12. Tris :How much is it?
When everyone is gone, we ask Matthew to stay until Natalie is gone to bed, and he agrees to stay for dinner, while Evelyn leaves us. As she goes through the door I take her hand, and say "Thank you. for everything." She gives me a little smile but I'd swear she is about to faint from pleasure.
After dinner, we take Natalie to bed and she insists on having a fairytale again. When I kiss her she asks "Do you think that will help if I wish upon a star that you'll find Adam?" I feel tears filling my eyes and say "Yes darling, I think that might help us a lot. If you see Adam when you're asleep, tell him we love him, OK?" She nods and gives me a hug.
"So, what did you want to tell us about your plan?" asks Four. "Maybe you should both sit down" says Matthew. Don't know why my heart stops beating.
"Do you know what Pluripotent cells are?" he asks. Actually, we don't.
"Pluripotent cells have the property to be able to give rise to all of the cell types that make up the body. And embryonic stem cells-that means they develop in the first days after fecundation - are considered pluripotent." None of us understands what this is about.
"What it means, is that a little amount of those cells can be worth more, than having an actual person to work on DNA research."
My hand reaches Four's and my fear grows a name. But Matt goes on "I believe whoever took Adam for research on him would kill for an embryo having the genetic material they need. I've read about this, it has been done before with much success."
Matthew seems uncomfortable when he says "If you would agree to give me raw material - that means one or two embryos made up with In vitro fertilization, I'm sure I could get to integrate their research team, and I actually believe we could make valuable research on it.
I shiver. I see Jeanine Mathews ghost around, sacrificing people to her needs.
"I would also need a contact, to be able to pass messages on to you." Adds Matthew. "I think Christina could do, it if she pretends to be my girlfriend. I could get to see her quite frequently, without raising suspicion."
Both of us stare at him silent.
"What do you say?" asks Matthew awkwardly.
I reply "I don't know yet, but in case we do what you suggest, what tells us they won't grow a baby from the embryos?"
Matthew shakes his head no "No chance. If they want to get any pluripotent cell, it will destroy the embryo's capacity to develop as a fetus. If you want to be sure, just give them one, they won't have any choice."
"Thank you Matthew." says Four, quite shaken. "I think we will need a little time to think over you idea. Why not go home and we call you when we have decided something OK?
"OK" he replies. "See you guys."
Once Matthew's gone, we sit back on the couch and try to pull ourselves up. What Matthew suggests, is to actually give those monsters a very piece of our lives. I don't know what to say.
"What do you think?" says Four, "I'm completely lost."
"I'm not sure" I say. "I don't like it and it's very dangerous for Matt. I also want to get Adam back. Every day that goes, he suffers more, maybe Matthew could help him if he was inside. I don't want them to break him beyond repair. He's our son, and I think I would do anything, or I won't live anymore."
Four looks at me deeply. "If you believe we should do it, I'll trust you. We don't need to speak all night about it, that's settled then. We should go and sleep a little.
I stop him. "No. Before, you tell me why you don't want me to go with you to the fort?" I ask quite roughly.
"I told you, it's too dangerous with your hip and… if anything happens, Natalie will need at least one of us."
"You're not a good liar Tobias," I say ice cold, using his name on purpose "What is it you don't tell me?"
"Okay." He answers. "I discovered that Natalie and you got a tracker somewhere in your body. Adam does too. As long as it is active, you can't get into the compound without their knowing it. I haven't got any EMP to destroy it yet, I'm sorry."
"Did you know this afternoon when we got around the fort?"
"Yes" he answers looking at his toes.
"Then, why did you let us come with you then?"
"I thought they did not trace you at the moment, because they didn't know we're after us, but that won't last after this afternoon's walk."
"How could you? What if they understand what's going on and move Adam somewhere else? How long have you been lying to me?"
"I'm sorry," he says "I tried to protect you, I wanted to tell you when I'd found the device to get rid of these trackers, because I knew you would take it bad. Please believe me."
"I don't want it!" I say. "I don't want you pity, I don't want to be the poor thing you're nursing every day. You promised me you wouldn't do it again! You liar!"
I'm crying of rage and despair. He lied to me again…he betrayed me too. I'm out of breath and I want him away. I want to feel free. I run out of the room, go to the spare room and lock myself in and open the window. I put music on, headphones on my ears at maximum level. I want to dive into my anger, I need noise not to yell from pain.
I sit down on the floor and cry, head in my hands. I feel trapped. I feel trapped in his love, I feel trapped in this life and I'm drowning. Natalie has been the rope that tied me to life for 3 years, and now, she's like a heavy chain that keeps me from walking on. Tobias used to make me strong and he's making me feel weak. My world's turning upside down and I'm full of rage.
My head's pounding because of the music level. The song says that our time is running out [AN Muse] and that's exactly how I feel. I need, time to pull myself up and find a way to get out of it. I know what I need to do for that. I unlock the door and Four's sitting on the doorstep. I walk past him. I don't want to speak to him and I pull myself out of his grip when he tries to stop me. I guess he's asking me something and I see him crying. But right now I don't care. My pain and my anger are all that matters to me right now.
I get out of the apartment running. I run like mad, I run like I haven't in the past 4 years. When I get at Millenium park, I stop in the chilly night and fall on my knees. It's quite dark but there are still lights near the benches. The wheel though, is completely hidden in the dark.
I remember the game night and our ascension together. I take a deep breath and start climbing. As I go higher on the wheel I feel back his hand on my skin for the first time, and the higher I get, the stronger I feel. I stop in the middle because I don't really want to fall again when I descend and just for this moment I feel free. I feel myself. I feel powerful. I want to make it last, to be able to remember it when I'll need.
It's about 1 AM when I get back home. Four got asleep, curled up on the couch. I try not to wake him up but he's been waiting for me. He stands up and takes my hand when I approach the couch, but says nothing. Had he spoken, maybe we would have gone arguing again. Instead I go to our bedroom with his hand still holding mine. We sit on the bed and I look at him. I like his eyes like two pools of deep fresh water. Maybe that's the healing I need. I start kissing him, my hands in his hair.
As he pulls me closer I can smell his scent with a little mint fragrance. He kisses me back very gently and his lips go down to my neck and breast. We both roll on the bed and my hands start running in his back. I feel his breath on my skin, and I shiver when he kisses the blue bids tattooed near my heart. I take his shirt off and stroke his chest, … "I'm sorry" I whisper in a kiss. "I know" he answers pulling my clothes off too.
His kisses are salted like tears and feel I'm sweaty but no one cares… and nothing else matters that just the two of us being one again.