his arms wrap around my waist from behind me as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. I freeze as I feel my cheeks begin to warm up at his touch.

He's so... gentle. At first, the only time he touched me was when he slapped me when I pissed him off - but that was before I knew who he was. Ever since he revealed himself to me, he's been treating me as if I'm a fragile doll waiting to break, but no matter how close I come to falling apart, he keeps me together. But then right after he fixes this fragile doll, he sends me to places that seem to be living nightmares that make me want to crumble to pieces again. I wonder how he thinks about me...

His warm breath huffs against my skin as I stare at Kaito, who seems to be uncomfortable with Len touching me this way. His whole body seems to stiffen as Len brushes his lips against the skin of my neck. My hands ball up into fists as I drop my gaze to the ground, not sure if I want to move away or not. I'm not even sure if I'm scared of Len anymore, not in the same way I used to. A few weeks ago, I would've tried my best to yank myself away from him, but now... now he doesn't feel like a threat like he used to. I don't know what to do anymore around him.

Len pulls his face away from the neck, but instead lays it against my shoulder as he says, "But it's Miku's mind I've been pulled into. I don't know why she can see me, and I don't think I ever will. Chance, maybe." He stays silent for a moment, seeming to wait until either Kaito or I respond. Once we don't, he tightens his grip around me as he smirks, "But we both know the reason why you can see me, Detective. Is that why you're stalking her? Because of me?"

My eyes widen as I glance back at Len before locking my gaze onto Kaito, who just sighs and flicks his blue fringe away from his eyes. Kaito looks off in the distance as he seems to be relaxed, as if he expected Len to say that. Finally, he says, "It would be better if you left, Kagamine. Miku doesn't need to know anything about that. We both know it would be better for her to not know at all, is that right?"

Suddenly, Len's arms around my waist slide away from their grip as he shrugs. "I guess so. But it wouldn't hurt to tell her, you know."

As I turn around to face Len, I notice that he is no longer standing behind me at all. As I look around the entire field searching for him, Kaito walks up to me and grabs one of my hands. I snap my gaze to him as he lifts my palm between us before placing a small object in my hand. I look up at him opening my mouth to speak, but he cuts in and says, "Don't listen to him. He's just trying to convince you I'm the bad guy here." He pulls his hands away as he nods down at the object in my hand. "I already stopped by your doctor. Those are the new pills that should help keep him and other hallucinations away, be sure to take them daily."

Before I can ask him anything, he digs into his pocket pulling out another cigarette before lighting it between his lips - an escape to fog up his mind. He walks past me back towards the front gate as he leaves me standing here with the small orange container in my hand. Before I decide to follow him, I glance back at the plate in front of me, Len's name engraved into the stone.

My hands ball into fists as I blankly stare at the dates below his name. He was born about thirty years ago from now, but died the day I was born. Is it okay to try to make him disappear from these pills? Of course a few weeks ago I wouldn't give it a second thought, but now I know that Len was actually a real living person. Is it really okay to ignore that now that I have the chance..?