Author's Note: This chapter has non-consent in it. I feel that as Cas gets closer and closer to Godstiel, he would lose the sweetness and become more controlling. I hate that I can't just write a happy ending for this story. Check out my other fics for happily-ever-afters, though, because that's really what I like to write.
Chapter Thirteen: Nobody's Fault But Mine
Castiel hadn't wanted to leave Dean, but Crowley was paging him with increasing urgency. As dawn broke, Cas kissed the still sleeping Dean reverently on the forehead, brushed his fingertips lightly against his lips and blinked to Crowley's laboratory.
"Finally. Could you have taken any fucking longer to manifest your flamingly lazy arse? I have a lead on the monster that got in from Purgatory. Not the bitch with the virgin/whore complex. She's still hitch-hiking about, doing her little experiments. This is about the other one, the one who snuck in years and years ago. Our project is being… resistant. I can't seem to push its buttons in the right order. Care to give it a whirl?"
"What is your lead?" Cas asked wearily. Crowley had gotten him to try his hand at torture a few times before this, when the subjects they were dealing with were so vile and demonic that torture from another Demon caused more pleasure than pain. Crowley had discovered that with such beings, the touch of an angel was much, much more painful.
"A Daevas. Or possibly, a Dew. I'm never sure with them which is which." Cas shuddered. Either way, he hated dealing with the Zoroastrian demons. Crowley led the way to the torture chamber. Cas hated the stench of demon fear, and wrinkled his nose. The Dew was chained to Crowley's latest acquisition, an impossibly sterile doctor's table. It was made of pure silver, and inscribed in Enochian blessings. It was incredibly painful to evilest of demons.
This particular Dew was in the form of a Middle Eastern woman. She was beautiful, but covered in burns and peeling flesh, and her eyes held a glint of pure evil. Her teeth were bared in a horrible grin as she arched as much of her body away from the table as possible. Without hesitation, Cas rolled up his sleeve and plunged his arm into her chest. Wrapping his hand around her heart, he twisted.
"Where is it? Tell us."
"Go fuck yourself, angel," she spat at him. "Az obeys no one but the Angra Mainyu. Nothing you do will work on me."
"Are you sure?" Cas raised an eyebrow, leaned in close to the demon's ear. "I'll bring you to Heaven with me. We'll give you a holy colonic. See how pliant you are after the host of heaven scrub out your asshole, bitch." He withdrew his hand, and waved it. She was instantly healed, not only of her wounds, but Castiel sanitized her at the same time. Every microbe of dirt and infection vanished, and she screamed in pain.
"Fuck you! Fuck you, you angel faggot! Do you think I can't smell the stick of sin on you! How fucking dare you threaten Az with purity when you are tainted!" She writhed on the table, her shrieks becoming incoherent.
Crowley pushed something into his hand. Cas looked down. A bottle of bleach. He shrugged, held the Dew's nose closed and poured the bleach into her mouth. After she finished choking, and her tongue regenerated, she managed to sputter, "Fuck, fuck you, Az has nothing to even do with Purgatory! It's Nyarlathotep! He's the one you want." Castiel pressed his hand to Az's forehead. Her eyes went wide. "You son of a whore! Kill Az, we care not. Our poison is already at work within you! You are LOST!" she shrieked, and then shone with white light and crumpled in on herself.
"There. Is there another matter?" he said to Crowley, brusquely.
"No, no, that was what I needed. Quite effective at this torture thing, you are. What was that she said about your faggotry? Is there something more to this Winchester thing I should know about? Or that I would just be interested in knowing?" Crowley sported a shit-eating grin. Cas glared at him, and curled his lip in a growl. Crowley irked him more and more each time the snarky demon verbally jabbed him.
"No."
"Speaking of the Venture Brothers, though, they could be useful in tracking this Mother of All. She's a much better bet than the sneaky bint, higher profile." Crowley fussed with the instruments of destruction neatly ladi out by the silver table.
"What do you want me to do about it?" he didn't believe he could be any more irritated by Crowley than he was at this moment.
"Well, you got them the damn Kryptonite. Keep them from using it on her, neh? Tag along, Hadji, and Italian Job the bitch."
"I don't understand the predominant amount of what you just said." Castiel said, surprised that his annoyance with Crowley could increase.
"The Winchester's are going to make their move on Eve, soon. Go with them, stop them, bring her to me, you socially retarded bower bird."
Castiel fixed Crowley with a withering glare which the demon ignored, and after a moment, Castiel vanished in an angry clap of wings.
Castiel was getting annoyed with Dean again. It was irritating enough that the brothers balked at simple, logical things like killing the vampire girl, Lenore, and that he was blocked from his powers, but each time Dean made a snippy comment, Castiel found himself getting more and more pissed off. After the sweet sentiments they had shared, and baring his wings to Dean, he expected that the intoxicating feelings of awe and love Dean had had then would continue. At the very least he thought Dean would remember to treat him with the respect due to an Angel of the Lord.
Not that I am an angel of the lord, these days. An Angel of something. Almost better than an angel. Cas absentmindedly rubbed the amulet he still carried in his pocket. The armor and sword were proving invaluable in his fight against Raphael, killing enemy angels more effectively than ever before. He wasn't sure what kept him from revealing it to anyone else, but he hadn't told anyone, not Crowley, not Balthazar, and certainly not the increasingly infuriatingly condescending Dean Winchester, who was at that moment attemtping to start a fire.
"Found the kerosene!" Dean said brightly, holding up a can. He liberally doused the body and lit his Zippo. They stood, watching the plastic crumple around the corpse.
"Well, this is almost cozy," Dean smiled at Cas suddenly.
Cas made a slight noise of irritation, "We should go find Sam and Bobby."
"Yeah, I called 'em. They're gonna talk to the Sheriff, and call me back. We got some downtime," Dean sidled closer to Cas, and nudged him gently in the ribcage. Cas gave him a mildly annoyed look.
"What?"
"I have a great idea on how to kill some time."
"Dean, we are in the middle of a case. We're standing next to a burning corpse. This is not the time."
"This is totally the time. Go down on me. You know you want to."
"I really don't," Cas rolled his eyes.
Dean's eyes took on that evil gleam they got when Cas was playing hard to get. "You really do. Knees. Sucking. Now."
The parts of Castiel that loved the shit out of Dean wanted to acquiesce, but the parts that were fed up with the annoying boy did not. Cas remained standing.
"I think you're forgetting who is the dom in this relationship. Do you want me to punish you?" Dean pushed at Cas's shoulders, in what was probably intended as a playful manner, but the angle interpreted it as controlling. Still, that sick little (human?) part of him was starting to get aroused by the familiar routine, and he dropped to his knees. Dean grinned even wider, and unbuckled his belt. Cas pulled the semi-hardened cock out, and took the tip in his mouth.
"That's a good little angel." Dean patted the top of his head. Feeling the irritation flaring again, Cas grazed his teeth along the sensitive edge. Dean jumped a little and swatted him in the face.
"Not with teeth, fucker. Behave, or I will seriously beat your ass."
Cas considered pushing it, but refrained from exacerbating the situation. Instead, he moved his lips further down the shaft, and swallowed as much of Dean's dick as he could. Dean made a pleased noise, and rolled his hips against Cas.
He is lucky I don't have my powers, Cas thought darkly, but he had to admit to himself, he did love the way Dean felt in his mouth, the taste of the hunter, and the pleasure that rolled off him in waves that Cas could almost feel even without his full powers. He ran his tongue along the underside of the thrusting cock, and hummed a bit. Dean responded enthusiastically to the vibrations, grabbing the back of Cas's head and pulling his head down further, taking control of Cas's movements. Within a few more minutes, Dean came.
"Swallow it, bitch," he said, in a husky tone.
Castiel stood, looked Dean square in the eyes, and spit it into his face. Dean stood in shock for a moment, and then punched Cas right in the jaw, hard as he could. Cas was knocked backwards but the force of the blow, and landed on his ass on the ground. He sat, dazed for a moment, and his hand automatically went to his pocket. He had to consciously stop himself, and take a few deep, calming breaths, reminding himself that this was Dean. It was not reasonable to smite Dean right now, even if the insolent child was asking for it.
Dean's cell rang suddenly. Still glaring at Cas, he answered it, wiping the cum off his face.
"What? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Be there in ten."
They drove to meet Bobby and Sam in hostile silence.
Castiel and Bobby watched Sam and Dean walk into the diner.
"So. Yer torturin' now?" Bobby said, casual tone dichotomous with the concern in his eyes.
"It is necessary. The war demands atrocities of all of us." Cas ran one of his fingers along the barrel of the gun in his hand, contemplating the cool metal.
"You've changed, that's fer sure. I thought… When you left, an' Dean went to Lisa… You gave him up, didn't you? You didn't go back because you wanted it, you left because you wanted Dean to have some peace." Bobby looked incredibly out of his element, and it struck Cas suddenly as extremely funny that the two of them always seemed to end up watching the boys stride into danger, powerless to stop or really help, and all they had left to do was make awkward- what would Dean call it? Girl talk?
"I'm an angel. What there was between Dean and I was never meant for permanence."
"Neither was what he had with Lisa, apparently." Bobby fixed Cas with an odd look.
"What are you getting at, Bobby?" Cas turned on him, eyes narrowing.
"Like I said, you changed. You ain't what you were the last time we had one of these bonding moments. I could feel that, you know, when you touched my soul. It ain't a one way street, kid, you've got darkness in you now. But Dean… I believe I mentioned, my walls ain't exactly soundproof. I know you boys been carrying on again. I know Dean loves you. The only other people he loves in this world that are still livin', I can count on one hand. The people he's said it out loud to? I think that's a club only you and Sam have jackets for. I'm givin' you free advice, Cas, you might wanna listen. That love is worth more than whatever else you got goin' on."
Castiel regarded Bobby for a long minute.
"Bobby, there's a demon behind you," he said finally, raising his gun a moment too late, and he felt arms grab him from behind. They were dragged into the diner to face the Mother of All.
"I didn't ask you to clean up my mess," Cas informed Crowley, his voice tight with barely controlled rage. This day was almost more than he could take.
"It's not my fault you let your crush on Dean Winchester dictate every single thing you do. Oh, yes, I've known about that since before the fucking Apocalypse. Bugged the Impala, heard all the buggering. I'm sure taking it up the ass from Michael's vessel is stimulating, but do you really think letting your prostate rule your brain is the way to go? Do you like being his pet angel? Does it make the whore inside get all slippery?" Crowley laughed. Cas had him pinned to the floor in an instant.
"Fuck you, demon. You know nothing of my motivations. Do not test me. It will not end well for you." He wrapped his hand around Crowley's throat.
"Fuck me? Somehow, I doubt you've even been a top," Crowley was unfazed. "If I were you, I'd take my hand off me before I decide to get irate with you. Don't forget who owes whom here, my pet. "
Cas growled again, and pushed a little harder before pulling back roughly. "Did you locate Nyarlathotep?'
"I might have if I hadn't been busy playing Prissy for your Scarlett." Crowley sneered. "I'll call you when I find him." Crowley vanished. Castiel stood in the diner, seething for a moment. Then he vanished.
Dean was back at Bobby's, in his room, moping with his only true friend, Jim Beam. Yeah, they had won, but seriously, how much longer could their lives keep up the incredibly depressing streak of each victory ending with a portent of something worse to come. That Bobby and Sam now doubted Cas, that was just the icing on the fucking cake.
And that's not even taking into account the Blow Job Fiasco, Dean thought bitterly, although, I really think saving his life at the jail should make up for some of it. And he was right about the fucking kids. And had to treat mel ike a fucking child about it, when he's the one- He felt the depressurization that meant Cas was there, an instant before the faint clap of wings hit his ears. Then he found himself shoved forward onto the bed, held in place by a single hand from the angel.
"You are a child, and you would do well to remember your place," The roughened voice growled in his ear. Dean froze in shock,
"Cas, what-"
"You shut your whining mouth, Dean Winchester. This has gone on far too long. I think because I allow you to take your pleasure in my vessel, you think you have dominance over me? You would do nothing to me if I did not will it. And I think that it is time that I showed you who is really in control here." One hand still pinned him to the bed. There was a faint whispering noise, and Dean found himself suddenly stark naked, and just as fear began to gnaw at his thoughts in earnest, Castiel laid a blow across his buttocks.
Is Cas actually spanking me? Like a naughty child? Dean thought incredulously, as another crack landed. It stung like a motherfucker. He was surprised when his dick started to harden. Maybe there was a part of him that was a little turned on, at first, but the blows quickly became more and more painful.
"Fuck! Cas! Stop it! Fuck, I'm fucking sorry!" Dean cried out as the blows continued to fall. He struggled against the hand that immobilized him.
"No. You're really not," Cas stopped suddenly. "You're scared, and your ass hurts, but you don't understand your place. I think I know how to teach you, though. What you said this morning." The voice was suddenly right next to his ear, deadly serious and quiet. "I've never been in your ass, Dean. Maybe that's why you think you're the one in charge."
Now, Dean was fucking scared. He started to thrash about in vain, tried to free himself from the angel's grip, but his struggles were futile. Cas disregarded his panic completely, and instead wrapped his fist around Dean's semi-erect cock. As he slowly pumped it, he continued to talk to Dean, in that terrifying low voice.
"You feel pleasure because I will it to be so, Dean. I have done everything for you, anything you ask, and still you balk at obeying my simplest wishes." Despite Dean's terror, he grew harder. The hand slid up his shaft, fingers brushing against the sensitive tip, and then swirling the drops of precum down.
"You order me down to Earth for every ridiculous whim, and worse, you instigate your brother to equal measures of disrespect. Have you forgotten that without me, you would still be in Hell? That it was I, and I alone, who raised you from perdition?" The hand withdrew suddenly. Dean stopped struggling and froze, tensing, anticipating what was coming.
"Do you understand that without me, you would be eternally damned? And you thank me by trying to keep me as a pet angel?" Two fingers speared into him, scissoring and probing. Dean moaned. He had never felt anything like this, not with Oberon, not with Alistair. Castiel's fingers burned inside of him, twisting and stroking a thin line between perfect pain and perfect pleasure.
"Rest assured that I am not your pet. I will not 'blow' you whenever you demand; I will not allow you to call me a whining infant. You will do as I say, for a change."
"Cas, please don't do this! I'm sorry!" Dean was starting to actually feel repentance. He could see how the angel might feel slighted, as he was reminded of everything Castiel had done for him, given up for him.
"Exactly, Dean, everything I gave up for you. Every time I died for you. Every time I turned my back on my family, every angel I killed to keep you safe, every sacrifice I made to preserve your happiness. And you can't even muster up faith in me. Fuck you, Dean Winchester."
Dean felt the enormous width of Castiel's cock pressing into his opening, stretching him impossibly wide. He tried to clench shut, wiggle forward, away from the pain, but Cas pressed irrevocably forward, slowly filling Dean until the entire massive length of him was sheathed. Then he stopped, and Dean could almost feel the eyes examining the sight of Dean's ass, spread open around Castiel's cock. The thought sparked arousal in Dean's stomach, rather than terror, and Dean was surprised to feel the burning slowly replaced by gratification. He felt the pressure on his neck lift away, replaced by hands holding his hips, and Cas experimentally withdrew and then sank back into him. Dean let out an animalistic cry, and heard Cas moan in response. He felt the angel's cock spear into the cluster of nerves, and he was lost, thrusting back against Cas, desperately forcing his hand under his stomach to pull at his own dick, which was throbbing painfully for release.
"No, Dean, you will wait until I am ready to let you come." Cas's voice was strained, but firm. Dean withdrew his hand, and it was replaced by Castiel's. At the same moment, he felt the angel sink his teeth into Dean's neck. He moaned, felt the lips at his neck suck hungrily at his flesh, as the hand twisted around his precum-slicked shaft. The thrusting into his ass sped up, faster and faster, but the hand on his dick kept a slower tempo, one that drove him almost to the brink, over and over, and then drew him back.
"Which of us is dominant here, Dean? Who is in charge?"
Dean let out a strangled cry into the mattress.
"Say it, Dean. Tell me who controls you?"
"God, Cas, you do, you!" Dean screamed, coming apart at the seams.
"Yes. I do." Cas murmured with satisfaction, and Dean felt the angel's cum spurt inside of him. "Now, Dean, now I will allow you to come for me."
Dean did, massively, explosively, and then went limp, sobbing and laughing hysterically at the same time. Cas collapsed on top of him, still inside. They both lay bonelessly, drawing labored breaths. After what seemed like years to Dean, he felt the weight lift off him, and he was able to move, turn over. Castiel stood over him, watching. The angel's eyes were softer than he expected, but they held a glint of something different, something powerful and dark. He looked down at Dean.
"Now, you are sorry. Now you understand your place," he said calmly.
Dean let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm fucking sorry, Cas, I was wrong."
Cas lowered his head slightly.
"I forgive you, Dean, because I love you," he reached out a hand, and brushed Dean's cheek lightly, "But you need to trust me, absolutely, from this point on, that I am doing what is right, that I am worthy of your faith. "
"I get it now, Cas, I'm sorry. " Dean looked up at him, still a little scared.
Cas leaned down, and laid a kiss on his forehead. Dean closed his eyes, and then felt pressure on his lips. He kissed the angel back.
A moment passed, and he felt Cas draw back. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see the terrible love and dominance in the blue eyes.
"I'm sorry," Dean heard the whisper, and when he opened his eyes, Cas was gone.
Castiel stood over Dean, reading his thoughts for signs that the remorse was false, but found nothing. Satisfied that Dean understood his place, Castiel leaned down and kissed the human's forehead. When he withdrew, Dean's eyes were closed, and he looked so lovely, flushed with passion, marked with Cas's lovebites. He leaned over again, kissed Dean on the lips. At first there was no response, but then Dean shivered a little, and parted his lips to receive Cas's tongue. At the meeting of their mouths, Cas shuddered himself, and suddenly came back to himself. The full impact of what he had just done to Dean hit him. That he had forced himself upon Dean, forced him to enjoy sex whether or not he wanted it, after what Alistair had done to him, Castiel suddenly realized the weight of his actions. Struck by shame, he whispered an apology, and vanished.
Dean didn't see it as rape.
What rapist checks in on his victims? he thought, Cas loves me. He'd do anything for us. He figured, Alistair never loved him. Alistair wanted to break him. Cas was hurting, stressed, and Dean had finally pushed him too far. It wasn't that different than that night over the hood of the Impala. He got it. He disagreed with Sam and Bobby's hunch that Cas had gone Dark Side. He went along with them, sure, but he practiced his "I-told-you-so" speech on the way back to Bobby's, after Cas checked in on him.
They don't know how much there really is between me an' Cas. After all this, Sammy's almost himself again, I could tell him now, he'd be okay with it- hell, he'd probably be happy for me. It's been a long time coming, but Sam and I, we're almost what we used to be. He'd trust me, if he knew. An' Bobby'd come around, he'd be all surly about the gay, but he'd get it, too, in the end, he'd understand why I know Cas isn't in bed with Crowley. Dean tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as BlackWings by Tom Waits played. He thought of Cas's blue wings, and smiled a little to himself.