"So…this guy we're gonna see…known him long?" asked Joker, casually, as he flew the Clown Prince of Crime toward the Dagobah system.
"As I said, he's the Jedi Master who taught me," replied Crane's ghost, who sat huffily next to him in the pilot's chair with his arms folded across his chest. "So yes, we've known each other for many years."
"Are you close?" asked Joker.
"We're friends, yes," retorted Crane. "Why?"
"Does he know you're dead?" asked Joker. "I just don't want it to be awkward when we just suddenly show up like this…"
"He has sensed it through the Force," replied Crane. "The Force allows a Jedi to know and see things that happen far away in space and time. Especially to people close to you. For instance, you might be able to sense what's happening to Harley once you train your Force ability."
"Oh, you and this guy are like me and Harley, huh?" asked Joker with a smile.
"No!" snapped Crane. "No, we're just very close friends! A bond doesn't have to be physical to make two people close!"
"No, but it's sure a lotta fun when it is!" chuckled Joker. "Ah, she's a good kid."
"She's a princess," snapped Crane. "You know it can never work out between you, don't you?"
"Boy, you are just the most cheerful traveling companion I've ever had," muttered Joker. "Is it because you're dead, or were you always this lifeless even when you were alive?"
"I would just hate for her highness to become too attached to you, when her feelings can only end in bitter disappointment," replied Crane. "You're hardly a suitable consort for royalty."
"Well, once I'm a Jedi Knight, then I will be, huh?" chuckled Joker.
"I doubt her royal family will see it that way," muttered Crane.
"Oh, c'mon," said Joker. "Once I defeat Darth Batman and save the universe, everyone's gonna love me!"
"Not everyone," retorted Crane.
"Everyone living," replied Joker. "You're dead, so nobody cares what you think."
"Just keep the ship steady and don't crash into the swamp," snapped Crane, as they approached the planet's surface.
"Swamp? What swamp?" asked Joker.
The alarms on the ship suddenly went off as the fog in the atmosphere choked its engines, sending it spiraling down into the brackish water of the marsh below.
"Oh. That swamp," said Joker, looking out of the viewport.
"Come along before it swallows the whole ship," muttered Crane, climbing out of the top hatch.
"It'd better not – it'll cost me a fortune to get a new one," said Joker. "Plus I'll be stuck on this slimy mudhole until I do…"
"Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is, and I'll thank you not to refer to it like that," said a voice. It came from a small man standing on shore, immaculately dressed in a blue suit, top hat, and cane.
"Jervis, you are a sight for sore eyes!" exclaimed Crane, rushing to embrace him.
"Can you actually hug a ghost?" asked Joker as he climbed out of the ship and headed for shore to join them.
"I can see you have much to learn about the ways of the Force, including what life is like for those who become one with it," said Tetch, holding out his hand to the Joker. "How do you do? I'm Jervis Tetch, and I'm very pleased to meet you, Joker. I've heard so much about you."
"Yeah? Who from?" asked Joker. "Because whatever they've said, they're probably lying."
"Mostly from Jonathan and Edward," said Tetch.
"Edward?" repeated Joker. "Nygma? What, did you hold a séance to get in touch with him in the afterlife or something?"
"Actually, Edward is here," replied Tetch, gesturing to his cottage not far off. "Do come inside and join us for tea, both of you."
"You know, you don't look much like a Jedi Master to me," said Joker as they walked. "Aren't you meant to be a great warrior?"
"I am a great warrior," retorted Tetch. "What were you expecting? Some gigantic man with more muscle than brain?"
"Frankly, yes," replied Joker. "That's kinda what springs to mind when you think 'great warrior.'"
Tetch shook his head. "The Force is not concerned with size or strength. And those who have the strongest ability are not necessarily the strongest looking. A Jedi knows that true strength comes from the wisdom of the mind and the energy of the Force, not from any physical prowess. Size matters not."
"Wait, why did you say that last sentence in that weird, backwards way?" asked Joker.
"I…don't know," said Tetch. "It's archaic, I suppose, and sounds wise. But I'll try not to make a habit of it."
He opened the door to a cozy home where a familiar, disgruntled figure sat at a laid table, also with a transparent, blue outline.
"Eddie! Good to see you again! No hard feelings about the whole killing you thing, huh?" asked Joker, beaming at him.
Nygma glared at him in loathing. "If you weren't the last hope for universal freedom, I'd choke you to death now," he muttered.
"Can you still do the whole Force choke thing if you're dead?" asked Joker.
"I'd find a way," snapped Nygma.
"Let's all just sit down and have tea, like civilized people," said Tetch, gently. "Now Joker, this is going to be an extensive training program, and I need your full cooperation and commitment."
"Don't you worry, Tetchy," said Joker, taking a seat next to Nygma as Crane and Tetch sat down, the latter pouring the tea. "I left my main distraction back on Cloud City."
"Good," said Tetch, handing him a cup. "Because it's very important that you complete this training. The fate of the galaxy depends upon it."
"Personally, I think the galaxy is doomed depending on this clown, but Jervis insists he's got potential," muttered Nygma, taking his teacup from Tetch.
"And I trust Jervis," agreed Crane, taking his.
"You got anything stronger than tea around here?" asked Joker. "It's just not usually my drink of choice…"
"It will help relax your body and mind in preparation for your training exercises," replied Tetch.
"Well, I've already used the lightsaber some, so we can probably skip ahead…" began Joker.
"Oh no, good heavens, you won't be starting out with a lightsaber!" laughed Tetch. "What a silly idea! We have lots of basic exercises to do before you even think of picking up a training saber!"
"What kinda exercises?" asked Joker, skeptically.
"Well, first of all, drink your tea," said Tetch, nodding at him. "Then we'll try some meditating…"
"What's that?" interrupted Joker.
"It's where you sit still for hours and try to clear your mind of all thoughts," explained Crane.
"That sounds kinda boring," retorted Joker.
"Joker, you're training to be a Jedi," said Tetch. "What did you think – that it would be all flashing laser swords and action? Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things."
"You did that weird talking thing again," pointed out Joker.
"The point is, you mustn't be rash or reckless," continued Tetch, ignoring him. "We must practice cultivating patience and concentration, and the only way to do that is to sometimes be a little bored. Now finish your tea, and then we'll go find a nice patch of grass you can watch grow."
Joker sighed heavily. "Shoulda stayed on Cloud City," he muttered.