Part Twelve
Emma couldn't breathe when she watched Regina pushing her way out of the bar. Silently willing against hope that the brunette would turn around and come back to her. Her emotions running far too high for her to handle them. She placed her hands onto the bar to find some steadiness and leaned forward, suddenly feeling way too heavy, ducking her head in defeat.
This was exactly why she never allowed anyone in before. She couldn't take the constricting pain inside her chest, crushing ever last bit of hope that had built up inside her. Leaving a numbness that felt so familiar, yet she wasn't sure she could cope with ever again. She had been a fool with allowing herself to believe that there was hope for her. Hope to finally get her happy ending. Something so foreign, yet her heart let her believe that it had been within her reach.
Why did she even listen to her heart? How many times had it deceived her already?
A shock coursed through her body when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, unconsciously spinning on her heel, a gasp falling from her lips. She couldn't suppress the disappointment in her eyes with the sight of Ruby, secretly hoping that Regina would have changed her mind. Her heart breaking all over again with the visible proof she didn't. She was really gone.
Ruby searched her face for a short moment, taken aback with Emma's expression. She gently squeezed the blonde's shoulder, feeling the tension radiating off of her in waves.
"What happened, Em?" she asked tentatively, her voice loaded with concern.
Emma shook her head and tried to get ahold of herself, her head spinning with dizziness. She still couldn't process what had occurred in the past few minutes, as her emotions went all over the place. She inhaled a sharp breath and straightened her spine.
"I just don't get her!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in frustration. "One moment she's willing to let me in.. And the next moment she's pushing me away.."
She tried to keep her breathing in control and silently cursed herself from allowing to let this happen. To let her guard down, to be vulnerable, causing a desperate feeling of powerlessness.
"I just can't keep up with her.." she added quietly, feeling her tears burning in her eyes.
She closed her eyes briefly, her head throbbing with a pressure behind her eyes. She promised herself in that moment to never let anyone hold that kind of power over her ever again. It just wasn't in the cards for her, she was destined to stay alone. And right now that seemed unusually soothing, because she wouldn't be faced with this kind of pain again. She forced her features smooth as she looked up again, finding Ruby's eyes boring into hers.
Ruby watched Emma's body and expression change into its usual calmness, instantly realizing that she was shielding herself from the pain she was obviously feeling. But her sudden unaffected exterior seemed merely a calm before the storm. She clenched her jaw and knew exactly what the blonde was doing. But this time she wouldn't let her.
"From everything you've been telling me… I think you do.." the brunette nearly whispered. "You do get her, Em.. And that's probably what scares you the most.."
She watched different emotions swirling through Emma's eyes and calmly continued "Don't you see that maybe she's pushing a little too hard?"
Emma's breath hitched with her words and the brief wave of hope it caused inside her body. She quickly averted her gaze, breaking their eye contact that suddenly seemed way to confronting, only to feel the persistent touch of Ruby's hand under her chin. She swallowed loudly when the brunette directed her gaze towards her own again.
"You are a fighter, Emma!" she said persuasively. "So please, stop running away.."
Emma breathlessly stared into her eyes as she continued, "Face your fears… Love is worth fighting for.."
Emma frowned in confusion and shook her head, backing away from her friend's grip. What the hell was she talking about?! She could feel her defense mode switching into gear and faced the brunette fearlessly.
"Love?" she blurted out, her eyebrows raising in disbelief. "Who said anything about love?"
Ruby didn't miss the slight catch in Emma's voice and took a step towards her again. Decisive to open her friend's eyes, to make her see what was right in front of her.
"I know you Emma.." she said quietly, "And it's written in your eyes.."
Emma brushed her hand through her hair and exhaled loudly. She could feel the painful clench inside her chest and tried to deny what it was trying to tell her. She wouldn't listen anyway.
"Pick your battles, Em.." Ruby broke her thoughts, "And believe me, this sure as hell isn't one of them.."
They stared at each other for a long moment as the brunettes words slowly landed, a heavy silence lingering between them. Ruby could tell that Emma was lost for words, probably trying to connect the dots inside her head. But she also realized that her friend's stubbornness would stand in the way from picking the pieces together.
"You control your future.. Don't let your fears get in the way from the things you desire the most.."
Ruby knew how her next words were about to affect the blonde and prepared herself for the worst. But she knew she had to play it dirty, to challenge her to fight back. To spark the emotions she so desperately tried to bury away.
"You've got your past to demonstrate how well that turned out.."
Emma's eyes shot up at the brunette, causing her to flinch slightly with the intensity she found in them.
"Ruby, how could yo…" Emma found herself shouting, a sudden anger boiling up inside her, unable to believe her friend's words.
But Ruby instantly cut her off, making it impossible for the blonde to voice her thoughts.
"This anger that your feeling and showing right now.." she said, motioning to the blonde's heart. "You should project that on things that really matter.."
Emma shook her head in denial and huffed angrily. She wrapped her arms together in front of her chest, almost as if she was placing a shield, making it perfectly clear that the conversation was over.
"God, Emma! Stop fighting it! This isn't the battle you should be fighting!" Ruby nearly shouted. "All you ever do is running away from what you desire the most! Don't you dare to take the easy way out! Not this time.."
Emma's eyes widened and she seemed lost for words, frozen at her spot. Ruby's heart clenched with the sight of her friend's expression, but she knew she needed to proceed, no matter how much it would hurt them both.
"You owe it to yourself to find out what there obviously is between the two of you.."
Emma closed her eyes, fighting back the sobs that were building inside her. She knew that Ruby was right, but she just couldn't find it in herself to admit her true feelings. And why would she? It was pointless anyway. Regina made up her mind and clearly didn't want her in her life.
"Look at you! I've never seen you like this!" Ruby said in a high tone, pointing out the obvious.
Emma startled with her friend's sudden outburst and something snapped inside her, moving closer towards the brunette.
"She doesn't want me around, Ruby!" she pointed out, suddenly feeling exhausted again. "So why bother?!"
Ruby sighed heavily as a small, compassioned smile broke out across her face.
"Emma…" she whispered and reached out for her hand, gently entwining their fingers. "Maybe you should be worrying about what it is that you want.."
Their eyes locked again and Ruby noticed the desperation in her friend's clear orbs.
"What do you want, Em?" she questioned, softly squeezing her hand. "And for once, please let go of your reservations.."
Emma's eyes moistened while she gathered her thoughts. She bit her lip and lingered her eyes on the floor for a moment, before she looked up again.
"I don't know.." she choked out.
She felt a single tear streaming down her face when a sudden rush of clarity washed of her. She did know the answer.. She had known all along. The uncontainable spark inside her that ignited every time in Regina's presence. She was picking the wrong fight. Instead of fighting her feelings, she should be fighting for Regina.
She finally let her guard down and stared up into Ruby's knowing eyes. It took every bit of strength in her to not break down then and there.
"I think you do.." Ruby said quietly, pulling Emma into a hug.