Disclaimer: Edward Cullen owns me. I don't get to return the favor.
Thanks as always to my super- beta Lillie Cullen. Love ya hard bb.
And an extra shout out to Jill, who is responsible for the catalog line.
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Alice led me through the house and up the stairs, igniting a flash of familiarity. I had climbed these same steps before, with her leading the way, only a few days ago -- as a human. At the time, I had no idea that I would not be coming back down them human, or that I would ever climb them again. As we ascended the staircase I noticed the beautiful paintings on the wall and near the top, a large frame full of varying colors of graduations caps. I hadn't noticed them the night of the party.
Alice glanced back at me as she pulled me up the stairs. We moved at vampire speed and were at the top, standing in front of a closed door before I could blink.
"I'm sure you are anxious to see yourself, but I can't let you see yourself as a mess for the first time. I want to fix you up a bit." She looked at me questioningly. She was asking my permission. Her head dipped slightly, giving her eyes a puppy dog quality. I couldn't help but smile. Something told me she got her way quite often with this look. I knew it was working on me.
"Fine," I agreed.
She giggled and bounced and clapped her tiny hands and I wondered what I had just gotten myself into.
"This will be fun Bella, don't worry." I wasn't worried, but I thought maybe I should be.
Alice's room was in the middle of the hallway, on the second level, across from the bathroom I bypassed the night of the party because it was occupied. Had it not been in use that night, my life would be quite different right now.
She opened the door and pulled me inside, shutting it behind us.
"Stay here for a sec," she ordered as she disappeared for a split second and then returned smiling and bouncing in excitement. She took my hand leading me toward one side of the room and sat me down in front of a massive vanity. A sheet had been hung over the mirror. She swiveled the little stool around so I was facing her.
"Are you ok?" Alice asked, bending at the waist to bring herself eye level to me, and placing a tiny hand on each of my shoulders.
"No," I replied curtly and instantly felt bad. She was trying to be kind and I should have made an effort to be less bitter.
"No…I suppose you're not." Her face was gentle, understanding. She cautioned me with her eyes as she approached slowly and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "I'm so sorry Bella, I should have seen it. I should have stopped him."
I remembered the conversation I had with Edward about Alice's premonitions and I wondered why she didn't see it. I supposed maybe she just didn't see everything.
She spun me around and began brushing my hair. She hummed and smiled as she dragged the heavy, soft bristled brush through my long hair. She obviously took great pleasure in grooming me.
"Alice?" I asked.
"MmmHmm?" she hummed, still engrossed in detangling my impossible hair.
"Edward told me…about your visions." I was really curious about Alice, and I wanted to understand how her ability worked. And…I wanted to know what she saw for me. Would my family be ok? Would I ever feel…complete again? "What do you see for me?"
She was quiet for several seconds. Being unfamiliar with her visions, I had no idea if she was …looking, or just stalling. She set down the brush and ran her fingers through my hair a few times before taking a deep breath and answering. When she spoke, her words sounded sure, but troubled.
"You'll be happy again Bella. Just give yourself some time."
We sat in silence for a few seconds, and then Alice spun my stool around to face her and offered her hand.
"Now…lets get you to the shower shall we?"
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I stood in the middle of the bathroom facing the covered mirror and chuckled. Alice. I undressed slowly, examining each part of my body as it was revealed. Stretching and flexing, marveling at the long, lean muscles under the foreign flesh. They were sinuous, graceful and …sexy. It was me, but not me.
I was surprised to find all of my favorite body washes and shampoos already stocked in the shower. But then again, figuring it was Alice's doing, I shouldn't have been a bit surprised. I smiled to myself. She was really trying to make me feel welcome. It made me wish I wasn't still so angry and…confused.
The hot water felt like nothing I had ever known. It warmed my cold body and soothed my wounded soul. The sensation of the water droplets hitting my skin was marvelous. I felt every drop distinctly and was aware of the trail each made as it ran down my body. The droplets sparkled and danced on my skin, reflecting the light in tiny rainbows. I continued to marvel at them as I washed.
I closed my eyes, clearing my mind and enjoying the warmth and the hypnotic sound the droplets of water made as they bounced off the different surfaces of the shower. I slid down and sat against the wall, just being, silently being, and willing myself to open my eyes again and find that this was all a dream. But when I opened my eyes again everything was still the same, and still so utterly different. I was still sitting in that shower, and I was still a vampire. I popped up and shut off the water.
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I sat on the same stool as before looking at the vast arrangement of bottles and jars and various beauty props Alice had laid out on the vanity. She brushed through my wet hair, humming. It was actually quite soothing.
There was a light tapping on the door, and I startled knocking the brush out of Alice's hand. Still, I managed to stay seated. My control was definitely improving. The door opened, and Jasper stuck his head in.
"Just wanted to see how you girls were coming along."
Alice's eyes rolled, and she spoke without turning to him. "Bella is fine Jazz, she hasn't broken anything or ripped me apart yet."
Jasper chuckled and looked at me. "You doin' ok darlin'?"
I nodded, but it was unnecessary because Alice had already crossed the room, pushed him out the door and closed it, returning to my side in a split second.
"Sorry about that," she mumbled at she began dabbing some sort of goopy white stuff on my face.
I shrugged. I didn't mind him checking on me. "Do they really think I'm going to…rip you apart?" I chuckled.
"Well," she mused in her sing-song soprano voice." You are showing good control for a newborn, but it's been known to happen. All newborns are different. Some…don't even remember who they were before." Her voice trailed off and her eyes shifted. She sounded sad, but I wasn't sure why. I found myself wishing that had happened to me.
"You and Jasper…are married?" I asked as she continued her assault on my face, now applying blush to my cheeks.
Her face lit up, joy replacing the look of sadness from a moment ago. She told me all about how they had met, about the vision that led her to the diner in Philadelphia, and their journey to find the Cullen's. It was obvious to me how much she loved Jasper. Her whole face glowed as she talked about him, and her eyes twinkled with adoration as she recalled their wedding. I imagined eternity to be much more bearable with someone who completed you the way her and Jasper completed each other. She continued talking as she put the finishing touches on my face and hair and flitted over to the closet to find me something to wear.
She came out with a bag and unzipped it to reveal a gorgeous sapphire blue silky dress. It was beautiful, but there was no way I was wearing that. I shook my head. Alice stuck her bottom lip out and gave me those puppy dog eyes again. I caved, of course. Her enthusiasm for fixing me up was contagious.
"Just for a while," I said, and couldn't help but smile as she shuffled excitedly across the room holding the dress out to me.
"Hurry up and change," she chattered, pulling me off the stool. "I can't wait for you to see yourself!"
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I sat staring into the huge mirror, trying to come to terms with the image in front of me. The girl – no – woman staring back at me was familiar, but may as well have been a complete stranger. Her hair was beautiful, silky, straight and full of varying shades of browns and reds. The light reflected off each strand, highlighting the subtle differences in the hues. The reflection smiled, and I noticed her lips. They were full, perfectly proportioned and contrasted beautifully with the smooth and flawless porcelain skin. This face was enchanting, and strikingly beautiful, but all of the perfectly formed features and enhanced attributes couldn't keep my attention from the most absorbing and fascinating feature looking back at me. Her eyes. I was mesmerized by them. The orbs were like rubies, glistening and swirling, reflecting the light in tiny patterns and bursts of color and shimmer.
I stood slowly, and the body in the mirror rose as well. It looked leaner, graceful, and filled out the deep blue dress Alice had picked out perfectly. My eyes roamed downward. Hmm…this woman had a supple chest; cleavage peeked out above the plunging V-neck of the silky dress.
The woman in the mirror was stunning, and breathtakingly beautiful. And, she was me. I was beautiful. And graceful and …perfect. I smiled, and spun again, taking in all of my new form. Alice stood behind me looking like a kid on Christmas morning. I could tell she enjoyed dressing me up, and was pleased that my new body and face didn't upset me. Maybe it should have, but I just couldn't get over the awe of being sexy and strong and…powerful.
"My eyes?" I asked, turning to Alice. "They aren't the same as yours?"
"They will change in time Bella…the human blood makes them red. If you continue to feed from animals, they will become like mine. Like ours." She regarded me kindly, like she was sorry they were red. I wasn't sure why, I found the color to be…very alluring.
"But," it occurred to me, "I haven't had human blood."
"Oh, it's yours." She waved dismissively and went back to looking through the jars and containers lined up on the counter.
"My blood?" I asked, mostly to myself as I studied my crimson eyes in the mirror again. It was bittersweet, sitting there staring at the last piece of my humanity, my blood, still swirling in my brand new eyes. I wondered if I would be sad when it was gone and the color changed.
A shimmering on my neck caught my attention and I brushed my hair aside to get a better look. It was a scar, exactly like the ones that covered Jasper's body. I realized it was a bite mark…Edward's bite mark. My fingers ran lightly over the scar as I remembered the feel of his teeth sinking into my flesh, marking me. I sneered. Just what I needed. An eternal reminder of what he had done.
Alice picked up the hairbrush, and ran it through my already perfect hair a few more times.
"It was stupid what he did Bella, impulsive and foolish really, but you have to know…you mean everything to him." Her eyes met mine in the mirror, but I didn't respond. "He has waited a long time for you. We've all wanted him to find someone for so long, and really thought he never would. When he found you Bella…well…he became someone else. There is a light in his eyes that wasn't there before. A hope in his soul. He's not perfect, but he's a good guy, and he loves you."
"I can't Alice, I can't just forget." I sighed, and she stopped brushing, setting her tiny hands on my shoulders. "I had people in my life that I loved too, and they were…taken away…" My voice trailed off, and I struggled to keep the sadness from closing in on me.
"I don't blame you for being angry." She pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "I wouldn't blame you for being angry with me too…but please know Bella, I would have stopped him. Had I seen what he was going to do, if he would have planned it, I would have stopped him. But he didn't plan it. He didn't make a choice Bella, he lost control. There's a difference."
Maybe there was, but I was not ready to even consider forgiving him. Whether it was a loss of control, or a deliberate act, the fact remained that he didn't regret it. He would bite me again. Claim me. Choose me. As if I was a piece of property he ordered from a catalog. Alice on the other hand, I felt no anger toward. I couldn't figure out why she thought I would.
"I'm not angry with you Alice," I reassured, but her eyes looked sad. What was I missing?
She took a deep breath, and her tiny mouth wrinkled with worry before she continued. "It was me Bella. It was my fault."
What was she saying? I motioned for her to continue.
"The party was my idea. I was trying to find a way to bring you two together. When I decided to have the party, I had a vision of the two of you….uh…being together." Her golden eyes twinkled.
My jaw dropped, and had I still been human, I'm sure my cheeks would have been bright red with blush. She saw us. In her vision.
Sensing my embarrassment, Alice giggled and took my hand into hers. "Sorry Bella, but you may as well get used to these things now. In a house full of talented vampires, there are no secrets. You at least have the advantage of being able to keep stuff from Edward." She sighed heavily, "His mind reading is so intrusive."
I was suddenly grateful once again that Edward couldn't read my thoughts. It was hard to imagine having no privacy, even in my own head.
"Anyway…" she paused looking down "I'm sorry...I feel a bit responsible."
Surprisingly, I didn't agree with her. I still placed all the blame with Edward. She had good intentions with the party, and I couldn't deny that I had in fact wanted to know Edward, very well in fact. It wasn't her fault he was selfish and impulsive. And irresistible.
I couldn't let her wallow. "It wasn't your fault Alice." I was sincere, but she didn't look entirely convinced. "Edward did this, not you."
"Mmm…I suppose." She smiled, but it seemed forced. "He does love you…but what he did was wrong. And I think you should be angry."
She stood, and reached her hand toward me dramatically. "Shall we? I can't wait for everyone to see you." Her eyes twinkled with mischief and I knew that by everyone, she meant Edward.
I stood, looping my arm through hers and smiled, feeling lighter than I had in a while.
"And Bella…,"she added lowering her voice slightly, "make him work for it…he will, you know. And he should." She winked.
Alice and I were going to get along just fine.
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A/N - I truly love you guys for all the reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep em' coming- they ,make me smile!