Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any songs performed in this story. This is purely a work of fiction.
A/N: Just a heads up, I will probably be scaling back to one chapter a week during the summer. It's just harder for me to write as much in the summer because my sister is home all day and we share a computer. Also this should prove to be a busy summer for me. I do apologize but it's only for a few months! Thank you for your patience and for continuing to take this journey with me.
Des hummed as she cooked. She always hummed as she cooked, Santana noticed. Juliana came out of her room, grabbed her keys, and left without a word, distracting Santana from her train of thought. Then it hit her. Curiosity burned as she looked from the door to Des. She bit her lip.
"Is Juliana the Jules who dumped you?" she asked suddenly.
It would make sense. Juliana never wanted to stick around for long and seemed to treat Des coldly. Des frowned.
"No," she said.
Santana couldn't tell if she had upset Des or not.
"Sorry, I was just curious," Santana said.
"It's cool. But I'm curious where you got the idea," Des replied.
"Well, she never hangs around and seems to treat you like dirt so I just thought maybe..."
Des smiled sadly.
"I see. No, Juliana is just...I don't really know. We've lived together for a year now and I've not gotten to know her. No, Jules was...well, her real name was Julia but she hated it. Always said it was too girly. She'd 'ave had a hissy fit if her parents had stuck her with Juliana."
Des chuckled a little to herself.
"What happened, if you don't mind my asking," Santana wondered aloud.
Des shrugged.
"We grew apart. We wanted different things. By the end the only thing we had left in common was that we held on for too long."
It was quiet for a moment while Des stirred the meat into the spaghetti sauce.
"She wanted to get married."
"And you didn't?" Santana asked.
"Yes, and no. We were together for a long time but for months it had felt different. At least to me. She was becoming more and more mature, responsible. Not that that's a bad thing, but she wasn't the free spirited, spontaneous adventurer I had fallen in love with."
"So you fell out of love?"
"I guess so. I understand the need to grow up and everything, but I don't understand why growing up means being an entirely different person."
Santana thought about that for a minute. Wasn't that exactly what growing up was? Des seemed to sense what she was thinking.
"Someday, when I'm good and ready, I'll settle down with the right woman. We'll start a family. I'll go to work, I'll pay bills, I'll do what has to be done to make a good life for my family. But I'll still have big dreams. I'll still be spontaneous. I'll still be me. Just a more adult version of me."
Santana nodded and couldn't help but think of Brittany. In her first senior year she was forced to realize that Leprechauns didn't really exist and Santana had noticed a light in her fade. She wondered if one day Brittany would ever leave the magical world she lived in or if she would retain as much of her pure heart as she possibly could.
"I guess all relationships are different because all people are different. In the end, you'll know you're with the right person when you're with them. It'll just hit you," Des said, bringing Santana out of her thoughts.
Santana frowned. She had always felt that way about Brittany.
"Do you think you can feel that way more than once?" Santana asked in a weak voice.
"Of course. I think some people were just born with a lot of love in their heart and when you have a lot of love in your heart, you can love a lot of people."
"But what if you've always loved someone and it didn't work out? What if you know that person is the one but you're not together?"
Des smiled sadly.
"Darlin', only when you let her go in your heart can you really move on. You're only gonna make yourself miserable pinin' after someone who ain't there."
A lump rose in Santana's throat but she knew Des was right. Brittany hadn't talked to her in a while and she was so tired of feeling alone. But at the same time, the thought of actually giving up made her sick.
When Santana woke up the next morning she brushed the dried tears from her cheeks and sat up. The clock beside her bed read 9:47 AM in angry red print. She had several missed calls, all from Rachel and all within the last hour and a half. She groggily called her back.
"SANTANA!" Rachel exclaimed on the first ring.
"Berry, what's happening? Why did you call me six times?"
"I got it!"
Santana was suddenly awake and sat up quickly.
"Oh my God, Rachel, that's awesome! When did you find out?"
"I got the call at about eight this morning. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. My dream is coming true! I'm going to play Fanny Brice on Broadway!"
"Congrats, Rachel. That's amazing news and I'm so happy for you!" Santana told her honestly.
If someone had told her two years ago that she would be friends with Rachel Berry, Santana would have thought they were crazy. If someone had told her that, not only would they be friends, but that she would be genuinely happy for Rachel when her dreams came true, Santana would have had them committed to an asylum. But here she was, close to tears of joy for the girl she had tormented for nearly four years.
"Kurt and I are having a celebratory brunch tomorrow at ten since we both have an early class and then no class until noon. We really want you to come if you can."
"Sure, what else do I have to do?" Santana joked.
"Great. We're having it at that cute little cafe three blocks down. And, um..."
"And what?"
"Calli is coming," Rachel told her.
"Not a problem."
"Good. I miss you, Santana," Rachel said.
"I miss you, too," Santana admitted.
That afternoon when Des got home, Santana told her the news.
"Oh wow! That's amazing! She must be insanely talented," Des said, beaming.
This was one of the personality traits that Santana wished she could adopt. Des was always genuinely happy when good things happened, even if they happened to someone she had only met once.
"She is. She's amazing. But don't tell her I said that next time you see her," Santana said.
Des grinned.
"A celebratory brunch is grand but I think you should have a dinner," she said.
Santana shrugged.
"Do you know when opening night is?" Des asked.
"Not for a while. There's weeks of rehearsals and everything," Santana told her.
"Hmm, true. Well, when you find out let me know. I'd love to go to the show and then make dinner for everyone."
"Sure, I'll keep you posted," Santana promised, making Des smile.
The next day, Santana arrived late for brunch, but only by a few minutes.
She hugged her friends and they all sat outside at a cute little bistro table. There was a girl Santana didn't know next to Calli.
"Santana, this is Natalie. Natalie, this is Santana," Calli said.
Natalie shook Santana's hand and smiled.
"Nice to meet you," she said.
"Same," Santana replied.
She noticed Natalie take Calli's hand inconspicuously as they sat back down. Natalie was a pretty girl, though not particularly memorable. She had layered brown hair, pale blue eyes, and was average height. She was not near as striking or different as Des.
"You didn't bring your friend?" Calli asked, sipping some water.
"What friend? Des?" Santana asked.
Calli nodded.
"She's a teacher so she's at work right now."
"Oh, what grade?" Natalie asked.
"Third, I think."
"How sweet," Natalie said.
"She's getting a degree in early childhood development," Calli explained.
"I want to run my own daycare. I really love kids."
Santana smiled.
"So what do you do?" Natalie asked.
"I'm a bartender right now," Santana replied. "I'm taking the year to decide what I want to do."
Natalie nodded with an understanding look.
The waiter came, sparing them any more small talk for a while. He wrote down their orders and walked away.
"Since we were talking about Des earlier, she and I talked last night. She really wants to make dinner for everyone after your opening night," Santana said, sipping the water Rachel had ordered for her before she arrived.
"Really?" Rachel asked, looking surprised.
"She said she would love to see you perform and that she wants to have everyone over for dinner after opening night."
"That...that's really sweet of her, considering I've met her once."
Santana shrugged.
"That's Des for you. Always happy for other people's triumphs and constantly cooking enough to feed a small army."
Santana tried to seem neutral, but it was hard. She swallowed the smile that she felt in her heart.
"Anyway, I told her I would keep her updated, so when you know about opening night let me know."
"Of course," Rachel replied.
After brunch, the group went their separate ways. Calli seemed happy with Natalie and for that, Santana was grateful. Calli was sweet and deserved to be happy, even if Santana wasn't the girl for the job.
Santana took a cab back to her apartment. No one was home when she got there and she went to her room. Under her bed was a shoebox filled with old notes and letters she had exchanged with various people, mainly Brittany and Quinn. She thought about pulling them out and reading them, but decided not to. Under her mattress was a thick, leather bound journal that her mother had given her when she came out.
"If you ever feel like you can't talk to anyone, write it down, mija, because my worst nightmare is losing you," she had said.
Santana pulled it out. She had filled more pages than she cared to admit with feelings of loneliness and fear, especially in her first few weeks in Kentucky. She went to the nearest available space and grabbed a pen from the drawer beside her bed. She wrote the date at the top and let her feelings flow.
It's been a while since I felt like writing anything, but the past few days have been hard. Des has given me a lot to think about. Sometimes I wonder if she knows how wise she is or how much her advice means to me. I think the only way I will ever be able to move on from Britt is with her help. I realized today at brunch that Des is my rock. She's everything I wish I could be and more. She definitely makes me smile and I think that's a really good thing.
Rachel got Funny Girl. I know that I have come a long way since high school because when she called to tell me, I was truly happy for her. I'm also really glad that I moved out because now I won't have to hear her constant squawking, but even I have to admit she's talented.
Calli has a new girlfriend already. Her name is Natalie and she's sweet, but nothing special. Well, I guess she's special to Calli. Either way, I'm happy for Calli. She deserves everything I couldn't give her.
I guess I'm writing right now because I have been feeling a little lonely lately, but I've realized that I am changing. I am becoming a better person. I'll never be perfect, but I don't need to be. I'm shocked by how I've actually been happy for other people and not just focused on myself. I think it all comes back to Des. I was getting a little better by senior year, but it wasn't until I met Des that I really started wanting to change. I guess I owe her a lot.
Santana closed her journal and sighed. She stuffed it back under the mattress and put the pen away. As she stared up at the ceiling, she thought about how one person could change your life forever and how many people she had met that had done just that. She fell asleep with a warm feeling in her heart.
Thank you soooo much for your patience and for reading my story. I love y'all to bits!