This chapter would have been up sooner, but because of previous engagements, like the new NEWMOON trailer being previewed at the VMAs, I lost track.
Who can blame me, right?
JIZZ
:D Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Sadly. Coz if I did, it would be full of smutt and toilet humour. LOL. But then again, I love it the way it is.
:) Hoep you likey!
If you haven't already, go check out Buried in the bergonias by Durty Nelly. Very well written. :)
I sucked up enough courage to wake up the next morning.
It was like he had already broken up with me—the pain was almost too much to endure.
Just the waiting killed me. The suspense felt just as agonising as I imagined the after effect will be.
I brushed my hair, tying it up in a pony tail—just to spite him, I knew how he liked it when I wore it down.
I dressed in jeans and my blue blouse—it was the only thing I had left that wasn't dirty—I had been neglecting my washing duties. I sort of travelled in a numb state—catatonic, like I couldn't move. I was so afraid of what I was sure to face today.
Once I stepped out of my truck, I thought I was going to have to go home.
I was a complete wreck—breathing hard and shaking like a leaf.
I thought if I ditched now, I could avoid this for another day. But who would that make me? What kind of person was I turning into?
A coward. That wasn't the Bella I liked. I sure as hell didn't want to become less of who I knew I was.
So I bit my lip, concentrated hard on breathing slowly and put one foot in front of the other. Now, keeping my head down, it doesn't really help when you try not to run into people. As my foot reached the concrete under the cover by the cafeteria, my head came into contact with someone's chest. I gasped, falling off balance.
"Shit!" I muttered, looking up. "I'm sorry," I murmured apologetically to the boy I ran into. He smiled angelically, dropping his hands from my arms.
He brushed his brown hair from his eyes—that were a beautiful golden brown colour. He was very boy-ish.
I worked to keep my smile from turning into a grimace as I realised he reminded me of Mike. "No problem." He grinned, showing a row of gleaming white teeth.
I tried not to be rude, so I smiled back and tried to swerve around him. "I'm Alec," he introduced himself, holding his hand out.
"Oh, hey," I said politely, taking his hand and shaking it. "I'm Bella." I smiled quickly and went to weave around him again. He tried to stop me, walking backwards through the crowd, not breaking eye contact with me. I raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you?" I enquired, amused at his persistence. He grinned then frowned.
"Um, well as you've probably worked out, I'm kind of new here, so..." he pouted his lip. "Can you show me around?" I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Can I show you around?" I repeated, scoffing. He nodded, his brow slanted into a worried expression. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
"Why would you want me to show you around?" I asked, confused.
Surely there was enough meat around here to avoid the weird loner girl.
Maybe he was really lost. He bit his lip, smiled then shrugged. I noted the piece of paper clutched in his hand—his new class schedule and a map of the school. Not like it was hard to find your way in this tiny building. "Um..." I considered, biting my lip. I didn't want to be inconsiderate.
He was more than likely feeling the way I felt on my first day. I sighed, resigned and defeated.
"Fine," I shrugged. He grinned victoriously, falling into step beside me before he tripped over someone.
I shook my head, surprised. I pointed to buildings and explained what they were for. He handed me his schedule and I told him where to go on the map. We walked into the hallway where our lockers were. The hallways were packed full of bustling teenagers, groggy and tired, not wanting to be at school—same as every day.
I squeezed through the prongs of chatting people, trying not to lose my footing. Alec got caught in a group of junior girls—he blushed, embarrassed before racing hastily to my side again, like a puppy. I felt sympathy, I knew what it was like your first day, however I knew that he would have no problem adjusting.
He seemed the popular type, no doubt a pretentious clique would adopt him the first day.
I sighed and as I turned I tripped over someone's extended foot, falling to the floor, falling side on, my hip and shoulder grinding painfully against the ground first, followed by my head. I grunted. "Ow," I muttered. My fall erupted into bedlam. People stopped talking to transfix their eyes on my vulnerable state.
I groaned. Why today? Today of all days? I could hear numerous sets of feet coming toward me, intending on help while the others snickered, thinking my bad luck was hilarious. Two hands picked me up off the floor, not until I was upright did I figure out they belonged to two different people.
"Alright, everyone move on." Edward snapped angrily, clearly agitated. My body froze, tensing for the onslaught.
Although he obviously wasn't going to do it here, my mind still reacted—like an instinct, a defence mechanism.
I wasn't ready. Not yet. I bit my lip, my face flushed with anger and fear rather than embarrassment.
I had also closely noted how neither hand left my arm, both holding just above my elbow.
Alec on my right, Edward on my left. My bitterness over the morning evaporated the moment I saw his face—concerned, perfect, hurt and worried. Whatever he was going to do... I couldn't think about it, but seeing his face, it sort of dimmed the fears, rather than escalating them.
Their hands were broad and firm, holding me vertical. Alec spoke up then, snapping me out of my reverie.
"Are you okay?" he asked, leaning close to me. I nodded, my face probably looked pale and drawn—it wasn't from the fall, though.
"Bella?" Edward spoke then, his voice melodic and velvety. The sound made my bones quiver. I turned my head to him.
"Yes?" I whispered. I was surprised he could hear me over the crash of locker doors slamming and people talking—it was loud.
He intensified his gaze, looking at me under his eyelashes. I gulped. Why was he doing this to me? It was already going to be torturous enough. Why make me suffer more than necessary? He looked over my shoulder then. "I think I need to take her to the nurse." He said decisively to Alec. He paused then.
"Are you a new student?" he asked, curious. "Yeah, just started today, actually." I turned my face in time to see him smile warmly. Edward didn't wear the same expression, however. He tried to keep a nice, polite facade but he didn't fool me. "Guess you'll have to show me around some other time, then?" he asked, smirking at me.
"Uh," I mumbled. I nodded and he slowly let go of me. I hoped to god that I was hallucinating this all. Unfortunately not—Edward's breath hit my face, rendering me useless. He pulled my arm over his shoulder, I dragged my feet slowly. My head hurt a little, as did my pelvis and shoulder, but it wasn't anything that needed medical attention.
Of course, Edward felt otherwise inclined. Which was what I expected of him.
But instead of taking me to the school nurse who would have just given me a Tylenol and told me to suck it up—he took me to his office.
~~~___~~~
I struggled slightly. No, no, no! My mind begged.
I looked at him, my eyes pleading. He frowned, not understanding.
He pulled me in against my will, sitting me down on his office chair.
"Bella," he started with a glum sigh. "No," I stated flatly, objecting.
"Don't do this." I beseeched. I shook my head frantically, clawing at my jeans with both hands. I stared down at them. He stood over me, placing his hand on either side of the arm rests on his chair. I had no choice but to look into his eyes.
"I was going to." He confessed, his eyes ashamed and tormented.
I let out a faint whimper, my bottom lip trembling, my stomach flipped and my eyes welled with tears.
Four instant reactions, uncontrollable.
His face altered dramatically, he knelt down before me so he was almost in direct eye level to me. I swallowed loudly, shivering involuntarily when his hand reached up to touch my cheek. His features had shifted from worried, concern to downright miserable, anxious agony.
I don't even know if he was aware of how they shifted so quickly. He probably only felt his emotions change, not his expression. He stroked a thumb over my quivering lip, his eyes followed his moving finger before meeting my eyes again.
"I thought it was what...Well, it still is the right thing to do.
I always do the right things, Bella." He said, stressing the point.
My breathing hitched. This was it. This was truly it. I just silently hoped he didn't have to suffer as much as he looked like he did—or as much as I knew I will. He looked away then, frowning, his face contorting in what looked like pain and indecision.
He took a deep breath, looking back up. "I always do. But..." he let the sentence hang there, shaking his head. He said, 'But'. That word was like a life raft. "No matter how hard I try, I would never be able to do it." He leaned closer, his face inches away.
"No matter how much trouble I get in...No matter what people would think if this got out...No matter how wrong it sounds...There is no way in hell I'm strong enough to do what's right. Not this time." He whispered.
My tears had relented, my cheeks still wet. I stared through his eyes, into the man that lived inside.
He had shown just how vulnerable he really was. He may be impenetrable and stoic on the surface, but he knew hurt and love, just like everyone else did. And he chose to show this to me. I managed a smile, weak but still triumphant and relieved.
"I was so afraid you were going to let this go." I mumbled, his fingers wiped my tears away. He kissed my forehead tenderly. "Like I said, I've nowhere to go now, I'm not strong enough for anywhere else but with you." More tears fell, relieved tears.
"You don't know how good that sounds." I whispered, sniffing.
I linked my arms behind his neck. "This morning...I was going to pieces just thinking about what you were going to say to me." I admitted, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He sighed. "Is that why you were with that new boy? Because you were upset?" he asked and I could detect an ulterior motive behind his curiosity. I narrowed my eyes and pulled back to look him in the eye. "No," I said slowly. "He approached me, well..." I thought about it.
"I ran into him and he wouldn't leave me alone, cause he needed directions and to be shown around." I took a deep breath.
"So I helped him out." I ended my short explanation. Edward's eye twitched. My eyes narrowed again. "Why do you want to know?" I asked suspiciously. "You should be happy I have someone who bothered to help me up before in the hall." He scoffed. "I'll give him one thing, he works fast." He muttered aversely. I cocked an eyebrow.
"Huh?" I shook my head, not understanding. "He was hitting on you." He frowned. A giggle burst from my lips. "I'm sorry, that was really funny." He rolled his eyes. "You have no idea, Bella. I saw how he looked at you. The way he talked to you. He hardly even knows you yet and he's got...puppy dog eyes." He griped.
"Yeah, sure." I mumbled dismissively. "Believe me, Bella. I hear what young boys here talk about. They think I'm not listening or that I don't care—I am a teacher, after all. High school crushes and romances don't apply to me—according to them." He said with a slightly horrified face. I stared, still disbelieving.
"Your name has come up a few times, actually. More times than I'm thrilled about." I smiled.
"Are you...jealous of the guys in my grade?" I asked innocently, cocking my head to the side.
He glared for a moment before his eyes glazed over, thinking over the possibility. He glanced back at me before muttering.
"Yes," My face fell, I was only joking. Yet he looked torn up about it. "I'm sorry." I murmured, placing my palm to his cheek.
He held it there, smiling slightly. "Don't be. You can't help it." He said smiling wider. I rolled my eyes and laughed.
I leant closer. It had felt like days since we last kissed, when it was only yesterday. Being torn from the inside out, it somehow made the heart grow fonder—if that made any sense.
It did in my head. He moved his face the rest of the distance. Our lips met hungrily and fully of insatiate desire. My hand moved to his hair—that glorious bronze hair.
His hands gripped the chair, pulling me closer so my legs were on either side of his torso. How many times had we made out here? Seventeen or so, but who's counting?
My nose inhaled his scent, thankful that I had unlimited access now. His hands glided up the sides of my legs to my hips. My tongue slid into his mouth, earning a tasty moan from him.
It was enough to make me moan in response. His tongue pushed into my mouth. I needed more, right now. But we couldn't. It was a dreadful feeling, putting our passion to a halt. Surprisingly, he didn't stop so quickly like usual. I pushed myself closer, inching off the seat and pushing my body against his.
He sucked in a breath, growling into my mouth before his hands raked up and down my spine. I shivered, my hands moved of their own volition, down to his belt.
I used it as leverage, pulling his hips close to mine, I needed to feel him—all of him, everything I could. Because the craving needed to be satisfied.
Then, I distantly remembered how he always hesitated around this point, usually due to something I did.
I tested my theory inquisitively. I dragged my tongue across his bottom lip whilst simultaneously moving my hips into his. On cue, he hissed slightly, hesitating, his kisses slowing. I groaned. "Why do you always do that?" I muttered restlessly, my breathing laboured.
His was too, which made me proud. "Do what?" he breathed, moving closer to kiss up and down my neck.
"Um," I murmured. "Uh," Wait, uh, what? The hesitating. Got it. Don't get distracted. I frowned to myself, he was good at the art of distraction...not to mention persuasion as well.
Not that he needed more qualities.
I pushed my hips closer to his, he backed up a little in response. "That," I said. "Why do you always back away?" I asked.
He sighed, smiling slightly. He laughed a little—nervously. When was Edward ever nervous? Was he blushing? "I'm not a super hero, Bella. I don't have some meticulous self-control. I am a man." I frowned then pressed my lips together to keep from smiling as I realised. I had to work hard to keep from giggling.
Mostly at myself for being so thick and pushing poor Edward to breaking point. How unfair of me. I guess I had mastered the art of teasing, too, and...persuasion.
I grinned evilly to myself, flattered. I glanced down between us, smiling back up at him. I hooked a finger into his belt, pulling him closer but not close enough that we were touching—so close, though. He stared into my eyes with a perked eyebrow, his hands were resting on my thighs.
I could feel myself growing more and more...aroused, because of him. I tried not to let my shaking breaths noticeable as I slowly and gently ran my hand over the denim of his pants. I ran it all the way up his toned stomach, to his chest. He caught my hand before it could repeat the circuit.
"Not here," he whispered huskily. He let my hand go, trusting that I would play nice. I obliged, smiling wickedly.
Apparently, though, two could play at that game. He leaned closer, a devilish glint in his eyes.
He kissed my chin, down my throat and to the base of it, pausing, his hands smoothing down my waist and stopping at my hips.
His thumbs dug into the tops of my thighs. I sucked in a breath—so simple, barely even inappropriate and it still drove me insane.
I wanted him to claw his fingers through my clothes.
His kisses didn't stop there, though. He was getting payback. How mean, dirty and fucking awesome. He kissed down my chest, down to my stomach, painfully slow. I leaned back in the chair, my arms going limp, I stared up at the ceiling, feeling him explore his way down my torso.
He reahed my belly button, hovering—would he go up again or go—gulp—lower?
I waited impatiently—knowing all too well that he would never engage in something like that while we were here—but hoping that he would. I could almost sense the smugness he had even without looking at him. I gasped as he kissed once more, just above the button on my jeans. Water! I NEED SOME WATER! Or a fan, a fucking fire engine! Anything!
He stopped, his hands moved to my shoulders and I knew he was done teasing. I pouted unhappily down at him. He kissed me once more, catching my bottom lip between his.
"Touché." I sighed in defeat.
*giggles uncontrollably* Yes thats right girls, Edward is a man. Thank the lord we have him. I'm not a jesus person, or religious, but my god, thank you!
Anywhoo, did you like it? He's a dirty little boy ;) hehe hehehe hehehe.
Lethar88, you deserve an Edward growl for being such a good reviewer.
Lethar: Kiss me, kiss me, you beautiful fool!
Edward: I can't. I am devoted to you, but I am brooding and troubled. Stop tormenting me.
Lethar: Pleeeasseee??
Edward: Ugh, stop it, your driving me crazy, Lethar, baby.
Lethar: *giggles*
Edward: Don't make me ravish you, I swear I will.
Lethar: Oh noo *mock horror*
Edward: That's it. *growls*
And then he ravished you. Pretty hot huh? *wiggles eyebrows*
Another shout out to all my reviewers, EdwardsElla, lil miss bella cullen, Pandora 1975, Jaliz 06, Fear girl...the list goes on, but all of you guys are amazing!
Thank you!