Kissing in the Snow: When Will You Love Me?
Chapter 12: Confessions and Heartache
Author's Note: So, I love you guys even more after every chapter. I really hope you like where this story is going because I know I sure do. As I promised, the letters and Minako and Rei's conversation about Usagi will be in here. So I hope they match up to your expectations! Sorry about my update delay, my finals have been pretty draining this past semester, also my grandmother was in the hospital, and finally passed peacefully in July. So rest her soul. I have also been busy with work and old college stuff. But now that the semester has begun I am back on track! I promise you I am trying my best! Thank you so much for your patience.
Also, a special thank you to everyone who has reviewed for this story so far, you all have a special place in my heart. I love seeing every single one of your reviews, so keep up the good work, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own it, obviously. I do, however, own this idea and poem and my sick mind filled with tricks and taunts. My mistakes are my own.
'Dear Hino Rei,
Best of wishes for you on your 21st birthday, I'm sure it will be a good one. I wish I could make it, but as you know, many things have changed since our mud pie days. I am finding it hard to be in two places at once with two people who mean the world to me. As you know, she is not aware that you are a major role in my life- nor do I want to burden her with that aspect at this very moment, I do wish you the best in all life has to offer and I hope to one day be a part of it again. I miss you so much, and until the day we are reunited I hope you and Minako are well and know that I do not share the same outlook as she, and hope to see you both as soon as I can.
It feels like yesterday that we were throwing mud pies in each other's faces, laughing and giggling like the young children we were. I cannot believe that you are twenty one now, and I am appalled at the fact that I will have broken my promise by the time you read this, therefore I have left a decent sum of money in this envelope to make up for the fact that I could not buy you your first drink on this big day- as I promised on your 16th birthday. I also remember sharing our first kiss on this night just about five years ago, and as I write these words my mind is sent off remembering all of our time spent together and I smile, and think of all the things we have shared together and all the things that could have happened between us, but were obviously cut short.
For which, I apologize because it seems I had left at a horrible time when you could have used my help the most. I heard Rochi made an appearance a few years back. Please tell me he didn't hurt you? My sources have told me you disappeared for a decent amount of time during this time. If he hurt you… I swear to god Rei, please tell me?
Well, I must be going. Thank you for informing me of your move, luckily your Grandfather decided to tell me when I dropped by earlier this evening to give you this in person. Some 'friend' you are, just kidding. I miss you Hino and I hope to see you soon… somehow.
Until then, my forever love,
Chiba Mamoru'
"Um, wow?" Minako's voice broke through Rei's quiet contemplation sending her back to reality. "So, you are a lot more complex than I gave you credit for, so give me this one and start reading the other." Pulling the letter and envelope from Rei's sweaty palms Minako forces the unopened envelope in her hands. Gently breaking the seal, Rei clears her throat as tears form in her eyes as she felt everything she ate from this evening bubbling in her stomach. This letter could never be something good, it was Rochi's handwriting, and anything from him could only be bad news.
"I can't promise this one will be pretty Minako." Rei sighs as she pulls a crisp folded letter head from the envelope and blows out a deep breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Unfolding it with shaky hands she recognizes her father's emblem at the top right corner of the letter and a deep growl rumbles in her throat.
'Dearest Hino Rei,
Father has just reminded me that it is your birthday today. It saddens me that you did not inform me of this information yourself, but after all you did set off on your own. I only wish you would tell me where you were going so we could finally start our family together and make Father proud. I know you will return to me once you have found what your journey has set you out for, but until then, my loving heart misses you dearly. I love you, Princess.
Yours Truly
Hino Rochi'
"Well, it was short and sweet but he still doesn't know where I am, which leads me to wonder how he got the letter here. I hope Mamo got it from Grandpa or something, yeah that sounds right. Mamo did say that he stopped at the shrine before he came here, so maybe he found this one as well. Guess I will be on the down low for a while, just in case.
"Come on Rei, why don't you come inside. It's late and it's not good to be out here like this. I will go get that pop corn started if you look for a movie or something, then maybe you could explain some things… or something." Looking everywhere but Rei's eyes Minako has no idea what to make of this situation. She had known Rei had skeletons in the closet, but she didn't realize the extent of them.
" Skeletons? More like mothereffin zombies or something, since they are still bugging about…This can't be good. This kid is looking to find Rei once more, since they belong together or some whacked out shit like that, and Mamo- chan? Really? He and Rei used to be close? I feel like the best friend I knew is someone completely different then the person living with me right now. Is this really what I want right now? How can I be with someone, and love them, when I barely know them? Maybe this is a bad-"
"How is this one, Minako?" Breaking Minako from her inner monologue Rei holds up a simple case containing a romantic comedy.
"Sounds good to me, I will just go throw some popcorn on and then we can watch it. Why don't you start it up? I will be out in a minute." Without waiting for a reply, Minako walks into the small kitchen and begins to dig in the cupboard for the box of popcorn.
"Rei had always seemed complex, that is one of the many things I like about her; not easy to read, and as confusing as a never ending labyrinth, to be quite honest. I usually like puzzles, but this one is throwing my game off completely. Who knew that Rei and Mamo once had something? Maybe that's why she got all pissy when Usagi started dating him. Wow. How can I compete with him? He is like walking perfection. And the abortion? How can I feel okay about her having one… but not my mom…? How is that possible?
Minako? Hello? Are you there? You burnt the popcorn." Rei's voice and a nasty burnt smell brings Minako back to earth and she cringes in disgust.
"I'm sorry Rei, I was in lala land." She giggles nervously and looks down to her wringing hands.
"It's fine. I already started another bag and poured the drinks. Have some sugary caffeine." Holding out a purple glass Rei eyes Minako suspiciously with concern.
"Thank you, is it coke?" Minako questions without waiting for an answer before taking a sip.
"Uh, yup." Rei says popping her P not mentioning the fact that she added a little bit of vodka while Minako was still in her dreamy state moments before. Only a little. Okay possibly a third of the cup, but who was judging.
"Maybe it will help her relax a little. That was a lot to take in for one night. Mamo and then Rochi all in one night? And here I thought I would never have to approach those skeletons with her. But then again, we are kind of together; those things shouldn't be hidden from her, should they? I don't get this whole relationship thing. With Mamo it was so easy why is it so difficult with her? I just don't understand."
All the lights were off in the small little town house, the light from the television was dancing off both of the girls' forms sitting on the couch. The movie, left unwatched as they stared into one another's eyes as if gazing into the other's soul. Minako's hand rests gently on Rei's thigh massaging the skin beneath her sweatpants while Rei's hand rests on Minako's cheek, her thumb rubbing soothing circles along her cheek bone. No words were spoken nor were any needed as the moment played out between them. Silence can speak numerous amounts of words to those who take the time to listen. Minako understood that Rei was complex, that she had a horrid past. Yet, it still hurt. She had shared her stories with Rei, why could she not return the favor? A relationship was built off knowledge and trust and as of now, Minako was not sure if they had either.
Whereas, Rei was searching Minako's eyes for any sign of fear, or possibly even fleeing for she felt Minako was getting tired of her foolish game. Could she possibly share more about her horrid life with this beautiful untainted creature in front of her? Or would it ruin her pure spirit? So much more she wished to share with Minako, because she wanted her to see the person she really was deep down, but she was afraid. She had been hurt before, why should Minako be any different? She was only human, after all.
"Rei?" Minako's soft whisper broke the Miko from her thoughts as her focus returns to the soft blue orbs directly in front of her.
"Minako, I'm sor-" Rei's whisper was broken off as Minako pressed her finger tip to the Miko's lips to silence her.
"Shh." She made up her mind, Rei would tell her when she was ready, and as much as she hated that fact, she just had to accept it for now, because Rei would be, well- Rei, and there was no changing that. Sliding her finger down Rei's soft lips and tracing the outline of her chin Minako's hand then made its way into the hair at the nape of Rei's neck. Softly twirling a few strands before she gently pulled Rei close to her causing their lips to touch for a fraction of a second. "You have a lot of skeletons in that closet of yours, I get it." Minako whispers her lips brushing over the Miko's as she talks. "And, when you're ready, I am sure you will tell me at least some of these stories and secrets you have, but not until you're ready. I promise not to pressure you, but just know that I am not going anywhere." Once she was finished, Minako crushes her lips forcefully against Rei's in a heated kiss hoping to prove just how much she was feeling for her.
"Thank you, Minako." Rei whimpers back in between kisses. Her heart began to sore with the love Minako was offering her. It had been a long time since someone had accepted her with all of her faults, since Mamoru most likely. This warm feeling was refreshing, she decides, it was a good thing, and maybe with time she could open up to Minako. But, for now she had other thoughts for opening up Minako, which she plans on putting into motion right this second. Her hand softly grasps Minako's thigh in attempts to bring her closer, but once she realizes it won't work, Rei slides her hand up and roughly cups her breast holding in a groan of her own before pushing against Minako's chest, hoping to push her to lay down on the couch.
Once she achieves this, Rei begins her small climb up Minako's body, being sure to touch every surface on the way up. Something in the soft muscles and ample curves of the Goddesses body gives Rei's soul a sense of calm and belonging. Who wouldn't love such a gorgeous body? Hearing soft sighs from above, Rei continues her assault on Minako's neck while her fingers work their way under her baggy t-shirt teasing the taut skin of her stomach. Just the soft feel of Minako's skin was giving Rei a burning feeling deep in the pit of her stomach causing her hips to buck forcefully forward towards Minako's pelvis. The soft grip on the back of Rei's neck suddenly tightens and pulls up forcefully guiding Rei blindly to crash her lips into Minako's own in a hungry, passionate kiss- one that was desperate and not at all soft like the previous ones.
"Oh Rei.." Minako sighs softly against the Miko's lips as she spreads her legs, welcoming the much needed friction against Rei's thigh. Arching her back up off of the couch Minako helps Rei lift her t-shirt up her body and over her head feeling the cold air hit her almost bare torso. Shivering softly as Rei's piercing violet eyes burn her delicate skin, Minako closes her eyes and just feels. It was always easy to forget when Rei was concerned. Being like this, with her best friend was amazing to Minako. Everything she had ever loved, she always lost. Was this a reason that Rei wasn't sharing everything with her? Or was it the reason she wasn't giving this relationship her all? Could she possibly give this relationship her all? Could this ever be anything more than an 'in the closet' relation with Rei and would she ever want that from her? So many questions filled Minako's mind but the moment Rei's hot mouth met her nipple all of these fears evaporated. Right here, right now: this is where she belonged.
~!~
"You know," Minako whispers against Rei's cheek as they snuggle closer on the couch. "you don't always have to win me over with pleasure or flowers. Words work too you know." Rei casually laughs as she drapes an arm around Minako's thin waste.
"Yeah, so I have been told, but this- right now, was a spur of the moment thing. I thought we were going to have a serious moment but then you kissed me and all just went to hell." Smiling in the dark, after finally turning the television off Rei feels somewhat whole with the woman lying beside her, she felt that she could face anything- even Rochi.
"So, tell me." Minako urges gently showing against Rei's shoulder from their tight space on the couch.
"Tell you what, Minako?" Rei asks closing her eyes.
"About Rochi, or Mamo… either or anything really, I just want some answers." She whispers, silently hoping she well get some answers tonight.
"Well, from what you saw in the first letter, Mamo and I grew up together before I moved in with my Grandfather- when my mother was still around." She decided to go with the easier topic to talk about, Mamo had always made her happy and even when they parted, there were no bitter feelings. "We were even together for… some time before he left for college. We were practically inseparable." The smile returns to her face as she recalls all of their encounters growing up.
"How long is some time?" Minako questions slightly fearing her answer. She clutches her fist against Rei's bare chest in anticipation.
"Well, he gave me my first kiss at sixteen, but we were together before then. He was funny about it at first. He didn't want to ruin it with actions so we didn't even hold hands or anything, but we were together five months before my sixteenth birthday, and then after, we were together for three years before he left to continue his education in America. That's where their two stories collide, when Mamo left, Rochi came around. So you are pretty much caught up now." Rei sighs.
"Did you guys… you know, have sex?" Minako asks with a smile.
"Minako!" Rei gasps in horror. "Of course we did! Three and a half years is enough time to actually know someone enough to trust them with that. He was my first, and he made it memorable for me which was nice."
"Did you guys just grow apart? Or what happened? Because you're not together now and there are two more people added into this equation now." Minako questions, curiously.
"Well, like I said, he was going away to America and neither of us wanted to be apart that much so we ended things and decided to stay friends." Rei says sadly.
"So all this time Usagi has thought that she found this treasured gem and she introduced him to all of us thinking everyone would love him. She flaunted him around whenever she could and even kissed him and called him her best friend and soul mate in front of all of us, and you weren't even fazed?"
"No, no one said that. Of course it hurts, he is my best friend and he was my first love. Nothing will change what he means to me and what I mean to him but I can't stop him from seeing Usagi, I could never do that to him. He deserves to be happy and if she makes him happy- so be it. I will still go to his wedding with a smile on my face and support my best friend." Rei sighs, sadly thinking of the day that she will have to actually go to his wedding.
"How can I compete with that?" Minako whispers softly burying her face into Rei's cleavage. Dread and anxiety begin to cloud her soul, Mamoru always seemed so put together and gentlemen like. He had a great sense of humor and gorgeous smile and a perfect everything! How could she ever compete with that?
"You don't have to. That was two years ago, if we were meant to be together, we would be. Obviously, fate had other plans for both of us, but wanted to keep us together somehow. You are special in your own way and I love you for who you are, not some mold of Chiba Mamoru, that's just weird." Rei chuckles softly squeezing Minako's shoulders tightly before relaxing into the couch cushions.
"Okay, I will leave that topic alone for now, but I do have another question for you. I let it go because Ami and Makato were here the other morning, but I have been dying to know, what weren't you guys going to tell me? You said that Usagi didn't like the idea of us, and that she may not be around, but nothing more. Not even telling me what happened or why she felt that way." Minako asks draping her leg over Rei's hips to make more room on the couch. Her eyes were getting heavy and she had no idea what time it was. It was completely dark outside so it had to be late, but she honestly didn't care, she was really curious.
"Really? Of all the questions to ask, you ask that one?" Rei asks with a small strain in her voice.
"Yes, I really want to know." Minako urges rubbing her fingertips along Rei's taught stomach.
"Fine." Rei huffs trying not to concentrate on Minako's hand before she completely stops all conversation once more. "So, when Makato found you late one night in her boxing arena she had Usagi with her and Usagi found out some strange news she wasn't exactly comfortable with." The words flowed quickly from Rei's mouth and she had no idea what she was actually saying. "She isn't comfortable with the fact that you want to be with me. Like this. Together. As a couple, like I said." Incomplete sentences were all Rei could form knowing that she has just told Minako that one of her best friends did not accept her and her decision to be with a female, instead of a male.
"You mean, she was disgusted?" Minako asks trying to put the pieces together from the small part of the conversation she had heard the morning she woke up to the three other girls talking.
"Yes. She thought that you had touched her, or looked at her too intimately and that bothered her." Rei confirms.
"Well then.." Minako says, dumbstruck, unable to finish her sentence. She feels her thoughts come to a complete stop, not knowing where to even start to decipher this new bit of information. Usagi, her best friend since diapers, did not want to be around her because she was with Rei? She had never even wasted a glance on her; her feelings were not like that. "I'm not gay, at least, I don't think I am… am I?"
"It's not about sexual orientation Mina, it's about what's inside that matters." Rei whispers into the blondes tousled golden locks as her heart begins to pick up its pace.
"But, I like your body. I do get turned on by your curves and your eyes, and hair. Is that normal too?"
"I'm sure that's not the reason you liked me in the first place. I'm sure you were drawn in by my charm, my sweet personality and my kindness to others." Rei jokes.
"Yeah, when you said one word to me… once in a blue moon!" Minako giggles. Rei sighs in relief; she had dodged that bullet nicely. What did that consider them? Was there a term for it? She didn't mind the term; it was only that- a term, nothing important.
"You caught me when you said 'the fire told me' back at semi when you saved me from Kei all those years ago." Minako's voice is soft, and her eyes are distant as she recalls the evening once more.
"Really?" Rei asks in disbelief.
"Yes really!" Minako confirms with a smile.
"You were a sophomore that year."
"So were you!"
"Yeah, only because I was homeschooled up until sixth grade and I was 'behind' the rest of the seventh grade class. I can't believe you remember that night. I was such a weirdo!"
"Aw no, you were cute!" Minako laughs causing the whole couch to shake. "And of course, you saved me. What's not to like about a hero or heroine in this case? I don't know, I liked your mystery, dark eyes, and cold personality. I think that's what really got me: your personality."
"Is that sarcasm?" Rei asks taken back.
"Me? Sarcasm? Never." Minako yawns while pulling Rei closer to her.
"I don't think I want to move, Minako." Rei whispers wrapping her arms around Minako's body once more.
"I don't either. I say we sleep here tonight." Minako snuggles her head on Rei's breasts. "I have all I need right here; warmth, my snuggle buddy and pillows." She emphasizes pillows by nuzzling her head deeper in Rei's chest.
"The couch it is." Rei sighs as Minako just about climbs on top of her and lays her body down. "I have a living breathing blanket, it seems." She giggles.
"I was making more room in case we move." Minako laughs situating her hair in a bun on top of her head before she rests her head back on her 'pillows'.
"Goodnight, Minako." Rei whispers into Minako's forehead.
"Goodnight Rei-chan. I love you." Minako whispers back, her warm breath sending goose bumps on Rei's bare chest.
"I love you too." Rei sighs closing her eyes one final time before surrendering into a peaceful slumber with the girl she loves.
A/N: So, that's it for now. I apologize for the shortness of this chapter and I promise the next one will be longer, but I really wanted to get something out to you guys because I haven't in months. I hope you guys like the newest addition to this story and give me your lovely reviews while I begin to work on chapter 13! I love all of you and your lovely reviews, so please, send some love my way! Until next time!