Twelve: Young and Insecure

(Hatefuck by Cruel Youth)

When the sun woke her up, she was still in Inuyasha's lap, still in his arms, still wrapped around him, still naked. He was staring at her, with his eyes brighter than the morning sun, but it was like there was a shade drawn behind them as soon as she looked up.

"You mind getting back in your seat? I'm gonna get you some clothes."

Feeling numb, she nodded and slid back to the passenger side. With steady hands and averted eyes, he fixed his clothing and got out of the car, going to the trunk. When he came back, he tossed a t-shirt and jeans at her. There were no underclothes included and Kagome didn't feel strong enough to ask him for them. Something had changed between last night and this morning. Of course sex changed things, she told herself as she finished dressing, a difficult task in the confined space, but a glance at him told her this wasn't a good change. He wasn't teasing her, he hadn't kissed her.

Inuyasha was acting like it hadn't even happened.

If it weren't for the circles under his eyes, he would have seemed completely unaffected. Had he even slept last night? Biting her lip, she forced herself not to cry as the half-demon turned the radio up and pulled back onto the freeway. They only drove for about an hour before he pulled off and took them to a small diner, another greasy spoon type of place. Her feelings were boiling inside her and when they sat down and he didn't scoot in as close as possible to her, she couldn't prevent herself from speaking anymore.

"Why are you acting like this?" she hissed, eyes moist. The place was crowded so she couldn't yell at him like she desperately wanted to. Had he planned ahead for that?

He took a sip of coffee before answering. "Because. It wasn't right."

"What do you mean it wasn't right?" she scoffed. "Of course it wasn't right, we have the same m—"

"That's not it." His eyes flashed with something but he still wasn't meeting her eyes, just staring somewhere above them, like the top of her forehead. "It's just… What we did was fucking. We fucked."

"I know, I was there too."

At her snotty attitude, he slammed his mug down, droplets splattering on the table. "But that's not how it was supposed to be!" he said, voice firm but restrained. "You were a virgin, Kagome. And you just threw it all away like it was nothing. That's not how your first time was supposed to be."

The tears came before she even noticed. Shocked, she just stared at the milky brown droplets staining the surface of the table. He thought she'd thrown herself away? What had happened last night was different for her. It was amazing and had been coming for far too long. That her first time was with Inuyasha was what made it special, not how it was or where it was or why it was. Just that it was.

"So you really do think I'm a slut?" Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. Anything more would have her sobbing.

He said nothing.

She couldn't eat for the rest of the day.

O\o/O

When a week had passed and she still hadn't communicated to him in anything but grunts and shrugs, he seemed to be feeling a little guilty. It wasn't enough for her, though. If she'd been a different type of girl, she would have gone running back home, but he was still her escape from that and she wasn't going to reverse her progress. Even if she spent half of every night crying and he even bought them separate rooms now, she was even more set on her plans than before. At least he'd broken things off with her before they could even get going. Kagome didn't even want to think of how much it would have hurt if he'd said the same thing after the trip, or after a few more sweet nights. As it was, she'd felt like she was dying. It got better bit by bit, though, and she felt that as soon as this nightmare of a road trip was over and done with, she might even be back to her old self in a few years.

"I've got a surprise for you," Inuyasha said softly, pulling into a nightclub parking lot.

Kagome didn't even turn her head to acknowledge him, just glared at the neon lights. If he thought taking her to a real nightclub instead of a shitty bar was going to make her forgive him for what he'd done, then he was an even bigger idiot than she'd thought. The club was called BIG and BAD, the bold red letters making her roll her eyes. Not wanting to be left in the car in a place that could possibly be dangerous, she following Inuyasha inside, slapping his hand away when he grabbed her wrist in an attempt to steer her.

The half-demon blazed a trail through the swarming, squirming mass of humanity and demonity that made up the main dance floor, going through a door she hadn't seen at first since it blended in perfectly with the dark purple wall, and then up a hidden set of plain concrete stairs. Wondering what the surprise could be, Kagome followed after him. They came to a stop in front of a door that looked like any fire escape exit and she quirked a brow. He pushed right through it, holding the door open for her like a gentleman and not the unforgivable asshole he was.

"I'm assuming you got my calls and heard my message even though you never picked up, Kōga," Inuyasha said, glaring at the big chair with its back to them.

The chair turned and revealed a glaring demon. "Inuyasha." He said his name like it was trash. "What the fuck is it you want?"

"First, show me your respect." Without shame, the half-demon began undoing his jeans.

Kagome cringed and raged internally. Was this supposed to be her surprise? Gods, when he was finished here, she was going to—

A roar of laughter shocked her.

Kōga was slapping his desk in amusement. "Holy shit, have people really been letting you get away with that? Fuck no, I ain't sucking your dick, dumbass! Do it yourself."

Kagome giggled at the shocked look on Inuyasha's face, zipper still gaping open. The demon's attention suddenly shifted to her and without her even seeing him move he was standing in front of her, holding her hands in his.

"And what is your name, my beautiful flower?" His expression, his eyes, even his voice were different. She was uncomfortably reminded of those old Pepé Le Pew cartoons.

"Um, Kagome."

A low growl sounded from Inuyasha but he did not interfere. "Just tell me where Byakuya of the Dreams is, fuckface."

Without looking away from her or backing up until he was standing at a reasonable distance, Kōga replied, "That petty loan shark that used to live around here?"

"Used to?" Inuyasha frowned. "Yeah, he's that guy that preys on people when they're out of luck and sends them an invitation saying he'll make their dreams come true."

Kōga glared at him. "Don't go lookin' for him. It's dangerous." One of his hands released hers and before she could even breathe a sigh of relief he was stroking her hair, a wolfish grin spreading on his face. "I don't trust you to protect Kagome properly. I'll tell you, but only once you take me with you."

Inuyasha barked out a laugh. "No way in fucking hell!" Grabbing her by the wrist, he yanked her back to him, away from Kōga.

Eyes shrewdly studying the two of them, the demon leaned against his desk. "I doubt anyone else can tell you where he is. Byakuya used to give me a cut of the profits when he lived here and he still does. I know right where to find him. Matter of fact, I was just there last week. So what's more important, finding Byakuya or having Kagome all to yourself?"

After a couple seconds, Inuyasha released her wrist. Without a look back at her, he nodded. "Fine."

It hurt. Kagome hadn't thought he could still hurt her more, but he did.

Kōga grinned wide enough to expose his fangs, pressing a button on his desk. A redheaded demon woman came into the office, dressed like a pinup fetish secretary. Her green eyes were only for her boss, and she wiggled over to him.

"Ayame, it's over." Inclining his head towards her, he said, "I'm with Kagome now."

The secretary left the room sobbing, slowly hobbling in her high heels and wiggle dress back out of the room. Kagome gaped at him. Was he crazy? And what was wrong with Inuyasha? He hadn't even said a thing!

With a roll of his eyes, the half-demon said, "You done? I wanna get back on the road."

Kōga ignored him. Putting an arm around Kagome, he opened the door and led her out, taking a back exit instead of leaving through the club, which she was grateful for as she had no desire to go back into that loud mess. Part of her allowed the strange demon to touch her because she hoped Inuyasha would be jealous, but the other part was just flattered. It felt a little bit like it had when Inuyasha had first come into her life what seemed like so long ago, right before the start of the summer. Were all demons so focused when it came to pursuing the women they were attracted to?

She'd been sitting in the backseat ever since the terrible morning after, and of course her new demon friend crawled in next to her, buckling himself into the middle seat, smiling like he wasn't freaking her the hell out. With a single glare at them in the rearview mirror, Inuyasha started the car, grumbling to himself things she couldn't hear over the sound of Kōga's mouth breathing.

"You got a boyfriend?" he asked, the side of his body pressed against hers. "Better end it now. It's not pretty when they find out later."

Kagome cleared her throat and attempted to shrink further back against the car door. "Uh, why are we trying to find Byakuya of the Dreams?"

"It's a secret," Inuyasha grit out.

It gave her a thrill to hear him grind his teeth. She hoped it was over her and Kōga and not the bad traffic they'd just encountered.

"Once we find Byakuya, I'll take you out to dinner," Kōga promised.

She tried to make a noise that made it seem like she was vaguely interested, but he was so not who she wanted to hear that from.

"Would you prefer human marriage or a mating first?" He continued without giving her time to do more than give him a horrified stare. "It's fashionable for people to do the wedding and then the mating, but I wanna see you wearing my mark as you walk down the aisle. We'll have to wait until my divorce goes through, but we can still plan now."

Kagome tried to remember what she'd heard in school on how to jump out of a moving car and land without dying if you were kidnapped.

"ARE WE GOING THE RIGHT FUCKING WAY!?" Inuyasha yelled back, obviously wanting to say something else but not wanting to lose his guide.

The demon leaned his head back and smirked at him. "Yeah, but we should probably stop at a hotel for the night in a couple hours. Then it's only a couple more hours and we're there."

"Can you just write down the directions and give them to me?" Inuyasha asked, obviously faking cordiality. Kagome shook her head. Why he thought that would work after yelling for no reason was a mystery.

"Like hell I'm giving you the chance to take off without me and my girlfriend!"

"I wouldn't leave without Kagome, you dense moron! I'm doing this for her."

"What kind of asshole gets an innocent girl involved with a loan shark?"

"Just shut up!"

The rest of the ride was spent in silence on Inuyasha and Kagome's part while Kōga chattered away to her, telling her his life story and describing his house and pets and income. When they finally got to a hotel, she practically ran outside, like a cat being freed from its carrier prison. Inuyasha was right along with her, and, unfortunately, Kōga. While Inuyasha got them their rooms, the demon took her hands again, staring into her eyes with sincerity.

"Kagome, I want you to know I am willing to take this as slow or as fast as you want. So if you want to share a room with me tonight, I won't protest."

"Already paid for three different ones, asshole," Inuyasha grumbled, walking past Kōga, his shoulder knocking into the demon's.

The elevator ride would have been more awkward if she wasn't so emotionally and physically exhausted. All she wanted to do was curl up and pretend like the last week had never happened. Maybe even that the entire summer hadn't happened. It was almost over, anyway. Sighing, she grabbed her keycard from Inuyasha and dumped her overnight bag of necessities in the room. However, even after a bath and hot tea and mind numbing television, she still couldn't fall asleep. Frustrated, she wondered when the last time was that she'd had a peaceful night of slumber. Not since…

Before she could reason with herself as to why this was the worst idea she'd ever had, Kagome walked to Inuyasha's room, the one to her right. Softly knocking, it suddenly occurred to her that Inuyasha might be asleep already. As though he'd been waiting, the half-demon opened the door. Wearing nothing but a towel, he just stared at her, his body blocking the entrance. Her shyness evaporated and suddenly something else took its place. Heat. Kagome remembered what it was like to feel him inside her and she wanted nothing more than to feel it again. How long had she craved it, suffered without it? To have only had him once was worse than not at all.

Unafraid, she put her palms on his chest and shoved him as hard as she could. Not expecting it, he took a few steps back, allowing her to enter the room. Closing the door behind her, they stood still and stared. She wondered if he felt even close to how she was feeling.

"I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore," she murmured, approaching him.

"Kagome, you need to leave." His words were firm but the look on his face was pained, giving her the courage to put her arms around him.

"What did I do wrong?" she asked, voice catching. "Was I not good enough? Did you not like it?"

"That's not it." Inuyasha's voice was so tender that she didn't feel embarrassed that she was crying a little.

"Then what?"

It took her only a second to realize he didn't plan on answering her. Frustrated, she wound her arms around her neck and got on her tiptoes, telling him with a kiss how much he'd hurt her and letting him know there was a way to make it better. After a little while, he was kissing her back, his mouth just as consuming and passionate as she remembered. He was holding her so close to him that she almost had trouble reaching down and ridding him of the towel, stroking his hard length.

"Please, Inuyasha. I miss being close to you."

Panting, he continued to kiss her, hot lips moving down her throat. Smiling, she pressed herself into him further.

"I knew you were just pretending not to want me."

It was like she'd poured ice water on him. Inuyasha went completely still and then broke away from her, picking up the towel and wrapping himself again. Kagome couldn't believe what had just happened. She could still see his hard outline, her fingers trembled and she wanted to reach out and touch him but the blank, cold look on his face prevented her.

"I think it's in your best interest to stop whoring yourself out to anyone who'll give you the time of day." His voice was icy, his words a slap to her face.

She felt very hot and then very cold all over, faint. Absentmindedly, she wiped the hand that had touched him so lovingly on the side of her pajama pants. If only she could do that with her heart.

"You ruined my life," she said in a quavering voice. Turning around, she ran out of the room, but not before she heard his whisper.

"I know."

Double update because I love you guys so much! Please check out my new story, Thy Thralldom Come, too. Happy St. Valentine's Day!