Author's Note: I know...the last chapter was sad. When I was writing my first story I was thinking about writing that particular chapter for THIS story and not knowing if I could actually pull it off. I understand...it may be frustrating that Carol's identity has not been revealed. As one reviewer wisely commented- "not choosing the right moment could make everything worse." Much is at stake. Some things are yet to be known. So watch out!
I've been spoiling my faithful readers by posting every day. I'm slowly catching up to myself, to the written chapters I have completed. Don't be surprised to see a Sunday post and then a chapter every other day or a little longer in between. I am not a fast writer. THANK YOU so much for the encouraging reviews. THANK YOU beta reader DLB48 for keeping me on my toes. ;0
Carol took her time leaving the dining room. She stopped partway up the staircase, leaned against the wall, and held her wriggling daughter. Jim had wisely directly the children away, as she was soon to find out. The conversation exploded to something unimaginable. That his father's irreplaceable medal had gone over the cliff with the car shocked her. Early in their relationship, Jim passed that envelope off as nothing worthwhile to share. She was hurt that Jim had kept that particular piece of his past from her. They'd talked about trust repeatedly. Carol would have earnestly tried to help him deal with that guilt, if only he'd let her.
While Jim and Sam argued, Carol considered all the traits which made her husband the very man he was. Jim's sense of honor prevented him from sharing this part of him. Jim refused to part with any of his guilt. He made it something he and he alone had to fix, no matter the cost.
To Jim, that was honorable. To Jim, that was protecting his family. He'd never change that part of himself.
He sacrificed for his Enterprise family repeatedly. She loved this husband of hers, but his strong sense of duty could overwhelm even her. Like Sam, she did not fathom any good reason Jim would want to help his mother. Jim's willpower to go on after such abuse and experiencing subsequent, ill-fated events tied to his past amazed her. Firsthand, she'd seen the results of this upon her husband's life. They'd been terrifying, bleeding into every part of his life.
The house shook. Carol raced up to Lucy's bedroom. Someone had been slammed into the wall. It would be either Jim or Sam. When Lucy made guttural sounds in her throat and clung to Carol, she knew it had been Jim.
Their daughter's intuition of Jim's well-being was remarkable but Carol was too furious and scared to dwell on it. Lucy snuggled her head into Carol's neck. She sat with Lucy by the window. The shouts of Jim and Sam drifted outside. Curious to know what was happening with her husband, Carol laid Lucy on a rug with her toys. She pulled the curtain back and cracked the window.
As she witnessed Jim pounding Sam into the dirt a feeling of despair rose from deep within her. Unable to resist giving into it, she drew her knees together and sank below the windowsill. She rocked back and forth on the floor, pouring out her own sadness. She heard Jim's words, his grief for losing her but couldn't get up. She could not manage to move, to go to him.
As delighted as she was to be with her lost child, Jim's anguish overwhelmed her. She forgot about Lucy and wept for her husband.
Outside, Dr. McCoy took control of the situation and sedated Jim. While relieved, she mourned the fact that this meant she could not tell Jim who she was even tonight. Carol debated, but deep inside, she knew Jim needed to be well.
He needed his surgery first before dealing with the repercussions of learning her identity.
A little body came to sit by her. It was Lucy, with a single tear. Carol closed the window as the commotion outside ceased. She then scooped up Lucy, rocking her as well. As soon as Carol regained control Uhura burst into Lucy's bedroom.
"Dr. McCoy needs me," Carol said before Uhura opened her mouth.
"Yes," Uhura said quietly. "Sam's face is a mess, and Captain Kirk's hands are fractured and bruised. Dr. McCoy first needs help with Sam downstairs. Captain Kirk is already sleeping in his room next door."
"You'll watch Lucy? If you speak Ikaaran, I think she'll be fine." Carol managed a smile at the communications officer.
"Certainly." Uhura said. "And, Bria'lel?"
Carol reached the bedroom door and looked back. Lucy followed the natural twirling of her Kelvin mobile. "Yes?"
"I apologize that meeting our captain has been under less than ideal circumstances."
"Uhura, I am thankful that I could help his family. The circumstances make no difference to my thoughts of remaining part of this crew."
"I need to be honest with you, Bria'lel." Uhura fiddled with her ponytail. "May I speak freely, as a friend?"
"Yes, Nyota," Carol replied. Uhura's feelings on her presence aboard the Enterprise were nothing new to Carol.
Carol didn't blame her. It wouldn't make a difference even if Uhura knew who she really was. Since Dr. Lester's devious action, Carol jumped at her own shadow but she was slowly regaining more of her self these past few months. It took being away from her adopted Ikaaran family and using her rusty hacking skills to produce this new life for herself.
"Before today, I did not think you could continue to handle life aboard the ship. I am embarrassed at myself, for judging you, Bria'lel. I am sorry. You are a brave woman with uncanny abilities. I sense burgeoning friendship between us. I am glad you are a part of our crew."
Uhura's mini-speech left Carol miserable. She hated her secret.
"Nyota, no apology is necessary," she trembled at the door. "and, yes, I sense that friendship as well."
Carol managed another smile before she went to assist with Sam. He was unrecognizable. Dr. McCoy did in fact need Carol's help to deal with the injuries. Jim had broken his brother's nose, fractured a cheekbone, and left almost a full covering of bruises.
"Sam, I can't take care of all this tonight, but with Bria'lel's help, we will patch you up the best we can and I can give you more medication for the pain."
"Dr. McCoy, please tell me that my brother is upstairs unhurt."
"Sam, if Jim had punched you anymore, it could have been- "
"Dr. McCoy, is he okay?"
"He's fine, except for bruising and fractures in his hands," McCoy sighed. "He'll be sleeping for another 10 hours."
"Emotionally?" Sam winced as Carol applied medication to a surface wound on his face.
"Let him leave tomorrow morning in peace, Sam."
"I didn't mean to engage him more." Sam mourned. "I wanted to make sure we were out of the farmhouse. That's why I punched him and ran."
It was an apology that Carol hoped Jim understood in the morning.
"Sam, you let him relieve his grief in a way he had not been able to since Carol's death." McCoy said. "Jim never dealt with her loss in a healthy manner. He was hell-bent on revenge. He was immersed with the caring of his daughter."
"So you think he should be thanking me." Sam tried grinning, but it looked like a grimace with his swollen face. "I like the sound of that."
The Kirk brother's ability to turn a somber moment into a moment of humor did not fail even here. Carol would've laughed had she not been thinking of Jim sleeping upstairs, untended. She liked Jim's brother. She liked his entire family.
"Once Jimmy has the surgery, will he be free from these breathing problems?"
"Two hundred years ago, there'd be no chance even for surgery. Now, he will only be susceptible to future attacks if he isn't careful."
"What do you mean? If he isn't careful?" Sam inquired. "Not going back down to the quarry should be good enough, right?"
"Jim must receive proper medication before he goes enters a place with similar dust or other allergens. His lungs will remain compromised for some time." McCoy said. "He'll be fine. It's just one more thing to add to the list that keeps growing for him."
"Do you know of this list, Bria'lel?" Sam winked with his non-swollen eye. "You better learn it fast."
"Dr. McCoy, how did you know to pack the bone knitter?"
They'd sat on Jim's bed for hours already, both tending to Jim's thin fingers and hands. Carol's heart ached at Jim's vulnerability while he slept. His body needed a break. He would get one, but the cost had been great.
"We were having dinner with Jim and his brother, Sam. I knew what was coming," McCoy grumped as he worked with Jim's hands. Carol constantly checked Jim's stats with the tricorder, ensuring he was resting and unable to feel the pain of tiny bones healing. "Something volatile."
"Do you truly think Captain Kirk will require a mere five days in the hospital?" Using Jim's formal name with Dr. McCoy was difficult.
Jim. She could not wait to call him that again.
"No, I don't. Anything could happen. This is a new procedure, so I'm not going to rule out allergic reactions." McCoy scowled. "I'm worried. I need a nurse on board that knows Jim."
"He wishes for complete anonymity, Dr. McCoy," Carol reminded him. Jim would be upset with the good doctor if he betrayed his trust.
"I know one who would be both trustworthy and knowledgeable."
Indeed, McCoy did know one. Her best friend from a time gone past, Christine Chapel. Carol swallowed. "Is she available?"
Sam planned on taking Carol and Lucy to visit Jim after his surgery, during his recuperation. Former friends and familiar people terrified Carol. Especially someone who had been as close to Carol as Christine had been. Once Carol and Jim were married, Christine returned to the Enterprise as a nurse, per Carol's influence.
"She has been employed at a different Starfleet hospital since the end of our five year mission. However, I am sure I could arrange for a temporary transfer. Admiral Archer gave me the go ahead to admit Jim under a false name, although I had to made a deal on behalf of Jim. Jim's going to kill me."
"Doctor?"
"He was requested to report to headquarters in a few short weeks. Not necessarily for duty, but Archer wants to see him in uniform for a meeting," McCoy muttered. "My hands were tied, Bria'lel. As far as Nurse Chapel, I'm certain Archer will agree."
"Captain Kirk will not be happy about Nurse Chapel but if you speak to his fatherly side, I'm sure he'll acquiesce. The other, Dr. McCoy, I fear the captain will not take as well."
"Couldn't be helped," McCoy stopped the bone knitter as Jim moved his arms and chest in his sleep. "Let's wrap this up. I'm going to give him again something for the pain."
McCoy's own fatigue showed as he failed to reach for his hypo.
"Dr. McCoy, you should rest. I can remain here with him until you return. I am not scheduled to perform a surgery tomorrow."
"I'm worried that he won't stay sedated, Bria'lel. Could you stay here with him all night?"
She hadn't expected the "all night" part of the request and stammered her reply. McCoy raised his eyebrows. She tried again, this time formalizing her response to lessen her surprise.
"As your medical assistant, I would be happy to assist you and Captain Kirk however you deem fit."
"Good." McCoy closed his eyes. "I could sleep right here on this very bed but I don't think Captain Kirk would appreciate that in the morning. Do you?"
"I think Captain Kirk would find that more amusing than anything."
"Hmm. Good point," McCoy smirked. "You're learning well."
McCoy left explicit instructions for Carol and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. Aurelan and Justin brought up their hover cot for camping and extra blankets for Carol. They placed it directly beside Jim's bed.
"Let me know if you need anything. I'll take care of Lucy, tonight," Aurelan whispered. "Dr. McCoy mentioned to me how much Jim needs to sleep right now."
"Thank you, Aurelan," said Carol. "Captain Kirk had insufficient rest last night and exerted himself today. It is not a preferred combination for the surgery he is having."
For the rest of the night Carol vigilantly monitored Jim, except for the moment when she let down her guard. She refused to utilize the cot and sleep. She was good at sleeping lightly but this was a chance to observe her husband unhindered. So she sat on the cot and laid her head down on the bed. Jim's face was near. His warm breath danced along her cheek. If she moved any closer, she'd feel the roughness of his beard.
She fought her sleep, wanting to watch him in this peaceful state. Her eyes closed. She drifted in between, remembering their life together and wanting that again.
"Carol," Jim murmured.
Jim. Was he awake? She could not open her eyes. She drifted more, seeing Jim the day before she went into labor. Happy. Proud.
"Yes, Jim?"
"You came back to us." He sounded far away.
"I'm sorry I stayed away so long."
"I need you, Carol," Jim's voice was tired and mumbling. "Please stay."
She dreamt of him. It was perfect.
"Jim, of course I'll stay." She sighed.
Jim slept.