CHAPTER 13
Alice was waiting for me in my room. Of course, Alice would know everything that's going on now.
"You're leaving?" It was more of a statement than question.
"Yes Alice, I'm leaving."
"Why? This wasn't supposed to happen. I could still see you working on all of these revenge plots. And then it changed. You and Edward were separated, both pining for the other. This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"He kissed me, and I realized that I couldn't stay with him. I'll always love him. I can't help that. But the threat of heartbreak would stand if I stayed. And he doesn't want me."
"What? Bella stop jumping to conclusions! He's always wanted you!"
"He doesn't. When I told him I was leaving, he didn't fight me, or beg me that I stay. He can't truly love me if he was willing to let me go." I paused and took a deep breath, "And I can let go of him to."
"Bella you can't do this. I can't lose both of you. He's my brother and you're my sister and my best friend. Don't leave me."
"Alice," I sighed. "I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now. Then you would understand what was actually going on."
I put a hand on her shoulder, and she collapsed. "Oh- oh…I can't…hurt so…much."
"What's wrong Alice? What hurts? Alice? Speak to me!" I was freaking out. She was in so much pain.
Jasper, who could feel Alice's pain from far, came rushing in.
"What's wrong with her Bella?!" His voice was desperate.
"I don't know. I touched her shoulder…and…she…" I stopped, and it all made sense now. When I said I wish Alice could feel what I was feeling, I touched her shoulder. And she really did feel it. And it had made her collapse, with its sudden intensity.
I let go of Alice and she sank to the floor. Jasper picked her up in his arms and he held her gently. She calmed down.
Jasper was mostly to thank for that.
She looked at me. "I guess we found your power." She grinned weakly.
Jasper looked at me questioningly. "Your power is to make vampires collapse?"
"No. I was talking to Alice, and I wished she could understand how I was feeling. And then I touched her shoulder. And she actually felt it."
"Bella there are so many possibilities, for this, you can't leave yet."
"I can't stay either."
"You can and you will. We're not going to lose you."
"Jasper, it's not worth it anymore. You can keep, me but I'm lost. I have nothing left."
"Bella, I can feel Edward's love for you. You can't say that." My heart lifted slightly.
"He has a funny way of showing it. But it doesn't matter, just please forget this. It was all totally worthless. I'm totally worthless." And again the tears came back.
"Bella," Alice croaked. Which I thought was weird because I didn't think it was possible for vampires to croak. My power was pretty powerful. "I see two outcomes. Wait no…three. The first one is that you and Edward live happily ever after. The second one is you leave to the Volturi and Edward pines away in misery for his whole life, and the last one is," she shuddered. "You stay with us, and Edward marries Tanya right in front of you."
I gasped. He…marries…Tanya??? My head started to spin, and I was sure that I was going to collapse. And I did. I fell to the floor and my mind went black.
When I regained consciousness, I was on a bed. And I felt disoriented, and I when I looked around I realized I was in my room, on a bed that hadn't been there before. There was something on my hand, when I looked I realized that someone was holding my hand. It was Edward, and he looked so relieved that I had woken up. I took my hand out of his, because I wanted absolutely no physical contact or I would totally lose any self-control I had left.
He looked hurt when I took my hand away but I didn't care, I was in enough pain as it is, and a little pain on his side wouldn't kill him.
"What happened to me…I was fine, and then Alice…and my power…?" I asked, hoping I was going to get an answer because I was absolutely confused, and I was afraid my mind couldn't take much more of it.
Carlisle was the one who answered me. "Bella, I think that what you were going through, and the shock of it all, and discovering your power, was too much to handle, even for a vampire."
"So what you're saying is that I went into a coma?" I didn't even think it was possible…but then again the weirdest things always happen to me.
"Yes, pretty much, but you have know idea how glad we are that you're awake, because this isn't like anything that's happened before, and it scared the crap out of us." Emmett told me. And then he grabbed me and pulled me into one of his bear hugs.
I hugged him back, and I wondered how I was ever going to let any of these people go. I wouldn't be able to let go of my brothers, and sisters, and my…parents.
When Emmett let go of me, Rosalie grabbed me. I was so shocked when she hugged me because I was still getting used to her kindness. I would've thought Alice would be the one to grab me but she was the last. After I had gone through hugs from everyone Alice came up to me and out her arms around me.
"I never really knew what was happening to you before, but I know now." She whispered in my ear, and she spoke so quietly that I was sure no one heard.
I let Alice go, and looked at Edward; he was still next to the bed staring at his hands. He hadn't hugged me, he had watched from afar.
"How long was I…gone?"
This time Edward was the one who spoke.
"4 days." His voice was calm.
I gasped. "Really? I thought I had just been out a few hours. I didn't know it was this bad. Do you think it will happen again…if I'm under to much stress or something?"
"It could. We're not so sure. This isn't like something I've ever seen before, and I've seen quite a bit." Carlisle told me.
I let myself think it over. If somehow, I was going to lose myself I would I would go into a vampire coma.
"Great," I muttered. "I wasn't a normal human, and I'm not a normal vampire either."
Everyone laughed, except Edward. I wondered if Alice had told them about my power, and Alice of course always knowing what's about to happen, said "Yeah, Bella, I've told everyone."
"Oh, um, yeah. So I can make people feel the pain I've been through." I wondered if anyone would be able to handle it...I could barely do it, and the power of it had made a vampire collapse. Collapse!
"I want you to do it to me." Edward said. It shocked me to no end. He wanted me to what?
"I really don't think you want me to do that." It was way too painful, and as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't want anything to happen to Edward.
"I do, I need to know what it feels like for you, because I don't think it's anything like what I feel." And that's when my anger flared up.
"I think you guys need to leave, I need to speak with Edward, alone." I hissed. Alice rushed all of them out, closing the door behind her, with this horrible grin on her face. Something was up, but I'd worry about it later because I had other things to deal with at the moment.
I folded my arms across my chest. And then I turned to face him.
"So you think that your pain is stronger than mine?"
"Yes." He said in a clipped tone. I was really close to throttling him, when I heard Alice say "Don't do it Bella." Humph. No fair she can see the future.
He had a wry grin on his face. "You were going to throttle me?" His tone was amused.
"Yes, because you're such an idiot! What is wrong with you?" I yelled.
"Nothing is wrong with me."
I laughed. "Okay fine, then there's something wrong with me. I was about to be dumped by the guy I loved, but I left him before anything could happen. And then I become a vampire. And every time I see this guy, I feel like someone is poking my heart with a sharp knife, which cuts me up, and never lets me heal. And when he has a chance to take me back, he doesn't fight for it. He just lets me go. So how can you say that your pain is worse than mine?"
He didn't answer.
"I thought so. But if you still want to know what it feels like fine. I'll let you feel it." I stepped forward and put my hand on his shoulder, and focused all my pain on him. For a moment there was peace, all the pain in my body had disappeared, and I felt light, and free. But then Edward collapsed and he was on the floor curled in a ball. I stopped touching him.
It took him a minute to get better. "So you see, you're pain is nowhere near mine in comparison."
"Yes, so it's worse then mine. But that doesn't mean that my pain isn't there at all."
"What pain could you possibly have?"
"I don't know. I make a mistake, and the love of my existence runs off, and becomes a vampire. And I'm not even there to help her through it. And when I look at her I can see everything that I've lost and it kills me. And that one chance I had to take her back, I didn't because I thought that she would want better. And I know that I don't deserve her, and I didn't fight because I didn't think there was any reason for me to do so when she said it's over. I could see it in her eyes that I had lost."
I was silent. This wasn't what was supposed to be happening. When he had looked into my eyes, that lost look he saw was the result of what I felt when he didn't fight for me. It was wrong. This was wrong. Everything was totally screwed.
"Edward I love you. But this whole mess is your entire fault. I'm tired of shouldering blame on myself when I know it's not my fault, but I feel like it is. And this was the second time you were going to leave me. And you promised that you wouldn't. I love you now and I always will, but can't take it anymore. I can't trust you."
"I know you can't trust me. Even if you don't believe me, I swear Bella if you ever forgive me and take me back, I will be by you forever. And I won't leave until the day you decide you don't want me anymore."
I looked into his eyes. And they held truth, just like they did last time he promised not to leave. Was it worth it? Yes it totally was.
"I'll Stay."
Recap: I'll stay
"But, If you leave, I promise you, that I will go to the Volturi and have them Kill me, and no one will be able to stop me."
He growled. "I'm serious Edward, you have the choice. Say no to me now, and I will live. Say yes, and then abandon me and I will kill myself."
"I will never let you go to the Volturi, because you're never going to see me leave."
I was silent, could I do it? What about that whole thing with Tanya? I would stay, and he would marry her…that was wrong. It's not the marrying Tanya that bothered me; it was the fact that he had the guts to do it in front of me. It just meant that our love meant nothing to him. I could say no now, and I would be right. Or I could make the choice and keep him, but there was always a risk, and I wasn't sure that I could be the same person anymore.
"Alice had this vision of you marrying Tanya," I paused, and saw his expression. He was shocked, and torn between the urge to laugh or scream. "You got married to her right in front of me."
"Bella I would never-"
"It would only happen if I stayed with the Cullens, but I didn't take you back."
He started to speak but I wasn't done talking yet.
"And I'm not going to lose you to anyone else. You're mine Edward Cullen, and I'm not going to let you go."
He just started at me for a second, slowly grasping my words.
And then he kissed me. It was soft, gentle and sweet. I don't know how long we went on for, but when we stopped he gave me a hug, that would put Emmett to shame.
"Bella, Bella, Bella I love you so much." He crooned. His eyes were full of joy, and I was having a really hard time trying not to lose myself in them.
"I love you too."
"I'm really sorry for everything I've done to you. I wish someone had told me not to do it."
"I did you idiot. I told you so many times." Alice yelled.
"Okay I'll rephrase. I wish I had listened to Alice."
"Hmm, you know, I wish you had listened to Alice to. But it's over. I want us to forget the past, and only focus on our future."
I really wanted that. I wanted to put this stupid mess behind us and get on with our lives.
Alice ran up the stairs, and she was her usual bouncy self. The rest of the family followed.
"Yes! I knew it, if I just said that thing about-"But she stopped herself, because she had made a huge mistake. She lied about Tanya. I was going to kill her.
"You lied about Tanya?" I seethed. She was going to pay, and it was going to hurt.
"Well, Bella…" She hesitated. She looked at me with her pleading golden eyes. But I was angry! There was no way she was going get out of this one.
"I want the truth Alice, and I want it now, or so help me I will hurt you."
Jasper growled at me. "Not today Jasper, your wife has made a huge mistake and you aren't going to interfere." I glared at him and he backed off when he saw the look in my eyes.
"Alright, I saw that you were going to leave us Bella. And I couldn't let that happen. So I lied about the whole Tanya thing. And I saw that if I did, then you would take Edward back. And I just wanted both of you to be happy. Is that really wrong of me?"
"Yes it is Alice. I love Edward, but you lied, and you scared me to no end. I took Edward back because I didn't want him to marry Tanya. I don't want him to marry anyone but me."
Edward looked at me dazed. "You want to marry me?"
I nodded at him but I kept my attention on Alice.
"It's going to take me a lot of time to forgive you, for what you've done."
She grinned at me. "It won't take you that long. You have Edward back…um…you'll forgive me in the next 25 seconds…"
I looked at her shocked, but Edward squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and he didn't seem angry. Fine.
"Five…four…three…two…-"
"Okay fine Alice I forgive you, but you can't force me on any shopping trips! So Ha!"
She pouted.
"That's what you get for messing with me."
And then she grinned. "But I have to take you shopping, how on earth am I going to plan your wedding otherwise?"
My wedding? Oh right, Edward had proposed to me before this huge mess…and I promised to let Alice plan it all.
"So you can go shopping without me. And as punishment, Rose, Esme, do you mind planning it?"
Rose and Esme grinned like Cheshire cats. "Of course not! We'd love to!" They both said.
Alice looked like Christmas had been canceled. "Bella, you wouldn't really do that to me, would you?"
"No," But I wouldn't let her do all of it. "Fine, you can only do what Rose and Esme want you to do. They're in charge."
"Well I suppose it's better than nothing." She still looked sad, but she would have to get over it.
"Well then that's that."
She walked over to Jasper, and pouted; he smiled and wrapped his arms around her.
"So what now?" Emmett asked me.
"Well, we are back together, I am getting married to the love of my life, and Alice, is no longer planning my wedding."
Edward wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Are we staying in Denali, or are we moving back, to Forks?" Edward asked.
"I think that we should stay here, until the wedding, and then once we're married, we can move on."
That was my plan. As soon as we left this place the better, there was no bloodlust to control, so I would be fine. We could move on. For good this time.
Everyone nodded in agreement. And with that I grabbed Edward's hand and left. There wasn't much more to say. And me, I was in the mood for some alone time with my fiancée.