Adjusting to the change in location wasn't that bad, but fuck, the paperwork. I sat back against the headboard, legs stretched out as I sipped on a cocktail. Crowley lay beside me, reading some book as I ran my fingers through his hair. My mind was a million miles away, so I didn't notice Crowley put his book down, open on his chest, until he turned his head to look up at me, "Mavriel?"

He pulled me out of my own thoughts, looking down at him, "Hm? Yeah?"

"Is everything alright, Love?" he looked up at me, his expression showing a slight concern that he was trying to conceal.

"Fine... just thinking" I smiled.

He sat up, putting a bookmark in it's place and shuffling closer to me, placing a kiss to the side of my head, "About what?"

"Your drunken escapades" I teased. We'd not actually spoken about that night, other than briefly mocking the mild hangover that he had the next morning.

"Ah, I see" he nodded and smiled a little smile, embarrassed - he looked away and up to avoid meeting my eyes, "I was a bit of a drunken state, wasn't I?"

I laughed, "I'm not complaining, Crowley"

He let out a nervous laugh, looking back to me "I was, uh, a little... forward, wasn't I? I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, Crowley - you said it yourself, I can't say it but you know it's true" I took a breath and looked away. It was just three little words, they weren't hard but...

"Mav, listen, I do love you - I thought I should probably say it when I wasn't drunk out of my face" I smiled, shuffling down to lean my head against his shoulder, "Mavriel, can I ask...?"

"What is it?"

"Why...?" his voice was soft, almost pleading as he asked.

"Why won't I say it?" he nodded and I closed my eyes a second, taking in a deep breath and letting it out again slowly, "Gabriel"

Crowley's brow twitched down into a slight frown just for a moment, before he carefully repeated, "Gabriel?"

"I never told him that I love him - and I loved him for so long I just- I just always thought there would be more time... It mean, he never said it either... but- but... he meant he world to me and..." I stopped, drawing a shaky breath. Gabriel had been my everything for so long, he was the one I should have told I love him, but I was too late. I did love Crowley, very much - but my heart was still telling me that the first time I ever said 'I love you', I should be saying it to Gabriel. "I should have told him."

He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight, "I'm sure he knew, Love"

"That's not the point though - I should have told him." I whispered, "I should have..." I sighed and buried my face against his chest.

"It's okay, Love - it's hard, it must be, but you're strong, you'll be okay." he rubbed my back, "You know that you broke my heart when Gabriel died? Everything that happened to you, it was so unfair for you. And seeing you afterwards, it was so clear how much he meant to you. Without any doubt, Love, Gabriel knew - and I hope you know how much he loved you too." I looked up, tears running down from my eyes, "Everything that angel did, he did for you - even I could see that! You meant so much to Gabriel... I'm not going to push you love, but I want you too know that you've been loved for so long, even if no-one's said it"

Lucifer said it... my brain loudly reminded me, and I winced slightly.

"Mav?"

I shook my head.

"It's okay, it's okay - whatever it is, it's okay. Do you want some space or-"

"No." I said quickly, "No, stay here, please - it wasn't you, I promise. Just- just stay right here."

"Alright," he soothed, "alright, Love" We stayed in silence for some time. Crowley rubbed my back and I held onto him, he kissed my forehead, whispered sweet words of comfort and love. After a while we laid down on our sides, I curled up, cuddling in to Crowley as closely as I could. "Do you want to go to sleep, Mav?" he asked very softly, his voice a near whisper.

I nodded, "Yeah, soon." my own voice was a bit rough now, "Crowley"

"Yes, Love?" he brushed the hair out of my face, then smoothed a tear away.

I found myself smiling, "I might not say the three words, but I want to tell you that you mean a whole lot to me, and I'd hate to see the state I'd be in without you"

He smiled widely, "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that" he kissed me sweetly, "Good night, Mavriel"

"Good night Crowley"