The story's title is from the song "Light Outside" by Wakey!Wakey!. All of the chapter titles come from various songs by the same band.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot and any original characters that may be added in later. All rights over characters of the TV show Arrow belong to CW Television and DC Comics.
Maybe You Should Think About the Hearts You Break (When You Waste Away)
November 2009
Hope shines in his eyes as Oliver grabs her hand and allows her to lead him inside. Noticing the quiet atmosphere, he asks, "Where's your mom?"
Turning, Felicity walks backwards to her bedroom, "She's working the night shift."
He gulps, noticing the darkening of her eyes as they reach her room and once they're inside, she pushes him so that he sits on the edge of her bed and places her hands on his shoulders. "Felicity -"
"- Shhh," she interrupts, silencing him with her lips. She puts pressure against his shoulders until he's lying flat on his back and climbs onto his lap, thighs bracketing his hips. Felicity reaches down to the hem of the t-shirt she is wearing, slowly dragging it up. After lifting it completely over her head, she tosses it to the floor and his eyes widen at the realization that she isn't wearing a bra underneath.
"Are… Are you sure?" Oliver manages, unable to take his eyes off her.
Felicity nods her head, leaning down to kiss him, placing her palms against his cheeks, "I'm sure." She kisses him fiercely, tongue battling against his. Her hands find the hem of his jeans and her fingers fiddle with the button as Oliver's hands run up and down the smooth expanse of her naked back, causing Felicity to moan into his mouth and arch her chest against him. Oliver groans as her lips move along his jaw and neck to suck on his pulse point, marking him as hers and god, it feels amazing. But this is wrong. It's not the right time or the right state of mind to be taking this next step in their relationship.
Oliver musters up all of his will power and braces his hands on Felicity's shoulders, pushing her away gently.
She peers down at him, lips swollen and brows furrowed, "What's wrong?"
"I don't think that we should do this," he explains, even though his body is telling him he's the biggest idiot on the planet.
Felicity backs away slightly, still sitting on his lap, and covers her chest with her arms. "You don't… You don't want to have sex with me?" she's unable to keep the hurt from her voice.
"No! I do, of course I do. It's just… I am so ashamed that I said such horrible things about you, ashamed that I could even think them. And if we did this, I wouldn't feel right about it. I never want to lose you. Felicity, I love you. But I don't deserve you," Oliver says with conviction.
Staring at him for a few seconds, she climbs off his lap to retrieve her shirt from the floor. Once it's securely back on her body, she ducks her head, hands fidgeting in front of her. "I think you should go."
Oliver sits up, confused by her sudden change in demeanor. "What? Felicity…"
"You just made me realize something. Oliver, you just gave up the chance to sleep with me which probably means that you actually care about me. And the fact that you were bragging to basically the entire school that you were not only dating me, but that you're fucking me, all in an attempt to hurt your best friend, while claiming that you love me? I don't know if I can forgive that. You need to leave. I'm just... Everything has been happening so fast and now... I need some time to myself," she explains, voice eerily calm, but the tears clouding her eyes give away her true emotions.
Opening and closing his mouth several times, he stands up and makes his way past Felicity, throwing her a saddened look over his shoulder as he tries to keep his own unshed tears at bay before walking away from her.
As the extended weekend flew by, Tuesday quickly approached causing Felicity to feel a sense of dread at facing her peers in school. She is a little embarrassed to admit that she spent almost the entire weekend locked in her bedroom, crying and eating mint chip ice cream by the pint. Also, she hasn't spoken to Oliver. She has ignored his many, many calls and texts because she told him that she needed time, which he obviously doesn't understand the meaning of. Finally gathering enough courage, Felicity gets out of her car and makes her way towards the main doors of Starling City Prep.
Opening the doors, she steps inside and immediately it feels like all eyes are on her. People are whispering and staring at her, no doubt gossiping about the fight about her that tore apart two best friends. Trying to convince herself that it isn't as bad as her paranoid brain is making it out to be, she ducks her head and makes her way towards her locker, praying that she doesn't run into Oliver. Or Tommy. What she doesn't expect to find is Sara leaning against her locker, doing something on her phone. "Sara, hey."
Sara looks up, a sympathetic smile gracing her lips. "Well don't you look cute today."
She eyes her skeptically, "Thanks. What's up?"
"Well, you cancelled our plans this weekend and I wasn't really sure if we had a good enough relationship for me to stop by your house to check on you. But I've been worried. How are you?"
The shorter blonde sighs and opens her locker, "Honestly? Not good. I think Oliver and I broke up."
"Oh, Felicity," she places a reassuring hand on her forearm, "I am so sorry. Have you talked to him?"
"I really don't have anything to say to him right now. He said some really hurtful things about me to not only Tommy, but also to the entire school who are all staring at me as we speak," she looks around at the numerous onlookers throughout the hallway.
"Okay. It's decided. Tonight, you and me, sleepover. We have late start tomorrow because the freshmen have that testing stuff. So we're renting movies, eating junk food, and doing some girl bonding to get to know each other better. Okay?"
She smiles, shutting her locker, "Thanks Sara, that sounds like exactly what I need." Looping her arm with Felicity's at the elbow, she walks her to her first class of what is sure to be a long day.
It's almost fifth period and Oliver feels like shit; he screwed up big time and honestly doesn't know if he's ever going to be able to fix things. Felicity has been ignoring him since Saturday and he doesn't blame her; he's an ass. And to top it all off, people have been talking about the three of them all day and he is this close to just throwing punches.
Mr. Hunt is rambling at the front of the class and Oliver thanks god when the bell sounds, signifying his lunch period. Quickly grabbing his bag, he exits the classroom and makes his way to his locker, just rounding the corner when he hears his name being called from behind him. For just a second, he deludes himself into feeling a sliver of hope that it may be Felicity. But he knows that it isn't, he knows her voice and that wasn't it. Sighing, he turns, surprised to see the brunette walking towards him.
"Ollie, hey."
"Uh, Laurel… Hi," he greets, voice laced with confusion.
"I know that I'm probably the last person you expected to be talking to right now but I," Laurel takes a deep breath before peering up at him, brows furrowed slightly. "We never stood a chance, did we?"
Oliver opens and closes his mouth a couple times, unsure of how to respond to such a random and confusing statement.
Taking his silence as an opportunity, Laurel continues, "After the game on Friday, everything became so strikingly clear. I've been going over it in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong between us. And all I keep seeing is that moment at the gala when you saw them dancing together. It's Felicity. It's always been Felicity, before you even knew it."
He still doesn't know what to say because she's right. It has always been Felicity and it will always be Felicity. "Laurel, I don't know what you want me to say…"
"Nothing, Ollie. I don't want anything from you anymore," she offers a soft smile, "This was exactly the closure that I needed; realizing that it was nothing I said or did. It was just… inevitable. The way we ended was awful and hurtful, but it was bound to happen. We were never meant to be with each other; your heart was never even mine to have. So, I want you to know that I forgive you. And I sincerely hope that things between you and Felicity work out. Goodbye, Ollie."
Watching as Laurel walks away from him, he is stunned into silence, overwhelmed with both relief that she's forgiven him and happiness that they may have a chance to be friends in the future, because he truly does care about her. But she's right; he gave his heart away when he was eight years old to a little girl with glasses and a red crayon between her lips.
Suddenly, a male voice that he immediately recognizes as Principal Steele based on the British accent sounds over the intercom, breaking Oliver from his thoughts.
Oliver Queen and Thomas Merlyn, please report to the guidance offices. Oliver Queen and Thomas Merlyn to the guidance offices.
Sighing, Oliver alters his route and heads to the counselor's office, definitely not ready for the conversation he knows is coming.
Sitting in the waiting room of the guidance offices, he pulls the black beanie over his eyes and rests his head against the wall, arms folded across his chest. He sits up when he hears a scoff, eyes meeting Tommy's as the other boy settles on the opposite side of the room. They sit there in tension-filled silence for a solid five minutes before the secretary calls their names, telling them that they can go in the office now.
Walking in first, Oliver moves to the farthest chair and sits down, coming face to face with John Diggle, the school's counselor. He is a big guy with arms the size of literal tree trunks, having served in the army before receiving his doctorate in psychology. Unlike other teachers, he is a down to earth guy that wants to actually be friends with the kids he is trying to help, even going as far as to insist that everyone call him Digg.
Tommy settles in the chair beside him, silently sending glares his way. Oliver leans back in his chair, hands gripping the armrests while his leg bounces with nerves. Leaning back in his chair with a sigh, Digg looks between the two grim faced teenagers. He tilts his head at Oliver, "Man, take off that beanie. It's against school policy and you look like a hoodlum." The teen huffs a laugh, pulling off his hat and stuffing it into the front pocket of his backpack.
"So. You two know why you're here?" Digg inquires.
"To waste my time?" Oliver sasses with a small smirk, knowing Digg never finds his antics amusing.
"Cause Oliver is a jackass?" Tommy offers. Oliver throws a glare his way before turning back to face the large wooden desk in front of them.
"Well I don't know about that, Merlyn. But I do know that you two thought it'd be a good idea to throw punches at each other while on school property and with the principal literally fifty feet away," Diggle explains with an unimpressed look. "You wanna tell me why two best friends suddenly hate each other?"
"Why don't you ask him. Though he might be too busy stabbing me in the back to respond," Tommy spits out, a venom in his voice that is usually only reserved for his father.
He groans, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair, settling to grip the hair at the back of his neck. "Dude, how many times do I have to tell you that I didn't stab you in the back? You guys were broken up."
"Because of you! We were broken up because of you and you wasted no time jumping into bed with the girl I love!"
"I haven't even slept with her yet! You were attacking me and talking shit, and I wanted to hurt you, so I lied. We haven't slept together and now we probably never will, considering I'm pretty sure she broke up with me. So thanks for that."
Diggle sits back and watches them, deciding to let them hash things out. He'll intervene if things get out of hand again. Stupid white boys, fighting over a girl, he thinks, scoffing quietly.
Laughing, Tommy shakes his head in amusement, "If Felicity dumped you already, that's not my fault. She probably just realized you're a shallow, arrogant, selfish dick and a liar."
"Tommy, I never wanted to hurt you!" Oliver turns to him, hands gesturing wildly, "You're my best friend and I love you. I tried for months to push away my feelings for her. I avoided her, and I threw myself into my relationship with Laurel until I couldn't push them away any more like I have been for years. You know me, Tommy. I wouldn't do anything until she had broken up with you and I didn't even know that she was going to do that. The first time I heard about it was when you told me at practice. I'm sorry that you got hurt, and I'm sorry that we kept it from you. We should've told you as soon as we got together, but we didn't. Because deep down, I knew this is how you would react and the thought of losing you physically hurts me. But I won't apologize for falling in love with her."
Tommy blinks at him, jaw clenched, "You're in love with her?"
He answers without hesitation, "Yes. But I never wanted my love for her to hurt you."
Silence settles over them for a few moments before Tommy turns towards Digg with a hard look, "Are we done here? I promise not to get into a fight again and I fully accept whatever consequences you see fit. Can I go now?"
The older man nods slightly and Tommy dashes from the room like he's on fire. Oliver sighs and stands up, slinging his bag over his shoulder before making his way towards the door. "Oliver, wait a second," Digg calls out.
Oliver turns to him with an expectant look, "Yeah?"
Leaning forward in his seat, he raises a brow, "You know, I think I'm just beginning to understand what kind of man you are."
"Shouldn't take you very long, Digg. I'm shallow, remember?" Oliver retorts, referencing Tommy's earlier words that cut deeper than he'd like to admit.
"A word of advice? Tommy will forgive you eventually, after some time to let his anger fade. But this girl - Felicity? You need to make things right with her before it's too late. A lot of things come and go in life, but true love? That's something that rarely ever comes around twice." He can't stop his eyes from drifting to the frame on his desk, a picture of his wife and baby girl nestled inside, "So, when it does come around, you should fight for it, and fight like hell," Digg gazes down at his desk and starts signing some papers. "Close the door on your way out," he concludes without looking up.
Oliver feels a small smile tug up the corners of his mouth before he shakes his head and leaves the office. You should fight for it, and fight like hell. And that's exactly what he is going to do.