Mark could not see anything. The snow was blowing into his face so rapidly; he had to squint to even keep his eyes open. He thought he had headed back in the right direction. The tracks the snowmobile made on the way to the lookout were already covered by the snow, so he was going on instinct. But he had been driving for what seemed like forever and they still had not seen any sign of the cabin. He was concerned, but knew they had to eventually find some type of shelter.

His thoughts were interrupted when the snowmobile started sputtering and came to a sudden stop. "Damn it" He muttered when he realized what had happened.

"Are we there?" George asked hopefully, looking around briefly as he had his head buried in Mark's back to keep the snow out of his face. When he saw they were still in the woods said, "Why did you stop?"

"I did not stop, the snowmobile did." Mark replied sarcastically. "It is officially out of gas."

"What?! You mean we are stranded here? In the freezing snow? Seriously? Or are you just being your typical jerk self and giving me a load of bull?" George was panicking, but secretly hoping Mark was toying with him.

"I am telling you we are out of gas!" Mark repeated impatiently. He climbed off the snowmobile and looked at George. "Come on!"

"Wha….what….where are we going?" George looked at Mark with fear and uncertainty.

"Well we sure as hell are not going to stay here! We have to walk back to the cabin. Unless you have a better idea?" Mark ended with another hint of sarcasm in his voice. He was cold and irritable and not in the mood to coax the always-cowardly George into doing the only thing they could.

"Okay…..I guess…..I guess we will walk." George finally agreed, not enthusiastically. Deep down he wondered if Mark had any idea where they were actually going. He did know that he had no desire to stay on the non-functional snowmobile by himself, where who knows what could eat him or he could freeze to death.

They started their journey but it was slow moving in the deep snow as the blizzard continued to pour down on them. After 30 minutes of walking they were tired, but not willing to stop, knowing it would mean death to them both. Just when George did not think he could go another step they stumbled into a clearing. At first, Mark thought they were surely at the cabin. He got invigorated and turned to George. "Hurry up! We are almost there!" George breathed a sigh of relief and resumed following Mark who had started walking again. Suddenly, they hear a loud noise that sounds like a mirror breaking. Mark realized what was happening and turned around to warn George to step back slowly, but it was too late…..

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Derek and Meredith lay on the bed he had made in front of the fire. They were still holding onto each other, but were exhausted; emotionally drained from their conversation. Both knew they had to rest because they were not finished. Not even close. They were content at the moment to watch the fire and think about what had just happened. The conversation had been unexpected and was new for them, but it felt right. In some ways they were closer, but they were not a couple. They were more intimate, but not having sex. Their connection was stronger than ever, but the wounds were not healed. Meredith had opened up to him in a way that she never had opened up to anyone…..not even her person. The strange thing was that she did not feel any regret or worry, just relief….like she had been stripped of a heavy burden that she no longer had to carry. No matter how he reacted she had peace about finally baring her soul to him. She felt……like she had finally done something because it was what she wanted….not what someone else expected of her.

Derek was totally amazed. He had not expected that. Not even close. Their whole conversation had been surreal. She had spoken all of the things he had longed to hear for what seemed like an eternity. He lay next to her reliving the conversation; he wanted to memorize it. The fact that Meredith had even been able to talk in coherent sentences without stumbling over her words in nervousness was impressive in itself. But to know that she came back for him……she loved him……..she did not want to leave him……It just seemed, well…… kind of perfect. Not that the situation was perfect by any means. But he had always harbored doubt that she loved him as much as he loved her. She was not expressive in her affection other than sex and it had always bothered him to a degree. Tonight……tonight she had made all of his dreams come true.

If only he could fix his mistakes. He wanted her. Only her. She was it for him. His soulmate. His everything. Nothing else he wanted in life would ever be right without her. What a selfish bastard he had been. When he thought back to everything she had been through in such a short period of time, he was amazed at how well she was doing. The fact that he had blamed all of their problems on her shortcomings and imperfections seemed ridiculous now, but had seemed accurate to him when he told her she did not trust anyone. Now….now he realize that she did not trust him; and with good reason. He had some explaining to do and he was more than ready to let her know everything. He just hoped it was enough. It had to be. He could not consider any other possibility.

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As Mark felt himself falling, he could only think one thing: I'm too young to die. Before his thoughts could get any further he was enclosed in water that not only took his breath away, but shocked his body to the core. He thought he was cold in the blizzard, but that was a sauna compared to this. This was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Like being thrown into a freezer full of ice cubes. As soon as he overcame the initial shock, his survival instincts took over. He started struggling to swim. He had to get to the top. He had to breathe. He had to live. His body that was initially in shock from the cold now seemed to be shutting down. He realized his body was going numb. This was frostbite to the worst degree. If he did not get out soon….it would be too late.

George was terrified. It was not until he saw Mark fall through the ice that he realized they were over water. He kept hearing the ice continue to crack and knew it would give way at anytime. Before he had time to formulate a plan, he heard Mark come sputtering up for air, trying in futility to grab hold of the ice. George's instincts quickly took over and he ran to the nearest tree and fished around for branches in the snow. He finally found one that was long and sturdy enough and ran back to the lake. He inched his way onto the ice quickly and carefully. Mark still had his head above water, but it was easy to see he was tiring. When George got within reach of Mark, he yelled to get his attention.

"Grab this!" George yelled and pointed the branch at Mark. It took Mark a few attempts to grab the branch since his hands were numb, but he finally managed to grasp it. George slowly pulled Mark out of the water, slipping and falling a few times on the ice, causing more cracks and increasing his fear that they were both about to be submerged. He finally succeeded. Mark was lying on the surface of the cracked ice. He was not moving. George quickly grabbed Mark by the hands and pulled him off of the ice.

He then turned Mark over onto his back. "Mark, can you hear me?!" George was now terrified. How was he going to get Mark somewhere warm? He had no idea where he was, much less how to get to where he wanted to be.

Mark opened his eyes and mumbled, "I….am…..freezing…..It is…..so cold." He was shivering uncontrollably, his teeth sounding like they were going to break off from their impact against each other. George was trying to decide which was to start dragging Mark when he heard a noise. It sounded like an animal creeping up on them. He hoped it was human contact. He desperately needed it to be. "Who is there?" George asked cautiously, and then yelled, "Hey! We need help over here!" There was no response. After a few moments of silence he thought maybe the noise was just his overactive imagination. Then he heard it again. Movement closer to him and what sounded like a faint growl. Shit, he thought. Just what we need now. To be eaten by a bear………

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Meredith began to stir. She temporarily forgot where she was and felt like someone was watching her intently. As she slowly opened her eyes and saw those beautiful blue eyes that always made her heart skip a beat staring back at her, she realized where she was. "Are you watching me sleep?" she asked grumpily peering through her eyelids at him.

"Maybe." Derek replied with his classic smirk, never veering his gaze. Watching her sleeping had been nostalgic and a little taste of heaven for him. He hoped he would be able to do it again…..and again….and again…..and again…..

"I already know you are one of those weirdoes who watches women sleep. You have seen me sleep before. Why are you watching me now?" Meredith was not really mad at him, she secretly was enjoying the way he was looking at her, but she was not about to let him know it.

"You're cute when you sleep, what can I say?" He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled.

"Boy, you use the same lines all the time, huh?"

"Only with you." He replied, then instantly noticed Meredith stiffen.

She wondered what lines he used on his other women.

"Hey, you okay?" Derek was concerned.

"Yeah, I ……just thinking." Meredith looked away from him.

"Avoiding answering me, you mean? Mer, you just poured out your heart to me an hour ago, why stop now?" He was halfway teasing her, but truly wanted to know what had caused her sudden change in mood.

"You really want to know?" She asked, looking at him again.

"Yes, I really want to know." He cocked his head to the side and gave her his best McDreamy smile.

"OK, but you might change your mind after I tell you." Meredith was a sucker for his smile and they both knew it.

"Mer, just tell me already."

"I …when you said that you only use those lines on me….."

"Yes?"

"I…….was thinking…….I mean……just wondering…….what lines you used on Addison and Rose." Meredith was wringing her hands as she finished and looked down as she finished. She was not sure how he would respond to this, but he had asked.

Derek sat for a moment in shock and dismay. He knew it was definitely time for him to do some talking. "Oh, Mer, I…..there is……so much I want to say to you right now. And it has to do with your question, it really does. But I am not going to answer it quite the way you are thinking. OK?"

Meredith looked up at him confused. How difficult was it to say, "My line for Addison was 'A Penny for your thoughts'?" Did he really have that many flirty lines? She was not sure she really wanted to hear what he was about to say. She finally managed to say, "OK." Ready or not, she was about to find out.

Derek thought for a few minutes before starting. "Addy and I were doomed from the start. Our careers were most important from the beginning. We met during our internship and became fast friends. It turned into one of those 'expected' things…..that we would marry…..be top surgeons in our field…..and so on. I believed it not because I felt she was the one, but because everyone else said she was. We were always called the perfect couple and everyone talked about how jealous they were and what a great life we would have. After I finished my internship and started my fellowship, marriage just seemed like the next logical step in this journey of life. Don't get me wrong, I loved Addison and a part of me always will, but….it was never an all consuming love…..not the soul mates who are destined to be together type of love. I think we would still be together if she had not cheated on me with Mark, but I know we would not be happy. We became strangers long before that. Work took over both of our lives as our ambition to be the best became most important."

Meredith was watching him with interest, but no emotion was evident on her face. He stopped briefly to study her but when he could not read what she was thinking, he just continued.

"When I met you……I felt a connection immediately. One I had never experienced with anyone else and one that I did not even know existed. It was……electric…….surreal……I cannot even really describe it. I have asked myself a million times why I did not tell you about Addison. I knew I had fallen for you and I knew you would understand, but I……I guess I wanted to pretend my life in New York did not exist. Like if I ignored it, it would go away. The night Addison showed up……I swear to you on my life, Mer…..I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you when we went to dinner. I knew it was time. I was falling for you and I wanted everything out on the table. Yes, it was a lie by omission, and I have regretted it ever since, but I never would have wished that on you…..never…..in a million years. The look on your face when she introduced herself……it broke my heart. I will never forget that moment, ever."

Meredith had looked away when he mentioned the night she found out about Addison, but Derek grabbed her chin and maneuvered her head back to face him. "Mer, I am so sorry. So sorry."

"I know you understood when I went back to her to try again. But I told you I was divorcing her and staying with you. I am so sorry. So sorry." Meredith was crying at this point and Derek was doing his best to control his tears, because he was not finished.

"When you were choosing between me and Finn and I told you I was walking away…..Mer, I honestly thought I would just hurt you again…which I did. I always knew Finn would never treat you the way that I had. And then, the day you told me that you broke up with Finn……Addison revealed a horrible secret to me that I will be bitter about until I die. I will go into that later, but……I needed space to do a little healing. Or at least I thought I did. Being without you was unimaginable after our camping trip and I just knew I had to make things right. Being with you makes my life worthwhile…..my life means something when I am with you." Derek paused for a moment to wipe tears from Meredith's face with his thumbs and kiss her forehead.

"The chief position was offered to me. I did not think I stood a chance at first. Why did I withdraw from you? It was an internal struggle. I was deciding which direction I wanted my life to go. The truth is…..I thought I had a decision to make, when in reality…….the decision was a no-brainer. My options were to become chief and make the hospital my wife or be a surgeon and make you my wife. Once I thought of it in that context……my decision was simple. I am sorry I never shared that with you……the whole struggle."

"When you started withdrawing from me, I panicked. It hurt. After awhile I started to resent you because I had given up my dream to be chief to be with you, the woman I love, and I felt like you were slowing leaving me. I was going to end up accomplishing neither of my dreams. You never knew anything about my decision, but I still blamed you. Mer, I am sorry."

"The whole S M thing? I should never have agreed to that. I knew I wanted more with you. I was just willing to take what I could get at the time, but it ended up putting more distance between us. I resented you more." Meredith was listening, hanging on to every word, and he was going to say it all.

"I started getting attention from other women. Mark broadcast all over the hospital that I was available. I started getting invitations for drinks or dinner. I blew everyone off at first, but the further we drifted, the more I sought attention from others. It was an ego boost. I was lonely and I missed you and I was trying to find someone…….to be you. The old you. The one who let me in and slept in my arms and bossed me around. The few dates I went on were nothing compared to you. Nothing. Rose……she said a lot of the right things and yes, she wanted what I wanted, but……the difference is….I wanted those things with you, not her. No matter how much I tried to move on, I couldn't. I still can't."

"You are it for me. No one else can fill the void in my heart that you do. I know I have made mistakes and I know I broke you...Mer……I am sorry……so so sorry……I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and helping regain your trust. Please…..please do not give up on us…….on me. I love you more than anything. My life without you is…….dark and twisty. My life with you……no matter what else happens…..is bright and shiny. Please tell me we have another chance. Please……."

Derek opened up in this chapter. I would love to see him apologize to Mer on the show. He never seemed to realize exactly what an impact his actions had on her. He blamed her abandonment issues and trust issues on her family, but he failed to see the role he played in them. As several of you have said in your wonderful comments, I too, wish they would really talk on the show. Oh well, I am more thankful for ficland:) We can have Mer/Der say whatever we want ;) There are really awesome fics on this site. Enjoy! More to come -