Jo watched him leave not knowing whether to run after him or stay where she was. The shock of his words had grounded her giving her no choice but to stay. She could feel the two curious sets of eyes on her but she had too much to worry about between Laurie's heart and her own to be troubled by them. Jo finally freed her feet from the floor and went to the little window, trying to catch a glimpse of Laurie. She had obviously hurt him, but did not understand why he had reacted so strongly. Surely he knew that she did not think that what they were discussing was nothing, she just wanted to be hospitable. The past few days had left them both on edge. Perhaps it had just been too much. Jo had let her guard down earlier and did not quite know if the intrusion was more of a relief or a frustration.
Jo's thoughts were derailed as she saw Laurie appear through the window. He had just made it to the hedge when he stopped and turned back toward Orchard House. With an audible gasp from Jo, Meg and John both joined her at the window. Before Laurie reached the door to the March home he paused and looked down for a moment, then turned once more and returned to his home with no further detours. Jo was brought back to reality when she turned from the window and bumped into her brother-in-law.
"I'm so sorry, John, it seems that I am out of sorts today." Jo laughed it off, and tried to make her way to the door before having to explain herself. Having wished for nothing more than to confide in Meg this morning, she felt differently now. Somehow everything seemed too complex for words.
"Don't think twice about it Jo, shall I leave you and Meg to talk?" John asked Jo, yet looked to his wife for a response.
"No-" Jo started, but was cut off quickly.
"Yes John, why don't go down and see father, he has been dying for some male companionship and Lord knows that he doesn't find it around here often." Meg suggested with kiss on his cheek. John understood her so well.
As the girls watched John leave, Jo became very anxious. Never needing to keep anything from her sister in the past, she wondered how much of these past days she should share with Meg. Jo nervously paced the floor, she paused to look up at her sister as if to start, then continued pacing. Meg sat patiently watching her sister.
"Meg, I tried to talk to you earlier, I don't know if it would have been any better then. I have no idea where to begin" Jo continued pacing, worry covering her face.
"It is alright Jo, I am here for as long as you need me. You can tell me anything." Meg's voice had a calming effect on her sister.
She walked over to the little couch and took a seat, Meg was already seated to her left. Jo looked Meg in the eyes and smiled, knowing that she could indeed tell her sister anything.
"I know Meg, I am so grateful to have you. I suppose that I should begin on your wedding day." Meg smiled at the memory of that beautiful day as Jo began her tale. "It was a lovely afternoon as you know and Laurie had just graduated. We met walking through the woods which was not uncommon, but things somehow turned serious very quickly. He, he," Jo did not know how to proceed, yet decided that it may be best to just get it out there. "Teddy asked me to marry him that day-"
Before Jo could finish, Meg jumped up and congratulated her sister with hugs and kisses. Jo was playfully chastised for not having told her sooner. She could feel the heat rise to her face and her eyes could no longer meet her sister's. Meg noticed a change in Jo and realized that she certainly did not play the role of the loving fiancé this morning, and Laurie was not at all pleased when he left not long ago. Meg sat back down and took Jo's hand.
"Jo, I don't understand -"
"I refused." Jo could not get the words out quickly enough. Meg's mouth was agape as if that scenario had never entered the realm of possibilities in her mind.
"It's actually more complicated now. I was worried that the blasted proposal would ruin our friendship. So, that evening I went to his house to try and talk some sense into him, make him see reason." Jo realized that her plan was flawed upon retelling it.
"Oh, Jo, you didn't?" Meg asked, astonished at her sister's actions. Jo had always been bold, impulsive, but this was on different level, Poor Laurie.
"I did, I'm afraid." Jo replied sheepishly. "Once I arrived and saw him, I instantly lost my resolve. I could see the hope in his eyes, he thought that I may have come to recant my refusal. I have no idea what I was thinking.
"He kissed me Meg. I was caught completely off guard, but I knew that I had to get my point across. We argued which somehow brought us to more kissing and Teddy asking me to join him in Europe. It all happened so fast."
Jo was interrupted by an astonished Meg.
"Wait, Jo, you refused Laurie's proposal and he asked you to Europe?"
With a nervous smile, Jo continued her tale. "Well, yes. When we spoke more of it, I told myself that we could go on as friends, as we used to, I knew that he felt differently. I really saw this as an opportunity to hold onto the fun and adventure that Teddy and I have always shared. When I asked Marmee, she told me that she thought that I cared more for Laurie than to hurt him outright. I know that she did not mean it as such, well perhaps she did, but she accused me of taking advantage of his emotions for a trip to Europe. That was not my intention, Meg, truly. She had a valid point though, and I had deluded myself into thinking that this was just an offer to go on a trip, when I knew in my heart all along that he was only asking to persuade me further.
"I told Teddy that I could not go, and to my surprise he said that he did not care, he wanted me anywhere, any way that he could have me. From then on, every time that we were alone together, we could not keep away from one another. I had developed such strong feelings for him, feelings that I did not know I was capable of having. I just don't know if it is love.
"Meg, I cannot bear the thought of being without him, but I hate the thought of being someone's wife."
Jo looked at Meg, hoping that she could give her the answers that she needed, hoping that she could tell Jo what to do. Meg winced slightly at the distain that Jo held for her position, but had more questions for her younger sister.
"What of today, Jo? This morning you were so distant, and when we came in?"
"Well, I spoke to Marmee once more, she told me that it was my decision, but if I was not prepared to marry him, then it may be a mistake. Teddy promised to give me time to think, but then he was right there at the picnic, I know that he wanted to see you and John. I just wanted him to leave me be for a bit to sort out this mess of feelings. This afternoon we had a serious discussion." Jo smiled, thinking about the story and Laurie's reaction to finding it, she felt that Meg did not need to know everything. Jo looked at Meg, her face in a near frown. "I want the past and he wants a future that I don't know if I can live up to. I am just afraid Meg, or have been."
"Oh?" Meg felt that she needed to fill the temporary silence with something, but could this was all that she could manage.
"At first I thought that I could never feel for him the way that he wants me to, the way a wife should for a husband. That fear has passed, but that led to a deeper worry. What if we were to marry and these passionate feelings left us, what would we be then? Condemned to a place where we are miserably attached to one another, neither of us free?" Jo could not meet Meg's eyes at this statement, she was still in the midst of marital bliss and Jo was speaking of it as if marriage were a penitentiary.
"Jo-" Meg sighed and rubbed her sister's arm. "You and Laurie have always been the best of friends, if you were to marry him that would not change."
"What if it did? What we have is nothing like a man and wife. I am silly and boyish, together we are incredibly mischievous. I would make an awful wife, I hate house work, there are so many reasons why Teddy should have…should never have asked me." With her eyes staring straight into Meg's, Jo finished, "I know that I will disappoint him."
"Have you discussed this with him, Jo?" Meg asked.
"Not this exactly. Meg, I have hopelessly destroyed my plan to remain friends. It is impossible now." Jo paused, "Right before you and John came in I told Teddy that I wanted him, I'm afraid that I meant it. This could all be so right if only I could see myself marrying."
"You speak of marriage as if it is a jail sentence, Jo. If you truly care for Laurie and cannot imagine yourself without him, there is hardly a reason not to wed." Meg said rather passionately.
"Hardly a reason." Jo repeated with scorn. "Meg, I want so much more from my life than to be Mrs. Theodore Laurence. I can't allow myself to be swallowed whole by marriage and live forever in the shadow of a man, no matter how I feel about him. I want my works and accomplishments to mean something.
"It may start as love, then one compromise leads to another and suddenly you are nothing but the little woman bidding her husband a good day as he goes out to face the adventures of the world and you stay home to wrangle his children. That's not for me." She looked out the window toward the Laurence home, wishing that she could feel like any other girl that had won Laurie's heart, as many had tried.
"Jo, surely Laurie would allow you to write and pursue your passions." Meg stated
"I should hardly want anyone to allow me to do anything." Jo replied with her arms crossed, still staring out of the window.
Meg tried to think of something that she could say, something that may reach Jo. Meg was certain that if Jo did refuse Laurie for good that they would not remain friends and Laurie would leave and eventually. Jo would be alone and miserable in the life that she had dreamed for herself. She went to her sister and began to pet her mane.
"Jo, would you rather to lose him?" Meg asked in a very pointed tone. Meg felt that her sister would benefit from her true feelings, that is what she asked for, after all. "I have known that you have long since wanted to remain unmarried and work to support yourself. Those are wonderful ideals, but dear, I am afraid that if you follow that path, you will surely regret it. Laurie will not remain in his grandfather's house just to be your friend, Jo. You have all but told me that you love him, you need to go tell him that, tell him of your hesitations.
"Jo, I do not doubt your talents or that you will be successful. I just do not want visit you in ten years to find you in this big house all alone. I am sorry for the harsh words, I only want the best for you, truly. Please don't be so stubborn as to give up happiness."
Meg agreed with everything that she had said, however, did not know that she should have been so blunt with her sister. Jo pulled her knees to her chin and thought over the words that her sister had just delivered. The two sat in the garret in silence for what seemed hours. There was a light knock on the little door, and once beckoned, John entered.
"Meg, dear, the hour is very late, I feel that we should be getting home." He said carefully.
Meg embraced Jo with all of the love that she had in her heart. Meg pulled Jo's chin up until their eyes met.
"Remember what I said Jo," Meg said with a kiss on the forehead. "And talk to him." Meg added over her shoulder as she joined her hand with that of her new husband. As they began to leave the garret, Meg said "know that I love you, Jo. If you need me, I am always here for you." With that sentiment, Meg was gone and Jo was once again alone.