Fine, I won't torture you anymore. Here you go. Hope you like it.

I stood among the crowd, trying to tune out the whispers of everyone around me. I could feel their eyes on me. Their gaze was the one of accusation and disgust. It hurt to be looked at like that. Not as much as I thought it would but it still hurt a lot.

My initial shock about Max passed and now only pain was left. But I could cope with pain. I need to cope with it.

Magnus made sure I was more or less fine before he left last night. I don't think I would be capable of staying this calm and collected if it wasn't for him.

But this is only temporary. I thought. It will fade away eventually. Dull to the point of nothingness. It is just a dark shadow among the bright colors of good. Of bright colors of Magnus.

I looked around. He said he will be here soon.

"Alec, can we talk?" I turned around hearing my mother's voice.

She was wearing the usual white mourning clothes and her eyes were red from crying but never the less she looked as confidante and as commending as always.

I didn't want to talk to her but I nodded anyway. Curious to what she has to say.

"I am sorry." She said caughting me off guard. "I'm sorry about how we reacted. And how we treated you. Maybe we can try this. I still love you. Maybe this can work. We can still try and be a family. What do you say?" Her eyes looked so hopeful. It hurt me to see her look at me like that and know that I can't accept.

"No."

"No?!" She looked at me with confusion and surprise.

"No. I know why you're doing this. I understand. I really do." I put my hand on her shoulder. "You wouldn't be doing this if Max hadn't-" I couldn't say it. "If Max was still here."

"Alexander, don't be like that. This isn't about that." Her hope was shattering and her voice turned desperate.

"Yes it is. Don't deny it. And I am sorry to say this to you but patching it up with your other son won't make it any better." My voice stayed unbelievably calm.

"Alec-"

I cut her off. "Don't waste your breath. You can't fix this. You threw me out and stabbed me with your words, making me bleed. Making me brake and shatter." I said a little too harshly but she needed to know. I needed to make her understand that she is not getting me back. "There is no way that I am going back. No way of fixing it and going back to how it was before. It will just hurt all of us more than necessary."

"No, Alec. We can fix it." She was a picture of desperation now. Holding onto her last straw of hope. I felt sorry to have to tell her that that straw was cut long ago. "Everything will be good again."

"That's a lie and you know it." I wanted to look away but I stayed put. Looking her right in the eyes. "You had your chance when I first confessed to you and you blew it."

"Alec I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And she really did look sorry. "But you said it so calmly. I didn't think it would affect you this much."

I laughed without humor. "I had a fearless rune on. Of course I was calm."

"There is no such thing!"

"There is now. " She looked like she was about to argue so I continued. "You really think that after ten years of pretending and living in fear of you finding out…Do you really think that I could just say it to you so calmly. Because I wouldn't. I don't even know if I could ever have done it if it wasn't for that rune. But I don't regret it. Because after all the pain you put me through I finally found peace and happiness."

I looked at her hurt face. It hurt. It hurt seeing my strong mother turn into this and knowing that partly my own words are at fault. But it hurt more knowing that if I agree to be a family again she will look at me just like that time I confessed. She would look at me like that every day. So I just needed to make her believe it through her current mourning stage. I needed to make her understand that I am not trying to hurt her. But protect us both. Because even after all of this I still love her.

"What's done is done." I continued before she had time to say something. "There is no way of changing the past. And no way of fixing it either. You said it before…We are not a family anymore. Just forget about me. Let me go." I turned around to walk away.

"Alec…" She sounded sad and heartbroken. It was the most emotion I have ever heard in her voice.

Hearing her sound so hopeless and sad almost made me turn around and hug her. Comfort her and come back home with her. But I didn't. Because I knew this was the right thing for all of us. Maybe we did lose one of our own. A brother we all loved. But getting back another won't change that. If anything it will make the pain even worse.

"I am happy without you. Let me be happy." I said without turning around and than walked away as fast as I could without running.

She didn't try to stop me. Didn't say anything else. And with that I knew she let me go fully. I knew she understood.

I was so lost in thought that ran into someone.

"I'm sorry." I apologized glancing up. The familiar cat like eyes met mine and my tension washed away.

"Why in such a hurry love?" he asked pulling me closer to him.

"I just talked to Maryse." I said glancing back to where I left her. She wasn't there anymore.

"Oh." His eyes turned worried.

"It wasn't like that." I assured him. "She finally understands."

He nodded. His eyes turning soft as his gaze went back to me. "And you're ok with that?"

"Of course. I'm happy." I said and put my arms around his neck kissing him.

As he pulled me even closer and kissed me back I could feel him smile.

It showed me that I made the right choice.

I always thought that Maryse is a good mother. Just with Robert, Valentine and the rest of the Shadowhunters it all went wrong with her. But with losing her youngest child and facing a battle that can result in all of their deaths makes her snap out of it. Even though she knows as much as Alec does that its already too late she has to at least try. I wanted to show it here. Show how much she really cares. He is her first born after all. I don't know if I succeeded or not but I tried my best.

Anyway, one more chapter to go. It is the same as for this one: You review and I post. So, tell me what you think. The last chapter will be all cute Malec.