April walks inside the attending lounge feeling pretty good. "Good morning." She greets Meredith, Cristina, Alex and Jackson. They all looked startled by her sudden good mood. Nevertheless, April smiles brightly at them.

She places the tray of coffees she's carrying on the table. "Coffee for everyone." She announces.

Cristina, who is beside Meredith at the table, eyes her suspiciously. "You're not trying to kill us with poison, are you?"

April looks confused. "No, why would I do that?"

Meredith answers, "Because you've been very different and scary lately and we're not sure what you're capable of anymore?"

"You guys—look, I'm sorry that I've been a little..." she cocks her to the side, considering her answer, "…off. I took it out on you and that's terrible. So, peace offering?" She gestures to the coffees.

Standing by the counter, Alex shrugs and takes one. Meredith and Cristina do the same.

April meets Jackson's stare from across the room. She could read him easily. From the way he stood – arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed and jaw tight – he's not exactly happy with her right now. The one thing she really wants to change and she doesn't even know if she's doing it right.

"The fourth one's yours." She meekly says.

"I'm good. I'm planning to meet Stephanie later for coffee anyway." He says.

"Oh."

Cristina, who seems unfazed by the tension between Jackson and April, says, "Make it a month's worth of coffee and I'll take your apology into consideration."

April silently thanks her for breaking the ice. "Make it a week and you got yourself a deal."

"Watch it, Kepner. You're in no position to hold an ultimatum. But if you insist." Then she stands up and walks out. Meredith follows soon after, squeezing April's arm in thanks as she passes her.

Alex is about to leave also when April calls out for him.

"Alex!"

Alex turned around.

"Can I have a word?" She asks him.

Jackson, whose back is turned, scoffs as he shuts the door behind him, leaving the two alone.

Alex asks, "What is it, Kepner?"

"About what happened—"

Alex cuts her off. "Relax, I'm not gonna blab about it."

April sighs in relief. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Yeah, whatever." Alex is about to leave but turns back again. "Any plans on telling Avery?" He asks her.

April shrugs. "What's the point? It's over now."

"Yeah, but don't you think he deserves to know why you acted like a complete lunatic for these past weeks?"

April smirks, turning the situation around. "Wow, Alex, you suddenly care now?"

Alex scowls. "You know what? I'm done. You're all good now, I can finally go back to hating you again." Then he starts walking out.

"You're welcome—by the way."

The door slams shut.

"For the coffee." She finishes.

Her eyes land on a lone cup of coffee on the table. Sighing, she takes the tray and throws it in the trash.

•••

April is walking down the stairs when she sees Jackson standing by the nurse station alone, his head down on a chart. April takes a deep breath and walks over to him.

She slips her hands inside her coat pockets as she stands by him.

Jackson doesn't need to look up to know who it is beside him. He asks coldly, "Can I help you with something?"

April takes a deep breath before starting. "Jackson, I'm sorry. And I, I really do mean it this time."

"Anything else?"

April looked offended. "N-no—"

Jackson slams the chart close and turns to her. He's definitely mad. "Wrong answer."

"What?"

"Are you here to tell me why you acted the way you acted?" He demands.

"Jackson, it doesn't matter now—"

"Are you?"

"N-no." April's voice shakes but she wills it to be steady. "No."

"Then we have to reason to talk to each other unless it's work related." Jackson states. Then he walks away.

"Jackson." She calls out to him but he didn't even look back.

•••

Before her surgery that afternoon, April runs into Jackson in the hallway.

"Sorry." Jackson mutters before he realizes it's April. His expression turned cold and he starts to walk away.

"Jackson."

This time, he stops walking. "What?"

"I—uh..." She licks her lips. She didn't know where to start.

He turns to face her, eyebrows raised in question.

"If you want to scrub in, I have a 56-year-old who wanted to repair—"

"No thanks. I'm pretty busy with Torres on Shepherd's nerve transplant." He starts walking away again when April calls out.

"You're really not gonna talk to me?"

Jackson stops walking and thought about turning to her for a second then shakes his head and continues walking.

April watches his back sadly. She really needs to fix this. Whatever it takes.

So she'll have to start explaining herself.

•••

Before she leaves at the end of her shift, April's sitting on the lower bunk in an on-call room. Her elbows are at her knees and her fingers are laced tightly.

The door opens and Jackson comes in. He closes the door and walks over to April. "This better be quick, I gotta –"

"Jackson."

Jackson stares at her impatiently. "Look, just say it. I don't have all night."

April sighs and runs her hands through her hair before putting them down again and looks up at Jackson. She stares at his eyes. Somehow, she suddenly thinks about a blue-eyed baby, just like his father. But that thought only makes her more incredibly sad. She looks down on her shaking hands. She laces the fingers tightly and takes a deep breath before saying, "I was pregnant."

Jackson's expression changes instantly to confused. "April, you took the test. You're not pregnant."

"They had a mix up of results weeks ago. As it turns out, I actually was pregnant."

Jackson had a hard look on his face. "Was?"

April takes a deep breath. "Yes, was."

For a split second he looks angry. "You had an abort—"

"I didn't have an abortion. I..."

She closes her eyes as she tears start falling from her eyes. "I lost it, Jackson. I lost the baby."

She looks up at him, stood up and starts pacing. "I knew I didn't want to be pregnant in the first place—not like this—but when I had the miscarriage I-I just—it felt like such a huge loss. I lost a part of me that I barely even knew and it's sick and-and hard."

Still no response from Jackson. He just stares at her. He couldn't believe it.

"I know I said I didn't have an abortion but I feel like I'm still responsible. I killed it. I did kill it because I didn't think about it when I'm not taking care of myself and now it's gone and it's all my fault—"

She takes another deep breath and stopped in front of him. "I thought of it as God punishing me. I didn't care and now it's dead because of me."

Finally, Jackson talks, his voice low. "April, why didn't you tell me?"

April rubs the back of her hands to her eyes. "I don't really know. Maybe because I didn't want to ruin your thing with Stephanie—"

Jackson scoffs.

"Or maybe because I didn't want to burden you with something you wouldn't want in your life." She continues.

Jackson scoffs again in disbelief. "I didn't want it? I said I was gonna be there for you. Marry you and buy you a house and spend the rest of my life with you. You were the one who was delighted that we don't have to do all those things."

"Because I wasn't ready then. And you weren't, too." She reasons with him.

"But, April, how can you not tell me this?" He asks helplessly. "You didn't even try."

She gives him a look.

Jackson thinks about it, then remembers something. "You were going tell me then, weren't you? But I told you about Stephanie." He shakes his head in disbelief. "April—"

"You wanted to know and now you do."

Jackson didn't know what to say.

"I-I understand if you hate me." April swallows hard. "But I really, really hope you don't because I can't stand it when you're mad at me, Jackson. It doesn't have to change anything, I don't expect you to get back together with me."

He averts his stare to the floor, not being able meet her eyes anymore.

She continues, "I'll give you t-time and...I'll be out of your way, I promise, just don't hate me, please." She pleads but he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

She waits for a response and when she didn't get it, she just nods her head and walks out of the room.

•••

Jackson's sitting at the bar, staring down his beer. He feels ashamed of himself. All this time, April's been going through something that they both caused, but she took it all in to herself. She went through something hard to recover from and he wasn't even there for her. He feels ashamed for being so mad at her and doesn't even have the right to feel that way.

Alex soon joins him. He gestures to Joe for a drink and then turns to Jackson. "You planning on downing that beer just by staring at it?" He started on his own bottle.

"Shut up." Jackson mutters. "Just...shut up."

"Huh." Alex raises hi eyebrows. "What's got you all wind up?"

Jackson stares at him. "You knew. And you didn't tell me."

Alex gets confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." Jackson snaps.

Alex sighs. "So Kepner finally told you, huh?"

"I asked you and you outright lied to me. You don't lie about something like this."

"It wasn't my secret to tell, alright?" Alex defends himself. "I respected that. And for the record, I did try to convince her to tell you herself."

Jackson scoffs. "Yeah, what a big help you've been." He says sarcastically.

"Look, if a person breaks down and then looses a baby in front of you –"

Jackson looks up at that.

"– and knowing that she doesn't have anyone else, you help her. She doesn't want people to know then I won't tell anyone. You know I don't like Kepner that much but if she needed help then I'll help. I'm not a complete ass, you know." He sips his beer.

Jackson's silent for a moment. He asks quietly, "You were with her? When it happened?"

"Yeah," Alex eyes him. "I'm sorry about that. I'm not sure if you even wanted the kid but it's still a huge loss."

Jackson just nods in thanks as he looks down on his beer again.

•••

Author's Note: Thank you for all of your reviews. And keep 'em coming! They are all appreciated. Whether they are good or bad – I'm all ears. Your reviews are what keeps this story going. Keep that in mind.