Chapter Twelve; Renesmee
Daddy's head snapped up and his eyes zoned in as he listened to the silent conversation taking place outside. Jacob had gone to tell Sam and his pack what was going on, but it was taking longer than I thought. Just as I was about to ask Daddy what was going on, he groaned,
"Oh, Jacob." He whispered. His voice was filled with a strange kind of regret.
"What? Is he okay?" I asked, worried.
"No," Daddy said, his voice still a whisper, "Not really."
"What happened?" Momma asked, tense.
"I'm sure he'll tell you himself, just give him a few moments." Daddy told her.
No one said anymore as we waited for Jake to come back inside. When the door finally opened, I ran to him,
"Jake? Are you alright? What happened?" I breathed.
His eye lashes were wet and fresh tears glistened on his cheeks. He gazed down at me and I could see the pain in his eyes.
"Can we go home?" He asked, his voice husky, "I want to go home."
"Sure we can. Just a second." I walked back into the dining room, expecting Jake to follow, but he stayed by the door.
"We're going to head home," Daddy nodded sadly. "We'll see you in the morning."
I hugged my family and wished them goodnight, then walked back to Jacob. He was waiting outside porch and he reached for my hand just as I reached for his. I didn't ask again what happened. We walked home in silence, except for Jacob's occasional sob or deep breath. I wanted to talk whatever had caused him this pain and squash it. I wanted to take whatever made my Jacob hurt like this, and kill it.
When we entered the house, Jacob walked straight to the bedroom. He stripped off his clothes without a word and climbed into bed as I watched him silently from the doorway. After a moment, I followed, and crawled into bed next to him. As soon as my hand touched his arm, he grasped at me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
"Jake," I whispered into the darkness, "What happened? Please tell me." I almost begged.
He took a deep breath then cleared his throat.
"Seth. . . " He began as I quietly as I had spoken.
He told his story and I listened without interruption. My heart broke for him, more and more, as the story went on. Before he had finished, he was sobbing again.
". . . then he said, 'I hate you for that, Jacob Black. Always remember that. I hate you for what you let happen. I will never forgive you!' And I don't think he ever will, Ness. I don't think he ever will." He finished, a fresh sob breaking free.
I was crying with him. This was not his fault! He didn't kill Leah. Nor did he allow it to happen. It wasn't something any of us could've prevented, it happened so quickly. There was no point in telling Jacob any of this, though. He wouldn't listen, he blamed himself anyway. So, all I said was,
"I'm sorry, Jacob. I'm so very sorry." I tightened my arms around him.
He didn't respond right away. He let the tears slow a little first, then eventually - in a voice so filled with pain, it made my own heart ache - he said,
"I'm alone, Nessie. They've all left me. All of my brothers. They're my family, and they've left me."
"You are not alone." I told him quietly, reaching to kiss his neck once, "You will always have me."
"I know," He breathed, "I love you so much. You are my whole life now. Everything, and the most important thing to me." He paused, then whispered, "Thank you."
"For what?" I asked.
"For loving me, too" He replied simply.
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Neither of us got much sleep that night. Jacob tossed and turned a lot, and in the morning, neither of us felt as though we had slept at all. We were both quiet and tired as we dressed and headed up to the big house. When we walked in the door, we heard Momma's laughter echoing through the house and followed the sound into the sitting room.
"What's going on in here?" Jake asked as we walked in.
Momma was sitting on the couch with Uncle Jasper. Daddy and Aunt Alice were sat cross-legged on the floor on either side of the coffee table, a chess board in between them. They were staring at each other intently, both of them scowling. Aunt Alice started to make a move, and Daddy grinned back at her. She growled quietly as she foreseen the move he would make in retaliation. Momma and Uncle Jasper giggled at her.
"Why do you play?" Momma asked them, "It always ends the same way!"
Half a second later, Aunt Alice groaned and surrendered. Daddy laughed triumphantly and told Aunt Alice,
"Count it!" He stuck his tongue out at her.
"Edward! That's not nice. Don't be such a bad sport! Alice must have had enough of your gloating by now. It must get boring after. . . More than a century of it." Momma broke off with a snicker.
"You know what, Edward? One of these days, you're gonna get tired of beating me!" Aunt alice folded her arms across her chest and her face slipped into a pout.
"I'm sorry, Alice, that was rude. I'm sure you will beat me one day. I mean, my luck can't last forever. . . Can it?" Daddy asked her with a grin.
Aunt Alice's eyes unfocused for a second then she looked back at him, her pout returning,
"I'm not telling you!" We all laughed at her.
"Okay, okay, enough with the games." Aunt Rose said, walking in with Uncle Emmett and the Denali's. "We need to talk about this whole. . . Italy thing." She made a face.
None of us were overly keen on going to Italy, but when I thought about it, it did make more sense. There is no way that the Volturi would expect us to go looking for them. Even though there were only four of them, I think they were still confident that they could win this fight. Of course, they didn't account for the Denali's being here, which gave us the edge by ten. But, even with that advantage, I was pretty sure that they weren't too concerned. Grandpa obviously thought the same,
"They must think they can win, even with the disadvantage in numbers, or they wouldn't risk coming here." He said, glancing at everyone in turn.
Jacob sat as far away from Tanya as was possible with this many bodies in the one room. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, so he acted nonchalant about it, but I noticed, and Daddy heard his thoughts. He smiled at Jacob, a little sadly, but didn't say anything. If any of the Denali's noticed, they didn't say either. We talked over every option, discussed every possibility. We knew that the Volturi would be counting on Alec to rid us of all our senses, so we had to find a way, either to avoid it, or take him out first.
"I want Demetri." Daddy growled, when we were dolling out opponents, "What about Felix? He's they're best fighter." He asked.
"Dibs!" Uncle Emmett called, raising his hand. " He's mine."
Uncle Jasper laughed at his brother, "Mind if I give you a hand with that, bro?"
"Sure, you can help, if there's enough for both of us." Uncle Emmett grinned back
"I think we really do have to concentrate on Alec though," Grandma said, "Once he's gotten through Bella's shield, we won't be able to defend against him." She didn't sound worried, she sounded business-like. It was strange to hear Grandma use that tone of voice.
"Alec's mine." Momma told her. "I'm the only one who he can't hurt with his little trick, so it has to be me. If I take him out first, the rest will be easy." She said with a confident smile.
"And your plan will work, Bella." Aunt Alice grinned back at her.
"Alright, okay, no," She said, raising her hands to quiet us, "I know what we have to do now. Bella's given me an idea. Let me just see if it'll work. . ." She zoned out for a second as she looked for the Volturi's reaction to her plan.
"Ah, yes, good thinking, Alice." Daddy smiled grimly, "Okay, this will be easier than I thought. You see, Alice thought that since Bella is the only one who can't be harmed by Alec or Jane, that if she and just a couple of others were to be there at the start, it would be easier to confuse them. Of course, they wont be expecting any of us to go to Italy, but when they do discover that we're there, and only Bella, Emmett, Jasper and Tanya are there at first, it'll catch them off guard." He looked at Momma uneasily. "I don't particularly like the thought of leaving you there without me, love, but it seems like the best option."
"Yes, absolutely. And once I take out Alec - and I will take him out - the rest of you will appear and finish the job?" She smiled back at Daddy.
"Exactly. Now. . . Alice can see that if you are all under Bella's shield to start with, this will irritate them. Alec will try to blind you all, but obviously it wont work. If you retract your shield, Bella, without them noticing, they'll try for a physical attack, thinking that their mental gifts wont work. This is when you - as you put it - take Alec out." He grinned at Momma.
"Sweet. Then what? We jump out and 'rar' at them?" Uncle Emmett chuckled.
Daddy laughed back at him, "No, not quite. But we will. . ." He stopped talking abruptly and turned to look at Aunt Alice. "Alice. . .What was that? Go back."
Daddy concentrated on whatever Aunt Alice could see. Suddenly he stiffened and a low hiss escaped his teeth. Everyone's breath stopped, including mine and Jake's.
"What? Edward, what can she see?" Grandpa asked him quietly.
He hesitated for a second, then he and Aunt Alice said together, "They've changed their mind. They're coming here. Now."
No one spoke for a moment. No one breathed. Aunt Alice's eyes re-focused and Daddy's eyes locked with Momma's.
"Now? Like. . . right now?" Tanya asked eventually, glancing around her.
"Tomorrow morning. At ten." Aunt Alice breathed.
"They're not alone." Daddy said, even quieter than Aunt Alice. "They're bringing others."
"Others? Who, others? Aro?" Grandpa asked, suddenly on his feet.
"No, it's not the Ancients. I don't know these people. Deffinatly vampire's though. Witnesses again, no doubt." Daddy replied with revulsion.
"Witnesses." Eleazar and Garrett snorted together. Carmen and Aunt Rose hissed in synchronization.
The general thought was the same. These vampire's were not coming to merely watch this time, they were their army.
"Alice. . ." Grandpa began quietly, "Will your plan still work?" He asked her.
"No, there's too many of them for that now." She told him gravely.
"How many?" Uncle Emmett asked her.
"Six." She said right away.
Uncle Emmett snorted, "Six! That's easy, there are more than enough of us! They'll be no match at all for all of us!"
Aunt Rose rolled her eyes at him, "Emmett, it's not quite easy. Four of them would have been easy. This could be more tricky."
"Well, it doesn't really change a lot does it?" Momma asked, "We still have to take out Alec first, don't we? He's the biggest problem?"
"Yes, Bella's right, we still have to work out how to take Alec out first. And I think your plan will still work that way, Edward." Grandpa replied. "Having us under Bella's shield will irritate them, and you're right that they'll then go for a physical attack. It's just thatnow there are more of them to worry about."
"Okay," Kate said, speaking for the first time. I had almost forgotten the Denali's were there, "So, there's ten of them and fourteen of us. Emmett's right, this will be easy. As long as we get rid of Alec and Jane first, then rest will be no problem at all." She grinned at Uncle Emmett.
Garret laughed, "You're a brave girl, Katie." He winked at his mate.
"Yeah, that's the spirit, Kate!" Uncle Emmett said, grinning back at her. Then he turned to Jake, "We could use back-up just incase, don't you think? Jake, do you think your pack would be willing to. . ." He trailed off as he remembered what happened last night, "Sorry." He mumbled looking at the floor.
"No, it's fine." Jake said quietly, 'I'll ask Sam. He'll want to know, regardless."
Jacob kissed my head lightly then left to phase to talk to Sam. His expression was defeated. He didn't want to ask Sam for any favors, I knew that. But this was the pack's problem, too. Or at least, that's what they had told us the last time. Would that still be the same now? I wasn't so sure.
Jake wasn't gone long, maybe five minutes. I read his expression when he walked back in, it didn't look good.
"So?" I asked him, already knowing the answer.
He shook his head, "They don't want to be a part of it. Sam said. . ." He hesitated and took a deep breath, "He said that it's not their fight. He said I made my choice the moment I gave Tanya a bye for Leah's death." His eye's flickered to Tanya's face for a fraction of a second, then down to the floor, "So, they wont help. We're on our own."
Tanya walked over to Jake slowly and stopped just inches from his face. He didn't look up so she tilted his head up with her fingertips.
"Jacob, listen to me." She said quietly, "I will forever be sorry for the pain I have caused you. I will never forgive myself, and I hope that you never forgive me either, because I don't deserve it. What I done was inexcusable, and I am sorry. After this battle is fought, we will leave. We wont come back here, unless you want us to. We'll stay away until you call for us to come back. And if you ever do, we'll be here in a heart beat." Jacob took a deep breath but didn't speak. "I love you, Jacob. You are my family, and my friend. But, if you can't see me that way now, or ever again, I will, of course, understand that. Don't feel that you need to humor me, Jake. If you're mad, then be mad. I have caused you more hurt than you ever deserved. If we both live for one hundred thousand years, I will never stop trying to make up for that. I'm sorry." She finished in a whisper.
During Tanya's apology, the rest of us had moved away from them inconspicuously, pretending to see something more interesting across the room. Jake took another deep breath then replied,
"It will take time, Tanya. I'm sorry, too. I told you that I didn't blame you for Leah's death, and I still don't. But I can't help but feel resentful for what's happened as a consequence of what you done. My pack have deserted me, they don't want me anymore. I know you are my family, but they were, too. And now, they want nothing more to do with me. All because of what happened here that night. A lot of hearts have been broken because of what happened, and they'll never heal, Tanya, never." He paused, and stared into her eyes for a second, her face was crumpled in pain, "But I will forgive you, eventually. I'm just not sure how long it will take. Don't stay away from here because of me, I don't want the rest of the family to suffer. Just, please, give me some time. I do love you, you are my family. But it will take time before things can be the same. Tomorrow we will fight as a family, and when you leave, you will leave as my family. Just give me some time." He told her again, a tiny smile on his face.
"I'm sorry I've broken your heart, Jacob. I hate myself for that. I always will. I'm so sorry, so, so sorry." Her body shook with silent sobs and she dropped her head onto Jake's chest.
Jacob patted her back gingerly a few times the straightened her up. He took a step back, but kept his hands on the top of her arms and whispered,
"I am, too. Doesn't change much though, huh?"
None of us had a response for that.
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The family split a while after that, although we all went hunting. The Denali's went further out, but the rest of us stayed close to home. No one mentioned Jake and Tanya's conversation, but it hung in the air. Of course I hated that Jake was in pain, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for Tanya, too. She looked broken up when they had left. And Jake hated to be the one to make her feel that way, but she had wanted him to tell her how he felt, and so he did. It wasn't easy for him. But, he shook it off, and concentrated on the pressing matter in hand. So, he and I went hunting with Momma and Daddy, and he pretended to forget all about it.
After a few hours of talking and discussing, we had a plan. It was different from what we first thought, but I was confident that it could work. It wasn't going to be easy, as Uncle Emmett declared, but it would work. Daddy kept asking me if I was okay, the whole time we were hunting, he was worried that I was hiding thoughts from him. I assured him that I was fine, I wasn't scared. Actually, though, I was terrified. But again, it wasn't fear for me, it was for my family, my Jacob. I couldn't stand the thought of any one of them getting hurt. I couldn't live without Jake. I wouldn't.
That thought, Daddy did hear. He glanced over at me, angled his head towards Momma then nodded very slightly. He was telling me that he knew how I felt, that he couldn't be without Momma either. I smiled at him, and he smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes. He stared at Momma, terror on his face as he quite obviously thought about the possibility of losing her. He gulped loudly and took a deep breath. I knew why; because it was too painful to think about.
After we had hunted, Jake and I headed home. Daddy thought we should stay in the big house, but I wanted to go home. I needed to spend the night with Jacob, alone. As soon as we were in the house, he pulled me into his arms. He held me close, but leaned back so he could look into my eyes. We didn't speak, we just stared. It was strange, the feelings that stirred inside me when Jacob looked at me that way. The desire hit me with breathtaking intensity, and my heart hammered in my chest. My eyes raked over every inch of his face. I studied his beautiful black eyes, framed with long, thick lashes. Right now, those eyes burned with desire matching my own. My eyes followed the straight line of his nose, his high, prominent cheekbones, and lastly, the shape of his full, broad lips. I lifted my hand to gently trace my finger across his lips, and he closed his eyes and sighed at the touch. I could hear his heartbeat pick up, it was beating almost as fast as mine. His breathing sped as I ran my fingers over his closed eye lids, down the side of his face, and along his jaw, and down his throat, before my hand settled over his heart. He was the most important thing I had, my most precious possession. And my most beautiful. I loved his human side, and his wolf side. He was my own personal protector, the brightest ray of sunshine every day of my life. As I looked at him now, I imagined our whole life together. I rested my hand against Jacobs cheek so he could watch this vision with me. I saw us both, in our home, making happy memories. I felt a surge of heat as I thought of us in our bedroom, our bodies tangled together as he kissed me and made me sigh, like only Jacob could. And I felt a glimmer of surprise disappointment as I pictured two beautiful, black haired children that were ours. Children that would never be. Until that moment, I felt that my life with Jacob was complete. He was everything I wanted, and all I would ever need. But that fleeting thought had my mind wandering. Jacob took my hand from his face and placed it back over his heart. He broke the silence at last,
"Nessie, we could speak to Carlisle. You don't know if it's possible or not. You have blood in your veins, you're body changes. You don't know what could happen." He told me in a whisper.
"My body doesn't change anymore, Jacob. I stopped changing a long time ago. Yes, I have blood in my veins, and yes, my body changes, inside, but I'm not built to carry children, my body can't adjust that way." I told him just as quietly.
"How do you know?" He asked, his voice persuasive now, "No one like you has ever had the opportunity to find out. The other females like you aren't the same as you, they aren't as. . . Human. We don't know what's possible." His eyes bore into mine.
I hesitated. It was a thought that had never entered my head before, not even for a second. But now that it had, it stood out at the front of my mind, screaming at me. I imagined again those dark haired children, with Jacob's eyes and my smile. They would be precious, and loved, and beautiful. But, no! They could never be! How could they be? My body couldn't change that way, not on the outside. And I didn't age. What did that mean for me reproductively? Did it mean that when I stopped aging, I stopped being able to have children? Or was I never able to have them? That seemed most likely. But then. . . Could it be different? Yes, my skin was tough, impenetrable; vampire skin from my father, but it was also warm, and sort of soft, too, human-like from my mother. And Jacob was right, I did have blood in my veins, and my body, on the inside, changed like any other female. Any other human female anyway. I had periods like any other human teenage girl. Would that ever change then? Was it possible? Would I even dare dream about such things? I thought about it for a long moment. Jacob didn't speak, he just let me think. My quick mind had me at a decision in a few moments.
"Okay," I told Jacob warily, "We'll wait. We have to get tomorrow out of the way first, and then we'll speak to Grandpa. But, Jake, this might never happen. I think it's probably impossible. It doesn't sound feasible. I'm half vampire, and vampire's can't conceive, Jake, obviously."
"Yes, but you're also half human. It might be that the human side of you can, Ness. Like I said, there's no one like you who's ever tried, so how can we know? Let's just ask Carlisle. And if it's not possible, then it's not. You are more than enough for me. You will always be more than I need." He told me with a sweet smile.
"Okay, Jake. We'll talk to him. I promise." I smiled back, but I wasn't confident. This seemed impossible. It had to be. Surely it would take magic, or a miracle for something like this happened. And after all, this world wasn't make believe.
"So. . ." Jake started slowly, "We're not thinking about that right now. . .But don't you think it'll be fun to practice?" He asked, a cheeky grin on his face.
I didn't get a chance to respond. My lips were suddenly very busy.
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