Thank you for the reviews, WolvePackForever and KittyPimms! You made my day!

Learn to live with it

The nightmare of Julia being attacked and killed by a vampire became an inherent part of my nights. Every time I woke up trembling with an aching chest, I got up, ran to Port Angeles and listened to Julia's steady breathing for the rest of the night. I went back to work and patrol on Monday, which took up the time I could have used to catch up some sleep, but I didn't mind. I was afraid to go to sleep, afraid to have that nightmare again, because it was stressing me even more than the one of Cora raping me.

On Friday morning, Embry and Autumn already sat in the kitchen when I came down. Autumn handed me a plate with bacon and eggs. While I ate, the two of them watched me warily. They had already finished their own breakfasts and usually they would get up, wash the dishes and leave then. After a few minutes I dropped my fork irritated.

"What?" I snapped.

"You're clearly lacking sleep and we wondered what could help you", Autumn replied softly.

"I'm not dropping out of work or patrol again", I stated firmly.

"I guessed as much", Embry said, "but you can't go on like this either."

"And what do you suggest?"

"You're afraid that you're making Julia a special target for vampires by befriending her, don't you?"

"Yes. My scent is all around her house. Any vampire who wants to score us off could go for her."

"But that has nothing to do with being her friend or not. You already checked on her when you were still determined not to befriend her. As her imprint you feel the urge to protect her. You cannot stay away from her. I can totally understand your angst. I think every shifter who has imprinted has this fear and has to learn to live with it. Your troubled mind seems to be even more anxious about losing her, probably because you know deep inside that she's your only way out of your misery. So I think you should do more to protect her. I know you want to keep working and patrolling, but please listen to my suggestion and think about it. I think it would be best if you moved to Port Angeles, somewhere close to her home. Instead of patrolling La Push's borders, you could patrol Port Angeles's borders. You could go to the community college, study Business Administration or whatever you'd prefer. You'd be closer to her, so you could check on her easily whenever you want. And… I talked to Jake last night.

The Cullens are going to split up for a while. Jake and Nessie want some time alone, so they decided to go to North Europe for at least six months, maybe longer. Emmett and Rosalie will spend some time in Siberia and Carlisle and Esme want to go to Argentina for a while and help the poor population there. Edward, Bella, Alice and Jasper are staying in North America together. They haven't decided yet where they'll go. While I was talking to Jake, Edward suggested that they could move in with you. Or, if you want a flat for your own, they could move in next door. That way, Jasper could soothe your nightmares, Alice could tell when vampires are coming to Port Angeles and all four of them would help you protect Julia. They could go with you to college or they could go to high school to watch over Julia while she's in school. You know you're like family to them. They really want to help you. Edward offered to pay for your flat and expenses in Port Angeles, too, no matter if you agree to let them move to Port Angeles or if you prefer to be alone."

"I don't need their money."

"The Den's going well, but if you left, Leah would have to employ someone to do your job and you do not have to pay any rent here. Edward knows that you don't want alms. He says you've been paying them a small amount of the Den's profit to pay back for the seed capital and he thinks it's about time that they invest again."

I snorted.

"We haven't paid back half the capital yet."

"Anyway, discuss the financial side with Edward. Think about moving to Port Angeles and about their offer to move in with you, okay? Oh, and something else to soothe your fears: Vampires who are after us might go for her, but any other vampires would forgo her house because of your scent which disgusts them. And I don't think that there are many vampires who would purposely provoke us. They fear us and word has spread that we're not only friends with the Cullens, but that we also allied with the Volturi last year. What do you think why we hardly find any leeches around the res anymore?"

I nodded.

"I'll think about moving."

"And you'll definitely befriend her?" Autumn asked worriedly.

"Yes. But next time she comes to La Push I'll kill everyone who makes weird insinuations. I don't want her to get suspicious. I'm planning not to tell her the secret for a long time."

"Uh, maybe that's not the best idea", Autumn demurred, "Of course you shouldn't tell her yet, but as soon as you consider yourselves close friends, you should. Otherwise she might hate you for not being honest and not telling her earlier and she might accuse you of distrusting her."

"I think it's much more likely that she'll be scared of me and wants to never see me again. She isn't Quileute. She has never heard the legends. She'll only hear that I can turn into a beast, not that I protect."

"I didn't know the legends either. When Embry told them to me, I only saw the Quileute warriors as the good ones and I wasn't scared at all, not even for a second, when I drew the conclusion that Embry was a shape-shifter himself."

"Yes, but such a reaction is rather rare among imprints. Ava freaked out and didn't let Lennie inside a 15-feet radius around herself for weeks! The other imprints had quite some trouble to convince her that Lennie would never hurt her and that he was in much better control than Sam when he scarred Emily."

"But in the end they managed to", Embry objected, "Anyway, we don't have to discuss that now. The first step is for Seth and her to become friends. Come on, Autumn, you're already late for school. Emily will kill me when she hears that. I'll be right back, Seth, be ready to leave."

Since we hadn't found a new van for the Den yet I would take Embry's Forester today. I would drop Embry at his work and pick him up on my way home again.

Seven hours later I entered the bakery.

"Hello, Seth! How are you doing?"

"Hey, Susan", I fake smiled.

"Um, just a warning: Andy's in there", she pointed to the back door. I tensed and entered the back room. Andy sat at the table in the corner whereas Julia and her mother were working.

"Hello, Seth!" Silke greeted brightly and I wondered if she was ever in a bad mood.

"Hello", I replied with my fake smile.

"Hey", Julia said rather shyly. I assumed that was either because of Andy or because she was worried I could refuse her friendship again.

"Your cakes are already ready, but if you can spare ten minutes of your time, I'd very much like to hear your opinion about a new cake I tried!" Silke announced ignoring the death glare Andy gave me. I had to pick up Embry at half past four, so I actually had a full hour to fill somehow.

"I can spare some time. What kind of cake is it?" I asked while I sat down opposite of Andy ignoring him the best I could.

"I couldn't find a proper translation. Literally translated it would be something like Russian pluck cake. It's some kind of cheesecake surrounded by chocolate short crust. Here you are."

She handed me a piece. Julia got herself another one and sat down on Andy's lap. That seemed to be a very good way to soothe Andy's jealousy. His glare turned into a smirk. I tried the cake which was downright delicious.

"Yummy! It's really, really good. Better than normal cheesecake, actually. I definitely want that one for next weekend."

Silke smiled widely.

"I'm glad to hear that. Andy didn't like it."

"Yeah, but he doesn't like any cheesecake, Mami", Julia defended him and turned to me, "How are you? You look tired."

"Yeah, that's because I am. I didn't sleep that well lately."

"Do you have nightmares?" she asked softly.

"Yeah", I frowned, wondering how she knew.

"You know, my cousin, Marie's brother, whom I told you about, has had a lot of nightmares, too. They eventually got better with the progress of the therapy."

Was that a hidden question if I made a therapy? Or a hint that I should make one?

"Basti had PTSD, Julia. You don't have PTSD, Seth, do you?" Silke asked taken aback.

"Actually I have", I admitted quietly, ashamed especially in Andy's presence. He raised his eyebrows. Silke looked aghast. For once the happiness had been vanished from her face.

"Oh, dear, I'm so sorry."

I cleared my throat uncomfortably.

"Can we change the subject?"

"Have you been in the army?" Andy asked ignoring my wish.

"No."

"I thought only soldiers and raped women get PTSD."

"Shut up, Andy!" Julia scolded. But it was already too late. My memories overwhelmed me. I started sweating and trembling and felt the panic attack coming. I jumped up, knocking my chair over in the process, and rushed with a muttered "Sorry" out of the bakery. I got into the Forester and locked the doors. My heart raced like crazy and I had the impression that I suffered the pain of the torture again, although I knew it was just a memory. I curled into a ball and concentrated on calm breathing. Someone tried to open the car door and I jumped to the other side of the car, my heart beat picking up even more speed. I refused to look who that was. I was safe in the car. As long as that someone didn't break the door, I was safe. Thinking that, I was finally able to calm down step by step. When my heart beat was back to normal I opened my eyes and saw Julia standing outside the car with a very concerned expression on her face. I unlocked the car doors with a still trembling hand and Julia hopped in immediately and took my hand in hers.

"I'm so sorry. Andy is such an insensitive dork!"

I squeezed her hand and stared into her eyes. Somehow their fawn brown color was calming.

"Can I ask you something?"

I blinked and broke the eye contact.

"What?"

"Are you in therapy?"

"No, not in a professional one. I can't go to a therapist. Nobody would believe me what happened. They'd put me in a nuthouse. I talk to Autumn instead. That helped, but only to a certain extent."

"Nobody would believe you? Your friends believe you, don't they? Autumn, at least, if the others don't know the details. Why wouldn't a therapist believe you too?"

"Remember that I talked about two different worlds? My friends are living in the same world as I. The therapists live in your world."

"Does that mean you'll never tell me because you think I won't believe you either?"

"No. That means I won't tell you until I'm sure that you're ready to get to know my world."

"You're riddling, you know. So, Andy visits some family in Seattle next weekend. Would you like to hang out? I want to introduce you to our cats and we could watch a movie or just talk, whatever you like."

"Yeah, I would like that."

She smiled broadly and I couldn't help but smile back genuinely. There it was again, that happy feeling that warmed my chest and banished all the bad memories from my thoughts.

"Give me your phone", she demanded. I handed it to her with a frown. She quickly typed something into it and handed it back. I looked at the display which showed a newly created contact. She had added her phone number and her address.

"Thanks."

She handed me her own phone expectantly and I entered my number into it.

"I'll go get your cakes. Just wait here, you don't have to face Andy again", she offered and went back into the bakery. Susan helped her with the boxes and I stowed the cakes in the last empty spots in the trunk. Julia hugged me goodbye and I inhaled her scent. She smelled like strawberries and vanilla.

Next update on Friday! Please review!