Guilt in Life
Chapter Twelve
The first thing Edmund saw when he woke was Natasha's head on his shoulder, eyes were closing. The next thing he noticed was night had fallen outside the cave.
Edmund was feeling way better like he hadn't been sick before. Sleepiness of the herb was definitely on its way wearing off. He strengthened his sitting position.
"...I'm sorry...I can't do it..." Natasha mumbled, Edmund stroked her frowning face, desiring to know what she was dreaming, or she was haunted about, "Ed...Ed..."
"I'm here," Edmund muttered and tightened his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.
"...I didn't mean that..." she was having serious problem of sleep talking, Edmund wondered if he should talk to Natasha about it. She was scowling madly.
"Doesn't matter, I can put up with anything about you" Edmund said to her, hoping to comfort her in her nightmare or whatever she was dreaming about. As though she had heard him, Natasha wrapped her arms around Edmund like a spider monkey and buried her head in the crook of his neck.
It was quiet, almost silence here in the cave apart from the snoring noise from his army. Leif curled as a reddish ball and slept peacefully near him. Everyone was asleep. Well, almost everyone.
Claus was standing on the edge of the cave, his silver fur shone in the dark. His expression was serious, or maybe that was just how he looked, serious, stern, leader-like. For a moment, Edmund thought he saw a gleam of sadness in his firm figure.
He glanced around and noticed Edmund was looking. Edmund smiled slightly as Claus nodded. He slowly made his way to him, carefully not to step on anyone's tail, or horn, or weapon.
"My lord," he rumbled quietly.
"Call me Edmund," Edmund sighed, "I don't even know if I should be called as a lord."
"Why so grim, Edmund the Just? You are doubting yourself," Claus crouched down next to him, Edmund noticed his eyes were in yellow.
"Is it that obvious to everyone? I mean, like everyone, you, Nat and Leif can see that,"Edmund said, leaning his head on the hard wall.
"And your people," Claus added helpfully, "all these years, the wolves bear a guilt."
Edmund looked at him, scowling.
"You are not the only one, Edmund," Claus said and sighed, "My great-great-great grand was killed by the High King. We used to serve the Witch. Even many years passed, it's not something we can deny or start everything over again."
Edmund nodded, "It sucks to be me though. I just wish I am more like you, a leader."
"You are born to be a leader," Claus, like everyone else, tried to convince him, "and you will be a great one. These people are my brothers and sisters, they watch me grow up, trust me as they trust you. It needs time. You and Lady Natasha built your relationship with time too, I suppose?"
"I'm not ready for this whole leader, prophecy thing."
"When fate comes, it doesn't ask for permission or wait for anyone to get ready. When it comes, you will find a way to accept it," Claus said, "your people love you and they have already forgiven you."
"I tried to believe that," Edmund said, "thanks for siding me."
"I've been following you and Leif for days," Claus explained, "we were waiting for you to get your confident back."
"Does it come back then?" Edmund looked at the wolf.
"What do you think?"
"I feel confident, warm when I'm with her," Edmund glanced at the girl in his arms, "Just...me. Don't tell her this though."
"She is the key to lock of your hear then," Claus smiled, "let her get into your heart, and experience the change. For her and yourself."
"It may be a bit too soon for me to say this," Edmund sighed, "but I think I love her."
"Are you going to let her take away your guilt?" Claus, "or you just want to bury it in yourself and lose the kingly Edmund forever?"
Edmund kissed the top of the Natasha's head, he knew the answer.
This silly girl had already taken away his guilt.
"How are you doing?" Edmund approached to an brownish griffin as she tried to put some herbs on her injured wing. Everyone was packing and Edmund seemed to be the Just King again. The true Just King that he had been missing for a very long time. He felt...strong among his people.
"I'm fine, my lord," she replied, "I've heard so much about you from my father."
"Your father?"
"He carried you during the attack of the castle three years ago," the griffin bowed.
"Call me Edmund and treat me like a friend, please," Edmund said, "let me help you with the herbs."
Edmund took the muggy herbs and carefully put it on her wing, she winced.
"What's your name?" Edmund asked.
"Salina," she replied, "I will follow you, Edmund, until you don't want me."
"Thank you Salina," he said sincerely, "Do you think the centaurs will help us?"
"They will until they last breath," Salina replied, "but then you have to decide to go to the High King or the Telmarine King."
"Where do you want to go then?" Edmund asked, mopping the herbs on his palm to a sheet.
"Back to the Western Woods to my father's of course," Salina said, "But I shall-"
"Follow me, I know," Edmund looked around, "Who made you the herbs, and for everyone who is injured?"
"Lady Natasha did," Edmund saw Natasha was cleaning a dwarf's wound from the lake monster's attack. She saw his stare and beamed.
Edmund smiled back, Salina gave him a gentle tug at his back, winking at him.
"Yeah, I know I'm lucky," Edmund smirked smugly.
And so, the Just King's pack of Narnians made their way towards the Flatteren Woods.
Edmund was busy talking to everyone. He had the impression that Claus, who winked at him in the front, had done something to make others talk to him again. They talked about everything that happened in Narnia, even their basic needs.
Edmund knew about how the dwarves were threatened by the Witch and the bear was enjoying winter but pleading for the arrival of spring Edmund understood his people's zeal and endless forgiveness towards him and was happily, and guiltlessly, friendly again.
They were absolutely secure since thirty pairs of eyes were scanning in the woods and sky. It obvious to Edmund that the Witch knew about this small army, but, maybe it was because the prophecy, she dared not to do anything.
Leif was cheering all the way as they walked in the woods. He was in such a good mood that he was telling everyone who was willing to listen, a lot of people actually, that he was going to marry Mary when spring came again.
Natasha was beaming and smiling, though Edmund thought he saw unwillingness in her blue eyes. By late afternoon, everyone was tired. They pace slowed down, like they were just wandering in the woods.
"We will hopefully reach the bears' old home, a cave, and we can spend the night there," Claus addressed him, "are you tired, Edmund?"
"We can keep going until night falls," Edmund said. He glanced back and saw Natasha walking slowly. He retreated to the back of the group and slid his hand on her waist as her head leaned on his shoulder.
"You're tired," he stated gently, kissing the top of her head.
"A bit," she replied shortly, "Am I correct that I see some changes in the Just King?"
"Well," Edmund smiled, "someone did say she could put up with the guilt-free Edmund, and here he is."
"Who is that foolish person may I ask?" She rolled her eyes.
"Someone with tangled brown hair and wicked cracking eyes," Edmund's grin tattooed across his face and Natasha hit his arm, scowling.
"Am I really that ugly?" Edmund regretted saying that the moment he heard the sadness in her voice, "I know, I know, I'm not as pretty as those princesses that you encountered in the Golden Age, nor I am as elegant as the Gentle Queen." she sighed.
"Yeah, and sleep talking, a bit annoying, slightly irritating," Edmund added helpfully.
Natasha glared at him, "right."
"But, that person, that very person who can put up with the guilt-free and guilty Edmund, happens to be the most beautiful and the bravest, gentlest girl that I've ever met," Edmund sighed loudly, "I afraid I will never, ever let her go."
"Sucks to be her," Natasha nodded her head knowingly.
Edmund chuckled and leaned in, kissed her nose.
When he pulled back, her face was red and buried her head on his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that she was blushing.
"Why were you staring at me this morning with Salina?" she mumbled in his shoulder.
"Is it my fault that my girl is exceptionally gorgeous and I couldn't help stare at her?"
Edmund heard her giggle, found it the most attractive sound in the world.
"I couldn't help it," Edmund mumbled,"you took away something from me."
"What is it?" Natasha looked at him seriously.
"My guilt in the past," Edmund whispered slowly, staring into her marine eyes, it was like watching the enchanting, starry night sky, or like watching the sunrise from the sea on the beach, "and you took my heart away. Don't ever give it back, Nat, keep it, save it, take it with you wherever you go."
The kiss, and smile Edmund expected came later then necessary.
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