Sorry it's been a while! But its here now, Chapter 13 guys, R&R please xx
Spencer POV
Two Years Earlier
You sit and ponder the consequences of what you think you're about to do. You feel that awful, awkward feeling in your stomach- the one that's halfway between butterflies and nausea. You smile gently and reach out your hand to tuck a lock of gorgeous, dark hair behind her ear. She stares at you and you feel your heart melt inside your chest as it stops beating entirely. In that moment, you feel like you're hanging in between life and death- having left one world but not yet joining another. But you know you're going to be okay. Even in that moment of uncertain fear, you still feel safe. You always feel safe with her.
You remember in those few, fleeting moments of silence, everything. Long forgotten memories of years ago come flooding back like the missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. For years, you've been trying to jam the mismatched pieces together, cutting the corners and bending them in a desperate attempt to make it whole. Now they fit perfectly, they're out of sequence, but they all make perfect sense to you.
You stare into her eyes and you think of nothing but her. The two of you. Together. You try to think about when you knew, but you think, on some level, you always have. You think about the way you always find yourself smiling when you think of her; the way she knows exactly when you need to talk about what's bothering you, when you need to cry and when you just need to forget about everything. She always knows exactly how to help you through. She always knows how to make you laugh, and she's the only one who holds the power to reduce you to tears.
She's always been there, inside your head. She's always been able to read you, with the miraculous ability to sense exactly what's running through your head within seconds of having looked into your eyes. You wonder if she knows now. You don't think she could possibly know this, but then again, you've never been very good at hiding anything from her.
You feel her cuddle closer to you, and for a split second, you wonder why. Then you realize that she doesn't need a reason. She's your best friend. She's allowed. You wrap your arms around her and she rests her head on your chest. You sigh contentedly. This was the epitome of happiness. She murmurs something in audibly, but you know what she said.
"Je taime," you whisper back as you kiss her hair ever so gently. You know she doesn't speak French, but she certainly knows that phrase. Within seconds, you feel her breathing even out into the steady pace of sleep. You close your eyes, but instead of dreaming, you start to reminisce; you do that best at times like these, you find you can think straight when you're tangled up in her.
It's spring break and you're thirteen; it's only April but it's already eighty-five degrees outside. She's been your best friend for a few years now, but it seems like you've known her all your life, and suddenly, you can't imagine being without her. To you, spring break has been perfect. For the most part, it's been just the two of you. Ali's been out of town, Hanna's been around a bit, but she's been busy too, and Aria has hung out with you guys quite a lot, but she likes to be alone sometimes, that's just the way she is. It's been a mess of emotions, thousands of happy hours that have all merged into one. You've been together constantly. Playing at the park, hanging out in your yard and having sleepovers almost every night…just the two of you.
That day had seemed to last forever; you'd spent the morning in your bedroom trying out all kinds of new styles of make up on each other. Normally, you hated that kind of thing, but you knew how much she loved it. The afternoon you'd spent in your back yard, chasing each other around in the sprinklers under the blazing sun. then it had been a quick change from your swimsuits into your pajamas and you were shut away in your barn together for the night, munching on take-out pizza and microwave popcorn, sharing a giant bottle of Dr. Pepper. You'd played a movie, but somewhere in the first ten minutes you'd gotten bored and started chatting absent mindedly. Locked doors, drawn curtains and piles and piles of blankets later, the two of you were snuggled up together on the couch, hoods up and arms around each other as the temperature dropped.
You wonder now if you knew it then. Had it been then? Or the thousands of times you'd slept at each other's houses, played sport together or found yourselves the last two awake at a slumber party. In every reassuring touch, sweet kiss or stolen glance, you knew it was there. It always would be.
As if she hears your thoughts, she nestles her head further into your chest and sighs, clinging to you as if her life depends on it. The optimistic part of your brain says that, even if she knew…things could only get better. But the realistic part screams at you to betray your instincts, it screams NO, it warns you not to jeopardize this- what you have. It's special and it's rare and you know it.
'Nothing will ever get in the way of us.' Her words ring harshly in your ears, nothing?
Emily POV
Present day
You wriggle out of her arms and sit beside her, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear as you gently caress the side of her face. You wish you could stay here forever, with her in that moment, but you know that you can't. You can't hurt her with your actions anymore; she has so much potential, so much promise…you know she'd give it all up for you in a heartbeat, but you don't want her to. It would kill you to watch her give up everything she's worked for, everything she's dreamed about. That's why she could never know. You sigh as you give her one long, lingering kiss on her forehead and feel tears prick your eyes when you realize that this will be the last time you'll see her for a while. The last time that you will ever see her this way.
The sky outside is dark and looming. You think it's fitting. With a lingering glance at the heavy door you turn and stare at the night sky. The stars are hiding behind a cover of oppressing clouds, stolen away from your wondering eyes for the moment. You wish they'd come back. You miss them.
The door clicks shut quietly, and you flinch. It's such a harsh and unforgiving noise, slicing through the silence brutally. It feels like the crack of a whip against tender flesh, ripping and tearing you apart. You don't think you've ever felt this broken this shattered this cold.
Actually, if you're being honest with yourself, you miss her. You miss her already. You will for a while now, as it sets in that you'll never get that back, at least, not the way it was. She was your best friend and suddenly she's gone. A tiny part of your brain says you don't know that for sure, but she would have to be…once she knew, she'd never look at you again in the same way. Suddenly, you feel as if you're facing the world alone, when all you want is to curl up in her familiar bed, the deep comfort of her bedroom soothing you into a peaceful slumber, your steady breathing and the thought-provoking lyrics of your music the only other sounds in your world you've created away from the world, you're sanctuary.
But now, now it's different. Now you're sanctuary has become your hell, the room where you felt so safe feels so wrong- you shiver at the thought that it was where you realized; that it was where you'd made the decision. Soon, you two will merely be strangers in a sea of familiarity, drifting alone and cold. You miss her, but you don't think she would understand. Everything has changed.
Spencer POV
You wake as soon as she does. You feel her slip away; feel her kiss and her gentle touch to your face. You want to cry with the intensity of the emotion that she provokes in you, but you lay still, feigning sleep. When you hear her slip out, you worry. You know you should do the sensible thing: call her cell, if she doesn't answer, then go out and look for her, call Hanna and Aria and tell them too, tell them that you need their help; after all, that's what friends are for. But all of these thoughts seem as if they're in a distant, parallel universe, buzzing faintly in your mind as you grab first your sweat top and then your jacket, pulling them on over your old field hockey shirt and shorts that you'd been sleeping in. You slip on your sneakers and you see her almost immediately. It's raining now, hard. Her figure is distant but you'd recognize her anywhere. You start to jog towards her, slowly but surely, your pace getting faster as the rain got harder. You're running faster and faster but she seems to be slipping away from you, sinking further and further past the point of no return. You're sprinting now; your bare legs shining with the icy drops of rain and your long hair dripping wet. You hear a clap of thunder and see the lights fade in a few of the nearby houses. Blackout. It suddenly dawns on you how scared she must be, she's never liked storms. You're running faster and faster…it's a good thing it's so late and so wet, because surely, even A wouldn't contemplate stalking someone in a thunderstorm at past two AM.
"EMILY!" you scream breathlessly, "EMILY FIELDS!" she's still walking away; but she's closer now. You summon up all your strength and sprint the next thirty feet as fast as you can. "EMILY!" as if she can hear the desperation in your voice, or can sense that you're about to pass out, she stops. You muster the energy it takes to run to her and you place your hands gently on her hips.
"Why did you leave?" you shout over the rumbling thunder and the persistent downpour,
"Why did you come?" She yells back, you swallow hard,
"You have to ask me why I came?" You tell back, half smiling. You laugh shakily, "I followed you because I was worried about you!"
"I'm fine, Spence!" she yells back at you, but you can hear the pain in her voice, and see the tears mingling with the raindrops on her face.
"You know, they say that crying in the rain is easy, because no-one can see your tears," you shout back as you reach a hand up to her face, "It's not true." She smiles weakly and you pull her to you.
"You have to leave Spence, you have to let me go, too." She says, resisting your touch. The conversation has grown more heated, more urgent.
"There is nowhere that I wouldn't follow you, Emily," you insist sincerely, "Just please, let me in." you're begging now.
"Why?" she asks, "Why are you so sure that nothing's going to change?" I laugh,
"Because you said it yourself. When we were thirteen. You promised that nothing would ever get in the way of us," you tell her, you don't want to shout anymore, but the storm is getting louder and louder. "And because I know that nothing will change the way I feel about you. Ever." You feel yourself crying now as you look into her eyes. She holds your gaze for what feels like centuries,
"I'm pregnant." She whispers. You feel your heart flutter as she speaks; she looks away from you, ashamed. You tentatively step closer to her, reaching out and placing on hand gently on her stomach, using the other to cup her chin and raise her gaze to meet yours.
"And you thought that you couldn't tell me?" you ask quietly, you're crying more now, harder than you think you ever have before.
"I didn't want this to hurt you!" she screams over the sound of the weather. You shake your head gently as you pull her into you and hold her more tightly than you ever have before.
"Honey, this could never hurt me." You whisper in her ear before locking your eyes together again.
"I swear on everything I've ever believed in, that I will support you, no matter what. If you want to do this, if you want to have this baby, I will be there. I will go with you to Lamaze class, I'll go to the store to satisfy whatever freaky craving you have in the middle of the night and I will personally destroy anyone who dares to say anything against you and if you don't, then I will drive you to the clinic and I'll hold your hand the whole time. But I swear Emily, I will never let you down." She closes her eyes and lets herself slowly sink to the ground, you kneel beside her and pull her into your lap, holding her in a cradle as she sobs.
"But why, Spence?" she cries, "I need you to tell me why!"
"Why? Okay, I'll tell you why!" You breathe in deeply, "It's because I would do anything for you, Emily. I'd follow you wherever you wanted to go, do whatever you wanted to do. Because you are everything to me and I love everything about you; from the way you say my name, to the way you flick your hair at the end of a swim meet when you take your cap off. Because you always see the best in people. And because, we're shaking, and wet and cold and we're both going to get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, then I will go on all night." You start to shout, but by the time you're done, the thunder's gone and your voice has softened. She says nothing, but reaches behind your head and crashes your lips together in a deep and passionate kiss. The moment your lips touch, lightening strikes, as if the storm was reflecting your emotions.
You hold her there and you don't want to let go. Ever. But you have to. You scoop her up and strip both your jacket and sweatshirt off, pulling them over her head before she can protest. You wrap your arm around her and begin the long walk home.
Emily POV
You're in Spencer's room now, safe again. The both of you are wrapped in fluffy white dressing gowns and she'd gently brushing your hair. You nestle back into her and rest your head against her chest. She sets down the brush beside you on the bed and wraps her arms around you, pressing both of her hands to your stomach.
"This baby's gonna be so beautiful," she whispers in your ear, letting her lips brush gently against it, "Because it's yours." I smile shyly at her and shake my head,
"Ours." I correct as I press our lips together.
Aria POV
You watch your blonde best friend pace the room, her nervous energy becoming too much for her to handle. You laugh in spite of yourself.
"Are you sure?" you ask for the thousandth time since she called you over, she throws a glare your way.
"Yes, Aria. I'm positive, or rather, it was." She jokes. "I'm telling you, when I was at Spencer's yesterday, I used her bathroom and while I was in there, I noticed it in the trash. And it was definitely positive."
"Wow," you sigh. "I wonder which one it is, I hope it's Spencer." she pulls a face,
"Really?" she crinkles her nose at you, "I hope its Emily. A mini-Emily would be so cute, mini-Spencer would just be…well, there would be two Spencer's and no one needs that." You throw her an incredulous look,
"No Han, if its Spencer, it just means that she lost her virginity and didn't tell us. If it's Emily, then, well…she was raped, Han." Her face crumples as you say that,
"Oh my," she whispers, "I didn't think of it that way." She goes very, very quiet for a moment and you take her hand.
"It'll be okay," you reassure her, "They're both tough. Besides, it's two of you that no one needs." You try to joke but she barely even smiles,
"God, how would she get through that?" she ponders aloud, you don't even know if she's talking to you.
"With Spencer. And with us." You squeeze her hand. "She'll be fine, Han, we all will. We have each other." She nods at you, before laying down and pulling you with her,
"Just, stay with me tonight?" she asks weakly.
Spencer POV
Seven billion, nine million, seven hundred and fifty seven thousand, seven hundred and fifty one…there are 7009757751 people in the world right now. Some are laughing. Some are crying. Some are in love. Others are lost and alone. Some are living life, whilst too many are hanging by a moment. But sometimes, all you need is one. And that one person, if it's the right person, changes it all.
So find that someone. Someone who'll never get tired of kissing you every day. Someone who'll hug you when you're jealous, who'll understandingly stay silent when you're mad and just squeeze your hand when you're hand when you're not in the mood. Someone who'll imagine and plan a perfect future with you in it.
So find that someone, and when you do, hold on tight, and never let them go.
A/N
Please don't hurt me! So, I know Emily's been through enough, but really couldn't resist!
Review please, reading them really inspires me xx