Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 12- Healing:

BPOV

I wheeled Edward out of the hospital, happy to be going home. The past week had been incredibly draining. On one hand, I was relieved that he was going to be okay. I was relieved that he was one of the lucky ones who walked away from that horrible accident. I couldn't imagine being the loved one of one of the pilots. That kind of pain was inconceivable to me and I was far too close to experiencing that for my liking. The past week had been the worst of my life. The sheer terror of not knowing if he was going to be okay, seeing Edward in the hospital and in pain, knowing that I was helpless to do anything to fix it. I would have traded places with him. It was so much easier to endure pain myself than to watch the man I love suffer. At least then, I'd know I could handle it.

Edward was anxious to be going home as well, so our moods as we left the hospital were light and happy. Edward was being affectionate, constantly pulling me into him for kisses and never taking his eyes off of me. I loved the attention and after so much time away from him, I ate it up. The plane ride home seemed to fly by and before I knew it, we were looking out over San Diego Bay as we landed. He still had a lot of healing to do, but it would be so much easier once we were home.

We agreed that we would both stay at his house until he was able to get around better.

I was thankful that he lived on the ground floor of his building and that it was a single story, as he had extreme difficulty in maneuvering, with his single crutch and his crippled upper body. I sighed as we walked in, the familiar smell of his apartment comforting me. It smelled like him and instantly brought a smile to my face. The wide smile and serene look on Edward's face told me that he felt the same way. His apartment was dark and stuffy since he'd been gone so long, so I quickly set about to open the blinds and windows to let some fresh air in. Fall in San Diego is hot and the apartment needed a good breeze to cool it down. I wanted it to be perfect for Edward. He needed this.

Edward took a nap, and while he was sleeping I snuck out to the grocery store and stopped by my place to grab some clothes. I didn't want to leave Edward's for very long and was anxious to get back to him.

When I arrived back at his place, he was awake and watching TV, his injured ankle propped up on the coffee table.

"Hey, have you been awake long? I asked, walking over and kissing his forehead lightly, the grocery bags heavy in my hands.

"No, not long. I was really out. I guess I was more tired than I thought, not to mention whatever they've got me on is some seriously powerful shit. I was seeing stars." He patted the couch next to him, indicating that he wanted me to sit. "I'm so happy to be home. I swear, I've never been so happy to sleep in my own bed in my life. No nurses to bug me. No poking, no prodding. It was perfect."

I set the grocery bags down and made my way over to the couch, snuggling up against him. I felt so safe and warm in his arms, even when they were battered and bruised. He was still my rock and always would be.

"I missed you when I got up and you weren't here," Edward cooed in my ear, as he kissed me sweetly.

"I thought you were happy about being left alone," I said sarcastically.

He laughed as he said, "Just because I don't want Nurse Ratched coming in my room every fifteen minutes, doesn't mean that I don't want my sexy girlfriend by my side."

"Very nice comeback, Cullen. Sorry I had to leave. I tried to be quick, but you don't have anything in your house to eat," I responded, squeezing his leg lightly. "I'm going to spoil you rotten. You aren't going to want to leave me ever again."

"Well shit Bella, I don't want to leave you ever again right now and I haven't even HAD your cooking yet!"

I smiled widely and leaned into him, as he kissed the top of my head.

We stayed on the couch for a little while, chatting lightly, both of us enjoying the feeling of being together again. There was no noise from the machines, like there was in the hospital. It was quiet and peaceful. There were no nurses and doctors interrupting us. It was just Edward and me and it was wonderful. Eventually, I reluctantly got up to put away the groceries, which were still sitting in bags on the counter.

I had arranged to take a leave of absence from my work. I needed to be with Edward and get him healed. He argued with me at first, insisting that he'd be okay at home by himself, but then backed down. He knew me well enough to know that when I set my mind to something, it was impossible to change it. Edward needed me, whether or not he admitted it, and that was all I needed to know. Despite his protests, I knew that he appreciated me being there and that made it all worthwhile.

Our first week home, Edward's physical recovery was moving relatively quickly. He was still very slow, with his ankle and shoulder, not to mention the incision from his operation. I felt horrible for him, but he was strong and always put on a brave front for me, even though I knew he was in considerable pain. In the typical male fashion, he hated that he needed any help and constantly pushed himself to avoid feeling like "a complete pussy."

My biggest fear was how he was recovering emotionally. Some nights he would have trouble sleeping and I'd wake up to an empty bed. We never talked about it, but when he did sleep, he would scream out, sweating profusely and shaking. I wanted to wake him up and comfort him, but I didn't know if I should. After the third night in a row of his nightmares, I decided to confront him about it.

We took a drive to the beach in the late afternoon, even though it was only a few blocks away, as walking was still a struggle for Edward. The smell of the ocean was comforting, as was the sound of the crashing waves. It was twilight and the beachgoers were packing up for the day. Others were starting their campfires and barbecues, gearing up for the cold that would inevitably set in once the sun went down.

The last glimmer of the sun was reflecting off the water and people were lined up along the beach to watch the sunset, stopping for a brief moment to take in the beauty of the scenery. I helped Edward to the sand and laid out a towel for us to sit on. I had brought some light snacks and a bottle of wine. It was nice to get outside.

"Edward, you know you can talk to me about anything, don't you?" I asked tentatively, not really sure how to broach the subject.

He took a grape from the basket on the towel and popped it into his mouth, avoiding eye contact.

Please talk to me.

"I know I can. Everything's fine. It's just..." His voice cracked and the happiness on his face faded into worry.

I grabbed his hand, encouraging him to look at me. "I know about your dreams. I hear you screaming at night. I see you shaking and I can feel you sweating. I see how tired you are all the time. I know you're having trouble sleeping and having nightmares. I know you are hurting and it's not just physical. Please talk to me."

He looked at me, his face torn and confused. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again before any words came out.

"Please, Edward," I said, the desperation in my voice seeping out. "Don't shut me out. I just want to help but I don't know how."

He sighed several times, considering his words before he spoke. "I didn't want to worry you. You don't need to be dealing with all my shit."

"Don't you understand, Edward? I love you. When you hurt, I hurt." I rubbed his hand to emphasize my point.

"I love you too, Bella." He looked down at the sand and hesitated a moment before continuing. "I guess...I just...I'm so fucking angry. I'm angry and afraid to sleep."

I'd never heard him say anything like that before. He rarely admitted to being vulnerable and I was taken aback.

"What are you afraid of?" I asked.

"I can't get the images out of my head. I close my eyes and I relive it. I need to go back to work, but I just don't how I'll be able to do it. It's like I'm different now and I can't go back to being who I was. I can't lose my edge. I'm supposed to able to overcome things like this." He looked so vulnerable at that moment. I knew it was hard for him to open up to me, and aside from our emails while he was gone, this was the most open and honest he'd ever been with me. It wasn't easy for him and I recognized how far he'd come.

"You don't have all the answers right now, you know?" I said softly. "You are so used to being in charge and being decisive, but it's okay not to know the answer to everything."

He scooted closer to me, wincing in pain slightly as he moved. He positioned me between his legs carefully, my back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me, gently kissing my neck.

"How am I supposed to go back?" he asked as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Edward, you're one of the strongest people I know. When the time comes, you'll know what you need to do. I have every confidence in you."

He kissed my cheek and hummed quietly. "I wish I shared your confidence."

I wanted so much to help him, but I didn't have an answer for him. We watched the sun slip below the horizon in silence, sipping our wine and enjoying our embrace. I worried about him and how much he still needed to heal, but I knew that we'd done all we could today.

Physically, he got stronger each day. The bruises faded and the cuts grew smaller. It would take several months before he would have full use of his shoulder, but it was healing. The incision from his operation closed, leaving a scar in its place. His ankle grew stable again. He almost looked like the man he had been before all of this had happened. But, just as he'd said on the beach, he was different. The mental scars hurt far worse than the physical ones. If he would just open up to me, I could help him.

Or could I?

Our relationship had taken on a new life. Each day, I felt his love more and more and I wondered how I could have ever doubted his feelings for me. He was affectionate and attentive. I did everything I could to show him how much I loved him in return. I spoiled him with nice dinners and candlelight each night, and I knew without a doubt that my presence soothed him. It felt like we were playing house and for the first time, I could really envision what our life together in the future would be like.

He was still holding things back from me, which I tried not to take personally. It was frustrating and hard for me though, and there were times I wanted to pull my hair out. In some ways we were moving forward in our relationship, but in that regard I felt like we were moving backward. It had been a source of conflict for us and I didn't want to regress when we'd made such progress. Despite his silence, though, I fell more and more in love with him with each passing moment.

Our physical relationship had also begun heating up again, although it was a fraction of what it had been before the crash. He cursed his broken body when we tried to be intimate. As kisses grew more passionate, he'd have to stop as the pain he felt took over, ending in frustration. I tried to be reassuring and patient, but I could see the disappointment in his eyes. Lately, he was feeling noticeably better and I could tell by his seductive glances and sexy smirk what was on his mind.

Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I opened the door to the bathroom, wearing only a see-through white nightie and matching thong undies. Edward wasn't the only one eager to be close. I needed him just as badly.

He was reading a book, leaning against the headboard of his bed with his feet outstretched as I walked into the room. He stopped and stared as I approached him.

"Bella..." His eyes and the prominent bulge in his boxers told me that he appreciated the view, which gave me the confidence I needed to continue.

The book long forgotten and thrown aside, I moved to straddle him as he sat, careful of his ankle. His eyes never left mine as his good arm reached out for my hips and he pulled me closer.

"Is this okay?" I asked, kissing his neck.

He moaned in approval so I continued to kiss him gently. His hand moved over my hips and slid underneath my nightie, moving up my back.

"I like this outfit," he hummed, as his fingers gently gripped my back.

"I can tell," I said lightheartedly as I ground my hips into his obvious erection.

God I've missed this.

He slid down so he was lying down on the bed, trying to mask the pain that the movement had caused. I tried to slide off of him, not wanting him to hurt, but he stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

He lifted his knees so that his feet were flat on the bed, forcing me to move up his body. His hand also encouraged me higher. I smiled as I realized what he had in mind and my body was on fire with his loving touch. I wanted him with every fiber of my being.

"Come up here," he whispered with the sexiest look on his face. I was putty in his hands.

Yes, I've definitely missed this.

I grabbed the hem of my panties and began to pull them down, enjoying the way his eyes followed my every movement. I lifted my leg, climbing off of him. This time, he let me go and lowered his legs, clearly banking on my prompt return, but his hand never left my body.

I shimmied out of my underwear, taking my time, enjoying the tease. I wanted his undivided attention and from the look on his face, I'd say I had it.

When I was free of my underwear, I climbed back on top of him and once again, he lifted his knees so I would move up his body.

When I got closer to his face, he began to kiss me. He started at my knee, moving up my thigh as I approached the top of the bed. His hand reached around my body, coming to rest on my ass, pulling me toward his mouth. I shuddered as his lips made contact, just barely touching where I wanted him the most. Every nerve ending in my body was on end. His mouth was so soft and warm and yet he held back, keeping me wanting more.

"You're so beautiful, Bella," he hummed in between kisses. "So beautiful."

I felt beautiful. I felt loved.

His thumb reached between my legs and grazed me ever so gently. Apparently he liked the tease as well.

I hissed at the increased contact. "Please...Edward."

He touched me again, this time softly, like a tickle. "Please what, love?"

I looked down my body and noticed the smirk on his face. He was definitely enjoying himself.

"Touch me. More," I managed to say. I rocked my hips toward his fingers and his mouth, hoping that he'd oblige me and touch me like my body wanted.

He did. And I was lost in him.

My eyes closed and I threw my head back as he slipped a finger inside of me. At the same time, his tongue slipped out and ran slowly over my clit, this time with more pressure, causing me to jerk into him.

"Oh God..." I muttered.

I rocked against his mouth and his hand, guiding his movements and pace. He moaned loudly, which sent vibrations throughout my body, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

I screamed out his name as my orgasm ripped through me, coming in wave after powerful wave. Edward continued to lick and suck on me until my orgasm ceased and I fell against the headboard. I moved carefully down his body, and slipped to his side, still panting heavily.

"That was...good," I said, kissing his chest.

"Good?" he asked, feigning indignation. "Just good?"

He knew what he did to me and I liked his cocky attitude about it. It was sexy as hell.

"Very, very, good," I responded. He smirked, apparently pacified with my answer.

"I want to make love to you, Bella," he said, rubbing my back gently. "You have no idea how much I want to, but I don't know if I can. It still hurts."

"I can wait, baby," I said, trying to comfort him.

I reached down, slipping my hand underneath his boxers and gripped his erection. Obviously this body part didn't get the memo that he was hurt.

"Is this okay?" I asked, moving slowly up and down his length.

He nodded and I slid his boxers down over his ass as he lifted his hips to help me. Once he was free of them, I slowly moved back up his legs and gripped him once again. He inhaled sharply as I began to move faster, watching his face contort with pleasure. I kissed his chest as his breathing deepened. I loved knowing that I had this effect on him.

Slowly and gently, I kissed lower and lower on his body, paying homage to the scars on his perfect body. They were a part of who he was and I loved every part of him.

He gasped in anticipation as I kissed his inner thigh, knowing my next move. I took him into my mouth in one quick motion and he gripped the hair on the back of my head as he moaned.

"Fuck...Bella...oh fuck..."

I moved quickly and with purpose, reveling in each moan and whimper from his body. I wanted to make him forget about the pain, even if only for a moment. I wanted him to just feel me loving him. I wanted him to let go.

His body twitched and he pushed gently on my head, guiding my movements. His hips thrust upward to meet my mouth and I knew he was getting close. I picked up my pace and squeezed him tighter with my hand, letting my tongue move over his tip as I pulled out. He growled in gratitude.

"Just like that, baby," he moaned and then his body tightened as he came. He grunted loudly and spilled into my mouth.

I kissed my way back up his body as his hand gently caressed my back. His breathing was still shallow and he had a thin layer of sweat on his body. He tasted masculine and sweet.

"Thank you," he said softly, a devious smirk on his face. "That was...good."

I chuckled, loving the fact that my Edward was back, even if it was only for a brief moment. It gave me hope that he'd be okay; that we'd be okay.

"You're awfully cocky," I joked. "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"You love me." How he could melt me with just a few words amazed me.

God, he's fucking sexy.

"You're right, I do," I sighed, then flashed him a sexy smile. "Just don't let it go to your head."

"I don't know, Bella," he said playfully. "Not every guy gets to have such a beautiful woman. That's something to be cocky about, don't you think?"

"You love me." Somehow my attempt at cockiness didn't have the same impact as his.

"You're right, I do," he replied. "Very, very much."

The playfulness was gone from his voice and I could tell just how much he meant those words. It filled me with contentment.

That night, for the first time since we'd been home, he didn't wake up. There were no screams. He didn't shake or sweat. He slept peacefully and I hoped that his mind was at ease. I hoped that he was free of his memories. I hoped that he was healing.

A/N: I thought you guys deserved a little lemony goodness after what I put you through the last couple of chapters. I am completely BLOWN AWAY by the support for the last chapter. OMG, there were over 100 reviews! I tried to respond to every one, but if I missed one, I'm so sorry. Thank you all for your support. I'll still be giving teasers for reviews, so give me a shout out and let me know what you think! Your comments make my day!

If you're new to the story, be sure to let me know how you heard about it, so I know who to thank!

EXCITING NEWS: I'm doing Smut Monday this upcoming week on May 24th. It'll be an AWA outtake from EPOV on the night before a deployment. So, be sure to scoot on over and show me some love! Link is in my profile.

Thanks to scsquared and Twihart, as usual, for all their beta work, as well as ellierk, jermak99 and Sunfeathers for pre-reading. They also gave me great ideas for my outtake.

Finally, here's a great fic rec:

And With Thee Fade Away by Derdriu oFaolain

1) It's complete! *squee*

2) This is one of the best Edwards I've read. Dark and mysterious! It's so good! Trust me. Link is in my favorites.