Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

XII.

- Letters -

"I keep my promise, as you can see. This marks my first letter.

Things are back to normal here, people are getting ready for the harsh winter. I think I never got the chance to mention to you that winters here, in Iwa, are the actual worst. Last year the stone pavement on our main street started to crack! I believe it's the harsh wind that we face from North that makes everything ten times colder. Anyway, we are coping very well. Bombie is pretty happy, as far as I can tell. Mother is happy to see me alive and well, The Tsuchikage is happy that she's caught Jibachi and Suzumebachi as well as all their followers. Practically, everyone's happy.

I know you wonder how I feel and I don't think there's much to say. I am quite at the opposite of happy right now… and I am pretty sure it's not because the weather is bad. Some strange melancholy caught up with me today, while I was eating tofu with mushrooms and pepper. Is your father talking about me? Tell him I miss him. In case he's wondering, my favorite color is green.

Yours,

Amaya"

Shino scoffed with amusement, hands folding the letter in two. She was such a tease.

He looked through the windows as he sat in the kitchen and watched as the snowflakes cascaded peacefully to the ground, leaning back in the chair. Not a single breath of wind. Mornings like this were so perfect that he wished he could stop time and revere in the miraculous sight instead of going to the Academy where noise and drama awaited him. So very peaceful that he wished he could go out and become a part of the landscape, somewhat blend into the silent magnificence of the nature he's loved since he was a little.

Then he tore his gaze away, pondering over the letter in his hands. He missed her bated, mild voice when she talked to him and it wasn't the same to imagine it… and it's been only a week.

He slowly took the pen from the table and pulled a sheet of paper from the messy piles that took up most of the table's free space, sighing into the silence.

"I am sorry to hear your winters are… stone-cracking. Must be really hard to survive them. Blizzards are something very rare for Konoha, but I'm sure they're a frequent visitor in your parts. I am not jealous. Make sure Bombie is safe and warm, he's not really resistant to coldness.

S."

Shino folded the letter diligently, furrowing at it for a good ten minutes before standing up sharply and heading out.

Her letter came late in the night and he assured his father he's not skipping dinner and going to be earlier because he's ill. His father asked him if the mail's arrived earlier. His father knew him too well and it's always been a problem.

"Are you seriously gonna write to me two lines only? About the weather? I could get that information everywhere… Tell me what you're thinking, Shino. "S."?! By all gods, this is manslaughter. And since I am not willing to waste this whole piece of paper for two sentences only myself, I intend to share things. (I am so mad at you.)

Anyway.

Remember our first conversation?

Yes, I feel obliged to mention it… I thought they've sent a random messenger or something, to greet me. I never thought that the one I had to find and "target", as they told me then, was… there, in front of me. I was stunned and you noticed it. I failed there. And you noticed it, from the very start, and when I failed some more afterward, you noticed again, you noticed every time but kept on ignoring. It was inexplicable to me and I never stopped thinking about this. Why didn't you end the game earlier?

Off-topic, I wonder what Sakura Haruno is doing? Is she doing well? She was so kind to me and I don't think I ever got the chance to thank her for the bits of advice and the support she gave me before I left.

P.S. Please, don't talk about the weather.

Yours,

Amaya"

Shino lingered in his bed, holding the letter above his head and examining her elegant handwriting for a while before putting the letter on his bedside cabinet, carefully folded.

Yours? He was aware that was a part of the mandatory frame of the letter, but the sound of it in his head was making him feel good. Better. He's never thought over the whole notion of calling someone yours, he's never thought he'd ever have to. It was weird. Possession was applied for inanimate objects to him, not for human beings. However, if she fancied the idea, then so be it.

He promised to himself to write a reply first thing in the morning.

"Trust me, you don't want to know what I'm thinking about. You'll most likely be bored. And you'll start making excuses, diverting the subject to something else because you won't be able to handle my tedious effusions. Of course, knowing the level of your delicateness, as well as your fabulous talent for deception, I might not even understand whether you like it or not, even if you don't. I can't allow myself to bore you unintentionally. I am not trying to attack, I am only posing the facts. With all that said, it's best if I don't share fragments of my life. Surely, you know that it contains monotony that presents an interest to neither of us both. But if you're so curious, I can oblige this time only.

The Hokage is not strictly following my every move, as he mentioned he would; he hasn't got the coldness in his heart to do so and actually trusts me just as much as before. I am helping him a lot more with various things and he's glad of it, but he doesn't suspect that I know for a fact that he feels uncomfortable and somewhat guilty that he wasn't able to keep you in Konoha. He blames himself for everything and I try to convince him I am fine and his decision was perfectly just. He couldn't possibly indulge everyone, not with the Tsuchikage around.

That's the truth… the bare truth. And still, he is not happy with what happened. On the other hand, I managed to get closer to him and we talk more… he's more interested in Aburame now and their traditions, opinions and even views on the politics of the village.

(I suspect his interest is more of fright, to not challenge a noble clan's wrath, rather than applying mutual tolerance. His initial reluctance towards my clan hasn't changed a bit, but the thought only amuses me at this point. Aburame are one scary bunch of odd people, that's unquestionable and I had to become an adult to realize it.)

Sakura was flushed-happy to hear you're thanking her for everything. I met her today after school and she jumped onto me for a hug. It was rather unpleasant and uncomfortable, but I endured it. She said to me to deliver to you a message I didn't really understand. I believe it may hold more meaning for you. "I am still married."

As for your question, yes. Yes, I do remember. And why I didn't end the game? Because… This might sound a little rude, but I am not sure you will understand the influence you had on me. You wouldn't. And whatever you were thinking by the time, deep in my heart, I knew my blindness was going to be the death of me, but I chose to be ignorant anyway. I felt- I was important for once in my life, that's it. The reason is purely selfish, I'm afraid, and ugly. Unfortunately, selfishness can never be poetic.

Regards,

Shino"

Amaya released her breath, quickly folding the letter and putting it away when her tear dropped on the thin sheet of paper and moistened it. Her eyes shifted on her sleeping mother across, on the other armchair they had placed in front of the now crackling fireplace, along with a low square table between them.

She stood up, silently reaching for the blanket that has slipped down and picked it up, covering her mother gently; then she backed away to her place again, relishing on the view for a while. The flames caught her attention soon after and her blurry gaze sank within them tiredly.

There was so much pain in those last lines. Condensed pain she caused. But she was glad they got to the root of the problems, there was a chance to reconstruct now.

Amaya stood up, off to take a piece of paper and returned to her chair, pulling the table closer. Her pen tapped the surface a few times.

"If there was anyone selfish here, that was me. I only thought of my mother's safety... and of mine as well. But there were other ways. Better ways. I am awfully sorry for what I did, I am only ashamed of it now, but I can't pretend I didn't want it all to happen because I met you. And I swear, once the winter is over, I'll sneak my way to you without anyone noticing. I don't even care about law and rules anymore. I wish I could just… let you have me. That's all I want."

Amaya backed away from the sheet of paper, horror altering her features. She grabbed the paper and squashed it on its way to the fire. Decency. What happened to decency? Her teeth dug down into her lip, eyes flickering to the dancing blaze. Her head slightly tilted. Did he think about that, though? Having her?

Could he dare, after the brutal way she destroyed his trust? Was it low to use that as a way to show how much she's sorry, was that wrong? She didn't feel like it. She felt like he deserved it. Like she wanted it. Like it was obligatory. He didn't seem to know that he was, in fact, particularly attractive in so many, many ways.

"I am glad that we talk about it. But I miss you and it's hellish without your sweet tea. And I am cursing myself every single day because I hurt a person whose life was already filled with punishments of faith, but I am so, so happy that we clashed. I found out how awful I am in reality, thank you for that. In the end… with a risk to sound bold, I don't think any of us was acting selfish, I think we were both trying to survive.

I hope you will forgive me someday. Until that time comes, I shall apologize over and over.

Yours,

Amaya"

"Please, don't feel that way. You are forgiven. I had hoped you will forgive me… because I lost myself in that endless cycle of hurting and self-pity. You struck the part most guarded by me, the center around that cycle swirled. My pride. The downfall of every great man that has ever existed. But I was glad you came to Konoha, I still am. Even though I despise changes because they make me feel bad, I am willing to change whatever I can and must, to let this… happen. I don't know how to call it, yet. Unfortunately.

I send you this herbarium as a sign of our official peace treaty. I do not wish to wage war against you, your clan or anyone else for that matter. I just wish they could let you come here once more. I have this odd feeling that if they don't, I might come to you instead. Illegal activities have never been my forte, neither have been socializing, cooking, teaching, being nice, touching people. Technology. Technology is my newest fear and the greatest nightmare so far. My students are doing great and they're frighteningly better than me at all those things, likely because it's a significant part of their generation. There is something in those gadgets that scares me immensely and I thank all gods I don't have to come face to face with them for now, and the skills and knowledge I have are sufficient.

Anyway, I think my father misses you a lot. He keeps on saying "I wish I had a daughter" in this tired, nonchalant way around me like he's sighing or something, and I don't understand whether he's aiming to make me feel bad or just remembering you. Last time he asked me if you were willing to bear my children and I said that this is the most outrageously inappropriate question he could come up with and "Can you keep your distorted thoughts to yourself, please? I'll be forever grateful. Thank you very much." I am sorry for what those words might cause to you once you read them, I don't even know why I wrote them to you. Hope you have a nice day.

Regards,

Shino"

Amaya couldn't help but laugh out loud. The excessive amount of useless information he gave her was just so interestingly private and hilarious at the same time. That flow of words, it was what he was like and she was so happy that he allowed her to see him for what he is again. A few letters earlier he told her that he wouldn't risk boring her with it, but now it seemed like he gave it anyway.

Her fingers spread the previously cut-open letter and took out the herbarium of the delicate and dried white-yellow winter jasmine, blushing as she looked at it thoroughly.

"Are you going to tell me anything or not?" Her mother's voice wrested her out of the quiet flow of sweet thoughts her mind produced at the sight of the flower and she locked her eyes with her for one long moment of silence.

"Tell you what, exactly?" Amaya quickly tucked the letter and the herbarium back in the envelope and put it in the pocket of her trousers.

"Who is the mysterious S that keeps on making you blush like that, huh?" Her mother put hands on her hips, her brow lifted in suspicion.

Amaya furrowed, eyes down to the wooden surface of their kitchen table. "How'd even know about that?"

"I take in the mail every day, dear. I haven't read anything you wouldn't want me to, though."

Sighing, Amaya gave her a small smile.

"Aburame Shino, mom."

Her mother's face paled to white and her hands dropped down lifelessly; lips apart in absolute astonishment. The transformation was rather rapid and Amaya slightly worried. Neither of them moved, so the harsh blow of the wind outside filled in the silent gap between them.

"The Aburame Shino? The one Kamizuru recruited you to…?" Her mother's voice faded and she swallowed down, fear clenching her elderly body and imprinting on her amber eyes. "My dear…he's- You said he's…"

"What?" Amaya tilted her head, half-expecting to start a fight only to defend Shino's innocence. "What did I say?"

"Back when you explained to me what happened in Konoha, you never told me that you got close."

"Well, now you know." Amaya shrugged, already thinking it's a bad idea that she shared. Her mother was a skeptic and of the older generation. Aburame weren't favorites. But she never supported genocides or violence of any kind so Amaya knew that she'd understand.

The silence extended as her mother looked down at a point in the floor, heavily in thought and furrowing immensely. Then she met her daughter's eyes and managed a forced smile.

"Just be careful, sweetie."

Amaya nodded, but in her mind, there was a loud revolt at these words.

I am tired of being careful.

I don't want to be careful anymore.

Her mom went to the kitchen counter and after a quiet chuckle, turned to her daughter with some newly-born amusement on her features.

"Aburame are one of the oldest and respected noble clans… as far as I've read about Konoha's history and foundations."

"And?" Amaya leaned back on her chair, unsure where her mother was heading. That glowing amusement on her face forestalled something weird so she braced herself.

Her mom folded hands and gave her a meaning look.

"So he's practically a royalty, right? A prince."

Amaya looked at her for a moment and then her irises gradually widened. She never thought of it that way, but… The heat darkened her whole face. That was kind of true and it was alarming her on a different level now. "…oh." Was all she managed to reply before standing up and heading out of the kitchen. The embarrassment was too much.

She heard her mother burst into sincere laughing somewhere behind her.

"You have no idea how much I miss you both, you and your father. Please, tell him I kiss my hand to him, to not be sad that I'm far. It was my plan to be his daughter and bear your children all along anyway. I hope that doesn't upset you much. Knowing you, it probably will. I wish I was there, to see your reaction to this… well, confession.

Shino left the letter on the desk and stared at it, frightened by the sound of it in his head. The classroom was still empty, as he was there earlier than necessary, but it was only because he wished to read Amaya's letter in peace.

He peeked into the letter, read the first lines a few times more and glanced up to the door, to see if anyone was coming. He could feel an odd warmth spread in his body, swell in his heart and heat up his face. His children? His? Flesh and blood. Suddenly that fantastic notion became a real possibility in his mind and he could visualize it, as impossible as it has sounded to him till now. It all made him feel somehow happy.

His eyes fell down to the rest of the text immediately.

I am being cruel (I don't know if that should surprise you). I know we are apart by law and I don't know when or if this law will ever change. I have hopes that it will, though, someday. The Tsuchikage is harsh but not a sadist. The bad thing is, as much as she kept a neutral side, now she doesn't see Aburame in the same way she did, before you. Your powers and influence scared her greatly, you know. Your profound connection with the insects is scaring her, it's scaring every living insect user, actually. Ask anyone, ask your own clan.

I am not sure you understand that your control is above everyone else's and you are a perfect weapon, clever and a good leader as well. She has no way to counter you. There are nothing and no one like you in any of the great five nations and beyond. Do you understand why she wanted you secluded and under surveillance now? Apart from me, because she thought I anger you with my presence? Yes. I know. I tried to explain to her after we came back to Iwa. Alas, she doesn't see beyond her fear.

I don't want to talk about this, though. I only told you this because you didn't know how to call this thing between us. You don't have to call it in any way, let it speak for us itself. It was never as simple as the other 'things' between people. It doesn't have to be, we're different than people.

I accept the peace treaty with gratitude and relief. I fell for you the moment I met you and now I can repeat it freely and as much as I can.

But, let's talk about your class and their frightening knowledge of technology. Do they use your fear against you and cheat? I can see them doing that.

P.S. I think Bombie is… grieving you because he doesn't eat much lately and only sleeps. What should I do?!

Yours,

Amaya"

"Aburame-sensei?"

He almost jumped in surprise, noticing that all his student were in their places already and staring at him with pure wonder.

Sarada and Chouchou shared glances of mutual agreement. They've probably had a bet on something. He had to stop those bets. Bets proceeded gambling and gambling was bad.

"Doesn't it bother you that insects grieve me and at the same time the head of your village is scared of me? I think you must be in the same wrong as me for overlooking those small facts. Give him from the small pouch of crumbs I'll send to you along with the letter, they should make him feel better. (I am surprised to hear he's sad as well. His signs that he's attracted to you were clear, -unlike mine-.)

Amaya tried her best to suppress the laughter that came out of her since she was in the village's library and leaning on a solid bookcase as people walked to and fro around her. Maybe she had to find a quieter and private place, but she couldn't help it, impatient to read the letter she found on her way out of the house.

The last two words were deliberately scratched in a way that she could see the words clearly. She bit her lip.

Also, how dare you fancy the idea of cheating in my class? Their parents have explained to them the situation very well. They know the rules. If you cheat, I'll drain your chakra off you. If you help someone else pass the test, I'll have you lay in a hospital for a week. I considered putting the rules on a board in the classroom, but the incident with Kamizuru spread the news quick. I don't even need a board to instill fear now, it's in their eyes.

I lied.

I let them cheat all the time because I don't have the heart to stop them.

Amaya had to cover her mouth with her hand to stifle her snickering. She looked up to a group of elders that looked at her judgmentally and she became serious right away, adding a quiet Sorry.

I never asked that, but… how is your mother doing? Does she know that I'm writing to you? Tell her I'm sorry for everything I've done to her and you, and give her that hellebore to pay my respects to her.

Regards,

Shino"

Amaya sighed, eyeing the flower and the miniature, transparent pouch with auburn crumbs inside. She was gonna be delighted.

"My mom thanks you from the bottom of her heart. She said you're being very charming and would love to meet you and your dad in person someday. (I don't think that would end up well, though. We shouldn't allow that to happen, right? Right.) You know, they could actually like each other…

Shino puffed, raising the letter up as he shifted documents from his bed absently. Definitely not letting that happen. His eyes flickered to the clock and he puffed again. There was no time for anything these days. He eyed the long text Amaya has written and decided to read it, but write back to her in twelve hours, after that whole exam madness was over.

Shino passed a hand over his eyes and sighed into the darkness of his room. Sometimes he just wondered whether he's just mentally sick and violently masochistic for accepting this job in the first place.

Fridays always roused so many mixed feelings, he was conflicted between the urge to cry because he practically has had enough of working by now and the happiness that lit him up at the thought that it was the week's end. Also, the mail came usually on Fridays.

This particular morning was terribly cold. He could feel the chill creeping its way through the surface of his skin as he dressed up quickly and pressed the frame of his glasses against his eyes before opening up the heavy door and stepping out to the faint light of the kitchen window, far across the corridor.

There was some noise coming from the kitchen so he figured his father was already up. When he finally entered the kitchen, he nearly clashed into his dad, the latter brushing past him and through the door like a wift of air.

"Father." Shino eyed the letters on the table suspiciously and then the back of the older man who stopped in his place and turned around a little bit awkwardly as if he's hoped to skip the part where a conversation occurred. "Aren't you going to eat breakfast with me?"

"Ah, no, not really," Shibi muttered under his breath and waved with his hand indefinitely. "Sorry. I had this meeting with Choza, he wanted to talk to me about something. I'll be going." He made a pause, then quickly disappeared in the next room.

Shino was baffled at first but decided to pay him no mind, eager to read Amaya's next letter. He rummaged through the new letters absently, still confused by Shibi's weird behavior. It was very much like him, disappearing without an explanation, avoiding him… well, he just loved in a different way.

Shino never forgot the day Shimura came to take him away and his father didn't allow, preferring to have Torune lost to whatever Shimura had decided to do with him and suffer the twinges of guilt rather than parting with his son and giving him away. Shino never forgot the way his father came to him in the middle of the night then and lingered at the door for a long time before going back to sleep. Shibi was a generally strange man to many, but Shino was aware he hasn't lost his ability to love, despite spending a whole life between stone walls and… without his wife.

"You've checked the mail?" Shino asked out loud so that his father could hear him. Odd. He couldn't find any letter from Iwagakure. "Otou-san? Did you take a letter from here?"

"Not at all. Everything I found in the mailbox is on the table." Shibi's hoarse voice reached him from the other room. "I'm late, Shino. I'll see you later." The sound that echoed resembled almost-running and the feeling of it was all way too transparent than Shibi probably thought it was.

"You haven't got any meeting, have you?" Shino asked out loud, succeeding at nailing the footsteps at once. The suspense was brief because Shibi went out without no further replies, leaving his son staring down at the letters. He was always so considerate; he could give him that.

No letter from Amaya this week. For the first time in ten weeks.

Shino raised a brow.

It wasn't the end of the world, the letter might've been delayed or she hadn't got the time to reply, he just had to wait a few days and see. He hummed thoughtfully and turned to look at the tightly shut front door at the end of the corridor. What bothered him more was why Shibi left so quickly.

A/N: I'm not leaving this fic, I told you that and you shouldn't doubt my compulsive need to finish things I've started lol

Ok, so. As I was writing on this chapter I realized I haven't explained why I made this odd decision to add a trait to Aburame that isn't actually canon. Though, it's all based on the canon fact that Shino has always been since he was a kid, highly empathetic and sensitive when it came to others' feelings and emotions. He practically sensed Hinata was upset once. So I thought that maybe if Aburame have this characteristic, they'd be prone falling victim of it and suffer the consequences quite vividly. Anyway, I'm sure no one doubted that I managed to invent a deeply romantic subplot out of all this. It's more sad than cute, but yeah. Thanks for reading! See you next time.

And, barrbs, I forgot to reply to you! It's post-war, so he's 32 and I haven't mentioned it yet, but she's 24.