A Change of Fate

by awalkerlifeforme

Leah Ambrose was never normal. By age sixteen she was a top fighter in the MMA. For a while she enjoyed it. But at twenty-one things started to change. She became quieter, withdrawn, now enduring dreams about strange woods and odd - albeit familiar - characters. When Leah has a little too much fun one night, she gets the offer of a lifetime. But is it more than she bargained for?

13. A Break in Action

In the morning I didn't bother immediately getting up. Instead, I laid in my fluffy bed, trying to convince myself that it was a bad idea to spend another day in bed. It was time for me to get up and interact with the others after having already been absent for an entire day. I let out a soft breath as I stared up at the painted ceiling. I was definitely still upset about the events of the last two days but I supposed that I was slowly getting around to feeling better. At least a little less depressed. I was not going to let this one thing take over my entire life.

The entire thing with Kili was quite upsetting as I was sure most situations like this were. But that didn't mean that I had to mope around and sulk all day long. I was going to get up and start feeling much better about myself. The first thing that I was planning on doing was trying to learn magic. I was going to hunt down Lady Galadriel and ask her for her assistance in learning magic. She clearly believed in me. It all began with me trying to get over the events of the previous few nights. Getting over what I couldn't control. It was time to straighten up.

In my entire life, I had never let a guy hurt me this much. Not to say that Kili had wanted to hurt me. I knew he hadn't. There had never been a breakup that had affected me this much. There was no way that I was going to let a guy that I wasn't even technically romantically involved with hurt me this much - whether or not he had intended to hurt me. I was going to be just fine. I just needed a few days to mourn the loss of our relationship and then I would get over it. Yes. That would work. I would just force myself to get over it.

After all, we hadn't even known each other for more than a few months. How hard could it be to get over someone I hadn't even known that long ago? It couldn't have been that hard. I had never even thought about the idea of heartbreak. It had never really occurred to me. It seemed stupid to have to risk your heart to potentially wind up with someone. It made no sense to me. I rolled my eyes at myself and flipped from the bed, starting to get ready for the day. I was just planning on avoiding Kili for the next few days to try and forget my feelings for him.

At least if I didn't see him much that would make it easier. Out of sight, out of mind. Standing at the floor length mirror in the bathroom, I began gathering some of my more casual clothes. Just a black tunic and a pair of light beige pants. I thought about going barefoot but I had a feeling the elves wouldn't appreciate that. So I slipped on my boots. I braided my hair back simply and brushed my teeth before gathering my dirty things and dropping them in a pile for the elves to collect later. Without giving myself a moment to think better of it I turned and headed from the room.

My fingers were nervously working through some of the strands on the end of my tunic as I walked through the halls. It took me a few minutes to pass through the entry hall and ultimately out into the dining hall. I was the last one to arrive. I spotted all of the dwarves at the table and smiled slightly. Even Bilbo and Gandalf were there. In the early morning, I noticed that the dwarves were being slightly quieter. They must have been tired. I noticed that Fili and Kili were sitting together and I swallowed a lump in my throat. I couldn't sit with him right now.

Not after I had just made myself a promise to avoid him for at least a few days. I stepped out of the shadows and headed out toward the table. It was easy to notice that everyone fell silent as I walked in. I blushed slightly, determined to keep looking ahead of me. I wasn't going to let them know that I was uncomfortable. Clearly, they were all quite interested in what had happened last night. I walked over to the table and took a seat in between Fili and Bofur. The action didn't go unnoticed by the others. I tried desperately to ignore the put-out look on Kili's face that I didn't sit next to him.

We were only in the dining hall having breakfast for a while before Bofur turned to me. "Morning, Leah," he greeted.

"Hi, Bofur," I replied, trying to look as cheerful as possible.

"How are you feeling?" Bofur asked.

That's right... I had almost forgotten that I'd asked Elladan to tell the others that I wasn't feeling well yesterday to explain my absence. "Much better. Thanks for asking. I guess it was a little twenty-four-hour bug," I explained.

"A what?" Oin asked, leaning over to us.

Apparently, they hadn't even heard of that one before. I didn't feel like explaining it to them but I knew that I had to. "Twenty-four-hour bug. It's a saying back in Rohan. It means a stomach sickness that only lasts for a day. Usually pretty disgusting and not very fun to have to deal with," I explained as vaguely as possible.

"But you're feeling better?" Bombur asked.

"Much. Thank you for asking," I told him.

To be fair, I was starting to feel slightly better. But that was only because I wasn't looking in Kili's direction. The moment I looked at him I was sure to upset myself again. The air stilled slightly and I turned back to see that it was because Thorin had walked into the dining room. I had barely noticed that he wasn't there when I'd walked in. I had been glad that he wasn't there. I looked down from what was sure to be an interesting conversation with Balin to stare at my plate. I didn't want to meet Thorin's eyes. My movement was obviously noticed by everyone else at the table but I didn't care.

Thankfully a few seconds later the conversations struck back up. I let out a deep breath. I was incredibly grateful that people were no longer looking at me. Instead, they were all wandering back and forth during the breakfast, chitchatting each other. I spoke to just about everyone during our long meal but I was careful not to speak to Kili or Thorin over the hour or so we were together. There was no doubt that the others noticed, but I didn't care. It was easier for me to do it that way. It wasn't strange for me not to talk to Thorin, but it was extremely abnormal to not speak with Kili.

As we all shifted around the table, I eventually found myself sitting next to Oin. I had always enjoyed talking to him. He wasn't always the nicest person in the world but his bitterness did crack me up at times. He was perhaps the most well-read member of the bunch. I was glad to be able to casually speak to him about how much he knew about magic. It turned out that he didn't know much about it - which didn't surprise me - but he did know that people were born with it. It was very rare to be able to learn magic. I was left with even more questions than I'd started with.

The only reason we'd broken our chat was that he'd started asking me questions about why I was so curious about magic. For some reason, I didn't want people to know about the book. So I'd moved onto Gloin. He was almost always outspoken and today he was talking to me about his wife which was just mildly painful to listen to. But I did love hearing about someone who was in love. It was nice and peaceful. Apparently, she had a glorious beard. I laughed at the sight of a photo of Gimli. It was definitely hard not to tell him that one day his son would be the best friend of Legolas, an elf.

If I managed to live that long and stay in Middle Earth, I would have to see how Gloin reacted to news of the Quest of the Ring. After a little while, I'd headed over to Balin and listened to him tell me about his own life in Erebor before Smaug had attacked. It was definitely interesting and a nice break from our constant moving around - getting to sit and chat and get to know each other. It was slower paced and I loved it. Plus Balin was always nice to talk to. He knew a touch about magic and he told me that a wizard would be the best person to talk to if I had questions.

Much to my own surprise, after being called off by Thorin to discuss potentially restocking supplies from the elves, Balin left my side and was replaced by Dwalin. As always I was a little nervous to be so close to him. He still seemed to hate me as he had since we had met. But he was being relatively nice to me today. Maybe he knew I was upset. We had a very brief conversation about different sword techniques. He walked off into the middle of the floor to show me his own before telling me a little bit about the first battle he was involved with.

It ended up being the longest conversation we'd ever had. Afterward, I had gone and looked through some more of Ori's drawings as we chatted back and forth. I smiled at most of them right up until I landed on a recently drawn one of my dance with Kili last night. I let out a soft breath at the sight of it. It looked like it was just before the end of the dance. We were tucked together, our lips mere inches apart. We were staring at each other's mouths, clearly so desperate to kiss each other. Ori had very quietly offered me to keep it. I'd taken him up on it.

Was it a smart idea to keep it? Probably not. But it was going to be a reminder of the romance that I almost had at one point. Embarrassed from what had just happened, I folded up the picture, thanked Ori for the drawing, and walked off to his brother. Dori was definitely one of the most pessimistic members of the bunch and it made me feel just slightly better. At least there was someone who felt even worse about things then I did. For some reason, his morose point of view on life made me feel slightly better.

Maybe it was because it was nice to hear all of the other things that were wrong in the world that made me feel like my problems with Kili really didn't matter at all. When I walked away from Dori, I was almost immediately pushed into his other brother. Dori was sitting on the edge of the veranda and I smiled as I took a seat with him. I'd laughed harder than I had in a while when he'd told me that he was actually in trouble with the law back in the Blue Mountains. He looked quite pleased to have made me smile. But I couldn't believe that he was actually unlawful.

Unfortunately, he didn't tell me what he was in trouble with the law for. I had a feeling that it was for stealing or something like that. Bofur wound up being the one person who had really managed to make me smile. He brought me up on the table and forced me to dance along with him. It was the first time I had really let out a deep belly-laugh since everything with Kili. I noticed that he was watching me with a dark gaze. I recognized that hint of desire in his eyes. Embarrassed, and a little eager to keep showing off, I gently stepped down from the table and asked Bofur to keep going without me.

His eyes followed me well after I had stepped off of the dining table and I continued walking, so desperately hoping that he would eventually go back to whatever he had been doing before. I headed back toward the table and smiled when I saw that Bombur was sitting there, eating the remnants of the breakfast. He spent most of our time together complaining about what the food was that they had in Rivendell. He definitely missed the food that they had back in the Blue Mountains. I didn't blame him. I was getting a little sick of eating vegetarian.

After a few minutes of sitting by myself, Fili walked up to my side. "Good morning," he greeted.

"Morning," I replied. "What can I do for you?"

Fili didn't bother beating around the bush. "Care to tell me what happened the other night?"

"Pardon?" I asked, surprised that he'd gotten straight to the point.

Fili gave a quick nod to Kili, who was in a conversation with Dwalin but still appeared to be upset that I was avoiding him. "It is no secret that Kili is your most trusted confidante here, Leah," Fili pointed out.

"Don't take offense to that. I love you all," I said quickly.

Fili merely smiled. "That's not quite what I meant. Although I do know that you love me more. You simply have to hide your true feeling from Kili to spare him," he teased, puffing his chest out.

Despite everything, I laughed loudly. Kili's eyes almost instantly shot over to me. I turned back quickly as I stopped giggling. "Yes, you've figured me out," I said, letting out a deep breath.

Fili grinned for a moment before his face dropped. "Might we walk for a moment?"

"Us and your brother?" I asked, discreetly throwing my head back toward Kili.

"Just us," Fili answered.

After a moment of hesitation, I said, "All right."

We both stood from the side table we had taken a seat at a few moments prior and walked off. As my heel clicked against the marble floors I knew the others were now watching us. I could both see and feel Kili's eyes boring into the back of my head as I walked off with his brother. He must have been aggravated that I wasn't even talking to him. I did feel slightly bad for leaving him without another word but I also knew that this was the right thing to do. It was easier for me this way. Fili walked us out toward a veranda at the edge of the dining hall and I leaned up against the railing, turning to face him.

There was no way that I was going to speak first. I wanted to make sure that I was right about whatever it was he wanted to talk to me about. "Why don't you talk to me about what's going on?" Fili finally offered.

"Would there even be a reason for me to ask you what you're talking about?" I asked.

"No. We all know what's going on. We all know that something's happened between you and Kili," Fili told me. I let out a soft breath. I had been so hoping that no one would really care. "I spoke to him about it last night and he admitted that Thorin had asked the two of you to stay apart."

It should have been obvious that Kili would go to his brother with his problems. "How many people know?" I asked.

Might as well have just gotten the shock over with. "The entire thing? I'd assume just the two of you," Fili said. That was at least the slightest bit relieving. Our conversations had been personal and a little embarrassing. "Thorin and I likely know the most out of everyone else. But we've all noticed that things have been quite odd between the two of you over the last few days."

As it turned out, the dwarves were ten times as bad of gossips as anyone else was. I'd had a feeling that they would be talking about our new relationship. That didn't surprise me. I supposed that I would have wanted to talk about it if I was watching it too. But now things were getting worse. It had become painfully obvious that something was wrong with us. But were they really just talking about us? Damn them... I hated being at the center of the romantic drama. I had always found those people to be so annoying. Apparently now I was one of them.

"Here I thought that I was being so sneaky," I said jokingly.

But the smile didn't quite reach my eyes. "In confined quarters like this with only so few people speaking to each other, word travels fast," Fili explained. He was right about that. Any time there was something new happening in the company it was only a short period of time before everyone knew. "You've called us all gossips before. You're not quite wrong about that."

Letting out a soft breath, I paced back and forth over the veranda a few times. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say, Fili. I got the message loud and clear. Stay away from your brother," I said blandly.

Fili sighed. "I feared Thorin might say something about the two of you."

"Your fears were warranted," I answered.

We stood in silence for a moment as Fili grabbed my arm and pulled me to stop in front of him. I stopped and looked him straight in the eyes. "Kili told me everything. At least everything that he was willing to tell me," Fili said.

"You're his brother. I'm not surprised," I said quietly. Fili nodded thoughtfully. "Here to tell me that he was right to say what he did?"

"I'm here to tell you that I'm throwing you my support," Fili said.

My head snapped up to his. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

No one seemed to want the two of us to be together. So, why did Fili? "Because I love Kili. I've always wanted him to find a woman he loved. Of course, we always hoped that it would be a dwarf woman. But we don't always choose who we love. Sometimes we just... fall. What I've wanted more than anything is for Kili to genuinely love someone. He's found someone he genuinely loves and I do believe the feelings are reciprocated," Fili told me. I remained silent. I didn't need to say anything. He knew. "He deserves to be happy. You both do."

In the end, I supposed that Fili was right. Everything he was saying made perfect sense. I knew that he loved Kili. Both from seeing it with my own two eyes and from having watched the movies. It was always obvious that the two brothers had loved each other. It was also obvious that they had always wanted each other to find some happiness. That seemed to so often mean finding someone they loved. Fili knew both his brother and myself well enough to know that our feelings for each other were real. But even with those feelings, neither one of us were happy.

"Happiness doesn't seem to be my forte," I answered honestly.

"It should be," Fili said fiercely. We were silent for a moment as I shifted awkwardly. I wished that I could be happy with Kili. I genuinely did. "Would you oppose to me speaking to Thorin?"

"About?" I asked curiously. "Thorin doesn't want to change his mind. He doesn't care to, at least."

"Not right now," Fili admitted. "But I see it."

"What?" I asked.

What could he see? That we were upset? Everyone saw that. "The guilt that he's feeling over what he's asked the two of you to do," Fili said. Did he feel guilty? I hadn't seen that. He had only seemed awkward. Not guilty. "It won't take long. Trust me."

A small smile appeared on my face. "Thanks, Fili."

"You're welcome."

The two of us wandered out into the gardens slightly. I knew that Kili would be wondering what had happened between us but I couldn't bring myself to care about it right now. We would have a conversation at some point, but it couldn't be right now. I had to get my thoughts straight first. After that, I supposed that we could figure out what came next. Fili wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I smiled, tucking my head against his neck. It was what I imagined life would have been like had Robbie lived past his childhood.

We stood, watching the sunrise together for a while when something dawned on me. "Can I ask you something?

Fili nodded. "Of course."

"Why are you so invested in this?" I asked.

He didn't owe either one of us anything. But here he was, ready to fight for our relationship. Was it just for his brother? "Because I care for you both. I love my brother with all my heart. I've come to care very deeply for you as well," Fili admitted. I smiled earnestly. I cared very deeply for him as well. "Seeing the two of you winding up together would make me extraordinarily happy."

"That's a very nice thought," I said quietly.

"Give it some time," Fili said.

"Of course."

But time was something we didn't have. In a matter of months, they would be dead. Kili could have been in love with someone else. This entire thing was a complete mess. But sometimes messes were fun. This wasn't fun right now but there was a chance that it could have been... I had done the secret relationship thing when I was a teenager. Maybe it could be kind of fun again. We exchanged another smile as Fili brought me into a long hug. I sank into his arms as he tightened them slightly. If I didn't have Kili right now I was very grateful to at least have Fili.

Fili's P.O.V.

The moment that Fili had released Leah, he pressed a kiss against her cheek and walked off. She looked incredibly sad. It seemed to have been so long since he'd seen a genuine smile on her face. That was just to say how happy Leah and Kili made each other. Fili turned back from the gardens and headed out toward the patio where Thorin was standing. Leah had already headed back inside. He knew that she was trying to avoid Kili's lingering gaze. Fili could only assume that his brother was trying to find a way to get Leah to talk to him.

"Uncle," Fili greeted.

Thorin turned back and smiled at his older nephew. "Fili," he greeted. Fili didn't return the smile. Thorin's face almost automatically dropped. "You look like you have something to say."

"Yes, I do have something to say," Fili confirmed.

Thorin nodded. "Go on."

"What have you done?" Fili asked sharply. He just wanted to get to the point and force his uncle to see that what he'd done was wrong. Thorin merely stared at his nephew. "Uncle, I love you and Kili more than anything and that's why I can sit in silence no longer. He deserves to be happy with whoever it is that makes him that way. What should you care if it's Leah that makes him happy?"

Thorin stared at Fili for a long time. "Kili sent you?" he finally asked.

"He said nothing. I pushed him to tell me what had happened and he did. I came here on my own free will," Fili answered truthfully.

Thorin paced around the veranda for a while. Fili could tell that he was trying to come up with an answer. "You're young, Fili."

Fili's face automatically dropped into a scowl. Thorin might have been able to bully Kili, but his older brother would not allow it. "Do not tell me the same thing you've told him. I know my brother and I love him. But I also know how naive he can be sometimes," Fili snapped angrily. Thorin's brows knitted in aggravation. "What's the real reason that you refuse to allow Kili and Leah to be together?"

There was no way that the only reason Thorin wasn't allowing Leah and Kili to be together was just that she wasn't a dwarf. Fili knew that Thorin had many old-fashioned ideals. He knew that his uncle would have preferred to have Kili marry a dwarf woman who came from a respectable family. Likely someone of some royal bloodline from one of the other noble houses. But that wasn't enough of a reason. Leah was a woman but it was clear that she was in love with Kili. He at least deserved to know the real reason that they were being kept apart.

"I love you, Fili, but this is not your business," Thorin finally said quietly.

"This is my business. Everything that has to do with him also has to do with me," Fili told his uncle sharply. That was his baby brother. He deserved to know what was going on. Thorin stared at his nephew in surprise. "Look around if that's not enough. Kili and Leah's new avoidance of each other has become the talk of the company. Everyone's noticed. Their tenseness has begun to rub off on the others whenever they're in a room together."

Another long silence passed where the two of them stared at each other. Fili had bowed to his uncle's demands many times before. It hadn't ever bothered him. He was his king. He had never worried about following him before. But this was different. This had nothing to do with the journey to reclaim Erebor. This was about the future of two people who loved each other - nothing more and nothing less. That was what he needed Thorin to realize. This was about them. No one else had a reason or right to get involved.

"They will learn to get along with each other again soon enough," Thorin said evenly.

There wasn't a hint of emotion in his voice. Fili frowned. This wasn't about them getting along. It was about them getting along again... "You don't understand what you've done. Thorin... Kili is in love with her," Fili said quietly.

"They're both young," Thorin answered. "They don't understand -"

"Just because you don't understand love doesn't mean that they don't!" Fili bellowed before thinking better of it.

Thorin's face dropped before being replaced by an infuriated glare. Fili shifted guiltily slightly. Of the many things he'd meant to say, that hadn't been one of them. He knew that Thorin did understand love. He knew that his uncle loved him. He knew that his uncle loved everyone in the company. But that didn't mean that he'd ever known love the way that Kili currently knew it. Fili knew that he had made a mistake with his words. He knew that he had infuriated his uncle. He hadn't meant to say what he had, but he was angry with the situation and Thorin's refusal to listen.

"I'm sorry, Uncle. You know that I spoke out of term," Fili admitted quietly, looking down at the ground. Thorin nodded very slowly. "I know that you know love. You feel it for all of us and all of those who remain in the Blue Mountains. But you have never known a romantic love. I haven't either. But I know enough to know that sometimes people fall fast. Those two clearly fell fast and hard."

Thorin's face remained impassive. "This is not up for discussion."

"Then tell me one thing," Fili said in annoyance. Thorin stared at him for a moment before nodding. "What is your major problem with the two of them being together?"

"There isn't just one," Thorin reasoned.

"Tell me," Fili goaded.

"There is so much wrong with their relationship. She isn't a dwarf. Kili is one of the Crown Princes of Erebor," Thorin explained.

That wasn't nearly a good enough reason to keep them apart. "You know that I'm the heir to the throne. It's my job to one day take the throne and provide suitable heirs. The day will come that I do that once we're settled in Erebor," Fili explained.

One day Fili would provide heirs to the kingdom after he wed a dwarf woman. That wasn't Kili's job. It never had been. "And if something is to happen to you?" Thorin asked. Fili didn't answer. He supposed that he didn't have an answer for that. "She's a mortal woman. If you can't accept my preference of him having a dwarfish woman on the throne, remember that he will outlive her by decades."

Yes. Her death would likely destroy him. But they could have so many years of happiness together before they got to that point. "That's their choice to make. Not yours. If they want to appreciate those seventy years or so that they'll have together, let them. Let them love each other in the time they have. They know what will happen in the future," Fili explained. They were no fools. They knew the difference in lifespan. They had already accepted that. "They will deal with it when the time comes."

Perhaps it wouldn't be the happiest ending in the world. Kili could potentially live a hundred years without the woman he loved. But that would be their choice. They could enjoy those many decades they could have together. Fili stared at his uncle in irritation for a long time. He couldn't believe that Thorin didn't understand that he was being unfair to Kili. His brother deserved to have someone in his life that genuinely loved him. There was no doubt that it was Leah. Fili knew that he wasn't going to get his uncle to see the sense, so he decided to try guilting him into it.

"I hope you're content breaking your nephew's heart," Fili said tonelessly.

Something flashed in Thorin's eyes. "The last thing I wanted to do was break his heart."

Fili genuinely did believe that. But it didn't change things. "Then you should have thought more about what you did," he said pointedly.

"You think that I didn't take a long time to think about what I did?" Thorin barked at his nephew. Fili assumed that he had thought about it for a long time, but he had ultimately made the wrong choice. "I did, Fili. It doesn't make me happy to have to do this. But I must be a King as well as your uncle. I do not approve of Miss Ambrose."

"Just because she's a mortal woman?" Fili asked.

"She doesn't hold the regalia of someone who would hold a royal title," Thorin said.

"Spoken like a true king. Not someone who loves their nephew," Fili said coldly.

His words might have been cold but they were the truth. "You know that is a lie. This was not enjoyable for me," Thorin told his nephew. Fili had a feeling that he was telling the truth, but it didn't change things. It was still a terrible thing he had done. "But I knew that it was something I had to do. I had to stop this before it went further. It was the right thing to do. My only regret is that I hurt Kili."

Fili very slowly shifted back towards the dining hall. "Then do the right thing, Uncle. Give Kili your support," Fili said. Thorin didn't give the slightest indication that he had heard or understood what he'd said. "You know that he won't do anything without your consent. I'll leave you to your thoughts. I do hope that you make the right choice."

This wasn't something that Fili could bully or talk his uncle into. He knew that much. He had known Thorin long enough. Fili knew that this was something that Thorin was going to have to figure out all on his own. He wasn't ever going to be able to order his uncle to do the right thing. Besides being the king, Thorin was too stubborn to ever listen to someone. Fili would merely have to wait and hope that his uncle would realize that the important thing right now was letting them be happy. This entire journey was already about the throne. Their relationship didn't have to be.

Leah's P.O.V.

It had ended up being a very quiet day, which was something that I had so desperately needed after the past few days of a constant flurry of activity. Both with Kili and just with all of my lingering thoughts. Trying to keep me from thinking about Kili and what was happening between us, I spent much of my day reading in the abundant sunlight. The dwarves and Bilbo had left me alone, clearly realizing that I wasn't very happy right now. I was very grateful that they had at least done that much for me. I wasn't in the mood for chatting and pretending to be happy around them.

For most of the day, I had settled with reading my book of magic from Lady Galadriel. Not that I felt that it was doing much for me. I really didn't understand anything of it. Mostly because it wasn't even in a language I understood. Was it in... Elvish? I'd never felt as stupid as I did being in Middle Earth. I was more memorizing it than anything else since I really wasn't sure what the hell I was supposed to be doing to make it work. It was nearing dinnertime when Balin appeared at my side. He took a seat on the edge of the bench I was sitting on. I dropped my legs to give him room to sit.

"Miss Leah," Balin greeted.

"Hi, Balin," I responded, barely looking up from the book.

"Good afternoon, my dear."

It was enough to tell me that he wanted my undivided attention. I glanced up from the book to find him giving me a lingering stare. Yes, he wanted something. "Afternoon," I said slowly, closing the book.

"Enjoying Rivendell?" Balin asked.

A lead-in to another conversation. "I think it's one of the prettiest places I've ever been," I said honestly. "How about you?"

Balin glanced up at the trees. "It does hold a charm about it."

"But you don't like being here," I pieced together.

It seemed that very few of the dwarves genuinely liked being here. "It is strange to stand in a land full of elves when so long ago they refused to offer their aid. Now they are here to assist us in our journey," Balin told me.

"I thought that it was Lord Thranduil's elves who didn't come to your aid?" I asked curiously.

"It was they who stood on the edge of the mountain and turned their gazes. But Lord Elrond offered no help either," Balin said.

That was a relatively unfair way of looking at things. "Did it ever occur to you all to maybe ask them for help?" I asked. Balin merely stared at me. Did they really not understand the whole prospect of actually going to someone and asking for help? They were too proud for their own good. "You asked Lord Thranduil and he ignored your pleas. I can understand that animosity. But did you ever ask for Lord Elrond's help? Did Thorin?"

Balin remained silent. I took it as his acknowledgment that they never had asked the elves of Rivendell for help. I hoped that I might have provided just a little bit of insight into their relatively unfair bias against Lord Elrond's elves. Had they really done anything wrong? They had never been asked for help. I wouldn't have come to help someone unless they asked. Who could blame Lord Elrond to not come to the rescue? They weren't his kin and they hadn't even asked. As much as I liked the dwarves, they were wrong in their hatred of all elves.

Balin was quiet for a long time after my comment before finally saying, "You are a very interesting woman, Leah Ambrose."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or insult," I told him.

"Perhaps a bit of both."

I let out a soft laugh. "Thanks for being honest."

He didn't have to completely like me. I hadn't expected all of them to like me. "I can see why Kili has become so taken with you," Balin said. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I really didn't want the conversation to go there. "You both have an interesting way of looking at the world. Perhaps it's the wonder of youth that we so often forget about as we age. It's a cruel thing, time."

"Fights against everyone, I suppose," I said vaguely, trying to direct the conversation away from Kili.

"It does," Balin responded.

The way that he was staring at me was enough to tell me that I wasn't going to get out of this conversation without mentioning Kili. I should have known that someone other than Thorin and Fili would want to talk about it. Actually, I had forced the conversation with Thorin. Fili had only brought it up because Kili was his brother. I had been so hoping that the others would mind their business. I smiled tersely at Balin, wondering how I could go about talking about this without making myself look like a bumbling fool all over again.

"I like to think that I've become friends with most of the members of the company.

Balin nodded his consent. "I do believe that everyone enjoys you in their own ways - some more than others," Balin said.

Of course. He meant Kili. But I wasn't going to make it that easy. "Read: Thorin," I teased.

Much to my surprise, Balin smiled. I genuinely hadn't thought he would find my sense of humor even moderately amusing. "It has not gone unnoticed that you and Master Kili have been avoiding each other," Balin finally said bluntly.

I swallowed thickly. I should have known that this was coming. "Oh… Balin… I'm not sure that I'm comfortable talking about this," I said honestly.

"It's only a question. You need not to answer anything," Balin said comfortingly.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to talk to a relatively objective third party. Thorin loved his nephew but he also loved the throne and wanted to do what was best for Erebor. It shouldn't have been surprising that he was able to put aside his feelings for his nephew to think of what was the best for the kingdom. Fili also loved his brother. He, of course, wouldn't care about the throne. All he cared about was whether or not his brother was happy. At least Balin, while loyal to Thorin, was also mature enough to see both sides of an argument and give his honest opinion.

"Do you know what happened?" I asked awkwardly.

Please don't know everything... "Some of it," Balin said. I let out a relieved breath. "Thorin has only mentioned his concerns and that he was ready to speak to both of you about it."

"Well, he did," I answered.

"How do you feel about it?" Balin asked.

"Do you really want to hear?" I shot back.

He didn't seem to care much. "We all care very deeply for Kili. That means that we care for this situation," Balin explained gently. "We can all see just different he has been the past few days."

"Guess it didn't really occur to me that everyone else would notice," I muttered stupidly.

"We might be old but we are observant," Balin teased.

I smiled gently. "How much do you know?"

"Not much. Thorin had expressed his concern about your relationship with Kili," Balin told me. I figured that Thorin had mentioned something to either Dwalin or Balin - his most trusted advisors - before having said anything to Kili. "We all noticed when Kili vanished for the day and it did not go unnoticed that you were absent most of the next day. The two of you have avoided each other quite a bit over the past few days. It's been easy to put together that there was a conversation had between yourselves."

"You're right about that," I told him. I might as well have just admitted the truth. They clearly knew and maybe this would get them to stop gossiping about what had happened. "Thorin told Kili that he didn't want the two of us to be together. Kili then relayed the message to me." Balin merely stared at me. "That's the entire thing."

"That's it, is it?" Balin asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," I answered.

"How do you feel about that?" Balin asked.

It felt like I was in a psychologists office. "Not exactly well," I admitted quietly.

"Tell me," Balin goaded.

"It's a little embarrassing," I whispered.

The truth was that the entire thing was incredibly embarrassing. "You should know something," Balin told me. I nodded at him to continue. "I am old but I was a youth once upon a time. We've all had troubles in our lives. It helps to have someone to listen."

Perhaps it would be like having my grandfather to talk with. My real-life grandfather had died just a few years after I was born. I remembered him perfectly well and still loved him to this day, but I had never really gotten the chance to grow up with him around. Balin reminded me of him. And not just because of the white hair and beard. His mannerisms were the same. I smiled at Balin and leaned back against the stone bench, tucking my feet underneath myself and hoping that he wouldn't judge me.

"Before I came on the journey I was involved with someone," I admitted. I stopped long enough to gauge Balin's reaction but he gave me none.

"When telling stories, I find it helpful to listen to the entire thing," Balin said, smiling, sensing that I wanted him to say something before I continued.

I smiled awkwardly. "I've been involved with men before. Back in Rohan, it's kind of common to jump from relationship to relationship with little mind as to the future," I said worriedly. Balin merely nodded. "But when I came here I felt something for Kili immediately. I guess I thought that it was a physical attraction at first - which it is." Balin cleared his throat, giving me that 'don't-say-that-much-about-my-family-look.' "Sorry. Too much information. Over the months since the journey's started I've realized that it's something more. I really do care for him. More than I have anyone else. When he told me that Thorin mentioned his concerns it just... hit me..."

Balin was silent for a long time after I finished speaking. I looked down at the ground, worried that I had said too much. Maybe I had. It was a little stupid of me to admit to a very traditional man that I had been with a number of men before. Way to make yourself sound like a whore, Leah. Even the dwarves understood that concept. But the look on Balin's face wasn't judgemental. Actually, it was something a little closer to contemplative. Maybe I would get lucky and he wouldn't judge me for what I had done before coming here. Just as Kili hadn't.

"I've known Master Kili for his entire life," Balin finally said.

Not where I was expecting that conversation to go... "I know. He's mentioned," I said awkwardly.

What did Balin's long-standing relationship have anything to do with my relationship with him? "It's been obvious to us for many years that Kili has enjoyed a more relaxed way of life. He's never been too serious of his studies or his relationships," Balin told me. That had been clear to me from the moment I'd met him back in Bag End. "But he's changed since meeting you."

We were both silent for a long time. "How do you mean?" I finally risked asking.

"It's not something so easily explained. But he's always watching you. He keeps a close eye on you," Balin said. That was definitely something I had noticed. "He's more determined to reclaim Erebor. He listens to you." That wasn't always necessarily true. "He's more inclined to pay attention to the history of the Dwarfish race, considering he's been teaching you the history. There's something interesting about his personality since the two of you have met. He's different. But it's a good change."

Had I really managed to change Kili in the short time we had known each other? I didn't think so. He still seemed perfectly normal to me. But, to be fair, I hadn't ever known him before the journey. Maybe he really had changed. I knew that he was always watching out for me. I always saw him watching over me when we were on the road. Not that he would tell me that. He had always seemed determined to reclaim Erebor though. Had I added to that desire? I supposed that most of the time he did listen to me. He did teach me the history of Middle Earth, so was I making him a better student?

All reasonably good changes to make to someone's personality, but was I the reason for those changes to Kili's? "That's nice to hear," I said quietly.

"He's quite happy being around you," Balin added.

"I'm happy being around him too," I muttered.

"He wouldn't be the same if you left," Balin said.

At this point, I had a feeling I wouldn't be the same if I left either. Kili and the rest of the men here had made a profound effect on me. "You might not want me to be around for the rest of the journey but I'm not planning on leaving. This entire journey means more to me than whatever is going on between myself and Kili," I told him honestly.

Balin gave somewhat of a smile. "That's good to hear. It would be hard to see him without you," Balin said.

It would have been a lie if I had said that I'd understood what Balin was trying to get at with me. I could understand that he was telling me that he did see a positive difference in Kili's personality since we had met. But hadn't he just told me a few weeks ago that he had thought that I was hiding something from the company? Hadn't he told me that he didn't completely trust me? Now it seemed that he was telling me that he did trust me. At least, he trusted me with Kili's heart. Or maybe I was reading the entire thing completely incorrectly.

Finally, I decided to just go for it. "Are you throwing me your support?" I asked cautiously.

"No," Balin responded immediately.

At least he didn't try to spare my feelings. "Thanks for the honesty," I laughed.

Balin still didn't look like he regretted saying what he had. "Unfortunately, my dear, I do agree with Thorin's choice," Balin told me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. One more person who didn't think that we should be together. "But that doesn't mean that I enjoy watching the two of you the way you are." My head slowly raised from staring down at my lap. "I know you're upset. Both of you. If you genuinely love him, don't give up that easily."

If I hadn't been confused before, I was definitely confused now. I had no idea what he was trying to tell me to do. "I thought you weren't throwing me your support?" I asked stupidly.

Balin shook his head. "I'm not." So... what was that supposed to mean? "But everyone deserves a fair chance at love," Balin said, giving me a sly smile.

Sounded like it was a man speaking from experience. "Thank you, Balin," I said happily.

"You're welcome, Leah."

We sat in silence for a little while as I looked out to the waterfalls. It was lovely here. I knew that I should have minded my own business but there was something I couldn't wait to say. "Can I ask you something?" I said suddenly.

"Absolutely," Balin said.

"Did you ever love anyone?" I asked curiously and somewhat rudely.

If he was slightly offended, Balin didn't let it show. "Yes, I did."

I wasn't actually expecting him to admit the truth. "What happened?" I asked curiously.

As far as I could remember, Balin hadn't ever said anything about a wife. Was he married? I didn't think so. Balin let out a deep breath, staring out to the waterfalls. For a moment, I thought that he wouldn't answer me. I didn't blame him. I assumed that it wasn't a particularly happy memory for him. Not judging by the dark shadows that had managed to cross over his face. I thought about telling him not to worry about giving me the truth of what had happened but I ultimately decided against it. I had told them some dark truths about myself. Their turn.

Almost ten minutes passed before Balin found it in himself to tell me the truth. "In the end, I was torn between my love for her and my duty," Balin said, sighing deeply. I frowned at him. He had pushed her away. She hadn't been taken from him. "You see what I chose."

"Why?" I asked.

Balin took another deep breath. "Because for me it was all about the duty that I had to my kin," he said tonelessly. It sounded so... sad. "But that's not the same for everyone. What I chose is not necessarily what is right for everyone."

"Do you think that Thorin would cast Kili out if he chose me?" I asked quietly.

It was getting harder and harder to stay away from him. But I couldn't risk Kili's spot in his family. "No. Believe it or not, Thorin loves his kin above all else. He would never cast Kili out just because he chose against what he wished," Balin said. I let out a deep breath. That was one thing I didn't have to worry about. "But things would never be the same between them. There would be stress between them for the rest of their lives. Thorin wouldn't strip Kili of his title but there is a good chance that he would never entrust him with the duties he was supposed to perform."

The answer was clear. "His entire life would be different," I muttered.

"Yes," Balin confirmed. I let out a soft breath. That wasn't fair to Kili. "I believe that you must ask yourself if you can do that. Can you deal with the guilt of potentially changing his entire life and ostracizing his family?"

The truth was that I couldn't have lived with the guilt. Kili insisted that things wouldn't be different and that he didn't care about the throne, but I knew that he did. On some level, at least. Plus, I couldn't deal with the thought of potentially destroying his relationship with Thorin. I didn't speak for a long time. Without even experiencing that situation, I could already feel the guilt wracking through my entire body. I couldn't do that to him. It would break my heart. He would never have his same life. His uncle would never be able to look at him the same way he did right now.

No matter what choice I made, someone would be hurt. In the end, I seemed to be the one who got hurt either way. "It's not an easy situation," I mumbled.

"Love rarely is," Balin responded.

My face immediately reddened. "I don't know if it's... love," I said slowly.

"You will. In time," Balin said, resting a hand on my knee.

I smiled at him. "Thank you for the chat, Balin."

"You're welcome, my dear," Balin said. He had definitely given me a lot to think about during our conversation, as he usually did. Before I got the chance to respond, I heard a chorus of soft violins and harps begin playing. "I do believe that is the dinner orchestra starting up."

"Shall we?" I offered, rising to my feet.

"Thank you," Balin said, taking my hand.

The two of us walked back toward the dining hall together. I smiled at Balin while we walked. I really did enjoy talking to him on some level. He never exactly made me feel better about things, but he did give me an honest option, which was something I really needed. Not to be coddled. I seated myself in between Bofur and Bombur at dinner that night. They were definitely some of the most entertaining dwarves now that I was trying to avoid Kili. And Fili, for now. Mostly because I didn't want to know whether or not he had talked to Thorin. That would be another awkward conversation.

My limit was two for the day and I had already had them - with Fili this morning and Balin this afternoon. Dinner ended up being a pretty typical affair. The only difference was that I was still constantly trying to avoid Kili's lingering gaze. I knew that he wanted me to speak to him. I could see that he was quite upset that I had barely even looked his way throughout dinner. Fili appeared to be trying to get him to focus on something else which didn't seem to be working. Instead, Kili tried to catch my eye many times throughout the night but I refused to meet his. I couldn't look at him. Not right now.

About midway through dinner Elladan briefly walked over to my end of the table. He usually spent the evenings sitting with his father. Neither of his siblings had returned to Rivendell yet. Elladan had come over to check on me and ask if there was anything I needed. The dwarves looked less than fond of having him talk to me. I had merely told him that I wanted some warm tea before bed that he had agreed to bring. I was getting used to not having coffee. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Kili looking quite annoyed that Elladan was near me again. He had never liked the elf.

Eventually, after many songs and a few hours of the dwarves destroying the halls of Rivendell, we all headed off to bed. Or, whatever it was that we were planning on doing in the late hours of the evening. Some of them headed to the fountains to take their baths. I had smiled and laughed at them. They needed it but I certainly didn't want to be there to see it. So, after a quick goodnight, I headed off to my own room. Plus, I would get the chance to read through that magic book a little bit more and see if I could learn anything. Right now I was next to useless with it.

Hoping that I wouldn't make Kili feel too bad about not speaking to him throughout the night, I'd looked right at him when I'd said goodnight. He looked like he was trying to respond but I'd brushed past him before he could. I knew that he was trying to get my attention, but I wasn't sure that I was ready to speak to him right now. Especially not when I knew that the dwarves were watching to see what would happen when we spoke. That would be a conversation to be had in private, not where all of them could overhear it.

Without looking back, knowing that seeing his face would only make me feel worse, I walked straight back to my room and threw it shut behind me. I quickly stripped off my day clothes and replaced them with a long tunic and a pair of cloth pants for bed. I had to admit, the dwarves definitely had good taste in pajamas. Once I was settled, I grabbed the magic book and perched myself in bed. It became very obvious to me very quickly that I wouldn't be able to figure it out on my own. I couldn't even pronounce half of the words in the book.

About an hour after I had returned to my room, there was a knock at the door. The person on the other side waited a few seconds before entering. I smiled when I saw that it was Elladan. "Your tea," he said.

He walked over and handed the warm mug to me. "Thanks," I said.

His gaze almost instantly fell to the open book in my lap. One perfectly-formed brow rose. "Lady Galadriel gave you that, did she?" Elladan asked curiously.

"Yeah," I said.

"Learning anything?"

"Not at the moment. I can't even pronounce half of the things in here."

"Might I offer you some advice?"

"Go for it."

A little bit of advice might have been exactly what I needed right now. "Magic rarely works when we aren't feeling right within our hearts," Elladan said, giving me a meaningful look. I stared at him dumbly. "Look deep inside yourself and find the strength to heal. Find your inner passion. Use that."

"I don't think I know what you mean," I mumbled.

Elladan smiled. "I think you do."

Of course. He was right. I did know what he meant. But I didn't want to say anything. So I merely told him, "Thanks for the tea."

Elladan smiled again. He knew that I would say something when I was ready. "You are welcome. Please come and see me if you need anything else," Elladan said.

Which meant I could talk to him about anything. "I will."

But I wouldn't. I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know what to say to anyone. Not about this. I had never dealt with something like this before. I wanted Harley here. I needed someone to slap some sense into me. Or just listen and let me cry without laughing or rolling their eyes. Elladan gave a slight bow before turning to leave my room. I immediately went back to reading my book, desperate to forget about Kili. But I couldn't find it in myself to focus on the book. It wasn't working. I was still upset over what had happened with Kili.

So, I took a seat on the bed and tried to force myself to get over it. But that wasn't making any difference. Eventually, I couldn't just lay down and stare at the ceiling any longer. I rose to my feet and ran a bath for myself, throwing rose petals in the water to work as a perfume. I took a short bath relaxing in the warm waters as I drank my tea. Once I'd finished I drained the water and headed back into the bedroom. I could feel the warm air drifting in from the veranda. I quickly decided that I might feel a little bit better sitting outside. I always had liked the outdoors after all.

Pulling my pajamas back on, I gathered a few of my things, including the book of magic, and headed out to the veranda. There was a wrought-iron chair with floral patterns engraved into it that I took a seat in. It wasn't as comfortable outside but I did like the fresh air. I sat on the veranda for a long time, staring down at the book but not really reading. Instead, I was thinking about the journey. I knew that the dwarves remained in Rivendell for a little over two weeks. We would likely have just under two weeks left before moving on from Rivendell.

"Reading anything interesting?"

His voice had startled me so badly that I'd almost thrown the book of magic off the side of the veranda. I definitely hadn't been expecting Kili to be anywhere near my room right now. It was late. I'd thought that everyone was asleep already. I glanced off of the edge of the veranda to see that Kili was standing directly underneath the balcony. He was grinning up at me. I honestly should have figured that he would have come looking for me after I had completely blown him off during dinner. But I was hoping to have some time without him. I gave him a slightly awkward smile.

"Kind of. It's a book of magic," I called down to him, holding the book up.

Kili's eyebrow arched. "Since when were you interested in magic?"

"It was a gift from Lady Galadriel," I said, dropping the book back into my lap. "I don't know. It seems kind of worthless to me right now, but she seemed to think that I would have some use for it down the road."

"Does anyone in your family possess magic?" Kili asked thoughtfully.

"I don't think so. No one said anything about it, at least."

Kili was silent for a minute before saying, "May I come up?"

My stomach lurched at the thought. Did I want him up here? Absolutely. Was it a good idea to have him up here with no one else around? Absolutely not. I merely stared at Kili for a long time, searching for the right words. He looked so hopeful that I would say yes. I was a little hopeful that he would come up, no matter what I said. But I also knew that doing that would be a massive mistake. It was a bad idea. I had wanted to stay away from him to try and stave off my feelings for him. My heart was fluttering at the thought of him coming up.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" I finally asked thoughtfully.

"I want to help," Kili said.

"I don't -"

"Be a lot easier than shouting to each other."

"Or you could go away and leave me to my own devices," I said, instantly hating myself for it.

Kili's grin faded a little. "If you genuinely want that, I'll oblige," he said tonelessly.

But he must have known the truth. Of course, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him right here. Idiot. "It's a bad idea," I argued weakly.

"What fun is something if it's a good idea?" Kili asked, grinning madly.

"Can't argue with that logic," I said, deciding to throw caution to the wind. "Come on up."

My decision was definitely not the smart one. But it was the one that I so desperately wanted. I wanted him to come up here and make me forget everything that had been happening lately. I stood from my chair and took a few steps back. I watched curiously as Kili grabbed the bottom of the trellis outside of my room and used it to scale up to my veranda. I smiled as he came level with me and slung a leg over the edge of the veranda, throwing himself over and joining me. I knew that it was a terrible idea to have him up here but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"What time is it?" I asked him curiously.

"Just past midnight, I believe," Kili answered.

So, why wasn't he asleep? "Can't sleep?" I asked.

Kili nodded. "Wasn't particularly interested in trying. Besides, I wanted to have a conversation with you and I knew that you wouldn't talk to me in front of everyone else," he said honestly.

"Right," I said.

There had to have been something else for me to say back to him. I knew I hadn't said enough. I knew that I should have said something else to him. He was right. I didn't want to talk to him around everyone else because I knew that they would all be trying to listen in on our conversation. It would have been terrible. That was a conversation that I needed to have with him and only with him. No one else needed to be involved. No more than they already were. At least right now no one else was around to try and eavesdrop.

"Is everyone else asleep?" I asked for the sake of conversation.

"Yes."

"Good." At least no one would come looking for either one of us. "You know they've been watching us so closely since… the other day," I muttered awkwardly. "I'm sick of feeling like I have to act like nothing has happened just to keep them from asking questions."

Kili shifted guiltily. "I'm sorry to have brought all of this upon you."

I shook my head. "It wasn't your fault. I fed into it. I talked to you as much as you talked to me. I knew both of our feelings were developing. I had a feeling, anyway," I muttered. I had known that this would eventually happen. I had known that we would eventually have to confront our feelings for each other. I just hadn't thought it would come to this. "And look at us. What's really changed?"

"You've barely spoken to me today. You deliberately ignored me at dinner," Kili pointed out.

"I wasn't trying to offend you," I whispered.

"I didn't think so."

We stood in silence for a few minutes as I perched myself up against the edge of the veranda. "It's like I said the other night. I need some time to look at you as a friend again and nothing more," I said, looking off to the stars.

"Would you like me to leave?" Kili asked quietly.

"If I'm being completely honest, no. I would like you to stay," I said.

Kili gave a slight grin. "All right."

"It's like I said before. In private, nothing's changed. We're exactly the same."

"You see, I don't think that's the truth. We aren't the same," Kili told me. I raised a brow. I didn't understand what that was supposed to mean. We were exactly as we used to be. "This thing between us... it's not unspoken anymore. We just haven't acted on it yet."

"It's probably for the best," I whispered.

"I disagree," Kili immediately said.

"Do you?" I asked curiously.

"I do."

We were back to the same old pattern. But he was right. Things were different. In private there was still that constant temptation to want to kiss him or do something more. It was getting stronger with each day. I finally turned from the stars to look at him and we remained staring at each other for a long time. That burning desire to kiss him was back. I even found myself thinking about moving toward him. Would it have been worth it? For just one kiss... No. I knew that it was the wrong thing. Balin's conversation had shown me that much. So, I took a step back.

"Maybe if things were different. Come on," I muttered, trying to push away from him. He regretfully took a step back from me. "This isn't what you came up here for."

Kili nodded. "Let me help you. Hand me the book," he said, changing the subject.

"Here."

He would likely be a lot better with the book of magic than I was. It had become evident to me very quickly that I didn't know how to use it at all and I never would. I needed to ask Lady Galadriel. I handed off the book of magic to Kili as we both walked back into my bedroom. I very briefly remembered to walk over and throw the deadbolt on the bedroom door. I knew that it might not have been my wisest choice but I couldn't help it. It was just in case. I took a seat on the edge of the bed as Kili placed himself on the chair near the balcony.

"Do you know magic?" I asked curiously, watching him flip through the book.

Kili slowly shook his head. "I don't know it but I've seen people practice it enough. Heard travelers talk about it. Figure I might know a little more than you do," he explained.

"I don't dispute that," I said.

He looked up long enough to smile. "Try a simple one." He scanned through the pages for a few more seconds before pointing to one. "This one."

He handed the book over to me and I glanced down. "What's this one for?" I asked.

The entire book was in some language that... definitely wasn't English. Elvish, I assumed. "It just creates a soft light from your hands," Kili explained. "Elea ie' dome."

"I can't even pronounce that," I said, baffled.

Kili smiled. "Say it slowly. Elea ie' dome."

"Elea... ie'... dome..." I repeated slowly. It sounded much less impressive and romantic when I had said it. I'd sounded a little bit like a toddler learning how to speak. "Okay, so how am I supposed to make the magic happen?" Kili almost immediately burst into a fit of giggles. My cheeks flared up in embarrassment. "Stop laughing at me!"

"You just sound so unsure of yourself," Kili said, still fighting back a smile. That was probably because I was unsure of myself. "Leah... you have to feel it inside of yourself."

"That doesn't make any sense!" I shouted, annoyed with him for laughing and myself for not understanding.

Kili shook his head. "Don't think of the spell so clinically. Stop thinking of it like you have to say the words out loud and exact," Kili said. I nodded at him. I had always had a slight problem with being a perfectionist. "Think about making that light. Think about what the light of your life is. Put that out there."

"Okay," I said.

That brought a new problem to the forefront of my mind. What was the light of my life? I wasn't quite sure. Definitely not schooling. Not my job. None of my friends - as much as I loved them. Not my parents. I didn't even want to say that it was Kili, because it wasn't. I cared for him deeply, that much was true, but I didn't care for him quite that much. So, who was it? That was when it dawned on me. My brother and my sister. My two siblings that I so desperately wished were here with me right now. But one was unreachable and the other was long dead.

"Are you thinking of something?" Kili asked after a long silence.

"Yes."

"Keep that in your mind. Try."

Keeping Robbie and Harley firmly in my mind, I said, "Elea ie' dome." It still sounded like a toddler learning to speak. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. I turned to Kili and smiled. "It was a good try."

"That was your first time. Try again," Kili insisted.

Taking another deep breath, I repeated, "Elea ie' dome."

Once more, nothing happened. I let out a deep breath and dropped my hands. "Are you thinking with your heart?" Kili asked.

"That doesn't make sense," I snapped.

"Look at me," Kili said.

But I didn't want to. My face was burning red with embarrassment as it normally did when I was annoyed with myself for not getting something right. It had always happened back at the gym when I'd gotten hit or fallen. I glanced up and met Kili's eyes from across the room. He rose to his feet and I sucked in a deep breath as he walked over and seated himself on the edge of the bed next to me. My entire body warmed with surprise and anticipation as he reached over and pressed his hand up against my chest. He never once let his eyes stray from mine.

"Feel it in yourself," Kili said quietly. "Try again."

Taking a deep breath, I whispered, "Elea ie' dome." That time something happened. There was a very brief golden glow that emanated from my hands for a brief second before dimming again. I shot up from the bed and turned to Kili. "Did you see that?"

Kili smiled proudly. "Very good. See? You did have it in you."

"Oh, I can't believe I did it!" I chirped happily.

Kili laughed. "What were you thinking of?"

"Robbie and Harley," I said honestly.

"I think they'd be very proud of you," Kili said.

"Are you?" I asked.

He smiled at me again. I flushed slightly. "I am so proud. You have magic in you," Kili said, pointing down to my hands. I grinned. I didn't know how to do it again, but all that mattered right now was that I had managed it once. In time I knew that I would be able to manage it again. "I think that's incredible."

"Do you think I'm a witch? Or... I don't know," I said awkwardly. This wasn't Harry Potter. All I knew was the five wizards that Gandalf had mentioned. "What do you call magical people?"

Kili shook his head. "Can't say that I know. Gandalf is the first one I've ever met. Now you, apparently." I smiled slightly as Kili finally looked away from me. I let out a soft breath. He glanced around the room before his gaze finally landed on the small bedside table to my right. I glanced over at it and blushed. It was the portrait Ori had done. "Did Ori do that?" Kili asked curiously.

"You honestly think I could?" I asked teasingly.

"You're quite a good artist, as a matter of fact," Kili pointed out.

My drawings were no better than average. Although Ori was slowly helping me out on that front. "Not that good," I told him. Kili merely smiled. "Yeah. Ori drew that. I saw it earlier this morning and asked him if I could have it. I don't know... I liked the drawing. I liked the memory too."

Maybe I had said too much... "As do I," Kili agreed, letting me know that I hadn't said too much. "Would you care for another dance?"

I laughed softly. "There's no music."

"We don't need it."

It's a terrible idea, Leah. So, I said, "Okay."

Was dancing with Kili, alone in my room, with the door locked behind us a good idea? No. I knew without a doubt that it was a bad idea. But I also couldn't bring myself to care. After all, no one was around to watch us. I stood from the bed as Kili gave me his hand. He immediately wrapped an arm around my lower back to wrap me in his arms. I smiled down at the ground as I tucked my head against his chest. It didn't take long for his head to fall down over mine. We were more standing in a loving embrace than dancing (as we were barely swaying side-to-side) but it felt perfect.

For a long time, we stood together in silence. There really wasn't anything for us to say. Nothing that we wanted to have to deal with right now. Or ever. We merely spun about the room for a little while. There was no pattern or rhythm to the dance. It just... was. Just like us. Throughout the dance, I didn't dare look at him. I kept my eyes firmly focused on our interlocked fingers. I knew that looking him in the eyes would only make things harder for me. I would want to kiss him. So I tucked my head into his shoulder as his hands lingered tightly at my waist.

"Did you do this with Robbie often?" Kili asked, finally breaking the silence. My head snapped up to his as I was quite surprised at his question. He looked embarrassed for having said anything. "If you don't mind my asking."

"No, it's alright," I told him, shaking my head. "Yeah. We used to do it a lot actually. When he was a baby and would start crying, I would pick him up and carry him around the house bobbing him in my arms. When he was a little older I would hold his hands and try to help him walk with me as we danced. Once he had gotten the hang of walking, he would stand on my feet as I danced. When I was in dance lessons, Robbie used to come and watch me. I stopped dancing after he died. Every time I would try would just remind me of him."

Some of my happiest memories were of dancing with Robbie. He had always loved it. He would giggle the entire time we were together. Even once he had started learning to walk, he had always wanted me to carry him. It was adorable. I missed those days. I wished that I had done it more. I supposed that I just had to learn to be grateful for the time I'd gotten with him. Kili's grip had tightened on me slightly. He knew that I didn't really enjoy talking about Robbie. But I did like remembering the happier times the two of us had gotten to have.

"It's a terrible thing to have to live with," Kili said, breaking my train of thought. "Guilt of losing a loved one. Particularly when you think that you could have changed something."

"If I hadn't suggested -"

"Playing a game that you knew he enjoyed?" Kili interrupted. Yes, I knew that he had liked that game. But it was that game that had led up to the moment he'd landed in a coma just a few months before he'd died. "Terrible things happen to good people, Leah. You must know that." He was right. I did know that. "But your brother, I promise you, loved you very much."

"How do you know?" I asked.

He'd never met my brother. My own sister hadn't even met our brother. "Trust me. He did. It would be impossible not to," Kili said.

His hand tightened around my lower back again and I smiled. But it quickly fell into a frown. "Guess that doesn't stop the guilt. Wondering if he was begging me to save him in his last moments," I muttered.

"Want to know what he's thinking right now?" Kili offered.

"Now?"

"Now."

I was silent for a moment before saying, "Stop dancing, you were never good at it."

We both laughed loudly. I might have liked dancing with Robbie, but that didn't mean I was good at it. I never had been. It was part of the reason why dancing lessons hadn't lasted that long. "He's hoping that you have a good life and fill it with treasures. Find laughter, romance, and adventure," Kili said, smiling down at me.

"Then he will have gotten his wish," I said.

Kili arched his brow. "You've found all of that?"

Had I? Yes, I had. "In their own ways. This whole thing has given me a new sense of adventure. Sure, the journey scares me sometimes. But it has shown me that I'm stronger than I think. You and the rest of the dwarves have made me laugh more in the last few weeks than I have in months back in Rohan," I told him honestly.

But I was missing one vital part. "As for the romance?" Kili asked, not missing a beat.

"Do you really need me to explain that one to you?" I asked him sharply.

"No," Kili said awkwardly.

He knew that I meant himself. He was the romance I'd always wanted. But this was a movie and it meant that it came with some major romantic drama. I just wished that I could have skipped out on the drama part. I wished that we could just skip ahead to the times where we snuck away at midnight for some time together. We went back to our dance in silence for a long time. But there was a burning desire to say something. To break out of the awkward air we had gotten ourselves into. So, I searched the far reaches of my mind for something to talk about.

Finally, I landed on the one thing that all American teenagers loved to gossip about. It was Harley's favorite topic of discussion right now. "There was this massive dance in Rohan to celebrate the end of all required education," I said, referring to the always-dreaded prom in most high schools. Kili raised a brow curiously. "Everyone comes usually. I went even though I really didn't want to."

"Did you dance?" Kili asked curiously.

It would have been very hard to completely avoid dancing. "Through the faster songs, I did. But then the slow song came on. I had a date with me but I just froze," I said. David was his name. He was a nice guy but definitely not my type. We had only been out the once. "I think he thought that I was nervous to dance with him but I kept insisting that I just didn't like slow dancing. The truth was that it would have been the first time I had really danced to a slow song since Robbie's death and I couldn't. I wanted the first person I danced with after his death to be someone special to me. He wasn't."

In the end, David hadn't been my type. He was a football player and always seemed to be jumping from girl to girl. But he had asked me to prom and everyone had insisted that I accept his offer. So, I had. Not that I'd really wanted to. We had gone and he had been a reasonably pleasant date. But he clearly hadn't liked that I wouldn't even dance with him. Apparently, it hadn't looked good for his reputation. It was best that I hadn't danced with him. He hadn't been worth it. The person I had danced with was the one who had been worth it.

"Was that person ultimately special to you?" Kili asked curiously.

"Yes," I answered.

"Who was it?" Kili asked.

Should I tell him the truth? I supposed that it was only fair. "I'm talking to him," I answered quietly.

That dance that we had shared out on the veranda last night had been the first time I had slow danced since Robbie's death. Kili's eyes shot open in surprise. "This is the first time you've danced since Robbie's death?" he asked.

"Pretty much," I answered.

"I thought that you were saving it for someone as special to you as he is," Kili said quietly.

"I was," I said. Kili still looked confused as he tightened his grip around my waist. "No matter what, Kili, you are very special to me."

"As are you to me," Kili said.

It was the truth. Whether or not my relationship ever worked out with Kili, he really did mean a lot to me. I would never regret having my first dance after Robbie's death having been with him. The two of us smiled at each other as I finally turned to meet his eyes. There was something comforting about his smile. I was telling him the truth and he knew it. No matter what happened between us, he would always hold a very special place in my heart. I leaned up on my toes and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Right then I felt his hand dig into my back slightly.

"Tell me more about that dance that you went to," Kili said, finally breaking the peaceful silence.

Unfortunately, I couldn't tell him the truth about the stereotypical American prom night without revealing who I really was. "It was this formal dance that everyone went to. It's a huge deal. Kids wait their entire lives for it. But there are some kids, like me, who don't want anything to do with it. I wasn't planning on going," I said somewhat truthfully.

"What changed your mind?" Kili asked curiously.

"My parents begged me to go. Harley was so desperate to see me dressed up. My best friends were all going and kept wanting me to go," I said. The memory was rather comical. Everyone had been so desperate for me to go. "Plus I did have a guy ask me and I said yes without thinking."

Damn my friends for making me go to prom with David. I would have rather gone alone. "Who was he?" Kili asked.

His eyes told me that he was slightly jealous. I smiled at the floor. "Just a guy in some of my classes. He was nice enough so I figured the night might not be too painful if I brought him along," I muttered stupidly.

"Sounds like the night was nice," Kili said.

"It was alright," I shrugged. "Nothing like they make it out to be in -"

My voice dropped off the moment that I realized I was about to say the movies. There was no way I could give that little bit of information away. Kili raised a brow curiously. "In?" he prompted.

"In their conversations about it," I answered awkwardly. That definitely wasn't my smoothest move. "The kids who were a few years older than us and had already finished their educational requirements."

"Ah," Kili said, nodding.

The prom definitely hadn't been exactly what I had been expecting. I had barely danced and I honestly didn't remember much of the night. "They made it out to be this night that everyone would love. But I remember watching the spinning couples on the dance floor who all looked so happy. I was watching them thinking that they were so young. How could they have thought that they were in love? They didn't know real love. There was no way. I guess I've always been kind of a pessimistic person. About love and whatnot... you know...

"The guy that came with me - I remember him standing there and asking me to go dance with him but I refused. He thought that I was being frigid. He spread this nasty rumor about me not long after the dance." Kili frowned. "Lost some of my friends because of it. When I continued my post-required education I made some new friends and lost touch with the ones from that dance, which was good, since I didn't really communicate with them anymore. Life's just never really been that fun for me. I kind of just went through the motions doing what it was that needed to get done."

Before I had gone into prom I had actually had a pretty good life. But afterward, things had kind of fallen apart. David had been perfectly fine right up until the end of the prom. He hadn't liked that we hadn't danced together and he really hadn't appreciated the fact that I hadn't slept with him afterward. Especially since he knew that I'd slept with an ex-boyfriend just a few months prior. That had led to a number of rumors of what the two of us had done after the prom and how it apparently hadn't been that great.

Because of the damaging rumors, my friends hadn't wanted to be around me. Of course, in high school, they had also thought that David was telling the truth. They thought that I was lying to them. No matter how many times I tried to tell them that he was lying they hadn't believed me. I supposed that I hadn't really fought for them to believe me that hard anyway. I hadn't cared about them enough. I'd remained mostly on my own until high school graduation had ended and I'd gone to college. Not long after I'd gotten much closer to Brian and the girls from the gym.

Even with my new friends though, I still hadn't felt quite... right. Not the way that I felt being with the company. "Doesn't sound like a fun way to live," Kili commented, breaking me from my thoughts.

He was frowning at me. I assumed that he didn't like hearing about typical American high school pettiness. "It wasn't," I said.

"You never...?" Kili asked awkwardly.

Obviously, he was asking whether or not I had ever really been with David. "Never shared so much as a kiss with him. But David knew that I'd been with a boyfriend for a while before him. He didn't see what the point was. He thought that I'd already... you know... so, who cared whether or not I did anything with him? He was a popular guy. Most things had been handed to him. He thought I would too," I explained.

"He certainly is not a real man," Kili growled.

"On that much, we agree," I said.

"You deserve much better," Kili whispered.

"Thank you," I replied, smiling at him. I'd never felt that I did but he was slowly showing me that I did. "This is probably the most alive I've been since Robbie was. This reminds me of the way I used to be. Just a happy kid."

Where had that girl gone? Had she died with her little brother? Kili released my hand and reached up to brush the loose strands of hair out of my face. "Good. You deserve happiness," Kili whispered.

My cheeks warmed slightly at his blunt statement and his sharp gaze. I was almost embarrassed at the way he looked at me. He looked at me the way no one else ever had before. Not even close. There was a lightness in my chest that I had never felt before. But I knew that as happy as I was right now, this moment would eventually end and I would be upset again at having to deal with the new relationship that had been forced upon us. I let out a deep breath and stared blankly down at the ground. Perhaps happiness just wasn't in my nature.

Kili obviously noticed my sudden change of demeanor. "Are you alright?" Kili asked.

"Yes..." I whispered, still looking at the ground.

"Leah, I'm sorry if I've -"

"It's not you. It's not. It's me," I insisted, looking back up at him. He must have noticed that I was fighting back tears. I glanced up slowly and met his eyes again. "It's just been a long time since I was genuinely happy. I always wanted to make myself happy but... I'm happiest when I'm with you."

"As am I," Kili said, wrapping his arm all the way around my back. At least I knew that he felt just as strongly about me as I did about him. "There's no shame in someone else making you happy."

"I know. I just like that independent streak I've always had," I whispered.

"Trust me when I say that you still have it," Kili teased.

He wasn't exactly wrong. That independent streak was something that I would likely always have. It was just something that had been ingrained in me since I was a young child. It was something that my parents had always found rather comical about me. The fact that I was so different - never needing anyone to be there for me - than them. I smiled as my hand dropped from Kili's. Instead, he melded our bodies together as he pulled me into a tight embrace. After a moment of hesitation, I allowed myself to fall into the folds of his body. We remained locked in the hug for a long time.

Hours could have passed. In fact, days probably could have passed and I would have been none the wiser. All I knew was that I definitely wouldn't be the first one to let go. It was the clock in the entrance hall ringing out the new hour that finally forced us apart. We very slowly released each other but didn't step back. Instead, we stared at each other for a long time. As we had so many times before, we found ourselves looking right into each other's eyes. His deep brown eyes seemed to pierce all the way to my very soul. I felt like he instantly knew all of my secrets.

But it didn't seem like a bad thing for us right now. Maybe we needed to sit down and tell each other some truths about ourselves. Or maybe that wasn't a wise choice. I had never liked the wise choices in life. The two of us very slowly moved closer and closer to each other. Was it wrong? Of course. But did it feel right? Absolutely. In a matter of seconds, I felt his mouth move up against the corner of my jaw. My eyes easily fluttered closed. His mouth very slowly moved up toward my mouth. It was centimeters away when I remembered myself and stumbled back.

"This," I gasped, shattered from the haze of... whatever it was that was between us. "This right here is exactly what I meant. It's why I told you that I needed time. We can't be around each other right now. Everything is too fresh and neither one of us have had the time to process our feelings and start moving past them. All we're doing right now is giving each other false hope. At least, that's what I feel."

"Leah -"

"You need to leave," I interrupted, swallowing thickly. "Thank you for the dance and the conversation but I think it's time for you to go."

Kili's face fell. "As you wish."

But he didn't move. "What I wish is that we could find a way to work this out. As friends. I'm still hoping for that," I said.

"Well… in the meantime, I'll be rooting for something more," Kili responded quietly.

How could I have possibly responded to that? The answer was that there was no answer. There was nothing to respond with. So I stood and waited for him to leave awkwardly. He said nothing more to me and didn't dare try and push his luck any further. He walked off and slung his leg over the edge of the balcony. He latched onto the trellis and turned to head back to the ground. He hesitated at the edge for just a moment to stare at me. All I could manage was a slightly awkward smile. He responded with a much more confident one as he dropped to the ground and vanished into the darkness.

Once I was sure he was gone, I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. I stared after him for a moment before turning back to the bed. I tossed the book of magic onto the ground immediately. If only we had just focused on that... If only we had just kissed each other... Why did this have to become such a damned problem? I wished so desperately that I hadn't decided to kick him out of my bedroom. But I knew that it was the right thing to do. It was just the harder thing to do.

Many days passed as I continued my adventure on trying to avoid Kili. But it definitely wasn't easy. He always seemed to be hanging around somewhere trying to look for me. That was the reason that I consistently checked around corners before walking into a new room. I had become quite good at avoiding him over the few weeks we had stayed in Rivendell so far. I noticed that the dwarves had all taken note at our avoidance of each other but I was quite grateful that they'd said nothing about it. In fact, they seemed to be trying to help me keep some distance.

It became quite obvious very quickly that they all agreed with Thorin that I needed to stay away from Kili. But that didn't mean that they wanted me to be upset. It was unsurprising that they were trying to get me to do other things with my time. No one else was an archer in the company so I didn't really get a chance to practice that. But Ori allowed me to draw with him for about an hour a day. Dwalin offered to help me sword train for about an hour a day. He was slowly getting nicer to me. Balin spent a lot of time over two weeks teaching me more about the history of Middle Earth.

It only took me a few days to fall into a routine in Rivendell. It was much different than being on the road every single day. We didn't have to worry about where we were sleeping or the elements. I found myself taking a walk with Elladan in the morning. Sometimes he told me about his childhood, other times he told me about old loves, and sometimes we just enjoyed each other's company. Afterward, I would head to breakfast where I would sit anywhere but near Kili and then I would go to train in magic with Lady Galadriel.

My magic training hadn't exactly been going that well over the past few weeks. She had recommended - just as Kili had - to start with something simple. By now I had managed to perfect creating a small light from my hands. Lady Galadriel had promised that, with practice, the day would come that I wouldn't even need to recite the spell. I would be able to do it just by thinking about the light. We were now working on attempting to make objects float - which she had claimed was much more difficult. I had managed nothing so far.

After a disappointing attempt with magic, I would then go on another walk. That was when I would normally run into either Gandalf or Lord Elrond, both of who seemed to enjoy the nature of Rivendell - as I so frequently ran into them in the gardens. It wasn't as though I could blame them. Rivendell was lovely. When I ran into Gandalf, we would talk about his own magic and the potential reasons as to why I might have it. He'd admitted that he had no idea. During my chats with Lord Elrond, we talked about my old world and why I might have come to Middle Earth. There was no clear cut answer.

Usually, I would spend about two hours with one or both of them. It depended on the day. Afterward, I would then attend lunch with the rest of the company - save a day I had been feeling extra down on myself over Kili and had instead eaten in my room with Elladan. The lunch would then usually be followed by whatever I felt like doing that day. Sometimes practice, other times reading in the gardens, or even going back to my room and taking a nap. I would, later on, allow the elf-maids to help me get ready for dinner before going there, again avoiding Kili, which he didn't like at all.

Not that it really bothered me. Actually, it did bother me. But since we were trying to be only friends I had to pretend that I wasn't bothered by our somewhat cold attitude toward each other. At dinner later I would normally chat with the rest of the dwarves for a while. They were very slowly acclimating to the elves' food. But they wouldn't be eating it much longer. I usually would laugh with them for a little while before joining in on some of their festivities afterward where I tried to exchange polite small talk with Kili to keep the others from asking questions.

It didn't even take a full day to realize that our conversations were incredibly tense after I had kicked him out of my bedroom. Even the most mundane things were incredibly painful to talk about. Those were basically the only things we talked about. We discussed the mundane things like the weather and music but sometimes they turned a little too in-depth. That was when I would normally excuse myself from his company. We hadn't touched in the two weeks since he had snuck into my room. I noticed Thorin keeping a close eye on Kili each time we conversed.

It became very obvious that he was half of the reason we were so tense around each other. Because we knew that we had to be careful around each other. At least when other people could see or hear us. Much to my surprise, I had found that life wasn't too bad without having Kili constantly around. I was definitely a lot lonelier without having him to talk to about things but I knew that it could have been much worse. I just tried to appreciate the rare moments that I would get to speak to him - no matter how forced.

Over the two weeks that we had been in Rivendell, it had become quite obvious that my relationship with Kili had drastically shifted and everyone knew at least some part of the reason why. But no one openly spoke about the new relationship that the two of us had. It was something that I was very grateful for. Things were awkward enough. I only occasionally noticed furtive glances being thrown back and forth between the two of us, which I had mostly tried to ignore. I just kept trying to tell myself that they were being children about it. As long as they didn't mention it, I was okay.

After just over two weeks of being in Rivendell, I found myself sitting in the dining hall one night. My scar from the Orc arrow was long gone and I was feeling much better from the escape. I knew that we would be on our way soon but I had said nothing about it. Instead, I was enjoying the last few days that I would be able to sleep in peace without having to worry about where I would be sleeping for the nights once we were back on the road. Obviously not with Kili. Tonight I had managed to sit across from him which really wasn't where I wanted to be.

We were nearing the end of dinner when he spoke. "Not enjoying your dinner?" Kili asked.

My plate of fruits and vegetables hadn't been touched since we'd sat down. "Huh?" I asked dumbly, shaking myself from a daydream of kissing him on the veranda that night in my bedroom. Kili smiled at me. "Sorry. My mind's in another place. No, dinner is wonderful, as always."

"What's on your mind?" Kili asked curiously.

I snorted slightly. "Everything."

"Sounds like too much for one person to bear."

"Could be worse."

"I'm always here to lend an ear if you need one."

Perhaps a tiny conversation wouldn't hurt... in private... "Maybe it would -"

Right as I was about to offer Kili to head off toward the veranda on the far end of the dining hall Bifur shouted something in Khuzdul. I glanced at Kili curiously. "He's requesting a song," Kili told me.

"Thanks," I replied.

"Sing for us!" Bofur cried loudly from next to Kili.

It took me a little too long to realize what he was talking to me. "Me?" I asked stupidly.

"You, lassie," Bofur confirmed.

"Sing?" I repeated, paling slightly. It was bad enough singing for Kili, but to sing for the rest of them... "What do you want me to sing?"

"Whatever makes you happy," Bofur said.

"I - I don't really like singing in front of people," I stammered.

"Bad voice?" Oin asked.

"I've heard her sing. She's got a wonderful voice," Kili said. I turned a heated glare on him. I'll kill you, Kili. He turned to me, completely oblivious to my nerves. "Sing."

"No," I said flatly.

There was absolutely no way that I was going to sing for them. No. No way. I was far too embarrassed to have to sing for the rest of them. I didn't even like singing for the guy that I had an embarrassingly obvious crush on in private. Definitely not in front of the entire company. But, much to my surprise, Kili stood from his spot on the other end of the table, took a stand on top of it, reached down, grabbed my hands, and yanked me straight up onto the top of the table. I squealed in surprise as the dwarves began laughing and cheering for me.

"I can't," I told Kili quietly.

"Sure you can. You've got a lovely voice," Kili said, stroking the back of my hand with his fingers. "Sing something. If I remember correctly, you still owe me a song anyway."

I blushed slightly. "Not in front of everyone," I whispered.

"Pretend it's only me then," Kili replied.

This was not the way that I had wanted to sing a new song for him. Since we were kind of on the fritz with each other I hadn't even been thinking about singing for him lately. That had been the one positive of this entire thing. I thought I'd had an out from the songs. I swallowed a lump of nerves as Kili released my hands and stepped back into his own chair, taking his seat again, leaving me alone on the top of the table. The elves and dwarves alike were watching me expectantly. My palms began sweating. Eventually, I opened my mouth and forced out a song to a simple tune.

"It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

"And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

"Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

"Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

"You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

"Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

"Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

"You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye."

As my voice trailed off, the elvish orchestra in the far corner of the room continued the soft tune on their flutes and harps. I smiled at the sight of them as the dwarves gave me a polite round of applause. Even the elves looked impressed. Elladan and Lord Elrond were smiling at me as Lady Galadriel merely nodded. I blushed again as Kili extended a hand and allowed me to step down from the table. There were many pats on the back and jokes about why I didn't sing with them more often that were exchanged. It was almost half an hour before I was left in peace.

It took less than a full minute for Kili to find his way to me. "I like that song," he commented.

It had always been one of the best songs from the Narnia franchise. In my mind, at least. "Thanks. I always liked it too," I said.

"Did you write it?"

"No. I can't write songs. I'm not that creative."

"They're keeping the tune," Kili said, motioning back to the elvish orchestra.

"So I hear," I said, barely looking back at them.

"It's good dancing music," Kili commented.

My hands immediately began to sweat. I should have seen that one coming. I knew that he was going to ask me to dance with him. I wasn't sure if the sweat was from anticipation or nerves. I stared at Kili for a long time, trying to wonder if I had really heard him correctly. We both knew that it wasn't a good idea. I could see it in his eyes. There was also the issue that we were literally just a few feet away from Thorin. My feelings that I had been trying so hard to fight back for him suddenly returned full force. A single dance wouldn't be that bad. Would it?

Just as I was about to tell him yes, Thorin called out, "Turn in. All of you."

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that the last comment had been directed at the two of us. "Another time, perhaps," I muttered.

"Yes. Another time," Kili agreed.

That was the same moment that I'd realized that we hadn't moved an inch from each other since he had come up to me. We were standing far too close to each other. That was likely the reason that Thorin had even said anything in the first place. I gently pushed Kili out of the way so I could move past him and leave the dining room. Maybe it was better to just get to bed for the night. Thorin would likely love that. I was no fool. The reason Thorin had called for us to go to bed was to ensure that we didn't dance together. I ignored most of the bids goodnight as I strode back past the dining table.

I was inches away from the edge of the room when Thorin called out, "Miss Ambrose."

I whipped around to him. "Steer clear of your nephew. Understood," I snarled.

After everything, as hard as I was trying to avoid him, I didn't need the constant reminders. "Is it?" Thorin asked, scowling.

I scoffed. "Goodnight, Thorin."

The last thing that I needed was Thorin getting a sudden attitude with me. Not that he hadn't already had one with me. I had a feeling that he would never, no matter what, like me. He clearly wasn't impressed by my sudden change in attitude, but I didn't really care right now. All I wanted was to have a nice conversation and a dance with his nephew. And maybe a kiss... But who the hell cared, other than him? Thorin had successfully managed to put me in a rotten mood as I stalked off. Kili ran to catch up with me, grabbing my wrist to stop me from storming out of the hall.

"What?" I hissed rudely, whipping around to him.

Kili flushed in embarrassment slightly. "Sorry if I bothered you," he mumbled. He wasn't bothering me. His uncle was. "Our conversation was interrupted. I just wanted to see if you would mind if I escorted you back to your room."

Wouldn't that just make things harder? Yes. It would have. "I can manage a few yards on my own, thank you," I said coldly.

"Have I upset you?" Kili asked confusedly.

"No. Goodnight," I hissed.

"Goodnight, Leah…" Kili whispered.

Clearly, I had offended him. Some part of me felt quite badly for the way I had spoken to him. For as many times I had either ignored him or said something rude or blankly, he had never done the same to me. Kili watched me walk off with an extremely confused look planted across his face. I hated that I had to do things like that to him but I also knew that what I had just done was for his own good. It was for both of ours. The sooner that we could go back to being casual friends the easier everything would be for both of us. Things were too tough as they were right now.

Ignoring the looks from the elves or the rest of the dwarves I walked back through the halls and wandered numbly into my bedroom. I probably should have said something to someone but I couldn't. Instead, I walked into the bedroom and stripped off my top layer of clothing to be a little more comfortable. I didn't want to worry about wearing a set of pajamas or nightgown. It was too much work. I was too tired and too annoyed to do anything other than brood. I set myself on staring up at the ceiling, cursing Thorin to the high heavens.

It felt like it had only been a few minutes when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Leah. Wake up."

Startled from the sudden noise and feeling, I jolted awake. But I was being held down by Kili. My brows furrowed in annoyance. Things were already too hard in the daytime. Now I was dealing with midnight visits in secret? "What the hell are you doing in here?" I snarled.

"Coming to get you," Kili answered.

Absolutely not... Not this again... "Do I seriously need to kick your ass out of here?" I snapped, sitting upright.

"We're leaving," Kili said flatly.

Right... We were only here for about two weeks, which it had already been. "Oh…" I muttered dumbly.

"Thorin wanted me to come and get you," Kili explained.

"As what? A cruel joke?" I muttered irritably.

Neither one of us were in a marvelous mood after earlier with Thorin. "Come on. Gather your things," Kili whispered.

"Okay," I muttered back.

The sooner we could get out of here and back on the road with the rest of the dwarves - where I could hang around someone else - the better I would feel. I glanced up and noticed that Kili had shut the door behind himself. It was just the two of us. I leaned over and grabbed my bag up from off of the floor. That was when I realized that Kili had been laying almost on top of me to try and wake me up. My face burned slightly as I nudged him off of me. Once I had gathered my things I threw the sheets off of myself and got to my feet. Kili's eyes followed me. He immediately whipped around.

"Oh! Leah!" Kili gasped.

"What?" I asked.

"You could have warned me that you weren't decent," Kili gasped.

"What are you -?" I stopped talking when I realized what he was complaining about. My lack of clothing. "Really? A nightgown?" I asked, looking down at the silk shirt that I was wearing that dropped over my thighs to create an extremely short dress. "You guys are pathetic."

"We haven't all…"

Kili had obviously begun speaking without even thinking. I could see that he was looking down at the ground. My head snapped up the moment that he stopped speaking once I realized what he had been about to say. Likely not to be malicious about the entire thing but just to point out our very different upbringings. Somehow I was still offended by his accidental offhanded comment. Our worlds were so different! I had just done what was acceptable in my own world. Kili looked horrified that he had almost let that slip.

"Well that could have just gone poorly," I said coldly, trying to swallow my pride and let it off as a joke.

Kili gasped, moving toward me. I immediately took a step back. "I'm so sorry. That's not what I meant," Kili said.

"Yeah, I know," I growled.

"I would never say that to you," Kili said, still trying to make up his accidental comment. "I would never say that to -"

"Can we just go?" I interrupted, definitely annoyed with him.

Kili cleared his throat. "Can you get changed first?"

That was the last thing I needed. The other dwarves being unable to look at me and making little comments like that because of the way I was dressed. But... since it was just the two of us... I could take just a moment to tease him. "What's wrong? Does me being like this bother you?" I asked quietly.

"I don't think 'bother' is the right word," Kili said, swallowing thickly.

There was no doubt that I was bothering him but it wasn't in the typical sense of the word. He would have never said it, but I knew that he was just the slightest bit turned on right now. I knew that I was playing an incredibly dangerous game but I was embarrassed. I was mortified by his comment and everything that had been happening with us lately. When I was embarrassed by someone I had always played nasty and dirty with others. Wanting to hurt them more than I had been. It came from having always been a sore loser. I strode up to Kili slowly and stood mere inches from him.

"What are you doing?" Kili asked quietly, his voice huskier than normal.

"What's the matter?" I teased.

"You should get changed," Kili answered.

"I don't think you mean that," I said.

Kili's eyes looked almost black. "Leah…" he gasped.

"Yes?" I asked happily.

Just the way that I had played into him so many times before I was hoping that he would play into my game. I ended up getting exactly what I wanted. He didn't answer me explicitly but I knew what he meant. Kili's head tilted back toward the ceiling - trying to close his eyes - as I strode up to him and wrapped an arm over his shoulders. His arms found their usual space against my hips as he finally looked down at me. His hands tightened over me slightly as my heart skipped a beat. This was a terribly cruel thing to do to him, but I wanted him to be an embarrassed as I was.

Would I regret this later? Probably. He might even be angry with me for this later. But I didn't care. I had been mortified over the past two weeks. Just one moment for him to feel the same. Just one moment for us to be together. We both wanted it. I wrapped my arms a little bit tighter around the back of his neck, pulling him flush against me. Our heads very slowly came down together. His fingers hooked around the back of my neck. We were mere inches away from sharing a kiss. My legs were shaking. Mere centimeters from sharing a kiss, Kili's eyes shot open and he gently pushed me back.

We were both thrown back into reality. We were so close. "Is this a game to you?" Kili asked angrily.

"What?" I gasped. "No."

"It is. I know that look in your eyes. You don't mean this," Kili said sharply.

"You think I don't mean this?" I sneered.

He's right, you fool. "Tell me that was genuine on your part," Kili demanded.

"Well -"

"Was it all a game then?" Kili interrupted.

"This isn't a game! It was never a game to me! It's still not a game!" I shouted. Kili looked quite surprised. My face began burning a maddening red. "My feelings for you were and are far beyond everything I've felt for anyone else. You know that. I've told you plenty of times that you mean more to me than anyone else ever has. Do you think I would have danced with you for the first time since my brother's death if this was nothing more than a game to me? It's so much more. I let myself think that this could happen and when it didn't… I'm embarrassed, Kili!

"I thought that maybe something was… it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what might have been. The company knows what's happened. I'm like the mistress. They all know that there was something there. That I was... bold about things. I wanted to be a warrior here along with you all and instead, I turned into the punchline of a joke. The girl who isn't good enough to be with you. Instead of being a warrior, I'm only serving as your love interest and we can't even be together. It's embarrassing. So, yeah, maybe for a second I wanted you to feel like I did. Used. I'm sorry. It was wrong."

There was something soft in his gaze that I hadn't seen in a long time. He felt bad for me. I knew that he did. He had felt bad for a long time but now he could see just how far things had gone on my end. He obviously felt extremely terrible for me but I absolutely hated the pity that I was getting from him. My feelings were my own. I was in control of the way I felt about him. I always had been. I was in control of the way I felt about the situation with him. It was my own fault that I had been petty with him.

After a long silence, Kili finally whispered, "That's not how I ever wanted you to feel."

"You didn't do it. I did it to myself," I replied quietly.

"This - all of this - it's my fault," Kili said, waving around us. "Not yours. Nothing here was your fault."

"It's not your fault either. You know that," I said.

This wasn't either one of our faults. The only person whose fault this was, was Thorin. But I supposed that it wasn't his either. He just wanted what was right for Erebor. But that just so happened to also be wrong for his nephew. Kili very slowly stepped into me again. His arms reached up around my shoulders to pull me into a tight hug. I sighed into his chest as I reached out and wrapped my arms loosely around his middle section. He clearly didn't want to leave me. I knew that. And I would have loved to stay like this forever. But eventually, I was the first to pull away.

"Can we just go?" I sighed quietly.

"I think that's a good idea," Kili said. I stepped away from him and began pulling on my clothes. "Leah?"

"Yeah?" I asked, not bothering to look at him.

"Would it be wrong of me to say that I wish I hadn't stopped you?"

My head snapped up. "Yes. But I understand. I'm glad that you stopped me."

"Why?" Kili asked.

Because I was just being an asshole... "If that ever happens, that's not the way I want to remember it. I don't want it to be under false pretenses. I want it to be… real," I said quietly.

"It would have been," Kili said.

Would it have been real? It wouldn't have felt that way. Not with the way I was speaking to him and acting with him. But maybe it would have been. Because it was quite obvious that we wanted to be together. The two of us very awkwardly stood together for a while before I finally snapped out of it. Come on, Leah. Time to go. I began gathering my things at light speed. Kili helped me, keeping a slight distance between us. I could tell that neither one of us were particularly thrilled with what had just happened. I was embarrassed and so was he.

"Are you ready?" Kili asked once I had gathered my things.

"To leave this place behind? Not really. The memories? Those I'm ready to leave here," I answered.

"Not all of them," Kili replied.

No... Maybe not all of them. Not the knowledge that he really did feel the same way about me as I did about him. But I didn't want to remember how those feelings would never work out. I sighed and left the room without saying anything else to him. He followed a few feet behind me. As we walked back toward the rest of the company I found myself wishing that I had gotten a chance to say goodbye to Lord Elrond, Lady Galadriel, and Elladan. But I supposed that if I survived the Battle of the Five Armies I would see them again at some point.

We arrived back at the dining hall where the dwarves had been staying quickly. I noticed the many gazes that were pointed our way as we walked in. I immediately walked to Bilbo, ignoring them as best I could. I stood with him in silence as the rest of the dwarves gathered their things and stole a few provisions from the elves. No one spoke as we packed for fear that we would accidentally wake up the elves. Once we were finally ready to leave I smiled at Fili and fell into step with him. He was one of the few of them that I could be around right now.

Without saying anything to the elves, and leaving Gandalf back in Rivendell, we headed off. Our hike took us up through the mountains that surrounded Rivendell and away from the relative safety of the elvish realm. Thorin was at the head of the pack with Balin and Dwalin following close behind. I was in between Fili and Gloin, trying desperately to avoid Kili and also trying to remember how the hell to walk on such rocky terrain. I knew that it would take me a while to get used to hiking through the rough wilderness of this side of Middle Earth.

"Be on your guard," Thorin demanded as we hiked higher and higher into the mountains. "We're about to step over the edge of the Wild. Balin, you know these paths. Lead on."

"Aye," Balin confirmed.

He took over the lead from Thorin. As the rest of the dwarves began walking the path again I hung back by Bilbo slightly. Thorin was also watching Bilbo. "Master Baggins. I suggest you keep up," Thorin called back.

Bilbo was looking back at Rivendell lovingly. I could see it in his eyes. He didn't want to have to leave this place. Not that I could blame him. Right now I didn't really want to leave either. I wanted to be here for a while longer. As we all headed off into the mountains again, rounding the cliffs and leaving Rivendell behind, I remained at Bilbo's side. I definitely felt slightly bad for him. I knew that he had been loving being here. But I also knew that he would be back here eventually. It was very hard to not tell him that.

"It's an easy place to miss," I told Bilbo quietly.

"It was just a nice change of pace," Bilbo replied.

"I understand," I said.

As we walked, tripping over the rocks and roots that littered the mountain path, Bilbo glanced up at me. "I hear we'll be stopping in a suitable cave later on in the morning. Once we're far enough away from Rivendell," he told me.

"Sounds plausible," I answered.

"If you need a new place to sleep..." Bilbo trailed off.

That would solve one problem. I smiled at him. "Thanks, Bilbo," I said quietly.

The two of us smiled at each other. I wrapped him in a slight side-hug as we continued along the path, trailing in the back of the company. He had definitely just made this transition a little bit easier for me. I now didn't have to go hunting for a place to sleep since Kili's shoulder was clearly out of the question. We continued along our journey for a long time that I spent mostly trying to avoid Kili. I could feel his lingering gaze piercing through me. But this was the start of our new journey together. As friends and nothing more.

A/N: Thanks for bearing with me! Sorry about how long the new chapters take, I'm just lazy and have way too many stories going. Thanks so much for the follows and favorites! Please review! Until next time -A

Pint-sized She-Bear: Thank you!

MissCallaLilly: Well you were definitely on the nose with that one! Fili is not happy with his uncle. Hope you liked this one!

ro781727: Kili has forgotten pretty much everything with how upset he is over Thorin's demand that he leaves Leah alone. You're right! The drama has gone on for too long! But... it's going to go on a little while longer. Hope you liked this one!

ThorinsElvenQueen: While I always love romance in a story, the reality is that people don't fall in love right away. It takes time and things happen. You're definitely right about that. This is definitely a test for them and both will have to figure out what they're willing to do for each other to be together. They have admitted their feelings but now comes the test on how they come together. Thorin does need to come to realize that it doesn't matter whether or not he thinks he's doing the right thing, his nephew loves Leah. It's coming, I promise! I agree! The Tauriel/Kili pairing was nice in the film, but this story will definitely focus on his relationship with Leah. But Tauriel will still be in the story when the time comes. Hope you liked this one!

Shetan20: Thank you for reading!