Chapter 12

"If you don't do what I tell you, you will end up in this wheel chair for life! Do we understand each other?" Dr. Gilbert shouted. "You have had amazing luck, the ankle is only sprained. I'll put this splint on itso that this doesn't happen again! And if I see you anywhere in the next days without crutches, then..."

"Okay... I understand!" Starsky murmured subdued as he reached for his crutches and disappeared as fast as possible from the treatment room. He had had it up to his teeth with hospitals and particularly with doctors for today! He had to get out of here! The experience in Hutch's room and Dr. Gilbert's anger was the straw that broke the camel's back. He hurried past Reeba to the elevator and before she could say anything the door shut behind him.
Reeba's shoulders slumped.

'Okay, Detective Starsky, we need to talk!'

Reeba finally found Starsky after a long search in the park near to the hospital. He was sitting by a pond; leaning with his back against a thick Douglas fir and had stretched out his injured leg. He had his head buried in his arms.
Reeba sat down beside him quietly without touching him. After a while Starsky looked up and glanced at her.

"Reeba...I'm sorry about that...I didn't want to run away, but I had to be alone for a few minutes. I can't take this hospital any more!"

Reeba nodded slowly; Starsky had spent the last months round-the-clock in the hospital except for the few hours when Huggy or Dobey had driven him to his apartment to deal with his mail and to get a change of clothes.

"I can understand that...there are better places to be!"

A small smile appeared round Starsky's lips.

"Nice, to see you back again, Reeba! I...uh...we really have missed you! So what was going on in San Francisco?"

"Oh...very good." She smiled mysteriously. "Even if I wanted to tell you under other circumstances, but Nat and I...we're staying!" She looked at him. "Dave... as soon as my arm is healed I can start here in Memorial in ER! Isn't that great? I only had to make two phone calls and everything was already in place!" Now she smiled with her whole face. "Next week Nat can start at his new school, now we only need a new place to live!"

Starsky's face spread into a wide grin.

"Reeba, that is great news...what did your parents say about it?"

"Well, they weren't thrilled, but...they have accepted it. It wasn't as bad as I thought. They'll miss Nat...I had to promise my mum to call least once a week, that she knows that I'm still alive!"

"Sounds as if we have the same mother!" Starsky grinned and sighed quietly. "Well... I'm sorry that I can't show right now how pleased I'm about it ..." He took a deep breath. "But I'm glad that you get what you wanted!" And very quietly he added. "I'll never forget this."

"Hey, officer who would want to look after you two? I'm going away for a few days and one of you nearly disappears!"

Again Starsky laughed, but this time it sounded bitter.

"Yeah...as it just happened...they would have really taken him...Reeba what if Hutch really...I mean these convulsions..."

"David, it was a seizure, unfortunately something like that often happens to coma patients; there is really no reason for you to worry about it." Reeba looked at Starsky but he avoided her gaze and stared at the pond.

"But what I don't understand is...it happened exactly at the moment when his folks wanted to take him away, it couldn't be an accident. This is the evidence that he's still there, that he can hear us! But why does he slip away over and over again? He's like a fish in the water you try to catch with your hand..." Starsky suddenly fell silent and frowned. These terrible pictures came back again; Hutch twitching as the seizures shook his body, his wide open eyes.

'The eyes are the soul of a human being,' Starsky once had read somewhere. But there was nothing in those eyes, they were blank.

"Reeba...I'm sure, we're doing something wrong, I don't know what, but..." "What do you mean with 'doing wrong'?"

"Just this, this attack...Even Dr. Samuel believes that this has nothing to do with Hutch's brain...that Hutch...because he sensed that he would have been taken away from here. He must have heard it!"

Now it was Reeba who was quiet for a moment.

What should she say to him? How should she tell him that through a long coma some sort of short 'electric discharges' in the brain could happen and that unfortunately, scars often remained in the brain which didn't heal again.
She had spoken with Dr. Samuel and she knew that the doctor hadn't told Starsky the whole truth so as not to worry him. He had told her that every day, every week Hutch spent in this coma was one too many and that he didn't believe that Hutch would wake up again.
This conversation had hit Reeba hard; she had just returned to Bay City, full of hope and now this dream burst like a big soap bubble.
First she needed time to understand what had happened and she knew that sometime she had to tell Starsky the truth.

She couldn't run away from that.

But not now...not today.

It chilled her to the core.

"David...whatever it was, just let us wait until we get back the test results, I don't want to give you any more false hopes now ..."

'Oh God...what I'm saying here?'

"You mean you think the same...like Dr. Samuels...that his brain could be damaged?"

Reeba could clearly hear the fear in Starsky voice.

"For the moment nothing we can't know, but we have to wait..."

"We have to wait... I don't want to wait any longer; we've already waited for two months and nothing has changed!"

"Hey calm down...I'm not the enemy here! Try to relax, you're frustrated!"

"Yes, I know that you are not the enemy and I'm not frustrated..." Furiously he hit with the fist on the ground and was silent for a while. Then he took a deep breath. "Oh God...I'm just...it's so...I'm...yes, I am frustrated...! What's with you? The stimulation was your idea; why are you talking about waiting now? If you don't believe in Hutch any more..."

Furious, Starsky got up, reached for his crutches and disappeared so fast, that Reeba didn't have time for an answer.

'Really good psychology work there Reb, really fantastic!'

She leaned back; maybe Starsky was right and she really had given up on Hutch. Maybe she should listen to her instincts and feelings and ignore her whole medical knowledge.
But she needed a break to sort some things out. She wouldn't run after Starsky now, first she had to think about other things, especially about her feelings.

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In the next two weeks Reeba and Starsky had hardly spoken to each other. They got out of each other's way, and changed only the briefest words. Hutch's test results had been positive; no sign of acute brain damage or bleeding and that confirmed Starsky's belief that Hutch had overheard his discussion with his parents‚ and that it had been the reason for the seizures.
Starsky kept this to himself; Reeba had to take care of a lot of other things that needed her full attention. Finally, her right arm had healed, the external fixation was removed and she could start her new job in the hospital. Nat visited the new school and they still needed a new apartment. Reeba had strictly rejected moving into Hutch's apartment and Starsky could understand why. And as if that wasn't enough she was trying to wake a man she hardly knew from a coma, she had fallen in love with him. Starsky knew that Reeba was not sure if it made any sense to waste her strength on him.

The world could be so unfair.

Starsky had been back at work for a week. The splint was finally removed and Dr. Gilbert had given him the all clear to go back to work and reminded him once again to take it easy for a while; but Starsky was only on desk duty and so it didn't matter.
The first days had been strange. The other officers were glad to see him back again and everybody asked about Hutch, but nobody asked, when Hutch would come back again. And when Starsky saw Hutch's empty desk, it became clear to him, that maybe Hutch would never sit there again.

Since he was working again he also slept at home. He still spent as much time as possible in the hospital, but he couldn't sleep there all night, because the night nurse disturbed his sleep when she had to move Hutch from one side to the other.

At home he could get the necessary rest.

Unfortunately, he also had the time to think. And especially at night he had a lot of time to think.

It was in the middle of the night, Starsky's alarm clock showed 1:20a.m. Thousands of thoughts went through his head. So many things had happened during the last months and he hadn't completely understood it yet. Because the only one person, who normally helped him to understand this crazy world was in his own dark one, out of reach.

Oh God how he missed Hutch.

And when he thought about Reeba, Starsky had a bad conscience. She had done so much for him and Hutch and now he dropped her like a hot potato. But he couldn't endure seeing how she was hurting herself. He had often watched as Reeba sat beside Hutch's bed crying. It almost broke his heart to see her suffering and not be able to do something about it. And sometimes he understood why maybe she had abandoned hope.
Starsky curled up on his side and buried his face deep in the pillow. Something had to happen; things couldn't go on like this. He would have to talk to Reeba, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.
Starsky felt exhausted as if running a marathon and after some time, he closed his eyes.

He started to dream; he dreamt about the attack in the garage, the months afterwards. Then he dreamed about Terry's death, his painful grief and the fear of losing Hutch to the plague.
And over and over again the situation in the garage and the fatal shots. Then he suddenly heard a voice, a cry.

'Starsky get me out of here, I'm scared, don't leave me!'

Starsky waked up bathed in sweat; he already had a similar dream before, in the hospital when he was unconscious for days. But why didn't the past leave him alone? A thought suddenly ran through his brain and within a second he was wide awake. In a hurry he swung his legs out of the bed and ran to the phone. With trembling fingers he chose the familiar number.

'Come on now...pick up the phone...'

"Mmmh..."

"Reeba? It's David."

"David...you know what time it is? Has something happened...? Something ... about Ken? "

"No...but... please, can you come around? We have to talk."

Half an hour later a very sleepy Reeba sat on Starsky's couch, a big cup of coffee in her hands and watched an excited Starsky run through the living room. She only was wearing an oversized shirt and some blue shorts, her usually big brown eyes were small with fatigue and with her uncombed hair she looked like a bird that had flown into a dryer with wet feathers.

"Okay David what's wrong? It's 3.30 in the morning, and my shift starts at six o'clock. Please, give me a good reason why I'm sitting on this couch and not lying in my warm bed! And please, sit down! This running to and fro is making me crazy!"

Starsky stopped and sat down in an armchair. He put the coffee mug back on the table and crouched down.

"Reeba, I think I know a way how we can wake up Hutch again!"

Reeba's eyes became big like saucers.

"What? How?"

"You remember the last time, when Hutch suddenly...became more 'alert', right?" Starsky was searching for the right words. "It was always when he was scared or when somethinghe heard. Like when his parents wanted to take him or when Nat spoke to him. He doesn't need any 'positive' attractions, Reeba we...we have to scare him, have to frighten him; he really needs a shock. Do you remember Dr. Samuel has said a traumatic experience could have been the reason for his coma? He needs another shock again and..."

"You're completely made David Starsky and you know that!" Reeba interrupted him. "You'll kill him and what's more Dr. Samuel will never permit it!"

Reeba shook her head in disbelief and was ready to stand up.

"Reeba please listen to me! You...you saw how Hutch reacted when his parents wanted to take him away. I'm absolutely sure that Hutch was ready to wake up again. He was afraid, he was afraid to go away, but something holds him back. But I can tell that he wants to come back again...here." He put his hand on the left of his chest and looked at Reeba.

Reeba rubbed her eyes tiredly and thought about the stuff Starsky had told her.

"You mean we must let Ken go through the whole kidnapping once again? Everything?"

"No, not the kidnapping...just my death!"

"WHAT?"

"It was the traumatic experience we both had to go through and he still blames himself for the fact that he couldn't prevent it. We simply have to cause this feeling and turn it back!" Starsky bent forward and looked at Reeba almost swearing. "Believe me, I'm sure...it's the only chance we have to wake him up." Gently he put a hand on her arm and smiled weakly. "I'mjust as afraid asyou are that something will go wrong but it's his only chance."

Reeba was quiet for a long time, lost in thoughts she played with the coffee mug in her hand. The whole idea was completely crazy and absurd. How could Ken go through the death of his very best friend again? How could she explain this to the doctor? What if it turned to the worst and Ken died?
But wasn't he all but dead? Didn't a bit of him die everyday, a bit of his friend and a bit of her? The condition Ken just was in, wasn't it much worse than death?
Maybe she had already lost Ken, but she didn't want to watch her best friend follow him.

Reeba looked up and met Starsky's deep blue eyes. They were full of tears.

"We'll try it Dave...but, please promise me one thing."

"What?"

"If something happens to Ken...please...don't leave us." She said with a fragile voice.

Starsky fell to his knees in front of Reeba and hugged her tightly.
"I would never leave you, all three of you. I give you my word." He whispered and hugged her again.

"Never again, as long as I live."

Dr. Samuel wasn't pleased with the idea at first. Not that the idea was absolutely absurd, it didn't correspond to his understanding of the therapy for coma patients. He certainly didn't like the thought that the whole thing would take place inthe underground car park of the hospital.

"David, are you aware that you can kill your friend? The shock could change into the opposite; he wouldn't survive it..."

"But, he's practically dead. Caught in a hell he can't escape from. Hutch wouldn't want to live on like that and believe me, he would just decide the same if it was me." Starsky said with a lower voice. "Nobody deserves to live like that, and some time ago Doc, you said that no human should have to suffer."

Dr. Samuel looked at Reeba and Starsky in long silence.

Both were determined to do everything and he was sure they would do it alone without his agreement.

And Starsky was right, every day Hutch went through his private hell and none of them could imagine what he suffering. Samuel had sworn to save life, but not to extend needless suffering. What's more, he didn't want to destroy their trust and that was the reason why he nodded after a while.

"Okay, we'll try it in the employee's garage, we need a trauma team just in case that...and please for God's sake don't use live ammunition. I'll inform the manager and the security staff."

Starsky sighted in relieve.

"Thank you Dr. Samuel...really."

"Don't thank me now; otherwise I'll be sorry for it..."

Hutch was connected to a monitor, moved to a gurney and two orderlies rolled him into the lift. Starsky and Reeba waited in the locked garage.
Starsky had explained to Reeba and Dr. Samuel what exactly he planned. He wanted to play the attempt as a 'radio play' for Hutch. An orderly should drive up in a car with the engine revving, and then Starsky would fire several shots. Then the car should drive away with screeching tires.
A trauma team was ready to intervene immediately if necessary, equipped with all the emergency equipment like drugs and an ambu bag.
The orderlies reached the garage with Hutch and rolled the stretcher out of the elevator and stopped beside a parked car. Starsky stood some feet away from the stretcher and was nervous. He repeatedly checked his 38. and didn't let Hutch out of his sight.
Reeba and Dr. Samuels stood beside the trauma team and waited for Starsky's sign. Starsky breathed deeply; now was the time, there was no chance to go back. He lifted his arm and gave the signal.

'Please Hutch, I need you now...don't let me down.'

The car drove up and stopped in front of Starsky. He fired several shots in the air, until the magazine was empty. Then the car sped away with spinning tires.

Starsky could see Hutch suddenly start to tremble when the tires started to squeal; his pulse rate rose clearly. Then, with each fired shot Hutch winced violently and when
the car sped away, Hutch suddenly started to scream.

Starsky had never heard such a horrible scream in his life. The scream had nothing of a human, it sounded like a wounded animal which was scared to death and crying for help.

Everyone paused in their positions.

Starsky saw Hutch sit up with a jerk; his eyes were opened wide and he screamed. It was as if he yelled out his whole pain of the last months, as if he was born again...
Starsky fought down his urge to run over to Hutch and to gather him in his arms; to comfort him and to calm him down. He couldn't do it now, as tough as it was for him; Hutch had to go through it completely on his own.

Nobody could help him now.

Hutch's penetrating screams quieted down, until they were only a hoarse gasp. Hutch stared, his face deathly pale and bathed in perspiration. His whole body trembled, his pulse rate had reached a dangerous level, but then he fell back on the stretcher, completely exhausted and breathing violently. His eyes were closed.

Stiff with terror Starsky stopped for a while, then he ran over to Hutch; anxiously he touched him on his arm.

"Hutch? Do you hear me?" He whispered quietly. "I'm here Hutch...come back...please ...don't give up now...it's over...Hutch!"

But his friend didn't respond, his eyes remained close, there was no recognizable movement.

Starsky felt a deep sadness, a very deep chill built up in him and a desperate scream died in his throat when he realized that his plan had failed. An uncontrollable trembling shook his body; his legs went soft like putty. Finally, shaken with sobs he collapsed over his friend's body. The whole build up of fear and desperation of the last months discharged violently. Starsky didn't notice when gentle strong hands put him on a hastily brought in stretcher; he heard reassuring words but he didn't understand them. The only thought he had was that he had lost his partner, his best friend probably for good.

They had given Starsky a strong sedative, had brought him back into Hutch's room and had put him in a bed. Dr. Samuel had examined Hutch thoroughly once again while Reeba watched but he couldn't ascertain any improvement or deterioration of his state. Why his patient showed such an unexpected reaction to the shots he couldn't explain for sure. He was just glad that his patient had got over this event without more damage.

Now it was late evening.

Starsky was lying in a fetal position in his bed and had fallen into an exhausted sleep. Eventually, the strain of the last hours left him and his features relaxed. Reeba had asked to spend the night with her two friends and the night nurse kindly brought her a comfortable armchair. She couldn't return home to her apartment now, she couldn't endure the silence there.
Nat stayed with a friend. Starsky asked her not to tell him or Captain Dobey anything of their plan and so nobody knew what had happened today in the underground parking.
She didn't want to leave Starsky alone either, he was so hopeful and now his hopes had burst like a soap bubble. Reeba didn't want to think about how Starsky's psyche would come to terms with this renewed setback. Starsky's breakdown and Hutch's gruesome screams were still clear in her mind. Reeba was sitting on the edge of Hutch's bed, holding his hand and looking at his hollow face.
In the bank she had fallen in love with his wonderful blue eyes, this gentle sensitive voice and irresistible smile. Even if she has only spent a few hours with Hutch, Reeba had the feeling that she had known him all life. The deep, inner solidarity Starsky had with his friend would always be a miracle to her, but this indescribable feeling of deep affection she felt with Hutch, she had never felt for another person.
Sadly she ran her fingertips over Hutch's closed eyelids, over his features, until they reached his lips.

"Ken," she whispered in a low voice. "I know that you're still there. David and I, we need you. Don't let us down now, please! David dies a little bit more every day and you can't let it happen! He's your best friend he's your little brother! You promised to take care of him, but you're not here. What you are for him, I'll never be able to be. So wherever you are right now, don't let him down now. You got him back the last time, but now it's almost too late. Please do it for him, Ken. He needs you and I need you too. I want to see those sky-blue eyes again; I want to hear how you play the guitar and I want to hear how you sing. I would like to hear your voice again and I want to see your smile again. Damn...Hutchinson, I love you!"

Unstoppable tears ran down Reeba's cheeks. She bent forward and softly kissed Hutch's lips and tears dripped on his face. For a long time she sat beside Hutch's bed in silence and overwhelmed by her own feelings. Eventually she closed her eyes and when the night nurse stepped in the room, she found Reeba sleeping deeply, curled up in Hutch's bed. Shaking her head she got a sheet and covered her with it. Quietly she left the room; this time she wouldn't disturb her patient.

Starsky dreamed.

He sat at Hutch's favorite place on the beach on a wall. The moonlight was reflected in the quietly splashing sea, the wind was still pleasantly warm and ruffled his hair. Hutch often had sat here, mostly in the evening when it was silent and only a few joggers and loving couples stayed there. Especially after a hard day Starsky would find his friend here; lost in thought and completely swept up in himself, he had stared on the open sea and enjoyed the sunset and the light breeze. Usually Starsky had joined him in silence, had laid one arm around Hutch's shoulder and together they had waited until the sun finally set.

But this time he sat there alone. The moon was shining bright and spread the bay with weird light.
He would never sit here with his friend again; he would never return to this place, the memories were too painful. His thoughts vanished and he closed his eyes; he didn't want to let the nice memories come back, they hurt him, he couldn't endure them any more.

Suddenly he heard quiet steps behind him; he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. Surprised he opened his eyes and looked into two sky-blue eyes.

'Hutch!'

He opened his mouth, but his voice failed. Hutch slowly knelt beside him his hollow, pale face was illuminated by the glistening moonlight. The wind blew through his sun-bleached hair; the stars were reflected in his eyes.

'Why can I feel his touch?'

He lifted his hand and searched for Hutch's face. He could feel it, the cold cheeks, the sharp cheek bones and the tears running over his fingertips. Hutch opened his mouth.

"S-Starsk...w-where ...'ve you...b-been?"

Starsky could hear Hutch's voice! The voice was so fragile and weak, but he could hear it, he could feel Hutch!

That wasn't a dream!

Starsky jumped to his feet and startled but was just still quick enough to catch the dangerous unsteady body and let him slide with difficulty to the ground.

"Hutch?!"

He couldn't believe what had just happened here. Hutch was lying on the floor beside him, and pressing his trembling body firmly to his chest. His fingers were searching for his face.

"Hutch...how... oh my God!" Starsky's confused gaze fell on Hutch's empty bed, he only saw Reeba lying asleep there.

It was real, it was not a dream, not imagination, and it was really Hutch who was lying there in his arms!
It was an enigma how and why Hutch suddenly was lying here, but that didn't matter now. He felt Hutch's violently trembling body and held on tight.

"Dear God, Hutch...don't go away again...please stay with me, stay with me you hear me..." He whispered over and over again and ran his fingers continually over Hutch's hair as if he wanted to stop Hutch disappearing again.

"I...I need help...nurse… hurry!"

Hutch smiled weakly and looked at Starsky.

"D-Don't be afraid...pal ...d-don't wanna...loose y-you... again...!"

He smiled again and finally that was too much for Starsky. He pressed his friend even closer. Again his body was shaken by tears and sobbing but this time it was tears of the joy and luck. Later he couldn't remember when the door opened and a nurse and a doctor appeared.
Reeba,who was startled by the sudden noise and had jumped out of the bed, suddenly squatted beside him on the ground. Distraught, she embraced both men incapable of understanding what she saw. Starsky looked up, his eyes full of tears.

"He's back...Reeba...we got him back!"

He cried and laughed at the same time and held Hutch's head in his arms. Hutch slowly turned his head in Reeba's direction and her greatest wish came true; she saw these wonderful blue eyes again.
Hutch moved his lips but his voice was so weak, she couldn't understand him. She bent over his head, her ear close to his mouth.

"W-anna see...your...s-smile...l-love you...too!"

His long fingers ran over her lips and eyes and Reeba managed a smile and hugged both men.

Both had come back to her.

TBC...

...don't worry; there's only one chapter left, promise!

Author' note:
Not everything I write is fiction. The daughter of a colleague had an accident with her bike and was in a coma for over 6 months. When she woke up again she screamed for nearly half an hour. Later she told her mother that she felt as she was born again there.
Some years ago I worked on a non-surgical station in hospital and we had three coma patients to care about. A young woman started to cry when I read a letter to her her son wrote for her. But she and the other patient died after a long, long time because of pneumonia. Then one night I was on nightshift, looking after one of the other coma patients and changed his drips the man opened his eyes looked at me and said: "What're you doing there sister?" I was really scared to death but believe me, I'm not kidding! The man survived and was still alive! Later he told me that he could hear a lot of the stuff my colleagues and I had talked to him, even names and the music he had heard on the radio.
Sometimes I see that man walking around in the city and he was one reason why I'm still a nurse. Sometimes miracles happen...