Deidara munched on his after school snack and sat there lazily as he watched Sasori run around the house in an attempt to clean it for some apparent reason.

The piles of laundry everywhere were disappearing, the stack of dishes both dirty and clean were taken care of. In fact, instead of Sasori demanding that Deidara put away his toys, he took care of them for him!

He then sighed and leaned back in his chair as he popped the rest of the baby carrot in his mouth. This was the life. Something about watching the older male in an apron doing all the dirty work was oddly very satisfying to the five year old. Not having to do his own chores was great too. Yes, this was the life.

"Deidara you're getting dip on your shirt! The shirt I just washed!" Sasori hissed as he started to wet down a washcloth, preparing to dab the little red shirt clean.

"Oopsie." Deidara chimed and with another plan in mind he lifted his shirt and began sucking on the soiled area.

Sasori hissed as he yanked the shirt out of the boys mouth and looked over the area which was now clean. "Next time just let me take care of it." He groaned turning around to get back to cleaning.

"Why ya cleaning the house anyway, un?" Deidara asked leaning his head back and stuffing a cracker in his mouth, the going crumbs everywhere.

Sasori's eyes widened at the crumbs and sighed. He dusted them off the boy and turned to grab the broom. "I'm having a classmate come over to do some schoolwork, so I thought I should make the place presentable." He said sweeping the area around the child for the second time that day.

"I like presents!"

"Haha - no." Sasori mused as he now used the dust pan. "Be on your best behaviour. I don't want I hear any potty words."

"Like poopy?"

"Yes."

"And fart?"

"Yes."

"And shit-damn-hell-shit?"

"Yes. Especially that." Sasori blushed at how the curse words were said in the exact way he had said them earlier this morning when he cut himself while making himself breakfast. He had really hoped that Deidara hadn't heard him say that. Oh well, the damage has been done.

"I need you to scram when they come over ok? Do you think you could play quietly in your room for an hour?"

"Yes Danna."

Sasori raised both eyebrows at the boys compliance. "And do you think you could call me Sasori while they're here?" He asked a little hopeful.

"No Danna."

"Damn."

"DAMN!"

Sasori narrowed his eyes and went to scold him but was stopped by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

"Bing bong bing bong bing bing bong!" Deidara began to sing in a silly manner and chomped away on the last carrot. Sasori swiped the plastic dish and tossed it in the dishwasher before making his way to the door. Silently hoping that Deidara would stop binging and bonging before he got to the door.

"Hey there partner!"

"Hi, glad you could make it."

Deidara hopped up from his chair still singing his "bing bong" song but a little more quitely. He was so totally ready to meet his dear Danna's friend. A friend of his Danna was a friend of his!

"Oh this must be Deidara!"

Deidara froze at the sight. Maybe a friend of his Danna wasn't a friend of his. There standing at the door entrance taking their coat off stood a beautiful woman. She was flawless, even a simple minded child like Deidara could tell. She stirred all these feelings in his little stomach that he had only ever felt around Sasori. This woman was clearly desirable, an incredible creature, inhuman almost. So what the heck was she doing coming over to their house to be with a piece of trash like Sasori?

To Deidara, if there was one thing for sure that had never made sense, it was women. He was never around them much to begin with though. His kindergarten teacher had been male, his Dad was, you guessed it, male. Heck, Sasori was a male too! The only real girl contact he got were the stupid cootie filled girls he went to school with. those chicks were wack! Oh his new teacher who frankly, bothered him, was a girl too. How dare she keep calling his Danna! Whenever she did, HE got in trouble!

"Ohhh isn't he the cutest little munchkin-muffin in the world!" She squealed as she practically shoved Sasori out of the way and scooped the blond high into the air. Without a doubt she could whoop Sasori's ass in an arm wrestling match, this chick was not one to be trifled with. Those were arms trained to kill and at the same time give the loveliest of hugs.

She pressed her dark lips against his plump cheek and immediately began pressing little kisses. Making Deidara giggle from the little tickles, she even finished off with a big loud raspberry causing Deidara to laugh even more. This girl was great!

"My name is Konan! Let's be frrriends!"

Deidara was beginning to find it hard not to like this girl. She was a pretty spectacular thing. Nothing could ruin this magical moment for either of them. You would have to be one terrible person to break up this pure, innocent moment of true love. Yes, a truly, truly terrible person.

"Sorry to ruin your fun, but I think we should get working." Sasori intervened tapping his hand on his crossed arms. "Deidara, go play in your room while the adults are working okay?"

Spoke too soon.

Deidara gave Sasori a sad look and Konan caught on. "Nah! He wants to show me his bedroom first, right?" She suggested, bouncing the small boy around on her hip and squeezing his hand.

"Yeah!" He yelled as he squirmed off her hip and down to the floor again. He grabbed her hand again and she held it back as she followed him to his room.

Sasori inwardly groaned since that was one of the rooms he hadn't cleaned. There was sure to be toys, clothes and other various junk were on the floor since any toys that were in the living area got tossed in there carelessly. Who would have thought that a woman could like kids?

He then sighed in defeat and followed the two of them. He wasn't pursuing Konan that's for sure, she had a boyfriend and a protective brother. He wasn't going to mess with them. Sasori just wanted a friend who didn't recoil at the thought of children - which seemed like most young adults now a days. Not only that, he secretly hoped that if he made a good impression, Konan might be cool enough to hook him up with some of her pretty friends.

He leaned on the doorframe and watched as Deidara showed his guest his favorite toy; which happened to be every toy in his room.

"This is my special car! And my extra special birdy! I love birdies, un!"

Konan giggled and looked around. "I can tell you like birdies! Bird toys, bird books - there are even birds on your walls!" She pointed out the photos of penguins, crows, toucans and many others that had cut out and made into a collage and framed in the wall.

Deidara covered his mouth and giggled like a madman while Konan just wanted to scoop him up and eat him he was so cute. Pulling the little thing into a bear hug and giving a storm of kisses was apparently good enough though.

"Konan, work?"

She turned away from loving Deidara and pouted at the small man before looking back at her new lovebug. "Is he always such a buzzkill?"

Deidara looked over at his Danna's blank face and fluttered his eyelashes as he caught the redheads face cringe in anger briefly. "Yes. But that's ok I forgive him, un."

Konan laughed and gave Deidara ine last smooch. "Ok, ok." She mumbled as she stood up, ready to leave the blond. "Lets get working, Sasori."

Deidara went to follow but was stopped when Sasori grabbed him by the forehead and began pushing him back into his room. "You said you would play quietly in your room for at least an hour while the adults worked!"

A whine came from Deidara as he remember he had said that. Keeping his word, he turned and stomped away to a small plastic picnic table that had been set up to be a play desk where he could colour, do homework or even better, playdough.

He begrudgingly got the stuff out and sent the back of Sasori's head a glare. If he couldn't go play with the wonderful new friend; then he would just have to humour himself with a lil ol, sculpting. Oh, and if you didn't know, Deidara considered himself to be quite the artist.

He got the little tools out and began going at it. He pumped out long yellow strands, blue stars and even made a red snake and green bird. Now that was done, what else could the boy do with the dough?

"Welcome to The Great Deidara Restyraunt, un!"

He made pasta, pizza, ice cream, cake and even a cookie. Customers came in and out and were all very happy with their food. Deidara was swarmed in compliments about what an amazing chef he was. They absolutely adored him!

"Oh please, stop." He murmured into his hand as he waved off another customer complimenting him on both his cooking and dashing good looks. With the hand in front of his face he took a deep breath. Man the dough did smell nice... His food looked really yummy too. Also all those compliments! What if - Maybe if he -

"Well..."

Sasori beamed as he came to get Deidara from his room, Konan following like an Aunty waiting to see her sisters new baby. Sasori really couldn't care less about her though. Deidara had been so quiet and so well behaved, he deserved to come out and visit for a bit and possibly get a piece of candy.

"Hey Deidara you can come out now...?" Sasori said but quickly stopped at the doorway as he looked at the boy sitting there staring at the kiddy table. He had his head down and his shoulders were shaking lightly. His small hands on his little stomach and both Sasori and Konan could hear little sobs. "Hey Dei, are you okay?" He asked voice full of concern as he walked over rather quickly to put an arm around the child. Konan stuck out her bottom lip and followed in after, just as concerned as the other.

Deidara slowly looked up with big, teary eyes to see two concerned adults standing over him and looked back down. "Imma dyin, unn."

Sasori rubbed circles in to the little back as he gave a little noise of sympathy mixed with confusion. "What do you mean you're dying?"

Deidara broke down now and threw himself at the redhead. Heavy sobs and tears poured down his face. Sasori had to pull away the blond briefly after hearing the loud sniffle and cringed a little at the sight of snot dripping from the boys tiny nose. He grabbed the bottom of the red shirt and pulled it up to wipe the nose. Like hell he was using his own clothes for that.

"M-my tummy really hurties."

Sasori nodded. "Do you know why your tummy hurts? Why does it mean you're dying?"

Deidara's bottom lip stuck out and then curved into a viciously pathetic frown. "I eated something toxicy and now I'm dyin."

Konan and Sasori now nearly both jumped out of their skin. Toxic? Like poison? Deidara ate poison!? Poison in his little tiny baby body!?

"My lovebug!" Shrieked Konan dropping to her knees and quickly grabbing her phone from her left bra cup.

Deidara immediately saw the panic in the adults and began to panic more himself. Quick strangled breaths and a pink contorted face just made the two adults even more scared. He really was dying now! Life as he knew it was over!

Sasori took a deep breath and placed his hands on his shoulders."Deidara! What did you eat?" He asked now checking the blonds eyes and mouth before pressing his hand to his forehead to look for a rise in temperature.

"Unnnnnnn!" Deidara whined as he tears welled up all over again.

"Deidara!"

"I eated the playdough!" He shrieked burrowing his face into the redheads chest and squirming to wrap his legs around his waist in a death grip. If he was going to die, he was going to get as many Danna-hugs as possible.

However both adults immediately froze and quickly looked at each other. "That's not poisonous, is it?" Asked Konan.

Sasori blinked and picked up the yellow cup to read the label. "No I don't think so?" He pointed to the non-toxic label. "Yes there, he's ok."

Konan took a deep breath of relief and started grabbing at the other cups. "I know he ate some, but how much did he eat?"

Sasori frowned and joined in at looking at the four large empty cups. "I gave him lunch! There is no way he ate it all!"

He yanked Deidara away from his chest but still held him close. "You ate ALL your playdough?"

"Nnn-yeah..."

"All gone? Really!?"

"Gone gone."

Sasori stood up with a handful of child. Man this kid was heavy, but he still rocked the boy back and forth while patting his back as he listened to little whimpers and whines about his tummy hurting.

"So why do you say you're dying?" Sasori asked caressing a tear streaked face with his index finger. He was genuinely interested in how he thought he could be in any sort of peril.

"The packy says T.O.X.I.C" he hiccuped. "That spells toxic and that means your insides are going to melt and die, un."

That's right, he could read. Sometimes Sasori forgot these things based on all the stupid things the kid would do or say. Sasori smacked his lips and looked back down at the yellow cups incredulously "You really ate four cups of playdough?"

"It was really pretty and yummy...I'm a good chef, un..."

"Well, you're going to be just fine. The package says, 'non-toxic' meaning it's not toxic for you." Sasori sighed as he smiled down at Deidara making him send a happy smile back.

"Actually Sasori, my phone says large amount consumption and a stomach ache, he should be taken to the ER."

Konan gasped at how fast Sasori shot up. It was like a blur to her. He placed Deidara on the edge of the bed and made several dashes and stumbles around the house packing multiple things into what appeared to be some sort of diaper bag. Baby blanket, water bottle, snackie bag, bird plush, little book, and his own various belongings were shoved in there. Konan wondered if he was going to shove Deidara in there as well.

He slipped a sweater on Deidara, grabbed him onto his hip, and booked it out of the room. "Lets go Konan! Go go go!"

Sasori danced his his spot as he waited for Konan to hurry up. She quickly put on her own coat and shoes and was out the door with them. Sasori locked the door and quickly ran to the car and buckled Deidara up in his booster seat. Konan chose to sit in the backseat beside Deidara while Sasori drove; off to the hospital they went.

The two adults sat in a small waiting room a little further into the emergency room than where most of the other people in need of help sat. Just behind them was a door where Deidara was getting checked out. Most of the time the childs caregiver was good to go, and could be back there with the child. However, pretty quick after getting there Sasori had fainted. So there he was, sitting there with an ice pack over his eyes and his head lulled back as Konan patted the inside of his forearm.

"Excuse me."

Sasori immediately bolted up causing the icepack to fall and Konan to panic, jumping in her seat as well. "Yes? Yes!?" Sasori yelled grabbing his head, still feeling a little woozy.

The nurse sighed and crouched near Sasori's side. "He's going to be okay. We gave him some medicine and a laxative. It will all pass out of him very quickly. Afterwards when you take him home, make sure he gets plenty of rest and lots of liquids. Also, remember this; he's a child and will only remain as calm as you do."

Sasori breathed a heavy sigh of relief and fell back into his seat. Konan smiled and gave his knee a few good firm pats. Everything was going to be okay.

"Excuse me!" Another voice piped up from behind the examining room. A young, fresh face nurse peeked her head out. "The patient is making a special request for a 'Sassy Danna'."

Both nurses looked at Konan expectantly but she in turn looked at Sasori.

"Yeah yeah, Sassy Danna is coming..." He grumbled slowly getting up and following the nurse into the room. The feeling of dread knowing he now had to deal with a miserable baby finally sunk in. Was miserable really any better than dead?

Sasori sighed at the sight of the little boy holding a little cup of water and sadly drinking it as he sat on a toilet. He was dressed in a little green dressing gown and his little legs dangled off the edge of the large white throne - The incredibly handy child's toilet seat conveniently preventing him from falling in.

"D-dannaaa... Can you sit w-with me an

hole my han-un?" The little guy sputtered out with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

Sasori rubbed the inner corners of his eyes and spotted a small stack of stools that he could pull over beside Deidara. He took three steps though and immediately took three back. He covered his mouth and nose and began to gag at the smell, making Deidara's lip curl down and his eyebrows point up.

Sasori cringed but made his way to the blonds side. The wanted to throw up just at the sounds emitting from the child. That wouldn't roll over well though. He had to remain calm just like the nurse had told him. Deidara was already crying a little bit and Sasori knew it could certainly get worse. Like when they were at home earlier and he had been crying for example. Yes, that had been pretty bad.

"Han?" Deidara asked reaching out a dark pink hand.

Sasori took a deep breath through his mouth and grabbed a hold of the tiny hand. Man was it ever clammy. "Deidara, I just want to let you know how proud I am on how you're handling this." Sasori finally said now facing the boy. "But please, for my own well being, never eat anything that's not food ever again."

Deidara rolled his lips together, pointed his chin down and then took a drink from his water.

"Deidara." Sasori groaned in a harsh tone.

"Oki Danna..."

He nodded and sighed into his other hand. "Good. I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to you." The then gnashed his teeth and to mumble into his shoulder, "Your father would have ki - "

Deidara reached up and shoved a finger in Sasori's nose.

"Aw, isn't that just the cutest!"

Both boys looked up to see Konan standing there with two incredibly attractive female nurses, all three of them cooing over the touching scene. Or at least had been until that finger went up there. Sasori made sure to swat that hand away with incredible speed.

"And I was wondering why you can't get a girlfriend." She laughed alongside with the nurses a moment.

One of them gave Konan a 'no thank you' look and the other pointed to her coworker and followed her on the way out. Konan sighed, sent Sasori a sad look. "Better luck next time." And turned to follow them.

Sasori could only be even more grateful that the cute ladies had left when they had when suddenly a loud fart erupted through the room and Deidara's giggle was the only thing left.

"Yes..." Sasori sent the boy a side glance. "It truly is a wonder."

"I farted Danna!"

"I thought I said no dirty words today!" Sasori grumbled flicking Deidara in the cheek.

"oh..." Deidara looked down as he remembered what his Danna had asked of him earlier. "Haha! Shit-damn-hell-shit!"

deidara is a gross baby. kids are gross. especially little boys. remember that.

this came out really long...