Wispy clouds dappled the deep blue sky over Tokyo 3 as Rei walked the city streets. On most days citizens and passersby ignored her, having grown accustomed to the girl's presence. This time, however, they stared after, enthralled by her shift in attitude. A smile graced her features, to be sure, but the product was so infinitesimally small that it would have taken an observer of the highest order to spot her expression. No, it was the other change that stunned everyone with in earshot for moments after she passed by.

Rei was humming.

It was no song in particular; a tune borne from her mind and gently put to flight. The tone was soft and low, yet carried impossibly far in the mild breeze. The song had no set pattern or intent, and yet the people who heard it were immediately enraptured with a vision of their mothers bathing them while joyfully humming a similar tune. For the remainder of the day these people would be infused with the warmth of contentment until they finally shut their eyes in sleep.

But Rei barely noticed any of this as she headed toward a park. Like a bluebird coming to a tree to roost, she was looking for sanctuary, somewhere unobtrusive where she could reflect on recent events. She found it in a wooded grove, stashed away in the forest with a bench and a solitary trickling fountain to decorate the natural chamber.

As her meandering tune matched the rhythm of the fountain's trickle, she sat down at the bench facing the fountain, closing her eyes for a moment to bask in the warmth of sunlight streaming on her face. Then as the moment passed, she turned to a new page in her notebook.

When I arose this morning to fulfill the Commander's requirements I did not anticipate upcoming events to be pleasant. Today was the anniversary of the death of Yui Ikari, the Commander's wife. Because of this occasion, I am expected to accompany him on his way to NERV after his yearly visit to the graveyard. And despite the recent catastrophes that have distracted me, I rose and arrived at the VTOL in a timely fashion. I did not wish to disappoint the Commander; his behavior can be particularly unpredictable during this period. It is why he prefers to remain solitary for the period that he visits the grave of his wife.

That was why I was unprepared to see Ikari speaking with the Commander as the VTOL landed.

I averted my eyes quickly, sensing my heart beat faster of its own accord. I was not yet ready to converse Ikari, although I knew I will need to face him eventually.

I began to consider the various ways of initiating a conversation with Ikari as the Commander entered the VTOL. I chanced one more glance out the viewport as the VTOL rose, to see that Ikari had collapsed on the grave in emotional exhaustion.

For some reason, watching him as we departed seemed to dehydrate my mouth and throat, so I turned away from the window and focused on the Commander.

When he saw that he had my attention he asked with slightly upturned lips, "How are things, Rei? How do you feel?"

"No problems, sir. I am going to school tomorrow and I am scheduled to see Doctor Akagi the day after that."

"And school? How is it?"

I looked toward the cockpit to see the pilots of the VTOL carefully adjusting the heading. "No problems," I answered.

"Are you sure?"

"Sir?" The sudden deviation in conversation returned my focus to the Commander once again. A downward crescent had replaced the half-smile that he was wearing earlier.

"Are you certain there are no problems, Rei? You seem to have been preoccupied, of late." The expression on his face informed me that he would brook no fabrication.

I turned to face him and informed him, "Sir, there are no problems occurring in or around school, or within NERV, or within the vicinity of NERV. Should one arise, I would inform you, Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, or Doctor Akagi immediately."

Nodding with satisfaction, Commander Ikari closed the conversation as he gazed distantly out the viewport.

It was the first, and hopefully last lie that I have told the Commander.

Although it pained me to lie to the Commander and deliberately disobey him, I also realize that if I had told the Commander the true reason for my disquiet he would have devoted an unnecessary amount of time and resources to resolving the issue, when I could achieve a similar or superior solution on my own. By lying and placating the Commander I still have direct control of the situation, and will still be able to minimize the consequences.

After the VTOL landed at the NERV helipad, I arrived at the school without incident. I entered the classroom and was not surprised to see the students focusing on writing on the forms in front of them; today was the day of midterms.

I took a test from the teacher's desk and sat down at my seat. The subject of the exam, appropriately enough, was post-impact history. Despite the inaccuracy of the majority of information, I was able to answer the questions appropriately.

The sole disruption came from Ikari, who entered near the midpoint of the test. While the teacher narrowed his eyes at the disturbance he made no comment as Ikari took one of the remaining forms. During the exam it was apparent that Ikari was moving at a much slower pace than the others and he would occasionally stop. I do not believe he finished in the time allotted.

After the exam was finished, I took the opportunity to observe Ikari and the classmates to whom he was closest. Ikari's behavior was passively static, all motivation sapped from his body. Suzuhara and Aida had noticed his placid state and were actively avoiding him, unwilling or unable to assist in resolving his issues. Soryu conversed with representative Hokari, heedless of Ikari's condition. And I, who was responsible for his distress, was merely sitting at my desk.

The situation could not continue.

I rose from my desk and proceeded to Ikari's position. Because the problem involved just the two of us, I briefly ensured we were outside other students' hearing range before asking, "Ikari?"

Perhaps he did not see me, because he jumped slightly in his seat. "Ayanami?" Was all he said.

I did not expect my words to lodge into my throat. It was such a struggle to speak, but I had carefully rehearsed this moment to myself; I was sure to maintain my composure. "If you have no other obligations, I would wish to speak with you on the rooftop in a few minutes."

Ikari appeared suprised I was speaking to him; his response was an uncertain stammer. "Uh...sure, Rei."

"Then I shall see you there."

After gathering my lunch I made my way toward the roof, and in a few moments Ikari joined me. Although the heat of the sun would have elevated temperatures greatly, a cooling breeze prevented the heat from reaching uncomfortable levels. Ikari walked passed me and braced himself on the railing, unwilling to meet my eyes.

After a minute I realized that although I had approached Ikari, I did not know how to proceed from there. Simply inviting him up had been difficult enough, and I had little experience resolving issues with others. My contact with people was limited, as was my understanding of them. This was becoming more difficult than I had expected.

Then the atmosphere shifted.

It was unusual and confusing, as if there was sensation above sensation, more than hot or cold, more than dark or light. I myself had experienced these sensations before, but this time it was coming from outside me. The closest source was Ikari, who was radiating this new sensation as if he were a heating element on full power. It felt similar to what I feel whenever I recall the initial activation test when Unit Zero went out of control, or when I think about being replaced.

It was then that I understood what the sensation was; it was fear, but not my own.

Ikari's fear radiated from him like hazardous waves. The shame and guilt of reading my notebook; terrified I now hated him. His sense of rejection began settled painfully in his chest. So much sorrow spilled from him, the air was thick with it; I feared he would drown in it.

I was the cause of this. It is my responsibility to resolve this. Thankfully, I have often seen this done when Lieutenant Ibuki mediates an argument with one of the other Lieutenants. She poses informally near the Lieutenant in question and begins discussing subjects that are loosely associated with the conflict at hand.

I stepped forward and joined Ikari at the rail, looking outward at the expanse of Tokyo 3 instead of at him, and said, "Are you still injured from the day before, Ikari?"

"N-no…I'm fine, really."

I felt my abdomen relax. I did not even realize it was tense. "That is good to hear," I confessed. "I am not angry with you, Ikari. But yesterday... seeing you with the notebook...it...frightened me."

"Frightened you?"

Turning toward him, I unclipped the notebook and rested it in my palm. "Ikari, you gave me this. It was your gift. But when I began to write in it- to fill it- it became a part of me I never knew I had."

"A part of you?" Ikari repeated, most likely not comprehending. It was difficult to explain.

"This notebook is I. It is an aspect that no one else sees, not even the Commander. It is a private, secret place within me, a place allowed to no one without the trust I have given them."

Ikari's eyes darkened, unable to to meet mine. I almost choked his regret and self-loathing. "I-I'm so sorry, Ayanami...I-"

I shook my head. "You could never have known," I assured him. "I believe it is me who should be apologizing. I am sorry, Ikari."

We both stood awkwardly at the rail fencing the rooftop, and for a moment we both looked out onto Tokyo 3's skyline before I enquired, "What did you read from it?"

"J-just that, well... that you're not really happy with parties, I guess."

"I see."

His head tilted downwards. "I don't know what got into me, Ayanami. Next time, I won't look."

The next sentiment I expressed aloud, feeling the desire to voice the thought, yet somehow apprehensive as to whether Ikari heard it. "Perhaps one day I will let you read it."

Ikari gave no indication whether he heard or not. Instead, he asked, "So... what are we?"

"What are we?" I repeated, not quite understanding.

He looked at me for emphasis. "Are we more than just classmates and EVA pilots, Ayanami? Less? What are we to each other?"

I reflected on all the moments we have shared together; on several occasions, he has prevented harm to come to me, and I in turn have assisted and protected him. We do seem to share a connection, although what the nature of that bond is still eludes me. It seems to be a positive influence, because I have experienced happiness because of him. I feel more alive, more whole because of him.

Major Katsuragi made comments along similar aspects regarding her friendship with Doctor Akagi in a discussion with Lieutenant Ibuki: 'Yeah, well, Ritsuko and I may beat each other up sometimes, but we help each other out too, ya know? She helped me get this job, in fact. We've been through a lot together, through college on up, and I really don't know where I'd be without here. I think I'd feel like half a person."

With the Major's words hanging in my mind, I announced to Ikari: "We are friends."

Ikari looked at me in askance. "We are?"

"Yes."

A small chuckle emitted from his throat, and his eyes crinkled in amusement. "All right then."

"All right." However, in that moment, I recalled Ikari's interactions with Suzuhara and Aida, and noticed that an aspect of their friendship could be applied to ours. "Since we are friends...would it not be more appropriate to call you 'Shinji'?"

Half a smile formed on his lips as he said, "Only if I get to call you Rei."

"All right... Shinji." It disturbed me somewhat, how comfortable it was to say his name in the familiar form. It was as if I was calling him by his name all my life.

Our words exhausted, I sat down on the ground, opened my bento and started to eat my meal of tofu, rice, assorted vegetables, and miso soup. I heard a noise from above, and looked up to see Shinji's eyes wide with surprise. "What is it?"

"N-nothing, really. It's just that, well... is that all you eat?" he asked quickly.

"It is all I know how to cook, but it is enough," I replied. "It does not taste unpleasant, and I cannot consume meat. Thus, this has been -and will be- my afternoon meal for the day."

Unexpectedly, Shinji's expression transformed from timid surprise to set determination. "Rei, is it all right if I can come over to your house, say tomorrow afternoon? I want to try and do things right this time."

I nodded my assent, and he smiled one last time before saying, "All right. I'll see you around, Rei." and taking his leave.

That one phrase triggered a realization; he accepted my apology, forgave me in turn, and cemented an amicable relationship between us. With his request, I am assured that tomorrow will bring ever more promise. While I will have to prepare for his arrival, I nevertheless have to admit to some anticipation to the day ahead when we can reconvene correctly.

But most of all, something else came from all of this:

I was happy.

TBC

Author's notes: I should have predicted after I derailed the manga that this installment would give me trouble. Perhaps it was the fact that finals wiped out my energy reserves or something, but nothing that I wrote seemed to put Rei in character. So I apologize for the lateness. I am still sticking to my one chapter a week plan, though.

Formerly, this entry was going to have Rei writing 'Shinji' instead of 'Ikari' throughout the whole chapter, since they've already reconciled and determined to call each other by first names, it stands to reason that she would write his first name in the notebook after the fact as well. Makes sense, no? But then it would have ruined the suspense of seeing whether they DID reconcile this chapter. Andrew and ShinobiCyrus both agreed that I should utilize Ikari until they meet up, though Cyrus feels that the reason why she would utilize Ikari would be because she's not used to saying his first name yet while Andrew thinks that Rei would want to keep her thought processes accurate. I went with Andrew's explanation, because it's adherent to the character that I'm trying to sculpt in Rei.

For those of you thinking that Rei lying to Gendo OOC, you're probably right. But then, she also wouldn't want him to needlessly spend time and energy rubbing out a problem that she could manage on her own. Or perhaps she's actually becoming her own person?

The midterm in Tokyo 3 has nothing to do with my taking finals. If you read Manga 5, Kensuke says 'Two more days and we hit midterms.' They had the party that night, and the next day Shinji went over to Rei's house to drop off the papers for the homework she's missed. The day after that would be midterms, not covered in the manga but covered in this entry. Thus, two days. Also, after Shinji came back from Rei's house in the manga, he's reminded that the day after is the anniversary of his mother's death, which is possibly the worst day to take a midterm.

Notes for 'Error:' I was inspired to write that after a person asked to read through my Moleskine for the umpteenth time. I was thinking, 'Grr, I hate people wanting to read through my notebooks!' Then I thought, 'how would Rei react to finding people reading her notebook?' And thus, you have the cliffhangerlicious (ShinobiCyrus: who here thinks that's not a real word? My dictionary cries) result. I doubt you'll be seeing much cliffhangers like that though; this is pretty much a straightforward thing. However, I see a few people misunderstood my intent. Reisfriend in particular seems agitated at what appears to be a slight upon Shinji's character. Thus, you've forced my hand! I am going to have to write an interlude, before 'Tea at Rei's Appartment version 2.0!' Muahahahahahahah! koff koff

Anyways, that's all for now. Much kudos go out to ShinobiCyrus, who figuratively took the block of marble I had for dialogue and chiseled away at it until it became a statue of David. However, this is still a work in progress since I haven't heard back from PhilG or AndrewJTalon yet.