AN: Warning, only the epilogue is left after this chapter.
Chapter 11
"If you are reading this, I am already gone. As I am sure you have already figured out from my handwriting, I am you. Merely 500 years older. With the help of the undead priestess our half-brother was quite fond of, I was sent back into the past; into your body. To correct our mistake. Yes, even we make mistakes. You will probably hate me for this, though you would merely be hating your future self that will no longer exist, but I have taken things out of your hands so you will not screw them up again. I will pass onto you the wisdom I have learned in the 500 years since I was you; wisdom I did not originally know I was lacking.
We made a mistake after the void. We continued to make it as years passed one after another and we barely had contact with our son, with the mother of our heir. I know you do not want to see him as such, but it is exactly what he is and he is the only one we ever had. I spent my entire life since the void watching them from the shadows. Watching as their lives went on without me and mine stood frozen in time without them. I watched her aged until the day she died, frail and weak, and still she came to me with a book she had written about their lives so I could get to know our son.
She used the last bit of her strength to make sure I received it and to thank her I waited three hundred years to read it. And still I did not understand. For 60 years she raised our son without me and never had an ill thing to say about me; even though I gave her plenty of reasons to. She was far stronger than either of us could ever hope to be and she gave us the greatest gift we could have ever known. She gave us a child; half-demon or not. Father was not the weakened fool we believed him to be, it is those who can not change that are weak.
Our pride makes us weak and alone. I know, very well indeed, how we hated Inuyasha for what he is, could not accept our own son because he is the same, but there is something I wish I knew and understood all those years ago. Something I will now explain to you. Half-demon or not, bastard son or not, Inuyasha was loved. He was wanted and he was needed. Three things we have never known. Three things we have scoffed at, but I have come to understand the importance of them in these 500 years. He was surrounded by love and family and we were surrounded by fear and ignorance.
We may have had Jaken and Rin at our side, but we never once truly let them in. There was a reason I decided to leave Rin at Kagome's village when she came of age, I just never really understood it before now. I wanted her to be surrounded by the love our son was; that I knew Kagome would give her. Of all the things I would change, that is not one of them. She was happy there, but she can still be happy with us there too. There are also many things that can not be changed, even by me.
They will die one day, but I will make sure that I have no regrets this time when it happens. Make sure she marries the fox kit; he was a good mate to her and we could not have asked for better. He never made her cry and they had many children together. I know that she smiled on her deathbed and I do not wish to take that away from her. After the death of Kagome's mom and grandfather, neither of which can be avoided as they were natural causes, convince her to bring her younger brother back through the well. If she does not, he will soon die.
And when she dies, use Tenseiga to give her soul to the undead priestess. A deal is a deal and she may have it for the 80 years promised, but do not hesitate to remove it from her body if she refuses to give it up when her time is up. The soul must be able to be reborn or Kagome will never exist and I know that by the time this point in history comes around, you will be unable to live without her just as I am.
I know you will hate me to know this, but do not take it out on any of them. You have no one but yourself, future version though I may be, to blame for having no control in your own life. There was no other way to do this that would not result in you simply regretting the past one day as I am now. I am taking away your choice one last time as I have already started the mating process with Kagome. Forgive me, my younger self, but I do not wish to come into existence again in another 500 years. I will not let you make the same mistake I did when I was in your place."
TV:JTR
Minutes before the sun would be rising outside of the den, soft whines aroused Sesshoumaru from his slumber; confusing his sleep ridden mind. Slowly blinking open his eyes as he tried to figure out what had possessed him to lower his guard and allow himself to fall asleep in the first place, Sesshoumaru was shocked out of his self ridicule by a strange warmth he could feel practically surrounding him. Turning his gaze to the left, he found the priestess sleeping far more peacefully than she should ever be doing in his presence; curled up against his with her head on his chest.
Hearing the whine again, Sesshoumaru turned his attention toward a crib not far from the edge of the futon and a quick sniff of the air confirmed the sounds to be coming from the half-breed he had sired. His confusion only fueling his rising anger, Sesshoumaru began to growl deep in his throat as the girl at his side began to toss in her sleep, no doubt frightened by the sound, but was quickly silenced when he felt a warm hand being placed over his mouth.
Briefly contemplating biting the hand, Sesshoumaru turned angry eyes to the owner and found Inuyasha gesturing for him to be quiet. "Follow me," he whispered harshly before removing his hand and making his way back out of the room. More out of curiosity than anything else, Sesshoumaru silently rose from the futon and followed after his half-brother; remaining silent until they were outside of the den.
"Explain," Sesshoumaru demanded in a harsh tone as he turned to glare at his brother, but instead of answering him, Inuyasha handed him a rolled up scroll. Annoyed at his lack of response, Sesshoumaru wrenched the scroll from his fingers and quickly unrolled it. As his eyes scanned the page, reading the words left for him to see, he began growling every so often; his tone and pitch becoming angrier and louder with each growl. Once he had finished, Sesshoumaru practically roared in anger before he tossed the scroll aside and took off into the forest before Inuyasha could stop him.
Sighing heavily at the not completely unexpected reaction, Inuyasha turned his attention back to the scroll, picking it up and instantly turning his eyes to the last few lines on the page. Shaking his head at his brother for not wording things a bit more gently, Inuyasha quickly hid the scroll behind his back and turned around when he heard footsteps coming up behind him. "Where did Sesshoumaru go?" Kagome inquired more than a bit concerned having woken up to find him gone.
Putting on his best 'everything is fine' expression, Inuyasha explained, "He had something to take care of, but he will be back soon." Leading her back inside their home, Inuyasha silently prayed that Sesshoumaru wouldn't end up making a liar out of him.
TV:JTR
Enraged, Sesshoumaru tore through the forest as he screamed out his frustration and outrage in his mind; at his older self, at the world, at the void and at her. Turning his eyes toward the dawning sky, Sesshoumaru growled as loud and as long as he could before finally pausing to take a breath; repeating the process over and over as he prayed it would make him feel the slightest bit better. Much to his disappointment, it did not change anything. He felt exactly as betrayed and as pissed off as he had been before he started.
Spinning around, Sesshoumaru grabbed onto the closest thing he could find and ripped the giant tree from the ground with his bare hands; effortlessly tossing it aside. "How dare you?!" Sesshoumaru screamed into the empty air as though his future self was standing in front of him, able to take responsibility for what he had done; what he had forced on his younger self. "How dare you take away my right to chose my own destiny after everything I have suffered!" he continued to demand of a version of himself that no longer existed in that time, not caring if anyone had heard him as he would simply kill them before they could tell another what they had heard.
It did not matter that it had been his future self that had done it this time, when before it had been his own father and the void, it actually made it worse. No one knew better than himself what he had gone through and yet he had done it to himself. He had taken away his own choice from himself and if he was standing in front of him now, Sesshoumaru knew he would kill his future self, but even that satisfaction he was denied.
Taking a deep breath, Sesshoumaru glanced down at his palm where he knew his mating mark would be, and stared at the thin red cut for a few minutes in silence. "There is one thing I could do to take back control of my life," Sesshoumaru informed the silence around him. "All it would take would be my dying." Closing his fist so tightly that his claws nearly reopened the cut, Sesshoumaru stared down at his hand in silence for a long time before finally shaking his head at the thought of taking his own life or allowing himself to die by taking the priestess's life.
Unknowingly echoing the words of his future self, Sesshoumaru admitted to the morning sun, "Even if the beginning was against my will, or perhaps even more because of it, I will be in control of the ending. The ending I choose." Turning his back without another word, Sesshoumaru began making his way back toward the den; still angry, but no where near as much as he had been when he left it. Though he was not in as much of a rush to return as he had been to get away, it did not take him long before he was crossing the threshold into the clearing.
Instantly he spotted Rin sitting in the morning sun as she played with Inu-Takeshi as Jaken held him carefully in his arms. Glancing around and not spotting his half-brother, Sesshoumaru turned his attention to the woman standing a few yards from the group; watching their interaction with a smile on her face. Apparently noticing his reappearance, she turned toward him as her smile brightened and she began making her way over toward him as the others remained unaware of his return. Spotting something off from the demon she had fallen asleep next to the night before, Kagome stopped a few feet from him and gently inquired, "Is something wrong, Sesshoumaru?"
As a full minute passed without a word from him, Kagome began to grow concerned about his continued silence. Dreading the worst, she could barely ask, "Are you regretting your decision?" without her voice cracking under the emotions she was feeling. Once again, he didn't utter a sound as he just continued to stare at her in silence. Feeling her heart starting to break, Kagome blinked back the tears that threatened to fall before offering, "Finish the mating ritual and you are free to go. We can't stop it in the middle, but you need not stick around once it is complete.
"I will only live for a short time and after I die you will be completely free once again." Turning her back on his in a failed attempt to hide her tears even though she was sure he could smell them, she continued, "Our son is still young enough that he will not remember you. You can still leave without ruining his life." Moving to head back to the den before she broke down completely, Kagome was more than a bit surprised to find herself stopped by Sesshoumaru as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I am not the monster you think I am. I am not my father, I would never abandon my mate and son," Sesshoumaru whispered in her ear, a bit startled by his own admission. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized what he said was the truth. His father's greatest failing was not in siring a half-breed, but in abandoning his mate and heir. No matter how angry he was at her or at the situation, he would never allow himself to become the monster his father was; to follow in his failed footsteps.
"I am simply trying to wrap my mind around all that has happened," he admitted, quickly catching the look of confusion that Kagome shot over her shoulder at him. Realizing what it meant, he still couldn't help but ask, "You do not know?" Ignoring her question of what it was that she didn't know, Sesshoumaru shook his head as he replied instead, "Of course he wouldn't tell you, but it doesn't matter. Just be patient with me while I get used to the way things are now." Not giving her the chance to question his words and ignoring her still presence confused expression, Sesshoumaru stepped up beside her and began leading her back to their home.