Defining Moments

Chapter 7 – Sara's Story

Disclaimer: Not mine. Wish they were though.

A/N: This has been an incredible journey. Real life has been sucking me in lately and that has put a damper on my writing. I apologize that this has taken so long and I hope that it will be worth it for you guys. Thanks to everyone who has stuck it out. I will be writing a section for Season 7 but not until after the finale. A special thanks to dreamsofhim and Cropper for all the help and encouragement.

Why did I expect everything with Grissom to just fall into place? I must have been crazy. We had been dancing around each other for eight years. Eight years of push and pull, feast and famine, love and hate and everything in between. We were together but there was no epiphany, no chorus of angels or blinding light. There was conversation and hot sex and absolute panic. I was scared to death.

We didn't know how to be together. We had spent so much time learning to be apart that we were in uncharted territory. Things were really good for the first three or four months. But that was because we were having sex constantly. I don't mean to make it sound like there was nothing else between us but we had years' of frustration to erase. It was like a dam had burst. We had sex in every conceivable position, employing every flat surface we could find. It was amazing. He is an incredible lover. That intense focus he uses on evidence and criminals isn't left out of the bedroom. And that odd grace he has carries over into his lovemaking. Those things, coupled with the fact that Grissom hadn't had sex with anyone since he met me, meant I had never been loved so well or so thoroughly. Why couldn't everything between us be that simple, that fundamental?

I thought I was ready to share my life, my home, with someone else. To give Grissom credit, he thought he felt the same way. But the reality was far different from any fantasy. I had expected domestic bliss. I'm not sure why since I had never been exposed to that phenomenon. I had expected hours curled up on the couch reading, watching television and talking about all sorts of things. And we did that for a while. However, it wasn't long before we were feeling the strain of being together constantly. If spending twenty-four hours a day with someone is hard for normal people then Grissom and I didn't stand a chance. Let's face it, we worked together, slept together, ate together; we did everything together. Truth be told, I was grateful when I had a day off without him and I'm sure he felt the same way. I needed to breathe my own air and inhabit my own space – space that didn't contain Grissom.

We had our first argument after about four months of constant togetherness. It had been building for a few weeks. We were snapping at each other over silly things. Neither of us wanted to be the first one to ask for a break. I thought he wanted me there all the time and I was a little afraid that if I asked for some space he would use that opportunity to run as far and fast as he could. I was so bad at this that I didn't know how to deal with my need for alone time. Regardless of the reasons the blush was off the rose.

Grissom and I are experts at cryptic conversations. We can carry on an argument in front of a room full of people and none of them would ever realize we were fighting. Our first official argument started when Grissom told me he needed to work on an article after work one day. When we got to his place he closed himself in his office. I eventually went to bed without him and woke up alone. He slept on the couch. He made some lame excuse about not wanting to wake me up. A couple of days later I left work first which meant he would come to me when he was done. Again, I woke up alone. I got the same excuse as before. I was waiting for the talk. You know the one. Grissom would tell me that I was a great friend but he didn't think he could love me the way I deserved. And then we caught the Lester case.

A married couple who didn't share a bed turned out to be the catalyst that Grissom needed to tell me what was on his mind. We were standing in Mrs. Lester's bedroom when Grissom tells me they were probably suffocating each other and Mr. Lester couldn't breathe. Now I could have taken that at face value but I know my man too well. I knew immediately that he was talking about us. My remark was a little more direct. The man seemed to think that the term 'sleeping together' really meant 'sleeping together'. I figured it was my job to disabuse him of that notion. We had a long talk after work that night and decided to slow things down a little. After all, we went from barely being friends to practically living together almost overnight. We decided to start dating. Sounds kind of funny but we have never done anything in the traditional manner. Putting on the brakes seemed to be just what the doctor ordered.

It was a couple of weeks later that we were called in on a case in another county. Grissom was on his way to teach a class and he sent me out to help the guys. I met up with Nick, Warrick and Greg in a little town about two hundred miles from Vegas. We spent three days up there working that case. It gave Grissom and me some much needed time apart. It gave us both a chance to step back and take a deep breath. I realized how much I missed having him around. I figured out that I had come to rely on his constant presence and that I didn't mind it one bit. That trip gave me something else too. It gave me a chance to see how much Nick's abduction had changed him – and not for the good.

Nick had taken some time off after he was released from the hospital. He spent time with his parents and siblings. He spent time with a psychologist. He felt that he was ready to come back to work. I don't think he was. Nick has always been the guy that everybody likes. He has this open personality that just pulls people to him. He's not afraid to shed a tear. But after those hours he spent in the ground he was different. It was easier to make him mad. He lost his patience quicker. He was a different person and the changes I saw in him worried me. It never occurred to me that Nick and I had changed places. As I was moving forward and healing he had become the angry, risk taking rebel.

Nick's abduction had changed all our lives, both personally and professionally. We had been a team before Ecklie split us up. Now that we were back together we were closer. Somehow, despite all our differences, we had pulled together to rescue one of our own and we were bonded in a way that outsiders couldn't understand. That doesn't mean we had to be together all the time. We didn't start having group outings or weekly breakfasts. We didn't all plan to take a vacation together. Instead, the six of us shared a deep sense of respect and affection that hadn't been there before. We had become a family.

The only casualties of our being back together were Sofia and Catherine. Sofia chose to leave Vegas. She took a job as a detective in Boulder City shortly after Nick's rescue. But she didn't stay there long. About three months after she left she was back in Vegas as a detective. Strangely enough, I didn't care. I liked her much better now that she wasn't constantly in my face. Maybe I was just a little more confident in my place with both the team and with Grissom.

Catherine's path didn't end as well as Sofia's. She was demoted. I'm not sure exactly what happened. I think she agreed to move back to nights but it is possible she wasn't given a choice. Whatever the reason, she was back with the rest of us. Grissom went out of his way to not step on her toes. There was something different about their relationship though. There had been a power shift and it had moved in Grissom's direction. Come to think of it, there had been a power shift between Catherine and me too. I'm not sure what brought it on but she seemed to have accepted that I was in Vegas to stay.

Another strange thing to come out of those twelve hours was Warrick's marriage. Let's be honest, he had been dating Tina for less than five months when they decided to get married. What are the odds that a marriage based on fear and convenience, performed at a drive-thru chapel in Sin City is going to last for eternity? This is a gambling town but nobody will take that bet. I couldn't believe that Warrick, the one Grissom always said was the most like him, would do something so foolish. He invited no one. He told no one. He just showed up at work with a ring and told us he got married on his day off. What a crock. The problem is none of us have ever even met her. Not that he has to introduce us but there are plenty of opportunities and all we get are excuses. Of course he may just want to keep his private life private. Who am I to judge?

Las Vegas has its fair share of crime. There are the obvious things like trick rolls and car theft and purse snatching. Then there are the rapes and murders; although, those happen less frequently than one would imagine. But one thing we don't normally get is a high-speed police chase through downtown, especially not with gunfire. That's just what we had though. It was a week long nightmare. There was a thirteen-year-old boy shot for his bicycle. There were dead suspects and angry citizens. There was a sniper who took out one of the suspects within five feet of Warrick. There was a dead cop. And he was killed by one of our own.

It's really hard to work the evidence when it is one of your friends whose career is on the line. Brass and Sofia were both on administrative leave until it was determined if one of them was responsible for the death of Officer Bell. We all spent hours going over every inch of that alley for evidence. And when we found the truth we all wished we hadn't. Brass shot a fellow officer. None of us wanted to believe it. We all care about Brass. He's snarky and somewhat overbearing but he's a good cop. He cares deeply about the job and about the people he works with. This was hard for us all but especially for Grissom. He actually drove over to Brass' house and gave him the news in person. He told me he didn't want to leave something like that to a phone call because Jim deserved better. It was then that I realized just how long the two men had been working together and what type of bond they shared.

It was during this time that I had my first protective girlfriend moment. It wasn't a jealous fit or anything like that. I saw Grissom in a bad position and I went in like a mama bear protecting her cub. It seems so silly now but at the time I was full of righteous indignation. Sofia, who shouldn't have been in the building, decided it would be a good idea to show up in Grissom's office. Now, I knew that he had no interest in the other woman but that didn't mean she had no interest in him. And the man is so oblivious that he just didn't see it. But that wasn't really an issue. The problem was her being there at all. Grissom could have lost his job. The case could have been compromised. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't have been in his office. But I walked in and she's standing there telling him how she's feels about the shooting and I just lost it. I did everything but physically throw her out of the building. She was not a happy girl. She kept looking to Grissom for help – like he was going to tell her to stay. It wasn't until much later that I thought about how I had jeopardized our secret.

Keeping our relationship from our co-workers was hard at first. I am a very private person but I'm also a very affectionate person. I like to touch and be touched. I'm not talking about sex on the layout table – although the thought has crossed my mind more than once. I'm talking about a hand on his arm when I'm trying to make a point, brushing chalk off his face if he needs it, stealing food from his plate when we're eating in the break room; simple things that everyday couples do every day. But, again, nothing could ever be that easy. We weren't necessarily breaking any rules but there was always the fear that our relationship would be used against us somehow. There was also a niggling doubt in the back of my mind that things would fall apart. If that happened then I didn't want to have to answer questions or deal with sympathy from my friends. It's a good thing that no one was aware of our status when Lady Heather's daughter was killed because I couldn't have made it through that time with so much as a pitying glance from anyone in the lab.

I had heard a lot of things about Heather over the years. I heard about her beauty and how she exudes sex. I heard about the house and some of the things that have gone on there. I knew that Catherine admired her strength if not her profession. But it was the things I heard about her actions during this case that convinced me she wasn't a person I wanted to know. I can understand being angry and wanting to do something to find the man who killed her child. I can't understand how she could sleep with him in order to obtain a DNA sample. Hasn't she ever heard of having coffee? Bring us a cup, not a used condom. As if that weren't sick enough, she attempted to kill the man. She was well on the way to beating him to death when Grissom found them. Later, when everything was over, he told me about what had happened. I decided then and there that I had no respect for the formidable Lady Heather.

It's funny really, as many times as Lady Heather has crossed paths with the law, I've never met the woman. I'm not sure if that is totally an accident. Maybe Grissom is arranging things so that we don't run into each other. If that's the case maybe I should have believed the rumors from a few years ago. I couldn't just let it go. That's not me. I had to find out if he had any feelings for her at all. So I just asked him. And he answered. He admitted to being attracted to her but denied ever doing anything about it; actually, he told me he hadn't had sex with anyone since he met me. I didn't even know what to say. Talk about feeling guilty. It sounds strange but it's true. I thought about Hank and a couple of guys from San Francisco and I felt guilty. But guilty or not the past is the past and it can't be changed. Only the future is ours to do with as we will and I intended to make up for every minute I had missed with Grissom.

We had settled into a rhythm of sorts. We had found a way to keep professional and personal separated and we were comfortable together. Oddly enough, once we admitted to ourselves that we were in a relationship, it was as if we had been together for years. I believe we had spent eight years dealing with our growing pains and once Grissom decided to move forward we had all that behind us. Been there, done that, don't need to do it again. I felt I was finally where I wanted to be. I was in a loving, stable relationship. I was coming into my own at work. I had a healthy outlet for all the stress and anger from the job. We were happy and then something unthinkable happened. Jim Brass was shot and something in Grissom changed. He became more introspective. He became more withdrawn. I could see the changes but I didn't know what to do. For all I thought I knew about him there was twice as much that I didn't know. Again, I never said things were easy.

I learned a lot of things about Grissom during our first year together. I found out he hated Brussels sprouts and loved John Grisham novels. I heard about his mother's hearing loss and that his first pet was a stray dog that followed him home from the beach one day. He kept it in the backyard for a week before his mother caught him feeding it. Apparently there were some perks to her not being able to hear. He told me that he was raised Catholic but had long since stopped attending Mass. He told me that the smell of my shampoo made him crazy. I discovered a playful man that I had only suspected existed outside the lab. He was a passionate and experimental lover, one who enjoyed giving pleasure as much as he enjoyed receiving it. From good food and wine to a slow kiss when I woke up, everything was a sensual experience with Grissom. He was everything I had imagined and more; sweet and loving and funny and interesting. He was affectionate without being clingy. He was also a bit of an enigma. He was holding something back. He would hold me and comfort me when things got bad but he wouldn't allow me to do the same for him. He kept his nightmares under wraps. Work Grissom and home Grissom were like two sides of one coin and there was no way the two would ever be seen at the same time. We were together but he was keeping that part of himself locked away. I didn't know why at the time but I had learned not to push him. So I just waited and hoped that I had enough love for both of us.